I have probably written this before, here, but I'm too tired to search and see. I honestly thought that we sleep trained Samara really well and that's why she is a spectacular sleeper. I recognized that she liked to sleep and slept for a long time, but I had NO idea that some kids just DO NOT SLEEP. Elie does not sleep, and I'm super struggling with it.
I'm struggling because I will spend anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes, four to six times per day getting him to go to sleep, and then he will nap for around 20 minutes usually. It drives me to insanity to try so hard and fail so many times in one day.
I'm struggling because it takes SO long to get him to bed, and I'm somehow supposed to also be watching Samara. This means that yesterday when I was bouncing him on the ball in his dark room with white noise, I came out to see her wiping her own tush, with a rubber band around her waist (??), a couch pillow on the floor of the bathroom being used as a stool and plenty of things in our house in disarray. Yeah - she's three - but I literally cannot get him to sleep unless I spend that much time in the room, bouncing consistently - once I go out, he wakes and I have to start again. How do I do that in a safe way for her?
I'm struggling because my back aches from holding him so much. And I'm guessing my muscles are also tight because I'm angry a lot of the day. I get so angry that he gets so close to sleeping and then a neighbor drops a fricken pin and he's up for ten more minutes...until a loud truck drives by and then we start over again...
I said I would only try to put him to bed for 20 minutes and if he's not sleeping then I will take him out, wait an hour or until he seems like he can't handle being awake anymore and try again. The problem is that at 20 minutes (and 30 and 40) he always seems like he's ALMOST there and he's so so tired. If I take him out it's not fun either, since all he does is whine and want to go to sleep.
If I just went on putting-to-sleep strike (and I consider this daily), he would literally never sleep. It takes SO much effort to just get him to fricken fall asleep!
And then he doesn't stay asleep. The short naps kill me. I'm trying to just not notice what time he goes to sleep and be happy if he sleeps at all. It's all about expectations, right?
At night he wakes up every one to two hours. Matt has been on duty the last few weeks before 1 am, and he gets him back to sleep - sometimes it takes five minutes and sometimes it takes 45 minutes. Then after 1 am it's me, and I usually feed him between 1 and 2, around 3:30 or 4, then who knows on and off until Sam starts screaming "MOMMY!!!!!" between 7 and 7:30. If I get three hours of sleep, say 9:15pm-12:15 I feel like a real person. It's quite pathetic. And it's totally not sustainable.
We have had 2 nights in the last few weeks where he woke up only four times. Those were amazing. How pathetic is that?!
I asked the doctor what to do and she said he has a "Type A" personality and those kids don't like to fall asleep and they have a hard time staying asleep. They're just super intense. Moving all the time. He doesn't bend/fold to sit - he is always standing and always moving and super stiff. He's the most uncuddly baby (that's not the say he's not cute - he's SUPER cute - just not cuddly). I guess this is all part of it. She suggested focusing on the nights and not worrying about the naps. She said at night not to go to him until he needs to eat - 7-8 hours after he goes to sleep - around 2am. Then she said he will wake on and off after that and we can do what we want. For naps she said do anything that works - including putting him in the carrier and walking around (god forbid he could fall asleep in his stroller...he has only done that a couple of times with TONS of opportunities).
Matt and I always heard about couples who didn't sleep after they had a baby and we just never related. With Sam, we slept from about 8 weeks, with a few wakes here and there, plus we had a helper, I had a job to escape to everyday, a commute to listen to podcasts on - and not think about my kid a little bit...we just really didn't feel that Samara made our lives more difficult - we thought they were just so enriched. I'm sure we will feel the same about Elie but right now I feel like I'm not me - I feel like an evil bitch half the day, I feel so tired that I can't form sentences. I can't read books. I have no interest in talking to friends, since I can't even think of what to talk about and I don't want to complain (that's no fun for anyone...), so I don't.
So I sit here, isolated in my total sleeplessness. The best part of it is Matt. He is a super champ, as always. He has been coming home from work around 6:45 to completely take care of Samara. He takes the shift until 1am. He gives me back massages. He yells at me if I do dishes after 7pm. He is thankful for any dinners I can pull together. He tries to take the kids out of my hair on the weekends.
I know this will pass, and I keep reminding myself. Probably people don't die of having a baby and not sleeping. They end up sleeping. The kid will be fine. We will be fine. But man, it's hard right now, and while I don't want to wish the weeks and months away, since I want to try to enjoy having this baby, I kinda just want it to end.
I'm struggling because I will spend anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes, four to six times per day getting him to go to sleep, and then he will nap for around 20 minutes usually. It drives me to insanity to try so hard and fail so many times in one day.
I'm struggling because it takes SO long to get him to bed, and I'm somehow supposed to also be watching Samara. This means that yesterday when I was bouncing him on the ball in his dark room with white noise, I came out to see her wiping her own tush, with a rubber band around her waist (??), a couch pillow on the floor of the bathroom being used as a stool and plenty of things in our house in disarray. Yeah - she's three - but I literally cannot get him to sleep unless I spend that much time in the room, bouncing consistently - once I go out, he wakes and I have to start again. How do I do that in a safe way for her?
I'm struggling because my back aches from holding him so much. And I'm guessing my muscles are also tight because I'm angry a lot of the day. I get so angry that he gets so close to sleeping and then a neighbor drops a fricken pin and he's up for ten more minutes...until a loud truck drives by and then we start over again...
I said I would only try to put him to bed for 20 minutes and if he's not sleeping then I will take him out, wait an hour or until he seems like he can't handle being awake anymore and try again. The problem is that at 20 minutes (and 30 and 40) he always seems like he's ALMOST there and he's so so tired. If I take him out it's not fun either, since all he does is whine and want to go to sleep.
If I just went on putting-to-sleep strike (and I consider this daily), he would literally never sleep. It takes SO much effort to just get him to fricken fall asleep!
And then he doesn't stay asleep. The short naps kill me. I'm trying to just not notice what time he goes to sleep and be happy if he sleeps at all. It's all about expectations, right?
At night he wakes up every one to two hours. Matt has been on duty the last few weeks before 1 am, and he gets him back to sleep - sometimes it takes five minutes and sometimes it takes 45 minutes. Then after 1 am it's me, and I usually feed him between 1 and 2, around 3:30 or 4, then who knows on and off until Sam starts screaming "MOMMY!!!!!" between 7 and 7:30. If I get three hours of sleep, say 9:15pm-12:15 I feel like a real person. It's quite pathetic. And it's totally not sustainable.
We have had 2 nights in the last few weeks where he woke up only four times. Those were amazing. How pathetic is that?!
I asked the doctor what to do and she said he has a "Type A" personality and those kids don't like to fall asleep and they have a hard time staying asleep. They're just super intense. Moving all the time. He doesn't bend/fold to sit - he is always standing and always moving and super stiff. He's the most uncuddly baby (that's not the say he's not cute - he's SUPER cute - just not cuddly). I guess this is all part of it. She suggested focusing on the nights and not worrying about the naps. She said at night not to go to him until he needs to eat - 7-8 hours after he goes to sleep - around 2am. Then she said he will wake on and off after that and we can do what we want. For naps she said do anything that works - including putting him in the carrier and walking around (god forbid he could fall asleep in his stroller...he has only done that a couple of times with TONS of opportunities).
Matt and I always heard about couples who didn't sleep after they had a baby and we just never related. With Sam, we slept from about 8 weeks, with a few wakes here and there, plus we had a helper, I had a job to escape to everyday, a commute to listen to podcasts on - and not think about my kid a little bit...we just really didn't feel that Samara made our lives more difficult - we thought they were just so enriched. I'm sure we will feel the same about Elie but right now I feel like I'm not me - I feel like an evil bitch half the day, I feel so tired that I can't form sentences. I can't read books. I have no interest in talking to friends, since I can't even think of what to talk about and I don't want to complain (that's no fun for anyone...), so I don't.
So I sit here, isolated in my total sleeplessness. The best part of it is Matt. He is a super champ, as always. He has been coming home from work around 6:45 to completely take care of Samara. He takes the shift until 1am. He gives me back massages. He yells at me if I do dishes after 7pm. He is thankful for any dinners I can pull together. He tries to take the kids out of my hair on the weekends.
I know this will pass, and I keep reminding myself. Probably people don't die of having a baby and not sleeping. They end up sleeping. The kid will be fine. We will be fine. But man, it's hard right now, and while I don't want to wish the weeks and months away, since I want to try to enjoy having this baby, I kinda just want it to end.
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