The Trailing Spouse

I went to a presentation last week on Trailing Spouses. They are people that follow their spouse to another place (in her presentation it was about international placements) for their work.

The presentation was part of a professional women's group here in Singapore - nearly all ex-pats. I had no idea what I was signing up for, but the topic looked pretty applicable, and I have taken every opportunity possible to meet new people and find new networks for job opportunities. Thank the goodliness that I wore a skirt. When I got there (it was at the shmancy American Club, I should have known...) I saw that it was a cloth napkin, chair cover dinner. Anytime you have knives here or napkins, you know you're in for something good. I thought it was just some academic talking. The food was excellent. I met some nice ladies at my table. A woman told me a story about how she accidentally toasted a gecko in her toaster and then ate the toast only to realize later that it must have had essence of roasted gecko. That was funny.

Anyways...the presentation. The woman who presented had herself been a trailing spouse in Chicago eight years ago. She's Aussie. She is still a trailing spouse, but at least she is a trailing spouse with a phd.

I learned:
Most women who trail their husbands are unhappy. Most are really bitter towards their husbands.

5% of women are able to work in a job that that is within their predetermined career while they're on location.

Most women who are happy work, and many start their own businesses or write or do something else that is portable.

Most wake up around 9 months and freak out.

30% had masters degrees or higher.

84% previously had careers.

80 something % of international postings fail. The number one reason for them failing is "family issues" or "family not fitting into host country." When companies consider relocating someone abroad, the 9th item that they consider is whether or not the family would be a good fit.

I could go on - it was SUPER interesting, but SUPER depressing. I have to think that I'm not like most of those spouses in that I tend to do something when I'm unhappy. I'm not one to wallow or be a victim, so I think that puts me at an advantage. I am also luckier than most, because we are in Singapore, which is English speaking, I can get a work permit, and it's generally really accepting of foreigners.

All in all, I think we'll be okay.

I did, however, have about an hour when I was planning my flight home...