Everyday I wake up, and I say, "today I will not be exhausted. I will definitely not yell. I will not get frustrated. Today will be a great day!" and I think about all of the fun things we get to do today - play outside, maybe go to the lake, bike ride, do puzzles, read lots of books - there is so much fun in life with three little kids!!!! Everyone says, "the days go so quickly - savor them!"
...right!?!?!
So why am I already so frustrated by 7:30am EVERYDAY?! Within five minutes of waking up, Samara has kicked, pushed or yelled at Elie, frustrating him, and he yells, pushes or kicks back. She wants him to do and say everything she says - exactly as she wants - and he doesn't always want to do that. So they fight. Oh, and he's three. So there's that.
By 8:15 I have asked Samara to go to the bathroom, wash hands and brush teeth five times. She ignored me the first three, not even acknowledging that I spoke, and for the last two, she snottily said, "okaaaaaaay. I ammmmmm." But she didn't. So it's been 15 minutes, and she hasn't yet gone to the bathroom or brushed her teeth. WHY?!
Then Elie finishes his oatmeal, and instead of waiting nicely to be wiped off, he gets up, runs away, with oatmeal dropping all over the house (new house. new carpet). When I nicely ask him to please wait, he runs faster. Chill, mom! Just be calm! But he's getting shit all over my clean house that I spend HOURS each day trying to clean! So I get frustrated.
Five minute warning that we are going to put on shoes and it's time to leave for camp. Ok mom!
Two minute warning. Ok mom!
One minute warning. Ok mom!
Ok - now it's time to get shoes on and get your backpacks - time to leave! They ignore me. No response. Ok, guys, let's go, put your shoes on and get your backpacks. No response. Hello? I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!!! Luckily I usually start this ten minutes before we actually have to leave (god help me when I have THREE kids' shoes to get on - right now Koby doesn't wear shoes). So I wait. We do finally get out the door, but it's so frustrating.
Then we get in the car. I forgot a soft toy! I'm still hungry!!!! How much do I love my kids? Do I go back, unlock the door and get what they want? Am I spoiling them? Am I just being a nice mom? Matt thinks I'm too soft. Sometimes I feel like I'm SO not soft - like I'm an awful bitch. And other times I do feel like I enable them to be annoying and obnoxious, but who wants to be mean and strict!? It's such a balance, and I fear I'm failing miserably!!
Now that my baby is going to stop being a baby soon I'm getting way nostalgic. (I am also on hormones to try to regulate my body which is at it again - so it could be fake feelings). I often feel like bursting into tears because I soon won't be able to lift up and hug Elie, and he is so fucking cute right now - like hilarious and so so cute (when he's not being so annoying). I don't want him to get older! I feel like crying when I rock Koby before I put him down to go to sleep, because I love holding my baby. There's just nothing like it. Or sometimes when I take off his clothes and see his super cute little body, and I just want to take a bite - because they are growing up, and I get that I will want this back. I genuinely love this - so WHY oh WHY is it so damn frustrating? Why does it bother me so much!?
And then there's the physical exhaustion. I wake up at 5:45 with Matt's alarm (Matt doesn't wake up at 5:45 with Matt's alarm, but that's another story). I try to get downstairs to have my coffee, breakfast and make lunches before they wake up. Otherwise I can barely make a sandwich. Once they're up (usually between 6:30 and 7:15), I do not stop. I get breakfast for 3, feed one, clean up breakfast for 3, get them out the door (see above), drive to Chinese Camp, drop off (that's not a fun drop off), drive to Kat Camp, drop off, come back, put Koby to sleep, clean up more, prepare dinner, do laundry, organize shit, Koby wakes up, play with Koby or walk with him, give Koby lunch, go pick up Elie, put Elie and Koby for a nap, finish making dinner, clean up (how does it keep getting so damn messy and dirty!?), get them up, go get Samara, do something with all 3 in the afternoon (though I have had help nearly every afternoon this summer - THANK THE LORD FOR EVA AND MARTHA!!!), feed them dinner, clean up from dinner, bathe 3 kids, somehow get them to go to bed. Then it's 8, and I am SO EXHAUSTED. I remember when I used to do fun stuff in the evenings. I can barely keep my eyes open, and Koby has mostly been sleeping through the night (or at least until 4 or so)!! My back hurts. My neck is sore. My whole body hurts from everything I do allllll day for these kids. It is literally taking everything I've got to just survive - and then I'm supposed to be thoughtful about all of this!? No way - Not yet. I can read parenting books and figure out how to be a good mom - and not just survive - in a few years. When they're all in school. All day. But by then it will probably be too late.
...right!?!?!
So why am I already so frustrated by 7:30am EVERYDAY?! Within five minutes of waking up, Samara has kicked, pushed or yelled at Elie, frustrating him, and he yells, pushes or kicks back. She wants him to do and say everything she says - exactly as she wants - and he doesn't always want to do that. So they fight. Oh, and he's three. So there's that.
By 8:15 I have asked Samara to go to the bathroom, wash hands and brush teeth five times. She ignored me the first three, not even acknowledging that I spoke, and for the last two, she snottily said, "okaaaaaaay. I ammmmmm." But she didn't. So it's been 15 minutes, and she hasn't yet gone to the bathroom or brushed her teeth. WHY?!
Then Elie finishes his oatmeal, and instead of waiting nicely to be wiped off, he gets up, runs away, with oatmeal dropping all over the house (new house. new carpet). When I nicely ask him to please wait, he runs faster. Chill, mom! Just be calm! But he's getting shit all over my clean house that I spend HOURS each day trying to clean! So I get frustrated.
Five minute warning that we are going to put on shoes and it's time to leave for camp. Ok mom!
Two minute warning. Ok mom!
One minute warning. Ok mom!
Ok - now it's time to get shoes on and get your backpacks - time to leave! They ignore me. No response. Ok, guys, let's go, put your shoes on and get your backpacks. No response. Hello? I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!!! Luckily I usually start this ten minutes before we actually have to leave (god help me when I have THREE kids' shoes to get on - right now Koby doesn't wear shoes). So I wait. We do finally get out the door, but it's so frustrating.
Then we get in the car. I forgot a soft toy! I'm still hungry!!!! How much do I love my kids? Do I go back, unlock the door and get what they want? Am I spoiling them? Am I just being a nice mom? Matt thinks I'm too soft. Sometimes I feel like I'm SO not soft - like I'm an awful bitch. And other times I do feel like I enable them to be annoying and obnoxious, but who wants to be mean and strict!? It's such a balance, and I fear I'm failing miserably!!
Now that my baby is going to stop being a baby soon I'm getting way nostalgic. (I am also on hormones to try to regulate my body which is at it again - so it could be fake feelings). I often feel like bursting into tears because I soon won't be able to lift up and hug Elie, and he is so fucking cute right now - like hilarious and so so cute (when he's not being so annoying). I don't want him to get older! I feel like crying when I rock Koby before I put him down to go to sleep, because I love holding my baby. There's just nothing like it. Or sometimes when I take off his clothes and see his super cute little body, and I just want to take a bite - because they are growing up, and I get that I will want this back. I genuinely love this - so WHY oh WHY is it so damn frustrating? Why does it bother me so much!?
And then there's the physical exhaustion. I wake up at 5:45 with Matt's alarm (Matt doesn't wake up at 5:45 with Matt's alarm, but that's another story). I try to get downstairs to have my coffee, breakfast and make lunches before they wake up. Otherwise I can barely make a sandwich. Once they're up (usually between 6:30 and 7:15), I do not stop. I get breakfast for 3, feed one, clean up breakfast for 3, get them out the door (see above), drive to Chinese Camp, drop off (that's not a fun drop off), drive to Kat Camp, drop off, come back, put Koby to sleep, clean up more, prepare dinner, do laundry, organize shit, Koby wakes up, play with Koby or walk with him, give Koby lunch, go pick up Elie, put Elie and Koby for a nap, finish making dinner, clean up (how does it keep getting so damn messy and dirty!?), get them up, go get Samara, do something with all 3 in the afternoon (though I have had help nearly every afternoon this summer - THANK THE LORD FOR EVA AND MARTHA!!!), feed them dinner, clean up from dinner, bathe 3 kids, somehow get them to go to bed. Then it's 8, and I am SO EXHAUSTED. I remember when I used to do fun stuff in the evenings. I can barely keep my eyes open, and Koby has mostly been sleeping through the night (or at least until 4 or so)!! My back hurts. My neck is sore. My whole body hurts from everything I do allllll day for these kids. It is literally taking everything I've got to just survive - and then I'm supposed to be thoughtful about all of this!? No way - Not yet. I can read parenting books and figure out how to be a good mom - and not just survive - in a few years. When they're all in school. All day. But by then it will probably be too late.
They're so cute, no!? (Here with Alma and Shalem who visited with Dena from Israel - we had the BEST time with them!!!)
Such sensitive souls...
They even play together on occasion...for about a minute.
Innocents!!
