My life since 1996 involved weekly questions of "what am I doing for shabbat dinner?" Where will I be for Rosh Hashana, Sukkot, Shavuot? My social life very much revolved around shabbat meals and holiday meals, and I loved it (other than when I HAD to do it when I worked at GW Hillel - loved the students, but hated not having the choice...). Even when I was less religious, when I lived in New York, we still hosted tons of meals - at least a couple a month - and we/I always had invitations for holidays and shabbats.
Since we moved to Singapore, this part of my life simply doesn't exist. We went to one observant shabbat dinner my first month in Singapore, and a couple of shabbat dinners hosted in someone's home that were a bit more of what I grew up with, but since then, our schedule and social life certainly does not centre around shabbat or holidays. Sometimes I don't even know when it's a holiday.
My Jewish community here is extremely different than the last many Jewish communities I was a part of (NYC, Jerusalem, DC, Ann Arbor). I had floated in a more observant crowd, and I really don't have those people in my life here. While we have shabbat services and dinners with the Jewish community here, the service is NOTHING that I'm used to (or really comfortable with, to be honest), and the dinners are not kosher and don't feel especially shabbat-y, and sometimes we even go out after. Conversation at dinner never revolves around Jewish learning or halacha, as it would at my other shabbat tables. (Don't get me wrong - I love them, but they're just different than I'm used to).
I go back and forth struggling with whether or not I miss this. Certainly there are parts that I miss (a lot). The community, always knowing that there will be shabbat at the end of the week, making plans with friends and knowing that we will have a few hours to just talk (and sing - I definitely miss that part). I miss all of that. I really appreciate, though, that I feel that our social life is much more diverse now (as well as the conversations - at least some of the time), and Matt and I don't have to fight about going out on Friday nights.
Now that we're starting a family, though, I think about this a lot more, and I really regret that I don't feel that we have a Jewish home. Certainly we don't have the Jewish home that I thought I would have at this point in my life. We don't have a mezuza on the door. We don't have a kosher kitchen (though it's vegetarian) - I don't even think about checking for heksher anymore. We don't have a tradition of shabbat or holiday meals together. Luckily we have been able to host shabbat dinners since we moved downtownish, but it still feels really different to me. It never really feels like shabbat in our apartment.
Last night I went to a couple's house for Shavuot dinner (which is another holiday I would have ignored if they hadn't invited me). Matt is traveling, so I went alone. It was such an unfamiliar familiar feeling and got me thinking non-stop. They are living in Singapore (actually just about on our street), and they are able to have an observant Jewish life and a Jewish home. They also both work and have a baby and are expecting another one (YES! A role model of working ex-pat mom!). I don't think that Matt and my home together will ever be really observant, but I do hope that we incorporate pieces of Judaism that are missing now. I know he's happy with that as well. It's hard to figure it out when we constantly feel so temporary. For example, our kosher kitchen is sitting in our parents' houses in Michigan. One day we'll have to just decide that we live here and carry on with living how we want to live/have always talked about living. I think babies make you do that sort of thing. We'll see.
In other news, Kitty has had an eye infection since Sunday, and I can't believe we're still friends. I have to catch her twice a day and put these drops in her eyes and shove antibiotics (in water) down her throat. I keep thinking she will stop loving me, but she seems to actually forget quite quickly, and she's definitely doing much better. Both eyes are opening almost as normal, and her behaviour of running around the house like a crazy lady is back. Yiippeee!!
In yet other news, my balance must be off, since I fell on my knees and legs last night (on my way home from that super nice dinner) and then again first thing this morning at 6:30 right outside the MRT on the way to yoga. Now I have skinned knees, and I feel super dorky. Hopefully I will learn this balance thing, because this could be dangerous (for me AND the fetus!).
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