I can do it. I swear, I can. I just can't yet...
I was moving along at a super fast pace, in general, since about 6 weeks post-pardum with Samara until the end of January this year. Since January, I was on bed rest for months, then took it easy for the rest of the pregnancy. I had a full time helper. I had my mom or in-laws in town for much of the time. I didn't do any of the cleaning, little shopping, only the cooking that I wanted. I had a lot of time with Samara, but most of it was when it was convenient for me, and not during difficult times like meal times and sleep time. I had it easier than I have ever had it and will ever have it...in my whole life (and I recognized it at the time). Yes, I was scared for most of the time that I was going to lose the pregnancy so I wasn't super stress-free, but I did not DO much of anything at all. For a really really long time.
Then the helper quit (remember - don't forget - she quit when I was 39 weeks pregnant, and she flew out the night I gave birth - no I'm not bitter). Then my parents left. Then the in-laws left. Then it was me. And I was committed to doing it ALL. And I CAN! I promise!! But not yet.
I made it a week. Eight days in, last Thursday, my throat started to get scratchy. That night it REALLY hurt, and I woke up the next day with super dark snot but nothing major. Friday I was ok. Saturday I was ok. But each of those nights I felt SUPER exhausted. In bed by 7:30 and nearly asleep by 8. EXHAUSTED. The system was shutting down. I said I didn't think I could handle when Matt went away next week. I didn't think I could do it in general, because my body was EXHAUSTED. But then Sunday I woke up with a fever, and I realized that I had felt so bad the last few nights because I really was getting sick.
Sunday night my fever was super high and I was a disaster. I didn't think I could handle Sam on Monday. Hell, I didn't think I could open my eyes and get out of bed. I was SUPER sick. Monday I woke up with 102.5 fever, but I pushed through. I showered and got myself moving. I was delirious, but I got Sam fed, dressed and walked her to school, immediately came back and did nothing. I didn't do any dishes. Didn't sweep from breakfast. Didn't pick up. Just rested until I had to get her again. And I realized that I had a super sore spot on my breast, and when I looked in the mirror it was maroon in color. A little bit of googling told me that it was either a plugged milk duct or mastitis. Shit. Called the doctor at 10am. All day I iced the spot, and I fed mostly from that side and massaged it when Elie ate. I got Sam, somehow got lunch into her and got her to sleep, and when she woke up we watched TV...basically the whole afternoon, from four until her dinner at six. She loved me being sick. "Mommy, you're sick? You want to watch the Wiggles? I watch the Wiggles when I sick." Matt came home early to give her dinner and get her bathed and in bed (the second two he does every night anyway). I followed up with the doctor's office three times but I never quite got an answer if I should come in or not. I finally spoke to the doctor at 7pm and he said I needed to see a lactation consultant asap. Awesome, every place I knew of was closed, and there was small chance they would be able to see me before 11 the next morning, if I could only call them when they open at 9. After that I would have to bring two kids, which I'm not ready to do yet (two carseats? I still can't lift from the c-section). So I activated my breastfeeding mommies network and got the mobile numbers of two lactation consultants. One was a woman I had gone to on Saturday for another breastfeeding issue, so I asked her to PLEASE squeeze me in (so to speak!) the next morning. She said she could at 9:30. BOY was I grateful. So I pumped as much as I could and Matt strongly massaged the spot to get the duct free. Asleep by 9 with a lower fever...perhaps improving? Though Elie had decided to change his sleeping pattern to waking up every two hours (after having slept 4-6 hours a few times each night until then), he last night slept 5 hours and then 5 hours, so we both slept a lot.
When I woke up I was still sore, but less sore and the maroon had turned to red. I also had a much lower fever. I got Sam to school and got a taxi to see the lactation consultant who said that the plug had been pulled out already and it was getting better. She said I needed to boost my immune system and rest. Guess I need to take it a wee bit slower. So, now I have no fever. No voice. But I feel WAAAAAAY better and I think my boob is on the mend.
I CAN do this, I just need to build my strength. I think the rest took a lot out of my body - like a lot of energy and strength - that I have to get back. Hopefully in our month in the US I can fully heal from the c-section, rest a lot, but also get myself moving and build my strength so that by the time we're back here I will be able to do it. I'm counting on it.
I was moving along at a super fast pace, in general, since about 6 weeks post-pardum with Samara until the end of January this year. Since January, I was on bed rest for months, then took it easy for the rest of the pregnancy. I had a full time helper. I had my mom or in-laws in town for much of the time. I didn't do any of the cleaning, little shopping, only the cooking that I wanted. I had a lot of time with Samara, but most of it was when it was convenient for me, and not during difficult times like meal times and sleep time. I had it easier than I have ever had it and will ever have it...in my whole life (and I recognized it at the time). Yes, I was scared for most of the time that I was going to lose the pregnancy so I wasn't super stress-free, but I did not DO much of anything at all. For a really really long time.
Then the helper quit (remember - don't forget - she quit when I was 39 weeks pregnant, and she flew out the night I gave birth - no I'm not bitter). Then my parents left. Then the in-laws left. Then it was me. And I was committed to doing it ALL. And I CAN! I promise!! But not yet.
I made it a week. Eight days in, last Thursday, my throat started to get scratchy. That night it REALLY hurt, and I woke up the next day with super dark snot but nothing major. Friday I was ok. Saturday I was ok. But each of those nights I felt SUPER exhausted. In bed by 7:30 and nearly asleep by 8. EXHAUSTED. The system was shutting down. I said I didn't think I could handle when Matt went away next week. I didn't think I could do it in general, because my body was EXHAUSTED. But then Sunday I woke up with a fever, and I realized that I had felt so bad the last few nights because I really was getting sick.
Sunday night my fever was super high and I was a disaster. I didn't think I could handle Sam on Monday. Hell, I didn't think I could open my eyes and get out of bed. I was SUPER sick. Monday I woke up with 102.5 fever, but I pushed through. I showered and got myself moving. I was delirious, but I got Sam fed, dressed and walked her to school, immediately came back and did nothing. I didn't do any dishes. Didn't sweep from breakfast. Didn't pick up. Just rested until I had to get her again. And I realized that I had a super sore spot on my breast, and when I looked in the mirror it was maroon in color. A little bit of googling told me that it was either a plugged milk duct or mastitis. Shit. Called the doctor at 10am. All day I iced the spot, and I fed mostly from that side and massaged it when Elie ate. I got Sam, somehow got lunch into her and got her to sleep, and when she woke up we watched TV...basically the whole afternoon, from four until her dinner at six. She loved me being sick. "Mommy, you're sick? You want to watch the Wiggles? I watch the Wiggles when I sick." Matt came home early to give her dinner and get her bathed and in bed (the second two he does every night anyway). I followed up with the doctor's office three times but I never quite got an answer if I should come in or not. I finally spoke to the doctor at 7pm and he said I needed to see a lactation consultant asap. Awesome, every place I knew of was closed, and there was small chance they would be able to see me before 11 the next morning, if I could only call them when they open at 9. After that I would have to bring two kids, which I'm not ready to do yet (two carseats? I still can't lift from the c-section). So I activated my breastfeeding mommies network and got the mobile numbers of two lactation consultants. One was a woman I had gone to on Saturday for another breastfeeding issue, so I asked her to PLEASE squeeze me in (so to speak!) the next morning. She said she could at 9:30. BOY was I grateful. So I pumped as much as I could and Matt strongly massaged the spot to get the duct free. Asleep by 9 with a lower fever...perhaps improving? Though Elie had decided to change his sleeping pattern to waking up every two hours (after having slept 4-6 hours a few times each night until then), he last night slept 5 hours and then 5 hours, so we both slept a lot.
When I woke up I was still sore, but less sore and the maroon had turned to red. I also had a much lower fever. I got Sam to school and got a taxi to see the lactation consultant who said that the plug had been pulled out already and it was getting better. She said I needed to boost my immune system and rest. Guess I need to take it a wee bit slower. So, now I have no fever. No voice. But I feel WAAAAAAY better and I think my boob is on the mend.
I CAN do this, I just need to build my strength. I think the rest took a lot out of my body - like a lot of energy and strength - that I have to get back. Hopefully in our month in the US I can fully heal from the c-section, rest a lot, but also get myself moving and build my strength so that by the time we're back here I will be able to do it. I'm counting on it.
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