Back to Work

The dreaded day of 9 February finally came, and I went back to work. The truth is that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was dreading this day from before I even had the baby, just because I had no idea what it would be like, how it would work, how I would feel, how the baby would do...everything was unknown.

Now, I get it. I get that she needs six bottles of about four ounces each (just in case - she usually drinks four or five). I know where the "mummy's room" is at work, and I know what times I need to go. I can't believe how long it takes and how much I'm away from my desk, but now I know how it works.

I know that Samara will be fine without me. Her very complicated schedule of wake, play, eat, sleep, wake, play, eat, sleep (and repeat four times in one day) continues. She even rolls over and does new tricks when I'm not around. Surprisingly, I am not TOO sad to leave her - I don't mind the time away - but I wish that I got a bit more than one hour with her per day (including feeding). As the time goes on, and I miss her growing up, other than on the weekends, I think I will be sadder about that piece, but as of now, that's not too bad.

I wasn't away from work long enough for my brain to turn to mush, so that's not too bad either. I remember my projects, most of my contacts, how excel and power point work, etc. We did move to a new office (more on that in another post), so I have to negotiate a new coffee place, a new commute (with 26 escalators - not 24. I was mistaken), new printing, new food options, etc, but that was conquered in about two days. No problem.

The brutal part is the sleep. We never did that whole sleep deprivation thing when Sam was born. She slept for long stretches at night, and so did I. When I wasn't ready to get up in the morning, I pulled her into bed, and we slept until 8:30 or 9...everyday. Now, I have to wake up by 6:40 in order to shower, prepare her food, prepare my food (I feel guilty getting lunch out, since I'm away from my desk pumping so much!), eat breakfast, pump, get dressed and leave for work before the commute is so heavy that I can't fit on the MRT (must leave by 8:10, but preferably around 7:45). In addition to needing to get up super early, Sam has decided to start not sleeping. Before she would sleep until somewhere between 2 and 4. Now she wakes up at 10, 11, 12, 2, 4, 5, 6...I only get her twice (usually between 1 and 2 and between 4 and 5). The doctor warned that she might do this in order to get more calories (I have told my mom to STUFF her during the day!) or mommy time. I let her cry if I don't get her, and she goes back to sleep, but I still wake up. Then I feel anxious that I'm not sleeping, and then I can't fall back asleep. If this would happen before I was working, I would just sleep, but doing this FIVE DAYS in a row is just plain brutal. This is the first time in my life (possibly during finals or major projects at INSEAD and maybe other times at school too, but I don't remember) where I am totally and utterly sleep deprived, and there just isn't anything I can do about it. Just get through until the weekend and SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!