I don't really have much of an update, but I don't want to forget this life. It's still weird, and the things I think about and spend time on are still weird, so I want to write a bit about it so it's somewhere. This is not well thought out. There are no themes. Just random, mostly chronological updates.
Since I last wrote, we are and have been still totally fine. Our parents came to visit in March, and it was so so nice to see them. At first it felt super weird to have people in our house, but we got used to it. First Fran and Tom came, then my parents. They were all vaccinated, so it felt less risky - at least we could stop worrying about accidentally killing our parents, which was a legit concern in the summer. They all drove to MA at our request, since no one in our house was vaccinated, and we didn't know if people who were vaccinated could carry covid. My parents were here for Passover, and it was so incredible to spend a holiday with family. Not only them, but we set up three separate tables outside, one for our family, one for Nancy and David and family and one for Eliot and Clara and family. My mom had the rest of the family on Zoom - though I was running around getting everything out and served and cleaned up, it was super super nice to be able to spend a holiday with family.
Kids went back to school full time the first week of April. It was a HUGE change. When I saw kids seeing their friends for the first time in over a year, on that first day, I was crying. It felt so so nice to have everyone back together again and feel like one school community. Kids did great with masks and distance and weekly testing. We didn't have transmission at our school.
The first few days that the kids were back felt like bliss. Our house was QUIET. I gave myself a few days to clean stuff up and wrap my head around the situation, and then I slowly started my identity crisis. I had planned to figure out my professional situation in the fall, but I unexpectedly had all this time (we had a few weeks notice that they were going back full time). I didn't even have enough time to process stopping working for my old organization - now what did I want to do? After a few weeks of that kind of shenanigans, I decided to let go. I would take Rainey for long hikes. I decided to get back into my mountain biking, which I enjoy so much but haven't had the time (w no kids - do I hire a babysitter or ask Matt to be alone w 3 little kids - they are just NOW not little - just so I could indulge myself with mountain biking? The answer had been no!). I was going to just ENJOY the quiet and do what made me happy.
I also took care of myself. Since Rosh Hashana 2020 I had pain in my left foot. I couldn't walk without pain, and I definitely couldn't run at all. I could walk in hiking boots with reasonable pain. I finally went to the podiatrist and physical therapist and got myself together. Turns out it is cuboid syndrome (and a heck of a lot of messed up old injuries with my ankles), which apparently means some bone moves every time I walk, and that hurts. BUT if I put pressure on some spot on the outside of my foot, it doesn't hurt. So orthotics and physical therapy (twice a week for four months plus daily exercises at home) are helping me live with this and do everything I want to do.
Matt and I got vaccinated. We did some research, and it seemed like a good choice to get J&J. Seemed like it was going to be the one that all Americans got (easy transport, one shot), and it had been tested against the variants in S Africa and Brazil. We got it the first week of April. We both had a fever (and I had a headache), but we were generally functional after the shot. (Obviously since we got the shot, it was on hold because of the potential blood clots, millions of doses went bad in a bad facility, and no one really ended up getting it, and I SUPER regret the decision, but that's another story).
We had a VACATION! We went to Cape Cod for a long weekend with two families we love - and our kids all love each other. It was so good for our brains. We all rented separate homes in the same city, and we biked and hiked and played on the beach together.
Because I wasn't working, I agreed to take Samara to a (fairly far away) farm for a weekly class. Usually there is too much traffic, and I don't have enough time to figure it out, but this year, I could. She went for three hours on Wednesday afternoons, and the boys and I hiked or just hung out. They started basketball outside at a local elementary with their friends and loved it. They also played baseball and soccer, and Samara tried tennis. They all really loved the routine of normal life with things that made them happy.
Samara's ears continued to get infected, so on the suggestion by the pediatrician, we took out the earrings.
Cases went DOWN. Covid didn't feel super stressful. Masks were off outside, but we still didn't go in anyone's house or anything else. I did make an exception and went in Susie and Matt's house that they bought the previous spring and I had NEVER been inside. (It's beautiful)
My parents came back for a second visit, because they COULD! They flew, which didn't feel that stressful. They got to go to the kids' sports games and they were here for Koby's (small) birthday party (obstacle course, sprinkler, water balloons, cupcakes). And we could celebrate my mom's the next day.
I spent a lot of time and energy on PTO stuff - teacher appreciation cookies, Science Day, bus driver and crossing guard appreciation...it was nice to have the time.
RIGHT when I let go of "what am I going to do," I got a text message about getting involved in a new project with people I had worked with, all external consultants for the organization I had worked for. It's a neat opportunity and great people, so I'm in, and we got started last week. (I also am working on a separate project that also started last week...). I definitely enjoy working and having something "for me," feeling like a productive member of society and ALSO I very much enjoy a venue for positive feedback. As a parent I feel constantly exhausted with my kids' responses like "I don't WANT that for dinner." "Mom, you didn't pack me my X." "No - I'm not going to do that thing you asked me to do that I obviously AM going to do and do everyday at exactly this time." "Mom, my grilled cheese is wrong." etc. When I don't work I get almost ZERO positive feedback, and it gets heavy, even if all the stupid comments from my kids are stupid.
At the start of July we went to Harry and Kavya's wedding, and it was so lovely to be at a beautiful, outdoor, covid-safe and LOVING event. We are so happy for them, and the wedding was truly beautiful. The next day we drove to Michigan for three weeks. With covid case levels so low, it felt like a different world than last summer. We used bathrooms inside, and it only felt a little stressful. It was a long-ass drive this time, however. We spent one week at the start and one week at the end with family down-state, and swam in Bubbie and Zaydie's pool nearly every second. We also spent a week at Michigania.
Michigania had set VERY LOW expectations. It sounded like there would be no programming staff, so nothing would be open. There was no kitchen staff, so food would be simple and grab-and-go (it sounded truly terrible). It seemed like 50% capacity meant we wouldn't see many people we cared about. Expectations were LOW. All over 18 were required to be vaccinated, and all kids were required to test within three days before. There was very little covid at the time, and it was SO GOOD FOR THE SOUL. Nearly everyone we care about was there (with a few key exceptions). Programs were almost allllll open, though no horses, which of course is Samara's favorite thing of all time. Food was excellent! The week was incredibly fun, lovely, and I just appreciated every second so so much. I was on the edge of tears or in tears everyday. My kids all went off with their friends in the morning, and they had freedom all day (the boys ate meals with us, but were otherwise off, and Samara we never saw except when she came home to shower and sleep). They all loved it, and my heart was warm seeing my kids playing with my lifetime friends' kids. Priceless.
Rainey boarded in Michigan with no problem. She now has a place she loves to go here - a farm where she roams free - and she goes to daycare here once a week to keep socializing. She socializes better without me, since she is so protective of me. And because of all of that exposure, she did great at the place in Michigan. No problems at all.
Coming back to MA was super easy. I drove the whole way. 12.5 hrs. No problems.
Kids went to JCC Camp Grossman for the last three weeks. Samara and Elie LOVED it. They love the friends, trying new things, the freedom and silliness. They have had the greatest time. Koby hasn't loved it, but I bribed him with kit kat, gatorade and an ice cream with a topping to just go this week and stop complaining about going. He could complain about a specific thing, but I didn't want any more "I am not going to Grossman. I hate Grossman," etc. It stopped with the bribe, but I'm not sure he wants to go back (which is fine).
Two Sundays ago, as four of us were getting ready to go to the pool, Matt came running in and said he cut himself, and he said he thought it was bad. He couldn't bend his finger, and it was a DEEP cut. Kids walked over to our friend's house (thank the lord for Caroline and Evan who took such amazing care of all three of them), and I took him to the ER. He cut all the way through a tendon, so they cleaned it and sewed it up. He saw a hand surgeon the next day and had surgery to re-attach the tendon the day after that. We are so lucky he had access to such quick and good care. He gets his stitches out today. Physical therapy and a splint for the near future. Should be a full recovery at some point.
Last weekend I got a text from a friend in NYC asking if I knew anything about our mutual friend from Singapore who it seemed, on facebook, like he had passed away. He was 51 (his 52nd birthday is actually today). After a lot of calls around, it turned out none of our group of friends from the UHC (Reform) community of our time in Singapore had any idea what happened or that it had happened at all. Our good friend Pete passed away. It appears that he had complications from covid from last fall, and it sounds like he was not doing well - physically or mentally - at the end. Though no one knows what could have been different, both Matt and I feel bad that we didn't know he was struggling so much, and we wish we would have reached out more. Peter was a significant part of our first few years in Singapore - we met him at Rosh Hashana our first year there, 2007, and we did a lot of Jewish things with him in addition to fun trips, loads of dinners, Settlers and just a lot of hanging. He was the organizer of our group of friends - there was always something going on, and he was in the middle of all of it. It's so incredibly sad that he's gone. And it's so incredibly unsettling.
This led me to think more about my social energy and how I disperse it. I read in my last post that I mostly stopped keeping in touch with people for self-preservation during covid. I was really struggling keeping myself positive and my family together, and I couldn't listen to the complaining about things we can do nothing about. I made a real effort to cut out some people and conversations that stressed me out or didn't bring me joy. And I also just generally stopped reaching out to a lot of people, because I didn't feel like I had anything positive to share. Well now here I am, and I'm not doing a great job of being in touch with people, and it's been a while. I am vowing to spend more energy keeping in touch with people who are important to me.
That's about it. Pics in no particular order bc I'm still too lazy.
