Lombok - as a family of four

We just got back from our first holiday, alone, as a family of four. We had traveled to the US and also traveled around Western Australia with my parents, but we hadn't done it alone. And believe it or not, it was so not that bad. It was fun, even!

We went to Lombok, an island next to Bali in Indonesia. We went when I was seven months pregnant with Samara and again when she was four months old and this time. We have loved each trip there and found it to be a deeply relaxing and beautiful place.

Since we hadn't been on holiday in a few months and I was nervous about how it would work with both kids in one room, we kinda splurged and stayed in a place nicer than we usually go for. When I saw Jeeva Klui on Trip Advisor, I told Matt that we were going no matter what. And it was just as good or better than I expected. For the first two nights we had our own two storey villa with a private pool, an outdoor bathtub and shower and another bathroom and shower inside. It was so nice to put the kids to bed and then have the downstairs and outdoors to ourselves. (Thanks to Shana for the tip to put the baby to bed first and then put Sam to bed quietly - it totally worked!) The resort had a beautiful infinity pool right at the ocean, which made for unbelievable views and not a lot of motivation to leave!

Our first day we ended up calling Effendi, a driver whom Deeksha and Rajeev had introduced us to on our first trip there, and he took us up to the monkey forest. But when we got there it was pouring, so we keep driving and he invited us to his home. It was fascinating to see his super modest home, meet his lovely wife, inlaws and children (two of the three). They were soooo welcoming to us, preparing coffee and even knocking down a young coconut from their tree for us to drink. Samara's description of the visit today was "Everyone was trying to carry me." They were, and she was a champ. At some point I think she was so overwhelmed with all of the attention, she just started running back and forth from one house to another. On the way back we got stuck in major traffic for a Balinese/Hindu holiday - hundreds of people were walking down the street with their prayer paraphernalia, and we didn't move for about 45 minutes. It was beautiful. Sam was waving out the car window at everyone and most people actually waved back or at least pointed and smiled.

The second day, after the second night, we had to switch rooms (we booked only a few weeks in advance, so they were full...), so we decided to leave the hotel in between. We drove to a beautiful temple on the water and spent the entire rest of the day at the pool and beach, relaxing. It was absolutely perfect. (ooh - as I noticed my previous post - the woman at the spa made sure to tell me that I can't get a massage if I'm an expectant mother. Thanks, lady.)

We are working on our return trip...

In other news, not much has been going on, as we have been deeply into our routine. Sam is becoming much more of a kid - able to do so much on her own, have great conversations, excellent questions...she's so much fun. She's swimming with her head above the water as well, which makes my life less stressful while swimming with both kids. Elie is extremely mobile, has a particular fondness for balls and garbage cans, loves to eat (ANYTHING!), is sweet and a bit clingy and still sucks at sleeping during the day. But it turns out he's a really easy baby. Life has been good.

Photos aren't in order but I'm too tired to organize. Sorry!

Effendi's wife and Elie (sooooo tired Elie!!!)

Effendi's mother in law and Elie

Preparing coffee for us

Effendi's daughter

Effendi's father in law

Seeing us off

Stuck in holiday traffic - but it was beautiful and entertaining. Sam waved to everyone

Balinese/Hindu temple visit

Checking out the temple

Major crash on the porch of our second room

Family photo!! (thanks to our new friend, Lucy!)

Both kids in the ocean...for a minute at least. But Elie didn't like the waves and Sam said the shells were hurting her feet.

They preferred the pool

Morning walk on the beach

Our own private pool! With white noise from a waterfall, even, so Elie could sleep

Sam running up and down in the village

Check out the Balinese white dude

Chillaxing, rolling around the couch

Daddy daughter moment

PSA: Just Don't Ask Until You're SURE

If you see someone who you think might be pregnant, unless you have heard from that person or a super reliable source that they are indeed pregnant, please don't say anything about it. As I have had this experience three times in the last five days, it's starting to get to me.

All incidences have happened in yoga clothes, which are tighter than my normal clothes, so that can be a bit of consolation. Thursday evening in yoga class I had a new teacher, and at the start of the class, with about sixty people in the class, she looked at me and said, "Are you...are you pregnant?" I knew what was coming after the first part, as I had seen her looking at my belly before class. I should have interrupted her before she said the word, but I kind of wanted her to say it so that I could say no. At that moment, I wanted her to feel bad for asking. Not nice, Melanie. But not nice, yoga teacher, either. Right after that we went into breathing and relaxation "let everything go." Right - other than the question you just asked me, which sat on me the whole class. I did not let it go.

Then I was on the train home that night and a young woman stood up and pointed me towards her seat. I said, "no, thank you." She pointed again and said, "please." "No thank you," I said. Finally she pointed again and said, "I insist." "I'm not pregnant." She sat down and didn't look at me again.

Today waiting for my yoga class to begin I was speaking with a young American woman. "When are you due?" I must have mis-heard. "What?" "When are you due?" "Oh, I'm not pregnant, but don't feel bad, you're not the first to think I am. You're not even the first this week." She felt awful and even apologized again after class.

People have graciously offered me their seat on the train for the last three years, though not as often as it's been the last few weeks. I usually just kinda laugh at it and move on, accepting that I don't have and will never have a flat belly (and I never had one either...let's not pretend). Last week I was annoyed that it was socially acceptable for people to assume this or ask - blaming the askers. But the one tonight put me over the edge. It gave me motivation during leg lifts and other core exercises during the class. It will give me motivation with my diet (which is extremely healthy but could make a few changes) and maybe even to start doing some cardio (though I'm not sure when).

But - really - I just want to carry on, with my body as it is, doing what I do, without people bringing it up. Yeah - I had a baby six months ago. Out of my life, six months is nothing. But six months of having that baby out of me is a long time. Should my body look more like I was never pregnant? I don't fucking know. But I also don't want to care, so stop bringing it up. Just Don't Ask Until you're SURE. It's bugging me.

Great Customer Service

I hate bad customer service. I'm always happy to complain about that (or really anything - just ask Matt or my mom).

But I have recently experienced two incidents of excellent customer service and wanted to acknowledge them.


1) The sleep sac: Aden and Anais

We received a sleep sac for Elie, as a gift from Marquita, a friend of Zaydie. It's Aden and Anais brand, lightweight, and it seemed like it would be perfect for Singapore weather, where you want the sleep sac sleep cue but you don't want the actual sleep sac because it's hot as balls. All the time.

Once we were finally able to lose the swaddle, I brought out the sleep sacs. One that we had used for Sam now had a broken zipper. And I tried to use this one. I used it for one day and the zipper broke as well. I thought it can't hurt to email the company and tell them. I told them what happened, and they sent me a new one, immediately...to Singapore! In the meantime (while it shipped...) I bought a few used ones, so we're using those until they get too small and then we will try this one again. That's good customer service.


2) The water bottle: Comfort Delgro Taxi

Last Thursday Sam, Elie and I took a taxi to visit Oscar and Stephanie and see their new apartment. On the way home Sam dropped her water bottle on the floor of the taxi. I totally forgot to get it once we got back home (imagine: one sit n'stroll that I have to convince Sam to get out of and help push, plus Elie's car seat and the stroller so I can push him...plus my bag...getting out of a taxi alone is HECTIC!). It was 100% my fault. It was her SUPER IMPORTANT STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE SCHOOL WATERBOTTLE. Actually - it isn't so important (in non-3-year old worlds) at all. Matt said forget about it and go buy a new one. I thought I might as well TRY...

I didn't realize the bottle was gone until Friday am when I went to pack her school bag. I didn't have a second to deal with it until sometime on Friday late afternoon. The website form for a lost item didn't work, so I called the company and made my report. Because I'm slightly crazy with numbers, I happen to remember the number of the taxi, even though I had deleted all of the taxi confirmation messages from my phone that night. Lucky.

Saturday evening I received a call that they had contacted the driver and he has it. They gave me his hand phone number and his name, Mr. Ng. I texted him on Sunday and said that I appreciate that he had it and could he please drop it somewhere near an MRT station and I would come get it anywhere on the island. He called back and said he would drop it at my condo with the guards when he was around Little India later today. Our condo has about a million people and the guards can't really collect things for so many people. They're usually totally unwilling (though I haven't asked in years). I asked the guard on duty in the late afternoon if he could please keep an eye open, and rather than saying no, he took my unit number and mobile number and said yes. (Note- this guard always holds the door for me when I'm coming in and out with the kids). Sure enough, I received a call later in the evening from the driver, saying that he dropped it at my condo. Then I received a call from the guard saying that he had the water bottle. Seriously - that was above and beyond the taxi driver's job. It was a water bottle. I wrote to the company to give the positive feedback, and I really hope that this guy has someone treat him so nicely in the future.

Well done people. Well done.

New Children's Garden

A few weeks ago a new Children's Garden opened, at the Gardens by the Bay. We have only been to the Gardens by the Bay once, and to be honest, it was hot and kinda sucked. But I heard this was cool. We also heard it was UBER crowded. So we got up and out by 8:30 and were literally the first people to enter the gardens when they opened at 9am. 

It is honestly the coolest playground in the world. All kids should go there. 

Here's why it's amazing:

It's free.

It has a HUGE water play area and a smaller one with more predicable water sprays for little kids. Oh - the heat came back - so the water is amazing!

It has tons of fun things to climb on - there are chains, balance beams, monkey bars, climbing walls, climbing ropes, shaky bridges...TONS of stuff to explore. It says it's for ages 6-12, but Samara had a fantastic time exploring all of the climbing areas, though there were a few times she needed help.

There is a big shaded area with comfy chairs that are great for nursing.

The whole area with all of the climbing stuff is full of sand. So when the kid needs to chill out and play alone for a bit after engaging with a million new things and people, he/she can just build a sand castle.

I didn't get any photos of Sam in the water play area because I forgot, but here are some others from before she went into the water.

this one she needed help with, but she tried...a few times

Bed Time

Samara has her dinner around 5:45 or 6. She takes a bath at 6:45 and she is in bed by 7:15, almost always sleeping by 7:30.

Elie has been taking a bath around 6 then sleeping by 6:20 or 6:30.

Sam always woke up after 7...sometimes on the weekends she even slept until 8:30, but lately she has been waking more in the 6's (though the last two days were 7:15 - hooray!). Elie has been waking for the day between 7 and 8:30. He still wakes up most nights one or two times to eat quickly and go back to sleep.

Sam takes a 2-2.5 hour nap in the afternoon.

Elie has been taking two or three naps, depending on how early he wakes up and how late he wakes from his afternoon nap. Elie does not like to be awake for more than an hour and a half or so.

Now that Elie is sleep trained, he loves his sleep. Samara loves her sleep. I definitely have children who sleep. A lot. 

BUT...that is juxtaposed to many of the kids in Sam's school who seem to sleep about half the amount that my kids sleep - which is a HUGE difference! These kids go to sleep at 10pm at the earliest, usually more like 11 or 12, and they have to be woken for school, which starts at 9am. Most don't nap.

The mall at MRT is FULL of kids after 8pm. In face the mall opposite our condo is showing movies on Friday nights at 8pm in the courtyard - Madagascar and other little kid movies. At 8pm! I wish Sam could stay awake for that, but even if she tried she wouldn't be able to.

I just read a post on a mom's group I'm part of online where the woman said that her seven month old was going to sleep at 10:30 but because of Chinese New Year the bedtime has been pushed to midnight. Whoa! Elie can't handle the world past 6pm, but I can't get it together to get him in bed by then.

Some of the kids walking around in the evening seem like they are doing ok. Some look glazed in the eyes. Others are screaming. I can't believe there is something genetically different to kids here and in the west that makes them happier to get less sleep or be able to stay up later, so what is it? 

Also, on the parents' side, don't they want some time in the evenings? I LOVE my few hours in the evening when the kids are asleep. Totally different culture. Totally baffling to me on a lot of levels.

Stay at Home Mom

About a month ago I was going to write a post about being a stay at home mom. It was going to say how I had LOVED spending time with Samara when I was working, full time and the few months that I worked part time before I was on bed rest. It was going to say how now, at the end of the days I have zero patience, and how I am just waiting for some time to myself. I had nearly forgotten about my personal needs and only spent every second of my time and energy on my kids. I wasn't liking it. I was going to say that when I was working I really struggled and felt like I wasn't really super AT work and also wasn't home enough. I was going to say that now that I was at home I felt like I wasn't even enjoying any of it.

But...then there was sleep training! And it's now been two and a half weeks, and I am loving it. Now that I'm not responsible for Elie falling asleep (he's really good at it now!), I know I will have a few hours each day to myself. I know he will sleep. I am sleeping (well enough - still waking one or two times for Elie to eat) at night, and I have so much more patience. I love the mornings with Samara, even if I wish they would start a few minutes later than they do. I love taking her to school each morning. I love watching her run in. I love my mornings where I can cook, or prepare for dinner, or bake, or shop or even have a coffee date with a friend. I love picking Samara up at school. I was never a part of her school - I had never even seen her classroom and had no idea what the culture of the school is like. Now I totally get it and I love it. I love our afternoons together too. Once they're up I give up on more naps for Elie and we get out of the house. We have spent a lot of time at the new playground behind our condo. We met friends at a water play area at another mall last week. We can go anywhere on the train or just go for a walk in our neighborhood. It's fun, no pressure, and I feel so fortunate to have this time with both of them.

I hope I keep feeling this lucky.

Part of my happiness in the situation is that I know it won't last forever. And soon I will feel the pressure to be working - at least in some way - again. I already have been thinking about what I can do with my spare time when Elie is sleeping and everything around the house is done. Though I always loved what I did, I was stressed about working, and I felt I could never relax. I definitely feel relaxed now, and I'm loving it.

Elie Starts Eating Food

As I have written about, Sam starting food was completely unsuccessful. She never took a willing bite of food until eleven months. She puked. She gagged. She cried. She hated all of it. We put food on her toys. We tried to sneak a bit of food in her milk. We tried to let her play. We tried to feed her. We tried EVERYTHING. She had no interest. She had less than no interest - she HATED all of it. It was awful. I honestly believed that I did something wrong. Maybe the purees weren't smooth enough to start? Maybe we started with the wrong food/s? Who knows, but whatever it was, it was not normal, and it has been a struggle since.

I now believe it is genetic, or just how they're wired. I am not drawing any conclusions yet, as Elie has only tried three (and a bit of another) foods so far, but even so far the experience is totally different. Elie shows interest. He plays with the food. He puts it in his mouth. If I hold it, a bit away from him, he moves his mouth to it and sucks on it. He goes back for more. He tried avocado and was mildly interested, but it was super slippery. He then tried bananas and he also found it hard to grab, but he put it in his mouth a few times and sucked on it. Pumpkin he seemed to like more - he was kind of nibbling on it, sucking on it and very interested. Just now I was eating an orange and he was staring, so I gave him a sector and he sucked on that a lot - couldn't get enough.

I am so relieved. Sam NEVER did this. She never showed even any positive feelings towards food (other than sweets, cakes, ice cream, etc.). It's actually kind of fun to make stuff for him and watch what he does. I'm looking forward to other foods, and I bet he is too!

Avocado

Pumpkin (after the first, we realized naked was the way to go)