After my last post, I felt hopeless. I didn't think Little Angel Elie would be able to put himself to sleep...ever. I kinda pictured me patching his tush well into his teen years...waking every few hours and never sleeping a full night for the rest of my life. I felt like I couldn't talk about anything other than sleep, and I felt exhausted physically from my days but also just thinking about my future sleeplessness. I wouldn't say I was feeling depressed...but definitely down.
Saturday I ran into this couple in my condo, and I said, "Hey - I have been thinking about you guys! I used to see you walking around the waterfall all day/night/morning with your baby - and I remember you saying how he just woke all the time." They then told me their entire sleep journey - including hours of bouncing on the exercise ball (sounds familiar...) - leading to blown KNEES! and a back disk injury from rocking the baby so much which led to mummy being in bed for TWO MONTHS!! Holy shit - sleepless babies are honestly dangerous!! Their advice: You have to do it eventually. It's easier when they're younger. You are losing your mind. DO ITTTTTTT!!!!!
I felt strong. Ok - I will start sleep training on Wednesday. (Matt has calls Monday and Tuesday this week until 2am, so I didn't want to do it alone).
Then I ran into that couple in the Botanic Gardens on Sunday pm. "You can be strong! You can do it!" He, more than she, but both of them encouraged me. A lot. Funny to run into them on another part of the island. Maybe the sleep gods are telling me something.
So I brought out Dr Weissbluth's book for review. I have probably read the relevant part ten times. In the last month. One final review Sunday evening told me two things:
1) Elie does not need to be fed or tended to until 4-5 hours after he went to sleep. That was 11pm on Sunday night. So right there, I said to Matt, let's not go to him until 11pm tonight. Matt was game. I was sure he wasn't going to wake since we had decided this. But he did - 35 minutes after he went to sleep. He cried for 40 looooooong minutes but then - holy shit - it stopped!!!! We were sure he died. Do we go check on him? But that ruins everything!! Dr says never to go in. NEVER. We NEVER went into Sam's room - and we still don't, unless it really seems like something is wrong (one morning we found her completely naked - but she still slept through the entire night!). We should not sooth the kids - they should learn to sooth themselves. The crying had slowed down...so we assumed he was alive and we went to sleep. He woke at 11:30 and 3. I fed him both times and then he woke at 6:50am as a happy baby. Rockin' start.
2) Start him learning to put himself to sleep with the morning nap. Fifty minutes after he was awake this morning I took him into his room, nursed him, put him in his sleep sac, bounced him until his eyes started to get sleepy. Then I put him in his bed. He was ok for a few minutes and then screamed for 20. And then he slept AN HOUR!!
Literally yesterday afternoon I had ZERO hope he would EVER put himself to sleep. And then he did. TWICE!! Ok - we can do this.
He had a nap in the ergo from 11:40-12:30 and then at 1:30, after Sam went for her nap and Elie was yawning and rubbing his eyes I tried to get him ready for a nap again. He was almost sleeping, but awake, and I put him down. I hadn't planned to do the afternoon nap too, but since everything else was pretty smooth so far, I went for it. I said I wold let him cry an hour and then I would go and get him.
He cried for an hour. I was just about to go in and get him and the crying started to slow down. I had a dilemma since I had promised myself and him that I would not let him go for more than an hour, but now I was getting kinda sure that if I went in there it would actually be HARDER to put him to sleep than if I just left him. He did fall asleep and he slept for 45 minutes.
Most afternoons I had spent HOURS trying to put him to sleep. Hours bouncing on that fucking ball. And he would sleep for about 20 minutes each time. I got furious. I didn't have time to eat. I was a mean mommy to Sam. I was just pissed (as you can tell from my last post), and I got maybe 40 minutes of sleep out of him on a good day. This day I felt like I was being mildly abusive, but I didn't get angry. I was thoroughly happy the whole day. He slept for 45 minutes.
When I went to get him from his nap I was kinda expecting him to give me a stink eye. Or cling to me. Or SOMETHING, but no - he was just super happy, normal Elie, as if he didn't cry for an entire hour.
Yes - it is AWFUL listening to your baby cry. Awful - like I have to keep myself occupied yet also listen like crazy to the monitor the entire time. (If you're playing me at Ruzzle this week, you are at a serious advantage). It feels like it's not a nice thing to do to a baby, but I just keep reminding myself:
I am teaching him to help himself fall asleep.
It is a skill he will be able to use for his entire life.
It will make him a less tired and happier baby.
It will make us happier parents and our family happier and less stressed.
He is totally safe. He knows he is loved. He will be fine.
(and so will I/we).
So just one day later I feel SO relieved. I know he can put himself to sleep. I know that when I put him to sleep at 7 or whenever, that I will not be going to him again before 11 or so. Though I very much love my child, there is something so liberating about having that time and knowing that it is also going to lead to better sleeping habits for all of us.
Wish us luck - it's only day one.
Saturday I ran into this couple in my condo, and I said, "Hey - I have been thinking about you guys! I used to see you walking around the waterfall all day/night/morning with your baby - and I remember you saying how he just woke all the time." They then told me their entire sleep journey - including hours of bouncing on the exercise ball (sounds familiar...) - leading to blown KNEES! and a back disk injury from rocking the baby so much which led to mummy being in bed for TWO MONTHS!! Holy shit - sleepless babies are honestly dangerous!! Their advice: You have to do it eventually. It's easier when they're younger. You are losing your mind. DO ITTTTTTT!!!!!
I felt strong. Ok - I will start sleep training on Wednesday. (Matt has calls Monday and Tuesday this week until 2am, so I didn't want to do it alone).
Then I ran into that couple in the Botanic Gardens on Sunday pm. "You can be strong! You can do it!" He, more than she, but both of them encouraged me. A lot. Funny to run into them on another part of the island. Maybe the sleep gods are telling me something.
So I brought out Dr Weissbluth's book for review. I have probably read the relevant part ten times. In the last month. One final review Sunday evening told me two things:
1) Elie does not need to be fed or tended to until 4-5 hours after he went to sleep. That was 11pm on Sunday night. So right there, I said to Matt, let's not go to him until 11pm tonight. Matt was game. I was sure he wasn't going to wake since we had decided this. But he did - 35 minutes after he went to sleep. He cried for 40 looooooong minutes but then - holy shit - it stopped!!!! We were sure he died. Do we go check on him? But that ruins everything!! Dr says never to go in. NEVER. We NEVER went into Sam's room - and we still don't, unless it really seems like something is wrong (one morning we found her completely naked - but she still slept through the entire night!). We should not sooth the kids - they should learn to sooth themselves. The crying had slowed down...so we assumed he was alive and we went to sleep. He woke at 11:30 and 3. I fed him both times and then he woke at 6:50am as a happy baby. Rockin' start.
2) Start him learning to put himself to sleep with the morning nap. Fifty minutes after he was awake this morning I took him into his room, nursed him, put him in his sleep sac, bounced him until his eyes started to get sleepy. Then I put him in his bed. He was ok for a few minutes and then screamed for 20. And then he slept AN HOUR!!
Literally yesterday afternoon I had ZERO hope he would EVER put himself to sleep. And then he did. TWICE!! Ok - we can do this.
He had a nap in the ergo from 11:40-12:30 and then at 1:30, after Sam went for her nap and Elie was yawning and rubbing his eyes I tried to get him ready for a nap again. He was almost sleeping, but awake, and I put him down. I hadn't planned to do the afternoon nap too, but since everything else was pretty smooth so far, I went for it. I said I wold let him cry an hour and then I would go and get him.
He cried for an hour. I was just about to go in and get him and the crying started to slow down. I had a dilemma since I had promised myself and him that I would not let him go for more than an hour, but now I was getting kinda sure that if I went in there it would actually be HARDER to put him to sleep than if I just left him. He did fall asleep and he slept for 45 minutes.
Most afternoons I had spent HOURS trying to put him to sleep. Hours bouncing on that fucking ball. And he would sleep for about 20 minutes each time. I got furious. I didn't have time to eat. I was a mean mommy to Sam. I was just pissed (as you can tell from my last post), and I got maybe 40 minutes of sleep out of him on a good day. This day I felt like I was being mildly abusive, but I didn't get angry. I was thoroughly happy the whole day. He slept for 45 minutes.
When I went to get him from his nap I was kinda expecting him to give me a stink eye. Or cling to me. Or SOMETHING, but no - he was just super happy, normal Elie, as if he didn't cry for an entire hour.
Yes - it is AWFUL listening to your baby cry. Awful - like I have to keep myself occupied yet also listen like crazy to the monitor the entire time. (If you're playing me at Ruzzle this week, you are at a serious advantage). It feels like it's not a nice thing to do to a baby, but I just keep reminding myself:
I am teaching him to help himself fall asleep.
It is a skill he will be able to use for his entire life.
It will make him a less tired and happier baby.
It will make us happier parents and our family happier and less stressed.
He is totally safe. He knows he is loved. He will be fine.
(and so will I/we).
So just one day later I feel SO relieved. I know he can put himself to sleep. I know that when I put him to sleep at 7 or whenever, that I will not be going to him again before 11 or so. Though I very much love my child, there is something so liberating about having that time and knowing that it is also going to lead to better sleeping habits for all of us.
Wish us luck - it's only day one.
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