I haven't written in two months - and for good reason. Just about nothing has happened to me, as I have been in bed, on bed rest, for the last seven weeks.
A week after my last post I went on an awesome work trip where I spent about three days on Cape Cod with six other women, doing a brain dump on what it takes to launch a program targeting women, in a bank. Other than the fact that I froze my arse off, I learned a lot, got to know incredible women, and loved being in the US. I had a super brief stop in Jersey City and got to spend some time with Eli, then got a few hours with Sarah in Boston, and headed to New York for a day of meetings...then back to Singapore. Only perhaps carrying my suitcase into a bus, then around Boston, lifting it up in the train, up and down the New York subway stairs, through the city, etc - perhaps that wasn't good for me, given the fact that I was 12 weeks pregnant.
Five minutes into dinner with a good friend in New York on that Thursday night, I started bleeding. Luckily Laura was a REALLY good friend, helped me through it (including running to the drug store...twice...), and I ended up seeing my doctor who did my surgery ONE YEAR exactly, before that incident, the next day (and canceled all of my meetings for Friday). He cleared me to fly that night, and I made it back to Singapore on Sunday morning. I assumed it was nothing more than a small blood clot, as my doctor in New York had seen, and I would be fine. Not so much.
After the blood clot got reabsorbed, the sac that has the baby in it (the sac holding in all the black stuff in an ultrasound, with the baby in the middle), detached about 70% from my uterus, and there was loads of blood in between the sac and wall of my uterus. I continued to bleed, and my doctor said I was at major risk for miscarriage. I was ordered to bed and only get up for essentials. It kept getting worse for a few weeks, and it is finally getting better. I have stopped bleeding, and I will see the doctor in a week, and I'm hoping for at least limited movement - like being able to parent actively, get coffee when I went, get fresh air, get food that I want, when I want it...but we will see. Apparently this stuff usually clears up around 18-19 weeks (I will be 20 in 2 days) and then comes back in the third trimester. Should be a fun few months!
Pros of being on bed rest:
Cons:
So this photo is what my life has been. I have borrowed a tray from a friend (lifesaver - seriously), and I switch between my work computer and my personal computer. I play a lot of Ruzzle. I talk to friends and Facetime with family a lot. I have read the news, Facebook and other random things. Watched all of Downton Abbey, the first season of Girls, the first and a half season of Homeland. I'm trying the Wire, but having trouble getting excited about it.
I go to the doctor twice per week to get a shot of progesterone, and other than that I'm not allowed to leave my apartment. Luckily they have a Starbucks at the hospital, so that's one thing that makes me happy twice per week (though when the woman asked me if I want my "usual" today, I was depressed that the hospital - where I don't work! - should see me so often!).
I have had about 3-5 visitors per week - depending on the week. I REALLY appreciate when people come by. It's great to remember that there is a world beyond my bedroom, and I love to catch up and hear what is going on. Also, I'm usually a super social person, and the isolation is very difficult.
This past week was a bit more difficult as Sam got Hand Foot and Mouth Disease from school. She couldn't go out, and I couldn't get visitors. Pretty isolating and hard to keep myself still when trying to entertain a 2 year old. Obviously Rose is fantastic with her, but sometimes she wants to be with me, and I am just super limited. We play everything possible in my bed, and sometimes Sam even has her lunch or snack with my tray (she loves that).
Hoping for good news next week...but all in all, we're so lucky that we got pregnant at all. We were pretty sure that wouldn't happen.
A week after my last post I went on an awesome work trip where I spent about three days on Cape Cod with six other women, doing a brain dump on what it takes to launch a program targeting women, in a bank. Other than the fact that I froze my arse off, I learned a lot, got to know incredible women, and loved being in the US. I had a super brief stop in Jersey City and got to spend some time with Eli, then got a few hours with Sarah in Boston, and headed to New York for a day of meetings...then back to Singapore. Only perhaps carrying my suitcase into a bus, then around Boston, lifting it up in the train, up and down the New York subway stairs, through the city, etc - perhaps that wasn't good for me, given the fact that I was 12 weeks pregnant.
Five minutes into dinner with a good friend in New York on that Thursday night, I started bleeding. Luckily Laura was a REALLY good friend, helped me through it (including running to the drug store...twice...), and I ended up seeing my doctor who did my surgery ONE YEAR exactly, before that incident, the next day (and canceled all of my meetings for Friday). He cleared me to fly that night, and I made it back to Singapore on Sunday morning. I assumed it was nothing more than a small blood clot, as my doctor in New York had seen, and I would be fine. Not so much.
After the blood clot got reabsorbed, the sac that has the baby in it (the sac holding in all the black stuff in an ultrasound, with the baby in the middle), detached about 70% from my uterus, and there was loads of blood in between the sac and wall of my uterus. I continued to bleed, and my doctor said I was at major risk for miscarriage. I was ordered to bed and only get up for essentials. It kept getting worse for a few weeks, and it is finally getting better. I have stopped bleeding, and I will see the doctor in a week, and I'm hoping for at least limited movement - like being able to parent actively, get coffee when I went, get fresh air, get food that I want, when I want it...but we will see. Apparently this stuff usually clears up around 18-19 weeks (I will be 20 in 2 days) and then comes back in the third trimester. Should be a fun few months!
Pros of being on bed rest:
- I can talk TV. I have never been able to talk TV (I hate TV), but now I can talk about Downton Abbey, Homeland and Girls.
- I won't be sick of my maternity clothes (as fast...) when I wear them. I can hang out all I want at home, so I haven't even asked Matt to take them down for me yet.
- I have gotten a bit better at asking people for things. I asked a friend to go get me bubble tea (remember I'm also pregnant!), have had friends bring lunch, and ask Rose and Matt for things all the time. I'm usually rubbish at this and prefer to do everything on my own.
- I can read a lot.
- I lost so much muscle that only now, at 19.5 weeks, am I just 1kg past my pre-pregnancy weight. Perhaps it will be easier to lose weight after the baby?
- I get to see Samara a lot - even though I can't parent like I want, I can't potty train, I have a hard time disciplining (though she's so good she does her own time outs while I lie in bed!), and I can't do fun, creative things - I still get to have lots of cuddles. We probably average 10 books per day (usually one book at least 8 times - but not always the same book), and we have a lot of giggles in bed.
- I have the best bedroom to be on bed rest. I have two full walls of windows so lots of natural light, cross breeze (when it's not too hot), a big comfy bed, a nice enough view...it's really not so bad to be suck here, of all places.
Cons:
- It's pretty scary when you're at risk of losing your baby for so long. I have been very reluctant to admit to myself that I am pregnant (though now that I can feel it moving it's easier!), and I haven't felt able to think abut what the future will be like - one month, two months, six months, or a year down the road. Too much is unknown with this.
- I feel super isolated and really need a lot more social interaction than I'm getting.
- I may not always be in the best mood, so I may not be the best wife right now.
- I am probably making socially awkward comments to visitors since my social interaction is so limited.
- I am constantly frustrated that I can't get up and get or do what I want. The biggest challenge for me has been food. For some reason I am so sick of everything we have in our house - even though we can get anything anytime at the grocery store across the street. Just nothing ever sounds as good as a sandwich from a restaurant, or fried noodles or something else that's not in this house.
- I can't cut my hair. It is about a foot too long. The second I get off bed rest, I am cutting it off and donating it. It is heavy, slow to dry, frizzy and just plain nasty. It's about 3 inches from my tush when I pull it straight. WAAAY too long.
- No travel probably until baby is 8 weeks old. That's like hell for me.
- Our helper is leaving in the next month or so, and I can't get out to interview new helpers, or train a new one, or really help with the transition for Sam. This one will only get harder in the next few weeks.
So this photo is what my life has been. I have borrowed a tray from a friend (lifesaver - seriously), and I switch between my work computer and my personal computer. I play a lot of Ruzzle. I talk to friends and Facetime with family a lot. I have read the news, Facebook and other random things. Watched all of Downton Abbey, the first season of Girls, the first and a half season of Homeland. I'm trying the Wire, but having trouble getting excited about it.
I go to the doctor twice per week to get a shot of progesterone, and other than that I'm not allowed to leave my apartment. Luckily they have a Starbucks at the hospital, so that's one thing that makes me happy twice per week (though when the woman asked me if I want my "usual" today, I was depressed that the hospital - where I don't work! - should see me so often!).
I have had about 3-5 visitors per week - depending on the week. I REALLY appreciate when people come by. It's great to remember that there is a world beyond my bedroom, and I love to catch up and hear what is going on. Also, I'm usually a super social person, and the isolation is very difficult.
This past week was a bit more difficult as Sam got Hand Foot and Mouth Disease from school. She couldn't go out, and I couldn't get visitors. Pretty isolating and hard to keep myself still when trying to entertain a 2 year old. Obviously Rose is fantastic with her, but sometimes she wants to be with me, and I am just super limited. We play everything possible in my bed, and sometimes Sam even has her lunch or snack with my tray (she loves that).
Hoping for good news next week...but all in all, we're so lucky that we got pregnant at all. We were pretty sure that wouldn't happen.
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