When you get pregnant, everyone says "Congratulations!" and lots of lovely things about how cute babies are and how amazing the experience will be. No one tells you that your life will all be about sleeping and eating until about age 1.5 or even more.
Eating we are still working on - but trying to not super stress about it. I wrote about that two years ago here. My sample size for eating is still n=2, since Koby can't eat yet, and Elie is at an annoying age no matter what...
But sleeping...this I have new ideas about. Samara was the easiest sleeper. She just fell asleep. When she was tired, we put her down, she closed her eyes, she slept for a few hours, and then she woke up. She was happy. She liked sleeping. It was not a problem for any of us. I was sure we did it right. We read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, and we did it. Done. My friends who had babies who didn't sleep clearly did it wrong.
Then I learned. Elie was a different story. I wrote about it here, but it was AWFUL. He really didn't sleep until he was 13 months. I bounced him to sleep. There were days that I spent more than FOUR hours trying to get him to sleep, and he would constantly wake up after about 15 minutes. Any noise and he was up. I hated life. He hated life. It sucked. Luckily it passed, but at the time I didn't know it would. I learned that different kids are different (magic, right?). It had SOMETHING to do with what we did, but we could not get him to sleep no matter what we tried. He slept when he was ready.
Now that my sample size is 3, I am even more sure of that. To each his own. Koby was crying all the time for his first few weeks. Evenings were rough. Then I got a whole week alone with him at my parents' house, and I got to pay attention to him and what he needed. I learned he needed to be put to sleep after one yawn. He likes to be swaddled. He likes to be left alone in bed. He coos, he smiles, even a few laughs, and he falls asleep. He also needs to go to sleep for the night by 7. I am SOOOO thankful that I spend nearly NO part of my day getting him to sleep. When he is tired, I immediately swaddle him up and throw him in bed. Done. He has been sleeping for full afternoons when allowed (this afternoon I will have to swipe him from his coziness to go get Samara from Chinese camp...). He sleeps for about 6 or 7 hours at night, then 3 and then 3 again.
So...my advice to people who have babies who are looking for sleep advice -
1) READ Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby. I still think it's amazing. I also found the Happiest Baby on the Block to be helpful with Elie, since he was actually not the happiest baby on the block. Not necessary for the other two, but Koby does like a pacifier sometimes, and they all loved to be swaddled, and they all liked to bounce on a ball when they were newborns. Those 5 "S"s are good to know.
2) Try to do as little as possible - don't pick up the baby unless he really needs to be picked up. Try to rock. Try a heavy hand on his chest. Try "ssshhhh"ing. Don't run to the baby when you hear a sound. Some whining or grunting doesn't necessarily mean that the baby needs anything. Wait until the baby is crying to do something. If the baby makes a little noise in the middle of the night and you rush in to pick up the baby you could totally wake them up. Also don't engage them in the middle of the night or when they're going to sleep (i.e. don't talk to them, tickle them, coo at them...just do what they need quietly and put them to sleep).
3) Catch the baby before he is tired. One yawn, one kvetch, wrap up that baby (if they like to be swaddled - all of mine did/do) and put him in a quiet space. Koby can be awake for an hour, and that's all. That's not a long time. I have to watch the clock.
I'm still struggling with white noise / sound blocking stuff. For Sam we didn't put anything in her room, but she also lived with only adults (and a cat). We were mostly quiet when she was sleeping. We had dinner parties, but she was usually in deep sleep by then. For Elie we used white noise because he woke up if someone flushed a toilet, or if the cat meowed. He is probably able to fall asleep without it, but we still use it. For Koby we have been using a fan because it's the summer, but his room is also right at the top of the stairs in a all-wood-floors house and two older siblings who are under 5...realistically he might need something, but I think we will probably try to not do it consistently.
So that's where we're at. Some kids sleep. Some sleep a lot. Some don't. Do what you need to get by, because it will pass (thank god!).
Eating we are still working on - but trying to not super stress about it. I wrote about that two years ago here. My sample size for eating is still n=2, since Koby can't eat yet, and Elie is at an annoying age no matter what...
But sleeping...this I have new ideas about. Samara was the easiest sleeper. She just fell asleep. When she was tired, we put her down, she closed her eyes, she slept for a few hours, and then she woke up. She was happy. She liked sleeping. It was not a problem for any of us. I was sure we did it right. We read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, and we did it. Done. My friends who had babies who didn't sleep clearly did it wrong.
Then I learned. Elie was a different story. I wrote about it here, but it was AWFUL. He really didn't sleep until he was 13 months. I bounced him to sleep. There were days that I spent more than FOUR hours trying to get him to sleep, and he would constantly wake up after about 15 minutes. Any noise and he was up. I hated life. He hated life. It sucked. Luckily it passed, but at the time I didn't know it would. I learned that different kids are different (magic, right?). It had SOMETHING to do with what we did, but we could not get him to sleep no matter what we tried. He slept when he was ready.
Now that my sample size is 3, I am even more sure of that. To each his own. Koby was crying all the time for his first few weeks. Evenings were rough. Then I got a whole week alone with him at my parents' house, and I got to pay attention to him and what he needed. I learned he needed to be put to sleep after one yawn. He likes to be swaddled. He likes to be left alone in bed. He coos, he smiles, even a few laughs, and he falls asleep. He also needs to go to sleep for the night by 7. I am SOOOO thankful that I spend nearly NO part of my day getting him to sleep. When he is tired, I immediately swaddle him up and throw him in bed. Done. He has been sleeping for full afternoons when allowed (this afternoon I will have to swipe him from his coziness to go get Samara from Chinese camp...). He sleeps for about 6 or 7 hours at night, then 3 and then 3 again.
So...my advice to people who have babies who are looking for sleep advice -
1) READ Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby. I still think it's amazing. I also found the Happiest Baby on the Block to be helpful with Elie, since he was actually not the happiest baby on the block. Not necessary for the other two, but Koby does like a pacifier sometimes, and they all loved to be swaddled, and they all liked to bounce on a ball when they were newborns. Those 5 "S"s are good to know.
2) Try to do as little as possible - don't pick up the baby unless he really needs to be picked up. Try to rock. Try a heavy hand on his chest. Try "ssshhhh"ing. Don't run to the baby when you hear a sound. Some whining or grunting doesn't necessarily mean that the baby needs anything. Wait until the baby is crying to do something. If the baby makes a little noise in the middle of the night and you rush in to pick up the baby you could totally wake them up. Also don't engage them in the middle of the night or when they're going to sleep (i.e. don't talk to them, tickle them, coo at them...just do what they need quietly and put them to sleep).
3) Catch the baby before he is tired. One yawn, one kvetch, wrap up that baby (if they like to be swaddled - all of mine did/do) and put him in a quiet space. Koby can be awake for an hour, and that's all. That's not a long time. I have to watch the clock.
I'm still struggling with white noise / sound blocking stuff. For Sam we didn't put anything in her room, but she also lived with only adults (and a cat). We were mostly quiet when she was sleeping. We had dinner parties, but she was usually in deep sleep by then. For Elie we used white noise because he woke up if someone flushed a toilet, or if the cat meowed. He is probably able to fall asleep without it, but we still use it. For Koby we have been using a fan because it's the summer, but his room is also right at the top of the stairs in a all-wood-floors house and two older siblings who are under 5...realistically he might need something, but I think we will probably try to not do it consistently.
So that's where we're at. Some kids sleep. Some sleep a lot. Some don't. Do what you need to get by, because it will pass (thank god!).
We put together Koby's room this weekend. IKEA and Craig's List :)
And there is the sleeping burrito himself.
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