A Big Winge

Ok - no one should really read this, as it's truly just me complaining, and it's long. But it felt good to get it all out there. It's been a rough two weeks. Any sympathy welcome. TLDR: I have been sick. I'm alone.

I last wrote on Tuesday 31 Oct. That night I had a terrible sore throat and started feeling pretty bad. Wednesday I still went about my business, but I felt low energy and super sore throat. Thursday I felt terrible - cough, congestion, and Koby (going by Jacob now) woke up with pink eye. We rested all day. Matt and I had theatre tickets for that night that we gave to Matt's parents (they said it was great!). Friday I played TERRIBLE tennis and felt awful and did nothing else. I somehow made my FOURTH shabbat dinner (this time for 8) with no oven. I tried to rest on Saturday and only had to take Elie to a birthday party (Matt was with Jacob at soccer) and get a birthday present for a different birthday party. I did a covid test just in case, since Matt's parents were with us. Negative.

That afternoon my ear started SUPER hurting. I went to urgent care at 6pm and the doc said that I had a terrible ear infection, and I should take ibuprofen and use some ear spray. Nope no antibiotics - he said I will become resistant, but I was in so so much pain and have had so many ear infections that are always solved with antibiotics. I begged. Nope.

I didn't realize how useless that ear spray would be, so I then chased a pharmacy that could fill my prescription for it. I felt awful. I tried to get an uber to a pharmacy near me that was closing at 7 (it was 6:40). Couldn't get an uber so hopped on the bus to get nearby and got there at 6:55. They were already closed. There is another up the road that closed at 7:00. 6:58 that one was closed too. So I walked to another bus stop to take a different bus to a pharmacy in Hampstead that is open until 9. I was able to get the prescription after a half hour ride and walk, tried to get an uber for ten minutes and then walked home. During this day that I felt AWFUL and had so much pain and just wanted to rest, I ended up walking 6.5 miles just doing what I described above. I was longing for my minivan suburbs life. It's effort to get around London.

Sunday I felt awful and tried to rest. We stupidly offered to watch our neighbor's puppy for a few hours that turned into about 7. That was not relaxing. Matt left for a work trip. I biked Elie to and from Robotics - only 1.6 miles, but in the rain and dark. Somehow I still managed dinner for 7 (Fran and Tom left the next day for a few days in Amsterdam). Wow to be so sick and so tired and not be able to stop and still be responsible for feeding people - with no oven - I was not at my best.

Next day I did a driving lesson with a mask. My ear was totally blocked, but somehow the ibuprofen made the pain much less. Otherwise I did nothing other than pick ups and drop offs and walks/buses to football etc. 

The next day, Tuesday, I had signed up to go with Elie's class to the school's big field and outdoor space a half hour from school. I felt bad canceling at the last minute, because they wouldn't be able to fill my spot - who is free for an entire day at no notice? - and I thought I was on the mend. I went with cough drops and little energy. That day Elie had a sore throat.

Wednesday, the next day, Elie woke up with a super sore throat and absolutely no energy. Then he got a fever. I felt awful, terrible cough and I woke up with pink eye. After dropping Jacob at school, I went to urgent care and they gave me drops for pink eye and antibiotics for my ear that was still terribly infected after 5 days. We stayed home the rest of the day other than picking Jacob up (one mile each way). (Hear my complaining? I think I just need to get this all out there, and maybe I'll be less angry.)

Thursday Elie had a fever in the morning, so he was home Thursday and Friday. I started to feel a bit better and had a bit more energy. I think the antibiotics were working. I played tennis in the morning - pretty well - and was able to do another driving lesson. I took the kids to the dentist (other than Elie). Fran and Tom came back for a short visit - they were supposed to be there for dinner, but it took a long time to get to us, so I made dinner for them and left it. I started to feel not great, but I had signed up for pickleball that night, and I was so down about feeling so crappy all week, I really wanted to do something fun and for me, and I went. That day every time I spit phlegm it had a lot of blood in it - not streaks, but was mostly blood. Given our germs, Fran and Tom decided to come for a quick visit, grab their stuff, eat and stay in a hotel for the night before they flew back to Detroit the next day.

Friday I was coughing a lot and again every time I hoarked (sp?) up phlegm, it was bloody. I did way too much that day, but again, I was just so sick of not doing things and felt like I could push through. I must be getting better - it was nearly two weeks!! I played tennis and went to the trainer, and I was beat. I was so out of it and focused on survival, I totally forgot it was shabbat (not sure that has happened before!?), and I didn't get challah, and we probably had grilled cheese. This was the first shabbat w no guests in weeks. Matt came home that night.

Saturday I was still coughing a lot and there was still a lot of blood. I called 111, which is a service you call here and they tell you if you should visit a GP or not. They said I should. I biked to urgent care (for a third time in one week). The doctor said the blood is just because my whole system is so bothered by so much snot and coughing, and it is nothing to worry about unless I was vomiting up blood - which I was not. He put me on a second antibiotic, because my ear was still infected (and blocked), he gave me an inhaler for the cough and a nasal spray to try to calm down my disrupted system. He also said to get my ear wax microsuctioned out, because my one ear was nearly totally blocked (ew!). I did that - it was weird, but it did not feel like a relief as I expected. It's actually still super blocked four days later. I asked the doctor if I was contagious, given that I had been sick for 12 days and didn't have a fever. He said no - definitely I was fine to go to a pub and just don't share a drink with anyone. I was exhausted and didn't feel well, but we went to the Michigan bar to watch the Penn State game. This was the only game I could make this year, so I really wanted to watch on the big screen with other Michigan fans. This was a bad decision, though it was sort of fun and was a great game.

Sunday I woke up and felt worse. I felt achy and more stuffy. I went with Sam to a t'fillin breakfast at shul for the B'Mitzvah kids until 11. Matt did the drop off at Hebrew school for the other kids, and he was supposed to pick them all up at 12:30. But when I got out at 11, I got a frantic call from Matt that his flight was not at 4:30 as he thought. It was 1:45, and he was not packed (and we are one hour from the airport). I spoke to the Hebrew School and asked them to release the boys to Sam, and they could all walk home together. I felt awful. I got a low fever that day and tried to rest and do nothing other than bike Elie to and from Robotics in the dark and light rain. (Matt made his flight).

Monday I woke up and felt awful again, achy, coughing, SUPER stuffy, no energy, but stupidly I went to tennis drills and steadily declined throughout the day. I had a full on fever. I picked up the kids, took them to Jacob's soccer, then we biked over to Elie's soccer, then I biked home with Jacob (2 miles) and then went back to get Elie a half hour later (2 miles each way). I felt truly awful and was exhausted, but once we had the bikes in the city - which I had figured in the morning would be easier than walking - we had to get them home, or they would be stolen. We had to bike.

Tuesday I still felt awful and still had a fever. Jacob woke up with pink eye again (WTF). The doctor who saw him said we could stop drops 48 hours after no symptoms, so we did the drops for 4 days. The package says 5 days. This time we will do 5 days. He stayed home with me all day. I cancelled everything (driving lesson, meeting) and we stayed home. Jacob was with me in my room for a few hours and then I was in bed and he was downstairs. Later in the afternoon, I was remembering that other times I was super stuffy and had a low fever for multiple days, I had covid. I had one covid test in the cupboard. SUPER positive. I started masking around the kids inside and trying to stay away from them. Don't forget that I have been single parenting - other than last Saturday - all of last week and this week. I was able to get someone to take Elie to football and then someone else to walk him to their house, which is only a 20 minute walk away, rather than 40 mins walk (each way) to get him at football. The only time I went out yesterday was to get Elie from this kid's house.

The kids mostly stepped it up. Sam did dishes. They did shower, brush teeth, tidy up, make their lunches, etc. I mostly parented from my bedroom but did have to go down and make them dinner etc.

Last night I was up all night with a sore and swollen tongue (weird), and when I looked in the mirror in my mouth, I see a few big white ulcers that are very red around them. It hurts to swallow. Still super stuffy. Still low fever. Matt is coming home tomorrow evening. Kids took themselves to school today, and I will go pick up the boys after school today, but that's all I'll do.

More complaints: I felt like maybe I was making some friends, but it turns out that even though people know I have been sick for a few weeks and even some knew that I had a fever when I ran into them at pick up earlier this week, no one checked in, other than my one friend Stephanie. So people are fine to go for a walk or do something when I ask, but when it comes down to it, I have been here for a year and have yet to make a real friend who cares about my wellbeing. Waaah waaah I know, but again, this is not how I usually work, and it feels weird and SUPER isolating. My support system is in Boston.

And more...I wrote here about how I started to get my driving license. After that post, I signed on at 6am the next Monday and got an appointment in MARCH for my practical test. That was the next available test. That's pretty disappointing, given that we are likely only here for about a year after that. After my driving test last Monday, my instructor said, "you're ready." So I was going to start to research how to get an earlier test. There are these bots that grab them somehow and you pay them money. It's a whole industry. My instructor had said he had no idea how to get these tests. But the next day, he texted to ask if I could make a test on the 16th or 17th Nov. He told me to text this shady number on what's app, and I was able to book one for tomorrow. It cost £122 (in addition to the £62 for the test) to get the earlier date. Definitely worth it. Sent money to some random account that I was sent on what's app. Shady, but my instructor said that students he worked with had booked with them, and it was legit. You can look up your new test date on the official site. Indeed it did work. BUT NOW I HAVE FUCKING COVID AND FEEL AWFUL, and you have to cancel with three days notice. But I wasn't sure on Sunday that I would be sick on THURSDAY. I tested positive at 4:08 yesterday. The DVSA phone lines close at 4pm. They open at 8am this morning, so I called right away, and they told me I could cancel, and if I send in a doctor's note, then I can get reimbursed the £62 for the test (goodbye £122 for the sooner test...) and THEY CANNOT HELP ME BOOK A SOONER TEST, so I can book a test in April. I called back to ask another question about the process, and the second person I talked to said, "well, there is no guidance anymore on covid, so you can still come and take the test tomorrow." Thanks, lady, and put my instructor and the examiner at risk? And I feel awful. So I filled out an online form for my GP (they don't do phone calls) and I'm waiting to hear from them. Then I will BEG the DVSA in an email to help me rebook, and if that doesn't work, I'll likely just pay again for a sooner test. I booked a test outside of London for 15 April - but I will change that asap somehow...

One good thing - I feel so so isolated right now. Matt has been traveling. I really have no friends here. I am alone a lot - though I do spend a lot of time with my tennis partner and see people at pick up and drop off and had tried to make efforts to see people and try to build relationships before the BM and then getting sick (but it's been almost a month since I have been able to hang with other people, because my parents were here and we had guests etc, and have been sick since then). And I feel so alone with the stuff going on in Israel and in London. I don't debrief it with anyone here. I don't really have a sense of how antisemitic London is and if we are safe. I met a Jewish Brit at Pickleball and was trying to learn from him. I listen to our rabbi. I read as much as I can on the BBC and on twitter, but I am very alone in this and don't feel like I have a sense of what's really going on. And, other than giving (a lot of ) money, I feel very removed from the situation in Israel. I haven't helped in any way. I just read and scroll and feel helpless. Here's the good part - the March for Israel yesterday was amazing. I streamed almost all of it, and it made me feel so much better. Even sitting alone in my bedroom, I felt like I was a part of it. I sang along. I appreciated so much of what the speakers shared. I appreciated that many of them distinguished between Hamas and Palestinians and talked about the value of everyone's lives. I appreciated that there were so many people together who feel complicated about it all but ultimately support Israel and DO NOT ACCEPT antisemitism. It was so peaceful. So full of music, prayer, smiles. It looked like camp - people's arms around each other swaying and singing and having one positive thing in common. The planners did a really wonderful job. I was scared I would wake up this morning and read about some sort of violence or something related, but I saw nothing. Just the awful story of the hundreds of people from Detroit who didn't make it to the rally, because the bus drivers wouldn't take them. But people walked through streets, airports and DC with Israeli flags on them, with Bring Them Home shirts - and they did it proudly. I won't wear shirts with Hebrew right now and can't even imagine feeling safe to do that. I'm so so grateful nothing happened.

Hope no one read to the end of this post FULL OF COMPLAINTS. But if you did, thanks for listening. I needed to get it out.