About a month ago I was going to write a post about being a stay at home mom. It was going to say how I had LOVED spending time with Samara when I was working, full time and the few months that I worked part time before I was on bed rest. It was going to say how now, at the end of the days I have zero patience, and how I am just waiting for some time to myself. I had nearly forgotten about my personal needs and only spent every second of my time and energy on my kids. I wasn't liking it. I was going to say that when I was working I really struggled and felt like I wasn't really super AT work and also wasn't home enough. I was going to say that now that I was at home I felt like I wasn't even enjoying any of it.
But...then there was sleep training! And it's now been two and a half weeks, and I am loving it. Now that I'm not responsible for Elie falling asleep (he's really good at it now!), I know I will have a few hours each day to myself. I know he will sleep. I am sleeping (well enough - still waking one or two times for Elie to eat) at night, and I have so much more patience. I love the mornings with Samara, even if I wish they would start a few minutes later than they do. I love taking her to school each morning. I love watching her run in. I love my mornings where I can cook, or prepare for dinner, or bake, or shop or even have a coffee date with a friend. I love picking Samara up at school. I was never a part of her school - I had never even seen her classroom and had no idea what the culture of the school is like. Now I totally get it and I love it. I love our afternoons together too. Once they're up I give up on more naps for Elie and we get out of the house. We have spent a lot of time at the new playground behind our condo. We met friends at a water play area at another mall last week. We can go anywhere on the train or just go for a walk in our neighborhood. It's fun, no pressure, and I feel so fortunate to have this time with both of them.
I hope I keep feeling this lucky.
Part of my happiness in the situation is that I know it won't last forever. And soon I will feel the pressure to be working - at least in some way - again. I already have been thinking about what I can do with my spare time when Elie is sleeping and everything around the house is done. Though I always loved what I did, I was stressed about working, and I felt I could never relax. I definitely feel relaxed now, and I'm loving it.
But...then there was sleep training! And it's now been two and a half weeks, and I am loving it. Now that I'm not responsible for Elie falling asleep (he's really good at it now!), I know I will have a few hours each day to myself. I know he will sleep. I am sleeping (well enough - still waking one or two times for Elie to eat) at night, and I have so much more patience. I love the mornings with Samara, even if I wish they would start a few minutes later than they do. I love taking her to school each morning. I love watching her run in. I love my mornings where I can cook, or prepare for dinner, or bake, or shop or even have a coffee date with a friend. I love picking Samara up at school. I was never a part of her school - I had never even seen her classroom and had no idea what the culture of the school is like. Now I totally get it and I love it. I love our afternoons together too. Once they're up I give up on more naps for Elie and we get out of the house. We have spent a lot of time at the new playground behind our condo. We met friends at a water play area at another mall last week. We can go anywhere on the train or just go for a walk in our neighborhood. It's fun, no pressure, and I feel so fortunate to have this time with both of them.
I hope I keep feeling this lucky.
Part of my happiness in the situation is that I know it won't last forever. And soon I will feel the pressure to be working - at least in some way - again. I already have been thinking about what I can do with my spare time when Elie is sleeping and everything around the house is done. Though I always loved what I did, I was stressed about working, and I felt I could never relax. I definitely feel relaxed now, and I'm loving it.
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