The Minivan

I can't believe it, but I LOVE our minivan. It is a life changer. I had no idea.

The week we moved back to the US we did some test driving and lots of research, and we decided on the Nissan Rogue. We wanted a small SUV that would fit two car seats comfortably (and possibly a third child down the road), space for strollers and groceries, all wheel drive and good gas milage. We LOVED that Rogue. For about a month. Then we found out we would need to fit THREE car seats in our car soon. Shit. Back to the drawing board.

We did a lot of research. I really did not want a minivan. I didn't feel like a minivan mom. Am I old enough? It just felt so suburban and so MOM-my, and I didn't feel it yet. I was sure it wasn't my thing. There are a few big SUVs that fit three car seats, two rear-facing, but none that would not make me twist and turn to buckle everyone in, and I couldn't imagine Samara climbing under seats to reach her own while managing boots, a winter jacket and her school bag. There are also huge SUVs that have back rows, so someone can enter through the trunk (and a few SUVs with "captains chairs" so people can climb in through the doors and go to the back row), and you can put the other two car seats in the second row...but again, it was a lot of twisting and turning (I was pregnant while shopping and not super mobile, so this seemed pretty challenging), and Samara would be only four and a half for a half year after the baby would come, not buckling herself, in a 5-pt harness for many months (years...) to come. Fitting a double stroller, a single stroller, groceries...it all just seemed like it was going to be a LOT of work, and my life already pushes me to my physical limits everyday.

Many people on my mommy's facebook groups suggested the minivan. Many friends suggested the minivan. Matt LOVED the minivan (we rented one last fall). I just didn't feel it. Then it was March. Baby was coming, and I didn't have a better solution. I gave up and realized we were going to get a minivan, and we just had to decide which one. Minivan research pushes one towards the Sienna and the Odyssey. We test drove each one. The Odyssey drove a bit nicer and smoother to us, but the Sienna had all wheel drive. We decided that there would probably be a few days a year I would wish I had all wheel drive (though we still can fit everyone in the Rogue, just not comfortably...), but we went for the Odyssey. And I really wanted to be able to open and close the doors from afar and the driver's seat, so we splurged for the key-less entry, sun-roof, push-a-button-for -anything-you-want model. Within a day, I absolutely loved it. I didn't know if I could live without it in Michigan in July (we did). It's amazing.

We took out the seat behind the driver's seat, so we have the big seat and the middle seat in the middle row, and we have the whole back row. Koby sits behind the passenger seat, Elie in the middle in the second row, and Sam behind the driver in the third row. This way I can get Koby's infant seat in and out easily, I can lean in (or get in) behind the driver to buckle Elie and Samara. Samara can see both babies. Unfortunately I can only pass things to Elie. In the back we have a double city mini, a single city mini and a snap n'go. The seats next to Samara go up and down easily, so if we need more room for groceries or something we can put them down. I have extra clothes for each kid (and me) plus extra diapers for everyone and blankets in the very back compartments (they don't even take up space in those things!).

The minivan is completely designed for my family (ok - all families). The windows in the back are low so the kids can see out. Even Elie, who is rear-facing and seems to be looking at the back of a seat can see all construction vehicles we pass ("whoa, mommy"). The venting systems are amazing, so there is air con throughout the car. There is a crazy little mirror in the sunglasses holder thing that enables me to see every seat in the car - so if Sam wants me to see something, I can see it. There is latch in EVERY seat other than the middle in the back (I believe). There are so many spots for my diaper bag or purse that I can barely decide a consistent place to keep it. There is a spot for my water bottle, my ice coffee, my hot coffee and each kid's water bottle - with like seven cup holders to spare. I can open the car doors before I have even left the house, so the kids can start to climb in while I'm struggling with the door lock, and we waste little time (how does getting in the car take SO long?!).

I get my stubbornness - but it was wrong. It was the best decision. Life changing. It only makes EVERYTHING easier, like multiple times per day. Thank the lordy for the minivan.

Photos from our visit with cousins on Cape Cod

Clearly our kids need cousins who pay more attention to them. :)

We had a GREAT day with cousins last weekend. And they took amazing photos too!

Baby Sleep, n=3

When you get pregnant, everyone says "Congratulations!" and lots of lovely things about how cute babies are and how amazing the experience will be. No one tells you that your life will all be about sleeping and eating until about age 1.5 or even more.

Eating we are still working on - but trying to not super stress about it. I wrote about that two years ago here. My sample size for eating is still n=2, since Koby can't eat yet, and Elie is at an annoying age no matter what...

But sleeping...this I have new ideas about. Samara was the easiest sleeper. She just fell asleep. When she was tired, we put her down, she closed her eyes, she slept for a few hours, and then she woke up. She was happy. She liked sleeping. It was not a problem for any of us. I was sure we did it right. We read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, and we did it. Done. My friends who had babies who didn't sleep clearly did it wrong.

Then I learned. Elie was a different story. I wrote about it here, but it was AWFUL. He really didn't sleep until he was 13 months. I bounced him to sleep. There were days that I spent more than FOUR hours trying to get him to sleep, and he would constantly wake up after about 15 minutes. Any noise and he was up. I hated life. He hated life. It sucked. Luckily it passed, but at the time I didn't know it would. I learned that different kids are different (magic, right?). It had SOMETHING to do with what we did, but we could not get him to sleep no matter what we tried. He slept when he was ready.

Now that my sample size is 3, I am even more sure of that. To each his own. Koby was crying all the time for his first few weeks. Evenings were rough. Then I got a whole week alone with him at my parents' house, and I got to pay attention to him and what he needed. I learned he needed to be put to sleep after one yawn. He likes to be swaddled. He likes to be left alone in bed. He coos, he smiles, even a few laughs, and he falls asleep. He also needs to go to sleep for the night by 7. I am SOOOO thankful that I spend nearly NO part of my day getting him to sleep. When he is tired, I immediately swaddle him up and throw him in bed. Done. He has been sleeping for full afternoons when allowed (this afternoon I will have to swipe him from his coziness to go get Samara from Chinese camp...). He sleeps for about 6 or 7 hours at night, then 3 and then 3 again.

So...my advice to people who have babies who are looking for sleep advice -

1) READ Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby. I still think it's amazing. I also found the Happiest Baby on the Block to be helpful with Elie, since he was actually not the happiest baby on the block. Not necessary for the other two, but Koby does like a pacifier sometimes, and they all loved to be swaddled, and they all liked to bounce on a ball when they were newborns. Those 5 "S"s are good to know.

2) Try to do as little as possible - don't pick up the baby unless he really needs to be picked up. Try to rock. Try a heavy hand on his chest. Try "ssshhhh"ing. Don't run to the baby when you hear a sound. Some whining or grunting doesn't necessarily mean that the baby needs anything. Wait until the baby is crying to do something. If the baby makes a little noise in the middle of the night and you rush in to pick up the baby you could totally wake them up. Also don't engage them in the middle of the night or when they're going to sleep (i.e. don't talk to them, tickle them, coo at them...just do what they need quietly and put them to sleep).

3) Catch the baby before he is tired. One yawn, one kvetch, wrap up that baby (if they like to be swaddled - all of mine did/do) and put him in a quiet space. Koby can be awake for an hour, and that's all. That's not a long time. I have to watch the clock.

I'm still struggling with white noise / sound blocking stuff. For Sam we didn't put anything in her room, but she also lived with only adults (and a cat). We were mostly quiet when she was sleeping. We had dinner parties, but she was usually in deep sleep by then. For Elie we used white noise because he woke up if someone flushed a toilet, or if the cat meowed. He is probably able to fall asleep without it, but we still use it. For Koby we have been using a fan because it's the summer, but his room is also right at the top of the stairs in a all-wood-floors house and two older siblings who are under 5...realistically he might need something, but I think we will probably try to not do it consistently.

So that's where we're at. Some kids sleep. Some sleep a lot. Some don't. Do what you need to get by, because it will pass (thank god!).

We put together Koby's room this weekend. IKEA and Craig's List :)

And there is the sleeping burrito himself.

Boring Update - with a bit of a thankful tone

I am so thankful to have my healthy body back. Each time I have been pregnant and had a c-section, I have been very aware of what it must be like for people with disabilities. I am an extremely healthy person - strong, active, I eat healthy, and I am pushed to the physical limits when I take care of my kids for a day. This afternoon I was carrying Koby in his car seat (MAN, those are heavy!), Elie in my other arm (he was tired and didn't want to walk to go pick up Samara, where there is a ramp to the entrance, but the door is almost never open, forcing me to leave at least one child out of sight in a parking lot for about a minute if I want to bring a stroller), plus two bags. It was HARD. I was tired. But I am still so thankful to be able to do it now. Who cares that I go to bed at 8:30 each night!

Separately...we have been doing great. We had a fantastic 3.5 weeks in Michigan. One week we were at Michigania with my family, which was magical. I didn't have to cook, clean up from meals, I barely had to take care of my kids - MAGICAL! Samara absolutely loved Kids Camp. Elie did not so much love the 0-2 nursery (they had a lot of babies - it was kinda like cry-control that week...I don't blame him), but he went. Matt and I hiked, played tennis, we went to the beach a lot (Elie loved that!), hung out a lot, took a few sailing lessons and generally enjoyed being there. My parents and brother were so incredibly helpful and they had fun with the kids. Elie was a bit confused and thought that we were all staying at Uncle Mark's house (that's what he called the cabin)...but spending the week with Mark and Paula and the cousins was also so much fun. We also had one of my favorite friends from camp and school/Ann Arbor, Daniel and his wife, Annie and their two little guys with us. What a treat.

I also had a whole week just with Koby, and that was so helpful. He had cried a lot before then. When I was with him I realized it was because he only wanted to be awake for an hour at a time. If you catch him before that hour is up (usually there is a yawn or perhaps a little kvetch) and swaddle him up and put him on a flat surface, he will smile at you, coo a little bit and pretty immediately fall asleep. That helped IMMENSELY in taking care of him. Plus I had a vacation from the other kids - it was luxurious to only be with the baby. I didn't have to get out of bed and ready for the day at 6:45. I didn't have to worry about meals. I didn't do baths. No bedtimes. I kinda missed them - and I saw them a whole lot - but I LOVED the time away. I read a lot. I went to sleep at 8 (rather than 8:30). I went for quiet walks. Luxury.

Since we have come back, the kids are doing great. Sam has been in dance camp for the last two weeks - one pirate themed week and one beach theme. Elie has gone to his first camp/school experience (other than Michigania, which again didn't go well), and he absolutely loves it. He barely says goodbye to me. We can't really figure out what he does, but he wants to go everyday (he's going three mornings a week) and talks about it all day. He is going to LOVE Temple Shalom when he starts in the fall. Sam starts Mandarin immersion camp next week for three weeks, and Elie will continue his camp for the next few weeks.

We live about a five minute walk from Crystal Lake, where we can go swim every day. It's been super hot, so we have gone there just to cool off. It's very hard for me to take all of the kids (it would be fine if it weren't for that pesky baby - I have left him sleeping in a stroller, but that may be illegal...), but it's been fun for the kids to play around in the water and sand.

We felt like super champs last weekend as we went on our first day trip. We got up and out of the house by 7:30 to get to Wingaersheek Beach, in Gloucester, near Maine. There was already a queue of cars at 8:30! But it was great! It was sooooo busy and crowded...but there were loads of fantastic kids for our kids to watch, there were wading pools (so we don't have to super watch them as we would in the ocean), there were huge rocks to climb on, plus it's all perfect sand, and the water has super slow entry, so the kids could go far-ish and it was still shallow. They absolutely loved the waves. We left around noon and had lunch in Essex, which was a beautiful little town. Then we headed up to Newburyport, where there was a big festival (Yankee Homecoming - how New England is that?), so there was lots of live music, sidewalk sales, ice cream trucks, etc. Plus it's super cute buildings with a huge marina and loads of boats to watch. We loved that too.

Overall, we're doing great. Not doing much. No real social life. But we're good.

first bottle

first kayak (kaki as pronounced by Elie)

Sam on Pumba

Elie on Astro

Walloon. Elie driving.

the diag

Nursing #3 on the diag. Couldn't have pictured that 15 (!!!) years ago.

Sam and our new cousin-dog, Alpha

Reunited with my Flip-Flops

I have been reunited with my flip-flops and it feels awesome.

We moved here at the end of December, and I didn't sit down for two days. I was about 16 weeks pregnant, and apparently that wasn't good for me. I ended up having to go to urgent care and then the ER to have my legs scanned to look for clots (I didn't have any)- and for the rest of my pregnancy I had AWFUL and super painful varicose veins. The backs of my legs were purple and bulgy. They hurt and throbbed if I stood up - even for five seconds. I kept my legs up as much as I could, and I got a prescription for super strength compression tights. I had to wear them every second of the day - from when I woke until bed. Showers hurt my legs. When I tried to not put them on - like to go get coffee before I got dressed, I was extremely uncomfortable. Putting on the tights took at least five minutes. I got cuts all over my fingers. There are far worse things in the world, but they sucked. The weather got nice, and I still had to wear the tights. No flip-flops. No shorts. Always had to wear pants and shoes. I got lighter slip-ons, which helped, but it was kinda depressing. People said they may go away when the baby comes, and they may not. I didn't (and don't) care too much if they go away - if you can still see them - but I was SOOO hoping they wouldn't hurt once the baby came out. I couldn't imagine putting those tights on after a c-section. Or in the hot days of summer. Or never wearing flip-flops.

Then the baby came out, and the veins are still there - though probably only about 30% of the intensity - and they don't hurt AT ALL! I can wear anything I want! It might not look amazing, but it doesn't hurt me! And I can wear my flip-flops again, and it is awesome. Hurray!!!

Babysitter Pay REVEALED!

As we just moved to America last summer - but really only in December, since we were living with our parents from August until December - we knew nothing about paying babysitters and nannies. I know it's different in different places too. Newton, apparently, is a high-paying babysitter city. Well, lucky for me, our full time "nanny" didn't work out this summer, so I have had the privilege of testing out lots of people, at varied hourly pay levels, and this is what I have:

$5-8 Mother's helper - this person can come and play with kids, but cannot be left along with them. They will make a mess, but they will keep your kids occupied. (We haven't tried this option yet. I needed for real help since I was so pregnant and so out of it with a newborn...)

$10 High school babysitter - this person will watch and play with two kids. They are great evening options, since they are the cheapest of the safe options. They will not do dishes unless specifically asked (and still might not), but they are great role models for the kids and way fun. They will come up with games and guide play with the kids, but it may be a bit less sophisticated than the higher pay options.

$15 College babysitter - this person will watch and play with the kids and will be super fun for them. They will come up with games, new ideas and guide them and there may even be some educational content. They can feed the kids and will clean up the dishes and also the toys. They can be left alone for a long period of time with the kids and are trustworthy.

$20 Nanny - this person can do all of the above, but will also clean up the house, kitchen, toys, do laundry, ironing and generally just see ways to be helpful that the others (and I!) are not even aware of.

They are all great for different scenarios. Now that I'm feeling really good physically, but I still have two children that require full one-on-one care, I can really have any help that is available to me, but today was my first day with the nanny option, and it was AMAZING. Without asking she unloaded the dishwasher, put groceries away, played really well with Elie, put him to bed, took him to the park, tidied up the entire house and anticipated a million things I didn't even realize I needed. Hooray for Martha!

The crazy part is that we essentially had that in Singapore (plus she made dinner, cleaned that up, did our shopping, ironing, etc...) FOR A SICK AMOUNT OF MONEY. Literally sick. Like, unethical sick. But that was for another post.

The third newborn

Full disclosure: I haven't experienced reality yet. My mom is still here until Wednesday, and when she has been gone on the weekends, Matt is around. She has left the house twice, leaving me with all three kids. Both times all three kids have been sleeping.

That said...THIS IS GOING TO BE INSANE!

Common advice says:
Sleep when the baby sleeps. When exactly is that? At 7am when the newborn finally is ready to go back to sleep and the 1.5 year old and 4.5 year old wake up, need to get dressed and fed? Or is it when they're awake and running around the house like crazy? Perhaps it's during their nap time, the only time to have two hands to do laundry, dinner prep or clean up? I can sleep when the baby sleeps...starting at 9pm, but so far that has added up to between 4-7 hours per night. Seven is awesome. Four is hard.

Eat healthy - you're breastfeeding. Right. Bananas and granola bars are where it's at for me. I'm also eating an insane amount of fruit and cheese, because those seem super easy. Not much healthy stuff is going in my body, but that's mostly because it takes more effort, and that I do not have. Unfortunately we had a lot of cookies that appeared in our house after the baby was born. I ate all of those also, singlehandedly.

Luckily - even though we really just moved here, we have such an amazingly supportive community. Samara's class made a dinner for us (most of it is frozen and should last us four nights!), a friend (with a two year old and 6 month old TWINS!!) ordered us an amazing dinner, a friend from Sam's school made us a whole dinner on her own, our cousin, Nancy made us a dinner that lasted for three days and some is still frozen, and we have two coming in the next week. That is AMAZING, and I so appreciate every bite.

Don't take a newborn out - definitely not around germy pre-schoolers. Ok - so tell Samara that she can't go to all of the birthday parties? Don't go to the fair in our little town (with face painting, bouncy houses, a fire truck to go on, etc.) where all of her friends are going? Well, Koby went to two birthday parties and he did go to the fair (all just this past weekend), but we're trying to not take him to too many indoor places with germy preschoolers. Does that count?

Don't let a newborn cry. Well, if I'm in the middle of feeding a kid (or myself), upstairs with a kid when the baby is downstairs, or if we're in a time crunch to get somewhere...sorry, dude. You're gonna have to wait too. Is that bad for his brain development? Let's hope not. I would have been stressed listening to the crying of the other two when they were this little. At least I hear Koby's crying, but it doesn't really stress me out. He'll be ok.

For the first two I was very aware of where they were, what they were doing, when they might want to eat again, the number of poops, pees, how long they were feeding, etc. From day one with this guy I haven't kept track of any of it. He seems like he's growing. That should be good. Three mornings ago Matt was with Elie, and he was talking. Sam was with me, brushing teeth in the bathroom, and then I heard someone cry, and for about 20 seconds I could not figure out who that might be. The neighbors had a baby? How can Elie talk and cry at the same time? Who is that? RIGHT...it's our other baby.

Overall, Koby has fit into the family amazingly. Sam is a super double big sister. She takes care of Elie and she takes care of Koby - most of it without me even asking her. Elie did throw some baby toys on Koby's head today - which is a step above "hit baby," which was about where he was at last week. Elie seems pleased with the baby, but mostly he doesn't notice him. He very much enjoys the buckle on his car seat, though. Matt is amazing with all three, and I'm just trying to get out of as much as I can with the bigger two - until I HAVE to do it all, starting in two days.

The two things I can't figure out are dinner and Elie. Will people bring us dinner forever? Please? No - I will have to figure out how to make food for the kids and for us (they don't eat our food - I know...I'm sure it's my fault, but I'm not dealing with that right now). Matt will likely have a lot of bagels and peanut butter as well as cereal, and I will likely have a lot of frozen Trader Joe's delicacies. And Elie...I will try to Elie-proof our house as much as possible in the next few days, but mostly I think I will lock us on the ground floor, and we will not attempt to go anywhere - unless we have a babysitter or Matt is home. I'm not sure when that will end...I will likely be able to go to a (safe) playground with them all, and I will be able to go for a walk with them all (if Elie stays in a stroller) soon - but play dates at other people's houses, the beach alone, a quick trip for a cup of coffee...not gonna happen for a while.

In the meantime, after my mom leaves, we have a lot of help set up. Though I have had very bad luck with babysitters canceling - I'm hoping this doesn't happen in the next few weeks! I have 2 weeks where I have help coming about 60% of the time, and I will really appreciate it. Step by step.

At least they're all cute.