Here's my baby sleep update, now that we're almost at a year with #3. You may recall that in August last year I seemed to have some idea of what I was talking about when I wrote this. Now - I'm confident I have no idea.
Koby never has had a problem putting himself to sleep (other than this afternoon, apparently - as he just finally stopped crying/kvetching after about 20 minutes of struggle). Since he was tiny I would generally put him to bed, he would kick his legs around like crazy, wave bye, and I would walk out. I never put him to bed asleep, and he never complained. He napped great.
At three months he was still getting up a bunch at night. "Oy." I would say. "I'm not sure I can make it until six months when I will get him to sleep through the night! I'm SOOOOOO tired!!!" We were waking anywhere from 3-4 times per night. I would feed him and he went right back to sleep. But he never seemed to sleep for a long time.
At six months it was the same, but Weissbluth says you can start to sleep train. So we tried to let him cry, as we had done (and it worked!) with Samara. It sucked. He never stopped crying. He would cry for an hour or an hour and a half and finally go back to bed. After days and days of this it never got better. The doctor said I had to stop. He wasn't ready. Plus he was kinda skinny (Koby, not the doctor), so doc said to just feed him if he wants it and get him back to sleep. Sure - easy for him to say.
I kept trying to let him cry. After five days if I didn't see improvement, I would stop for another month or so. It NEVER got better. I was basically feeding him around 10, 1 and 4. EVERY night. I was so so so so so so so so so so so so so so tired. I was going to bed at 8. But even if I did that, I was still barely getting four pieced together hours of sleep. But I didn't even know what to do. It seemed like if I let him cry, he didn't go to sleep for so long, and it never got better. If I fed him, he went back to sleep. I never got him at the end of a cry when I was trying to sleep train him - as in I always got him after he had fallen back asleep and woken up again, so as not to show him that I was getting him if he cried. With my behavior I was basically screaming at him, "I WILL NOT GET YOU UNTIL 4AM!!!!" and he was basically screaming at me, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU WANT!!!! I WANT MILK!!!!!"
Then he was 11.5 months. I was losing my mind. I was sooooooo tired. I felt like it was never going to end. I hated going to sleep. Every morning I woke up and said, "oh my god. I am sooooooo tired. I can't believe I have to get up, take care of 3 kids - with patience allllllll day - and then tonight I will go to sleep as soon as I can, and it will STILL suck and there is just no end." I couldn't believe I could function on so little sleep - every single day. With not ONE night of sleep. I had six hours ONE night in those 11 months. It was awful.
A friend in Newton, Amy, had said she worked with a sleep consultant. I was on number three. Seriously? Did I need help with this? How could I not figure this out!? But I couldn't. I got in touch with Joanna Silverman. I wrote her my story. She said she could help. Yeah right. But whatever, I thought I would try. For $125 it was worth saying that I had tried...
After I filled out a long survey about his sleep environment, schedule, our house, etc., we had a half hour discussion (it ended up costing $65...). She suggested:
Sleep environment:
- Take out the night light (we had just added that a few weeks before since I wanted to be able to see him at night during the thousand times he was waking up)
- Take out all little lights in his room
Sleep schedule:
- Wake him by 7am
- Morning nap should be about 2 hours after wake (otherwise it's a continuation of nighttime sleep, which apparently is bad)
- All nap time total for a day should not exceed 3.5 hours
- Keep him up until 7:15 pm (he was going to sleep around 6:30)
- Do something after nursing and before sleep - like read a book or sing a song - to disassociate nursing from sleep. Also she suggested nursing him outside of his bedroom before bed.
Nighttime adjustments/weaning:
- If he wakes before 1am go in and say, "you're ok. You can go back to sleep. I love you," or whatever, for 30 seconds or less. This happens after 2 mins, then 4, then 6 then 8. The next day start at 3, then 6 then 9, etc. Don't pick him up.
- At 1am I had been feeding him for ten minutes on each side. She had me cut down by one minute on each side, starting the first night. After a week we would be down to 4 minutes total, and then I would not get him out of bed, and do the suggestion above (going in quickly but not getting him).
- Continue to feed him a 4ish if he wakes up
My reactions:
I will try but I'm sure this won't work either.
If I go in, then he will learn that he can cry and I will come in. Shana had suggested this - as it worked for two of her kids - but I thought it was kinda counterintuitive. If they cry and you go in, don't they learn that you'll go in?
Weaning slowly won't work - He wants to eat. He will scream. But whatever.
So we tried. The first few times I went in when he was crying he SCREAMED like he was soooo mad for about a minute. And then he fell back asleep. SERIOUSLY!! He fell right back asleep, and I never even had to go in again!!!
I cut down one minute on each side at the 1am feed. After the fifth night we were down to 5 minutes on each side, and he willingly unlatched and went back to sleep. The next night he never even cried at this time!!!! He went straight to 4am!!!
I literally don't believe it, but it's true. For 3 of the last 5 nights he has slept THROUGH THE NIGHT from 7:30 or so until 6 or 6:30. The other two he woke up around 4:15, nursed and went right back to bed until 6 or 6:30. He is so happy. He is developing more. I am a new woman. I love Joanna Silverman.
If only my other two could get the 12 hours without a peep memo. Or even 11. Samara's legs keep falling asleep at night (!!???), and Elie has these weird stories that are critical to share at 2am. So I have yet to sleep through the night, but we're SO almost there. And I STILL can't believe it!
Moral of my sleep story is - WHO FUCKING KNOWS!? But some things work for some kids. And that's awesome.
Koby never has had a problem putting himself to sleep (other than this afternoon, apparently - as he just finally stopped crying/kvetching after about 20 minutes of struggle). Since he was tiny I would generally put him to bed, he would kick his legs around like crazy, wave bye, and I would walk out. I never put him to bed asleep, and he never complained. He napped great.
At three months he was still getting up a bunch at night. "Oy." I would say. "I'm not sure I can make it until six months when I will get him to sleep through the night! I'm SOOOOOO tired!!!" We were waking anywhere from 3-4 times per night. I would feed him and he went right back to sleep. But he never seemed to sleep for a long time.
At six months it was the same, but Weissbluth says you can start to sleep train. So we tried to let him cry, as we had done (and it worked!) with Samara. It sucked. He never stopped crying. He would cry for an hour or an hour and a half and finally go back to bed. After days and days of this it never got better. The doctor said I had to stop. He wasn't ready. Plus he was kinda skinny (Koby, not the doctor), so doc said to just feed him if he wants it and get him back to sleep. Sure - easy for him to say.
I kept trying to let him cry. After five days if I didn't see improvement, I would stop for another month or so. It NEVER got better. I was basically feeding him around 10, 1 and 4. EVERY night. I was so so so so so so so so so so so so so so tired. I was going to bed at 8. But even if I did that, I was still barely getting four pieced together hours of sleep. But I didn't even know what to do. It seemed like if I let him cry, he didn't go to sleep for so long, and it never got better. If I fed him, he went back to sleep. I never got him at the end of a cry when I was trying to sleep train him - as in I always got him after he had fallen back asleep and woken up again, so as not to show him that I was getting him if he cried. With my behavior I was basically screaming at him, "I WILL NOT GET YOU UNTIL 4AM!!!!" and he was basically screaming at me, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU WANT!!!! I WANT MILK!!!!!"
Then he was 11.5 months. I was losing my mind. I was sooooooo tired. I felt like it was never going to end. I hated going to sleep. Every morning I woke up and said, "oh my god. I am sooooooo tired. I can't believe I have to get up, take care of 3 kids - with patience allllllll day - and then tonight I will go to sleep as soon as I can, and it will STILL suck and there is just no end." I couldn't believe I could function on so little sleep - every single day. With not ONE night of sleep. I had six hours ONE night in those 11 months. It was awful.
A friend in Newton, Amy, had said she worked with a sleep consultant. I was on number three. Seriously? Did I need help with this? How could I not figure this out!? But I couldn't. I got in touch with Joanna Silverman. I wrote her my story. She said she could help. Yeah right. But whatever, I thought I would try. For $125 it was worth saying that I had tried...
After I filled out a long survey about his sleep environment, schedule, our house, etc., we had a half hour discussion (it ended up costing $65...). She suggested:
Sleep environment:
- Take out the night light (we had just added that a few weeks before since I wanted to be able to see him at night during the thousand times he was waking up)
- Take out all little lights in his room
Sleep schedule:
- Wake him by 7am
- Morning nap should be about 2 hours after wake (otherwise it's a continuation of nighttime sleep, which apparently is bad)
- All nap time total for a day should not exceed 3.5 hours
- Keep him up until 7:15 pm (he was going to sleep around 6:30)
- Do something after nursing and before sleep - like read a book or sing a song - to disassociate nursing from sleep. Also she suggested nursing him outside of his bedroom before bed.
Nighttime adjustments/weaning:
- If he wakes before 1am go in and say, "you're ok. You can go back to sleep. I love you," or whatever, for 30 seconds or less. This happens after 2 mins, then 4, then 6 then 8. The next day start at 3, then 6 then 9, etc. Don't pick him up.
- At 1am I had been feeding him for ten minutes on each side. She had me cut down by one minute on each side, starting the first night. After a week we would be down to 4 minutes total, and then I would not get him out of bed, and do the suggestion above (going in quickly but not getting him).
- Continue to feed him a 4ish if he wakes up
My reactions:
I will try but I'm sure this won't work either.
If I go in, then he will learn that he can cry and I will come in. Shana had suggested this - as it worked for two of her kids - but I thought it was kinda counterintuitive. If they cry and you go in, don't they learn that you'll go in?
Weaning slowly won't work - He wants to eat. He will scream. But whatever.
So we tried. The first few times I went in when he was crying he SCREAMED like he was soooo mad for about a minute. And then he fell back asleep. SERIOUSLY!! He fell right back asleep, and I never even had to go in again!!!
I cut down one minute on each side at the 1am feed. After the fifth night we were down to 5 minutes on each side, and he willingly unlatched and went back to sleep. The next night he never even cried at this time!!!! He went straight to 4am!!!
I literally don't believe it, but it's true. For 3 of the last 5 nights he has slept THROUGH THE NIGHT from 7:30 or so until 6 or 6:30. The other two he woke up around 4:15, nursed and went right back to bed until 6 or 6:30. He is so happy. He is developing more. I am a new woman. I love Joanna Silverman.
If only my other two could get the 12 hours without a peep memo. Or even 11. Samara's legs keep falling asleep at night (!!???), and Elie has these weird stories that are critical to share at 2am. So I have yet to sleep through the night, but we're SO almost there. And I STILL can't believe it!
Moral of my sleep story is - WHO FUCKING KNOWS!? But some things work for some kids. And that's awesome.
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