The INSEAD Feeling

For me, the "INSEAD feeling" is feeling pulled in a million opposing directions. All the time.

A lot of it has to do with time.
*I want to spend more time on this assignment to actually make it quality.
*I have absolutely no extra time, so this assignment isn't going to be the best it can be.

*I want to spend time with my husband and my "regular" Singapore friends.
*I want to spend time with INSEAD friends and get to know new people.

*I want to go away for the weekend by myself to just think about what I want to do for the rest of my life (and other exciting things like that).
*I want to go on one of these weekends with a million INSEAD people to some private island or some SE Asian city - just to see what they're like and what everyone's always talking about on Monday.


Some of it (though less now) has to do with grades.
*I want to work hard to get a good grade.
*I realize that my grades don't seem to be correlated (at all!) to my knowledge of a subject or the amount of time or energy I spend on it.

*I want that good grade.
*We have non-grade-disclosure, so no one will ever know!!


And a lot of it has to do with money.
*I want to eat at the hawker stall and take the MRT home (at 10pm...even though it takes 1 hour and 15 minutes...) because I haven't worked in 8 months, and even when I did work, I barely made any money. I feel like I'm sucking my husband's well-being out of him on a daily basis.
*I want to try to go to one of these INSEAD dinners where people order whatever they want and drink a lot. Or - I want to just go out with INSEAD folks after I have already come home for the night, which would most likely include two taxis and a drink, which quickly adds up to more than $50...rather than staying home or taking that long bus or MRT ride.


I feel these opposing feelings, and some of them make me quite stressed out...but I very consistently make the same decisions. But all the while, I'm feeling that feeling.