Diamonds

I am totally conflicted over diamonds. Conflicted because of conflict and also because of other things.

Matt proposed to me with a diamond ring (in a parking lot - but whatever). It's gorgeous. I feel so lucky to have it - I can't imagine a ring more beautiful.

I'm not a jewelry person. I do, however, have no problem wearing my wedding band. I tried to wear the engagement ring at first, but I couldn't. Then I put it in a safe deposit box for two years, and it was just liberated a few weeks ago, and it's now having a second try at life on my finger.

I didn't know if I wanted a diamond ring. Right before we got engaged, I told Matt I was SURE I did NOT want a diamond ring. I remember talking about this on Eli's couch for hours. Nope. Not for me. Don't think I could walk around with a big gem on my hand - something that other people can't afford. Plus - where did the diamond come from? How many people were killed for this silly diamond? Plus - SOCIETY tells me I want a diamond. Society even tells me that diamonds are pretty. Did I want one? Are they pretty? It was hard to tell...and because of all of that, and because I just think too much about everything, I decided no.

As mentioned, I didn't really wear it when we were engaged. Maybe for a few weeks. I felt like everyone could see it, and it felt weird on the streets of New York. On the subway I wanted to turn it facing in. I felt like I can't help people when I have an expensive thing on my finger. I can't explain that, but I felt like that. We decided to leave it at home (even though it's way more safe in Singapore, probably!).

For some reason, this year, I missed the ring. Maybe it's because I feel like an MBA is more valuable with a diamond...not sure (that was a joke), but I did think about it a lot, and I forgot what it looked like. I decided to give it a second try.

I started wearing it again when I got back to the states, and my goal is to not think about it all the time. I have not achieved that. I look at it multiple multiple times per day, and it is distracting. I feel like it distracts other people too. I don't know why wearing a wedding band doesn't bother me - in terms of societal expectations - but for some reason it bothers me that married, upper-class(ish) women have diamonds on their hands, and I'm one of them. My goal is to feel somewhat better about it before I get back to Singapore. We'll see.


In other news, I had a VERY VERY VERY boring/frontal class today, and I was miserable trying to stay awake. The only thing that could keep me going was thinking about going to get an iced chai tea latte at the break. This girl I sat next to on the plane home from Boston told me about a cheaper, closer Starbucks...and I still have $17 on the gift card. Usually we have a 15 minute break.

Right when we were going to break, the prof said, during the break, please fill out these evaluations, and by the way, let's have a shorter break today. I was so determined, I blew off the evaluations (which is bad when the class is tough to stay awake in, but I trust the others told him so), and I basically ran to Starbucks. I also figured that a breath of fresh air after class ALL day could do me some good. I got to Starbucks with my only decision to make - which size. I was going to do a cost-benefit analysis of the small and medium...when the woman said, "would you like this free tall coffee?" "yes, please." No further questions.

In other other news, there is a woman on my floor who really doesn't like bathroom stuff. When anyone else is in the bathroom, she flushes the toilet over and over again - so no one hears her pee, I suppose. I was just brushing my teeth, and I noticed she went out of her way to go all the way around the suite to enter the bathroom through the other door so I wouldn't see her and then continuously flushed. I know she didn't want me to see it was her, so she anticipated that I would leave soon. I kind of brushed my teeth longer than usual. I just wanted to give her a simple "hi!" but she didn't come out. For a long time. She also sprayed a smelly thing A LOT when she was done. EVERYONE POOPS! EVERYONE PEES!! IT'S OKAY!!!