We were sure Sam was a boy. So we had the name Koby picked out. For my brother, Kenny. Sam came out as a girl, so we quick figured out a different name we both had liked, and we named her Samara, for Matt's Bubbie (and a middle "K" for Kenny). We called her Samara and Sam for short. Around 4, Samara decided to be ONLY Samara, no Sam. So we tried and called her only Samara. Then, about 1.5 years ago, Samara decided to use they/them pronouns. So we practiced, and took some time, and after a few months, we were pretty good (took me a year to be pretty perfect). And they decided that Samara was their DEAD NAME and they were Sam only. I told Sam I found that a bit offensive, since it was for Matt's Bubbie and a beautiful name that we chose. But ok. Man it has taken a lot of effort and relearning and it's really hard to be mad at/scolding someone and have to think about their name or pronouns. But ok. And tonight they told me they weren't feeling so they/them, and now they're she/them. I'm tired.
When Jacob came along, we had just come up with two (really 4) names we were happy with, and we just weren't prepared to find another. We had really liked Koby and didn't get to use it, and we were so tired - when were we going to think of ANOTHER name? Sheesh. So we went with Koby. And in Hebrew, Koby is short for Yaakov, or Jacob, so we named him officially Jacob, after Matt's grandfather, Jack. (Matt wanted to name him Koby Jack, but I said that was too much like a cheese, so we went with Jacob A - A for my Zadie Al). We called him Koby. Always. Then after this summer in the States, Koby came back and asked to be Jacob at school. Then a few weeks ago he militantly asked (?) to be called Jacob at home. I have been working so hard on it. It's really hard to name someone something, raise them, talk to them often, etc., and then just change their name. But we have been working on it. Finally in the last few days I realize I call him Jacob when talking about him with Matt, and it comes much quicker to me. Yesterday I asked Jacob why he had changed his preference for his name, and he couldn't come up with an answer (which is ok...). Then he said, "well, you can just call me Koby. Actually every time you call me Jacob, you will pay me £1." Um. No. It's exhausting. We are one for three.
In other news, since my last post, I FINALLY got better. On day 6 of covid we flew to the US (no one else had covid) and had a lovely week in Michigan. We got to Thanksgive with both families. We had an open house celebration for Sam, and it was all super lovely. We had a week back in England before Matt took off for the US again. Mostly life has been a bit of tennis, a lot of rain and cold, some museum and lunch (I'm really trying to enjoy this not working thing) and we got a new oven! So I have even baked.
I have been trying to understand what the rise in antisemitism means and looks like. So far it has felt very far away. At shul I asked someone how they are, and they said they don't ever remember a time this hard. And a neighbor (who has given us advent calendars for the kids two years in a row), who is married to a Jewish man, found out we were Jewish - we told her we weren't quite sure what to do with the advent calendars, but the kids were enjoying the chocolates. She asked me what I was doing to protect my kids from what is going on in London. Our life is really the same - school. Football. Hebrew school. A bit of friends. Repeat. I haven't done anything to protect my kids. Other than ask Sam to take off their magen david for a few weeks and tuck it in on the tube. And I asked Elie to stop talking about hanukkah in the uber. But I have no idea. Are we in danger? It does feel weird to be downtown on a Saturday with the Palestine flags everywhere, but I don't think anyone wants to harm Jews there - they just want Israel to stop killing civilians. But then I remember that acts of antisemitism are up 1350% in London, so yes, some people ARE trying to harm Jews...It's hard to understand.
I also got to go on another country walk last Thursday. This one was to Winchester. There is an amazing cathedral and Christmas market. It was absolutely gorgeous. So old. So beautiful. And we had a great christmas lunch in a pub.
Random photos...
1 comment:
I love reading these blogs! Your family is so unique -- and yet so universal. I was reading some blog entries today that I had missed, and this one really made me smile. Ben was Benjamin from the day he was born (Grandma couldn't abide nicknames) until he started school, when his kindergarten teacher assumed he couldn't spell Benjamin (he could) and insisted he write his name as Ben. No looking back... David was always David until college when his friends and others started calling him Dave. Ok -- we got used to that, even though it still sounds weird to hear people call him that, but he said he didn't care. Now, he's being quite emphatic that he prefers David, and it's funny to me how many people can't/won't make the change. It's hard to keep up with all the changes!
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