Guests who are welcome to stay

We have now lived here for five and a half years, and we have had many guests come through - some were random people we didn't really know, others were random friends who happened to be in Singapore, others were super good friends who came to visit, and of course the most common visitors are family. Overall, we have had fantastic visitor experiences (minus the one year we lived in a 450 square foot one bedroom where we weren't the most hospitable...though we still hosted some of my best friends!). Throughout the visits we have also learned to identify a few characteristics which make great guests. I will also admit that our last visit by Jer really helped us to clarify some of these, as it was a fantastic visit, and I would have been happy if he stayed for another two weeks.

Great guests find some things about Singapore exciting. They bring positive energy into the house. At least something makes them excited and happy to be here. They can complain a bit (perhaps the heat - that's clearly the most common), but then they get excited for the Thai dinner or the museum exhibit. Positive energy in the house is a fantastic guest contribution.

Guests who clearly outline their expectations and hopes for their visit leave nothing to the imagination. One of my least favorite things in life is trying to guess what people think - if you want me to know, just tell me. Please don't beat around the bush. So if you want to exercise everyday, or if you want to eat six different types of noodles, or you want to eat Indian every night (or never), just get it out there. As a "best practice" example, Jeremy created a Googledocs sheet with all of the foods he wants to eat and things he wanted to do. I could literally plug them into my diary, plan in advance to make sure I knew the best way to get there, opening hours, etc., and we got them all in. Not only is sharing expectations valuable, but having expectations and things you want to do also make you a great guest (this relates back to the first point).

Following from this point is general honesty of guests. Passive aggressive answers get us nowhere. Do you want to go for brunch? Yes or no. If it's no, please don't say yes. If you don't like Chinese food, don't agree to going for Chinese food. Just be honest - that helps a lot. Again - that guessing thing is so not my style.

Great guests get out of the house. Again, as best practice, Jer went for a coffee and did work/read for a few hours each day. This gave him some personal space and it also gave us some personal space. We live in 1100 square feet - normally three adults, a two year old and a cat. With guests that's even more people. The general gathering place is the living room, and having people always in your living room is tough - even if you love them to pieces. Just a few hours of an empty couch and no pressure for smiles and conversation is critical.

 (sorry sarah and ben - i can't turn this!)

A few simple tips - please feel free to comment on other good ideas. These are key to me. If you have stayed at our house in the last five years, please do not take anything I said retroactively personal. It's cumulative observations, and all names have been changed to protect the innocent. 

Bali with Jer

While we were finishing up our trip in New Zealand, a package in the form of Jeremy arrived at our door in Singapore. Jer had about two full days before we came back, and since then we have been much better hosts, and it's been super fun. We have checked off nearly all of his "food goals" including laksa, chili crab, dim sum, idli...and we have a few more in the schedule. Jer has been an incredible uncle, playing with Sam all day long. She is LOVING him, wanting him to join whatever she does, holding his hand, letting him carry her (she doesn't usually allow those outside of the parent/grandparent category this honour).

In addition to having fun in Singapore, we got to take our fun to Bali, where we met Kurt and Amy, Matt's friends from Peace Corps, who are now living in Kathmandu, Nepal. It was a super fun long weekend. We stayed in Ubud, but were able to hike on the outskirts a bit, eat good food (Indonesian and Western), Jer and Kurt went biking, and we took a car around for a day.

I still believe there is something about Bali that takes my brain out of Singapore and makes me relax. Staying with a view of rice fields, seeing ox walk past your window, smelling the smells and seeing the beautiful colours of that place is just good for the soul.

Some highlights of our trip included:

• Eating breakfast on Jeremy's porch every morning with a gorgeous view. The first morning it included an ox, and a perfect mango hanging right over his porch.
• Sam loves shoes (LOVES shoes). We got her these fancy beaded flip flops (for $4), and she was so excited, she had to wear them out of the shop. The sidewalks of Ubud may not be the most consistent...and within about five minutes, Sam had tripped on a huge slab of cement and lost one of her new slippers into the sewer. We went back to get a second pair (one of which was dropped in the road in Singapore today - with cars running on both sides...but it survived. Maybe we should take a hint?)
• The last morning Sam woke up at 6 and was watching Dora in our bed. Our bed had a lovely mosquito net to keep all the bugs out. After about five minutes, I opened my eyes, looked up and I saw a HUGE cockroach on the top of our bed, inside the mosquito net. How long had that been there? EEEEWWWW!!!

breakfast on jer's porch

all of the waitresses at the restaurant (Murni's Warung) hung out with Sam. They showed her the prayer ceremony. She showed them the snail on the wall.

the building at the back of the rice field (not the one on the right, but the shorter one on the left) is where we stayed. this photo caught sam mid-fall/trip.

you see these all over bali, but i think this is the most beautiful one i have ever seen. just at a store on monkey forest road.

sam lived off of grilled cheese and banana juice/smoothie.

photo of everyone but me, though it's dark...at a temple just outside of ubud

jer trying tamarillo, passionfruit and rambutan all at once.

All in all, it was fantastic to spend time with Kurt and Amy. The last time we saw them was 2007 in Hong Kong. It was also great to be in Bali. I just love that place.

New Zealand

We just returned from the best holiday of our lives - perhaps including the future as well. We spent 2.5 weeks on the South Island of New Zealand (almost exclusively), and it was absolutely gorgeous (click here for photos). We flew to Auckland (10 hours), where Sam saw a golf cart type vehicle and called it a tuk tuk. Then we flew to Nelson on the South Island where the stone statues were Buddhas. The place we stayed first, Harris Hill Cottages (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!) was definitely the highlight of Nelson. The cabin we stayed, City Lights was a one bedroom cabin, with a bed for me and Matt in the main room, a full kitchen, laundry, picnic table and crazy view over the city of Nelson (see photo). We also had a few hundred sheep, cows, ponies, goats, horses, lamas, daisy the pig and dogs at our doorstep.

The first day we drove to Nelson Lakes National Park and hiked up the main mountain as well as around the lake at the bottom. Gorgeous green rolling mountains with sharp snow-covered peaks in the background. We stopped at the Founders Brewery cafe on the way home to try some local brews. Luckily nearly all breweries we have been to in Australia and NZ have playgrounds, so all were happy.

We spent a day exploring Nelson, including finding the jewelry shop which made "THE RING" from the Lord of the Rings (Matt was beyond excited. I couldn't care less). They had a lovely market in town, with fantastic bratwurst, fresh fruit and veggies, etc. We were able to cook simple dinners for a few nights from our purchases at the market. We found the McCashin's Brewery in Stoke, and got a taster. Sam tasted the ginger beer (not really beer) and couldn't get enough.

While staying in Nelson we also visited Abel Tasman National Park. Most of the park is accessible only by water taxi so we saw only the first few hours by foot by the entrance to the park. We visited the Mouteka weekend market first, got amazing empanadas for the hike, with fantastic cherries and strawberries. They also had someone selling used children's clothes, which was fantastic, since we did NOT have enough for Sam. We were able to get corduroys, a sweatshirt and a few long sleeved shirts for a few bucks. Win.

 The park was incredible. The trail mostly hugs the shore, with amazingly blue water, gorgeous cliffs (seemed like limestone - like Thailand, but not as dramatic). While Sam slept in the carrier most of the way out, she hiked a great deal of the way back. At the turn around point we went down to the beach and ate our lunch. Sam was a bit nervous to go in the water at first, and definitely didn't like the waves, but after a while, she loved it. She completely soaked her clothes, so we took them off (see photo), and she had a great time walking up and down the shore, just in the edge of the water.

Leaving Nelson, we took the scenic route, the Queen Charlotte Rd, from Havelock to Picton. It had amazing colours and was well worth the extra kms. On the way down the coast, towards our next destination of Kaikoura, we stopped at Ohau waterfall to see the seals who climb UP the waterfall...We arrived in Kaikoura, checked into our cabin (Kaikoura Cottages - recommended - not anything crazy special but definitely did the job and also had an extra bedroom), went to the grocery store and had a nice evening. It was a bit of a cloudy evening, and we didn't realise until the next morning that we had an AMAZING view of gorgeous snow covered mountains.

We hiked around the Kaikoura Peninsula, which may have been our most beautiful hike we did (see photo). It had gorgeous, blue water on one side, snow covered mountains behind us, and lots of different terrain. Steep climbs, long treks in fields, a bit of pine forest, some even through a few towns and neighborhoods. We saw many seals, and we even saw dolphins jumping in the distance. It can't get much prettier than that anywhere in the world.

After Kaikoura, we drove to Twizel near Mt Cook. We drove nearly a whole day, passing through Christchurch and the brewery which made the beer for the Lord of the Rings (it turns out it's completely disgusting, as it had to be very low alcohol content in order to shoot and re-shoot scenes, but the bottle is cool). It was about 8 hours of driving in total, and Samara was a champ. She slept or zoned out for most of it, only creating havoc for about five minutes total. She rocked. The drive was INCREDIBLY beautiful. We wove down the east coast towards Christchurch - in yellow hills with sea on our left and cute towns every few...hours...? After Christchurch we cut inland and headed towards Mt Cook. It was gorgeous, and then it got even more gorgeous when we hit Lake Tekapo. It's a BLUE glacial lake like nothing I have seen before (see photo). After that was Lake Pukaki (seriously - cool name, right?), which was similar. Apparently there is some silt in the water which makes it blue, and it's amazing.

We stayed in the TINY town of Twizel (would be cool if it was soft "i" but it's like "eye") at the Aspen Court Hotel. Again, nothing to write home about, but it did the trick. The town had so few people but so many restaurants. Sam loved the playground, ate pizza and enjoyed her first hot chocolate. It was FREEZING!

While in Twizel, we spent a day at Mt. Cook. We were driving up to it and Matt insisted on taking a few photos. I was annoyed to stop the car for MORE photos (he loves photos), but it turns out this was a good decision. Once we got there, the weather was super cloudy and we didn't see it the rest of the day. We still have no sense of where the actual mountain was in relation to where we hiked. They told us it would pour after lunch so we better get going. We did the Hooker Valley Track (see photo), which took us up a river, across a few "shaky bridges" (as Sam calls them) and towards one of the glaciers. It was absolutely gorgeous, but raining nearly the whole time. Sam got down a did a bit of hiking on her own, and she loved it. We also did a walk to a glacial lake, which was ok but not as cool as the first hike.

After Mt Cook we headed to Queenstown. The drive there was absolutely unbelievable (though we almost ran out of gas - you can go HOURS without seeing a pump, it turns out!). It was another long drive, and we ended up at our B&B about 15 minutes outside of Queenstown, Crownview B&B. This place is DEFINITELY recommended if you're up for a B&B. They were the nicest people, even the baby played with Sam (in addition to the sheep, dogs, chickens, etc.). The view from their home was the Remarkables in one direction, other, less sharp, but still snow covered mountains a bit to the left, then their gorgeous grass and huge valleys all around their house. Just when I thought it couldn't get any more beautiful, out popped the rainbow (see photo). No joke!

We really enjoyed the Queenstown area. Our first night we got a Fergburger to have at the beach (See photo. Sam had grilled cheese and enjoyed the fries, though she had to defend from the ducks who also love fries). We also visited the Remarkables market - just at the base of the mountains. They had cool locally made crafts and food and even a sandbox for kids. At the Queenstown market we found a lovely piece of art which we both agreed on (this never happens), and we enjoyed live music and generally amazing weather and positive vibe. We did a walk out to Sunshine Bay, along the lake from Queenstown, and that was gorgeous too. As a treat we had lunch at a lovely winery, Amisfield, and Sam kept herself busy on the petanque field.

We took an evening trip to Arrowtown, which is a few minutes away from Queenstown and was crazy historical and gorgeous. The pub where we ate even had a tree-house for the kids to play in. While the boys were all throwing sand and rocks in and out of it, Sam wanted to bring in a pink chair and sit nicely. Boys and girls are so different. We also took a drive up to Glenorchy to hike up Diamond Creek/River (see photo of Sam hiking), and that was gorgeous too (see a trend?).

While Queenstown is generally the place for sky diving, bungee jumping or doing other crazy things, we hiked and took a calm boat ride on the lake. Next time. After Queenstown we drove out to Te Anau to stay on a deer farm at Rose N'Reel. We had our own cottage, literally surrounded by a deer farm, including sheep, a super friendly horse and dog and loads of other animals. We didn't realise they had a cat until we were reading bedtime stories with Sam and the cat jumped in the window and onto the bed...that was alarming, but very welcoming, I suppose. While Te Anau is incredibly gorgeous itself (we did a bit of hiking around the lake and in a neighboring town), it's also the jumping off point for the Milford Sound. We drove out there to take a few hour boat ride, and it was AMAZING (see photo). It was like the cliffs of Thailand or the Philippines but WAY bigger and more dramatic...and with snow and glaciers, waterfalls and other impressive bits.

From Te Anau we drove all along the south (the SUPER scenic route...perhaps not worth it...through the Catlins) all the way to Dunedin. While the town itself was really pleasant, and it's a cultural hub, we were so used to being outdoors that we didn't really know what to do with ourselves. We spent most of our time in the botanic gardens (and they were GORGEOUS!). We stayed at Leithview, another working farm but this time about two minutes from the city. While we found our B&Bs to be fantastic, it's much easier to stay in a self-contained cabin where we can cook, have separate spaces to sit after we put Sam to bed, and more flexibility for noise.

We spent a day on the Otago Peninsula, hiking around, and we ended up seeing two rare sea lions (see photo) at Sandfly Bay. One was sleeping on the beach, and the other walked ashore and got himself comfy while we were there. That was super cool.

We flew from Dunedin to Auckland and spent a day there. Similar to Dunedin, we weren't quite sure what to do with ourselves in a city - so we enjoyed the good food, checked out the main street, the harbour and walked around a lot, but we spent a lot of time in a big park.

All in all, it was absolutely incredible, and without a doubt the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life. Two and a half weeks was a good amount of time, as any less I would have felt like I didn't see anything and any more, I would be sure that my child would not survive off grilled cheese and pizza alone. The people were super welcoming, the food was super tasty, beer and wine were good, and the prices were WAAAYYY cheaper than Australia, where we went the past two years. If it weren't so damn far away, this New Zealand place would be the most visited place on earth. For sure. 

Princessification

We have really tried to stay away from princesses. We haven't bought anything of the sort - really try not to have too much pink, definitely don't call Samara a princess, etc. We got an amazing gift of hand-me-down children books from a family in the Jewish community here in Singapore, and in between the Little Bear, the Berenstain Bears, the Mercer Mayers and all of the other goodies...was Cinderella. ONE princess book out of maybe fifty or more books. Somehow Samara spotted that one, and she wants us to read that one all the time. She loves Cinderella. She loves the prince. She loves that Cinderella "lays keppy" in the prince.

In the last two days I went to Mustafa and H&M with Sam. We looked for baby books at Mustafa, and immediately, she was drawn to the princess books. She said, "mommy, I want this one." She opened them, found the princesses and the princes and she had a hard time putting them down. At H&M she found the princess shirts and pajamas...my daughter has been princessified - completely against my will - and I have nearly no idea how it can happen so strongly. Shall we move to a mountain top?

She has completely memorized Madeline, The Mouse and the Buddha, the Giving Tree and others...so she's not all princess, but still, I'm pretty shocked that it happened so early...and in Asia! I heard this person on NPR more than a year ago, and I was like, "not my daughter. No way." Right...

Bangkok...sans parents

I generally don't want to post about my parents coming to Singapore until it's over...you know, as it's not safe to post about one's whereabouts in the internet. Well, this time, they didn't come, so I can post away. My parents were supposed to come two weeks ago for a long visit in Singapore and then a mountain biking trip in Vietnam with their friends. Unfortunately, my dad had some sort of problem with a disk in his back (looks to be temporary but not healing SUPER quickly...), so they couldn't travel. I was super excited to spend time with them, and mostly to watch them spend time with Samara, and I was SUPER bummed that they couldn't come. Hopefully we can reschedule soon.

In the meantime, around the time they were meant to arrive, as I returned from Hong Kong, Sam got the stomach flu. Then three days later, I got it. Two days after that, Matt got it...so perhaps they were happy they didn't come! Man, taking care of a kid even a few days after a stomach flu is miserable! That was not a very fun week...

We had planned a trip to Bangkok, when they were in town, as it's a super easy place to go, cheap to stay and so much to do - we LOVE Bangkok. Matt and I decided to go anyway, and we had a super fun weekend with Samara, and we were all feeling totally normal by Friday night.

I actually extended my personal trip so that I could attend the World Blind Union General Assembly and learn more about visually impaired people's needs (as this is part of my job - supporting our employees and also our customers). It was fascinating to be in a place where probably more than 50% of the people had visual impairment. It made me think about completely different things that I usually do (presentation style, my appearance (or not think about it, really), conference materials, signage in a hotel and general accessibility, etc.). For no good reason, I also got upgraded into a CRAZY nice hotel room for that one night, and I had the best night's sleep of the last few years. When my wake up call came, I was thoroughly confused.

Once Matt and Sam arrived, we decided to go to a few new places. We took a boat down the river to go to an antique mall, we went to a new area to walk around in (though it kinda looked like the rest...), had some really nice food (thank goodness I felt better and could enjoy it!), went to Chatuchat market (the BEST!), relaxed, shopped more, went to the park (multiple times...finding new playgrounds...), and generally had a REALLY nice family weekend. I stress about Samara's eating and sleeping on holiday, but she slept like a champ, and she didn't wither away (though she didn't really eat, either...). That makes for a happy Melanie. Samara entertained herself on the plane with a pad of paper and crayons, drawing letters, shapes, snakes, dots, turtles.

We saw the King's motorcade, but we didn't see Obama. We did see the traffic he caused, though, as all of the streets around him were closed.

Sam having a snack in chatuchat market 

weird, right?

mommy - this is my table. you have your table.

Sam kept taking headbands from the front of the store, putting them on, going back to the auntie with the mirror, looking, saying, "nice" then putting the headband back and taking a new one...repeat.

Random people taking photos with my daughter.

eating coconut ice cream in the market

tuk tuks are THRILLING!

playground at Lumpini Park. Heaven.

Tot Shabbat

Our progressive Jewish community has just over 100 families. They're mostly from the US with a smattering of UK, Israel, Australia and a few other European countries thrown in. Matt and I have met many of our friends through this Jewish community, and on an island 24 hours flight (at the shortest...) from home, this has been our family here. Our community has Shabbat services and dinner once a month and a few other activities, like talks, holiday parties, a book group (sometimes)...and Tot Shabbats for the little guys.

Yesterday Samara and I hosted Tot Shabbat. I had been to around four or five tot shabbats in the past, and usually there are around 8-10 kids and an adult for each kid family. Yeah - everyone else who hosted had huge apartments or houses, but turnout was really never all that big, but it was low key and fun. Eh - I'm working part time now, so I have time, and I'm sure we won't get so many people...

As RSVPs came in, I was becoming more unsure about the capacity of our 1100 square foot apartment. I decided to not cut it off, as someone is bound to be sick or get stuck in traffic and not show up. In the end, we had 12 kids and 10 adults. It was completely nuts and crowded, but it was super fun!

Kids mostly just play together, and parents mostly talk. As it turns out, they don't actually need so much entertainment. We did have challah dough ready, though, so that each person who wanted to could braid a little challah - that ended up being really fun for some of the kids, and we had sheets with the parsha (Torah portion) of the week to colour and a few other activities. Before anyone left we did the blessings over the candles, wine and challah. All in all, for two hours, it was really nice, and I would definitely do it again.

Generally we light shabbat candles when we have shabbat dinner. Though I often think about getting back into the routine of lighting them every night...I'm definitely not in that routine. This past Friday, after Tot Shabbat, Matt and I had tickets to this local theatre production. So we scarfed down some food, quickly, and ran out. On the way, Rose SMS'd me and said, "Ma'am, should I keep the candles burning or blow them out?""Just leave them, please" was the response. This definitely made me laugh. With a two year old, the idea of blowing out shabbat candles comes up a lot too!

If you're reading this from somewhere out of Singapore, you may be shocked that I am called, Ma'am. This is for another post, which I have been talking about doing for about a year and a half, about having domestic help here in Singapore. It is clearly such a sensitive topic, and so so complicated for me, so I want to make sure it gets the attention necessary before I throw it on my blog.

Basically, I call myself Melanie. I call Matt, Matt. I have told Rose she is welcome to call us Matt and Mel or whatever, and when she speaks with us, I think she actually prefers not to address us in any way in person (no Ma'am in person, and I don't think I have heard her say my name either), but in writing it's Ma'am and Sir. Definitely takes some getting used to, and I'm definitely still not used to it (nor do I plan to be).

Cynthia and Maddy making challah

Amit and Liyah making challah

Samara learned about welcoming and taking care of guests from the parsha, where Abraham welcomes the guests (by serving them meat and milk, but that's another story...). Here she hugs Maddy goodbye.

Alexi and Ruth

Amit pulled out his drum, but only for a few minutes. Sam loved it. More more! She had to go tap his shoulder and say, "Excuse me. More please."

Friday trip to Mustafa, earlier in the day. Sam needed her dinosaur in her shirt, her bag, hat and of course her watch.

Even earlier in the day, this is her best friend, Nathan. They still spend most days together and love each other.