Bed Time

Samara has her dinner around 5:45 or 6. She takes a bath at 6:45 and she is in bed by 7:15, almost always sleeping by 7:30.

Elie has been taking a bath around 6 then sleeping by 6:20 or 6:30.

Sam always woke up after 7...sometimes on the weekends she even slept until 8:30, but lately she has been waking more in the 6's (though the last two days were 7:15 - hooray!). Elie has been waking for the day between 7 and 8:30. He still wakes up most nights one or two times to eat quickly and go back to sleep.

Sam takes a 2-2.5 hour nap in the afternoon.

Elie has been taking two or three naps, depending on how early he wakes up and how late he wakes from his afternoon nap. Elie does not like to be awake for more than an hour and a half or so.

Now that Elie is sleep trained, he loves his sleep. Samara loves her sleep. I definitely have children who sleep. A lot. 

BUT...that is juxtaposed to many of the kids in Sam's school who seem to sleep about half the amount that my kids sleep - which is a HUGE difference! These kids go to sleep at 10pm at the earliest, usually more like 11 or 12, and they have to be woken for school, which starts at 9am. Most don't nap.

The mall at MRT is FULL of kids after 8pm. In face the mall opposite our condo is showing movies on Friday nights at 8pm in the courtyard - Madagascar and other little kid movies. At 8pm! I wish Sam could stay awake for that, but even if she tried she wouldn't be able to.

I just read a post on a mom's group I'm part of online where the woman said that her seven month old was going to sleep at 10:30 but because of Chinese New Year the bedtime has been pushed to midnight. Whoa! Elie can't handle the world past 6pm, but I can't get it together to get him in bed by then.

Some of the kids walking around in the evening seem like they are doing ok. Some look glazed in the eyes. Others are screaming. I can't believe there is something genetically different to kids here and in the west that makes them happier to get less sleep or be able to stay up later, so what is it? 

Also, on the parents' side, don't they want some time in the evenings? I LOVE my few hours in the evening when the kids are asleep. Totally different culture. Totally baffling to me on a lot of levels.

Stay at Home Mom

About a month ago I was going to write a post about being a stay at home mom. It was going to say how I had LOVED spending time with Samara when I was working, full time and the few months that I worked part time before I was on bed rest. It was going to say how now, at the end of the days I have zero patience, and how I am just waiting for some time to myself. I had nearly forgotten about my personal needs and only spent every second of my time and energy on my kids. I wasn't liking it. I was going to say that when I was working I really struggled and felt like I wasn't really super AT work and also wasn't home enough. I was going to say that now that I was at home I felt like I wasn't even enjoying any of it.

But...then there was sleep training! And it's now been two and a half weeks, and I am loving it. Now that I'm not responsible for Elie falling asleep (he's really good at it now!), I know I will have a few hours each day to myself. I know he will sleep. I am sleeping (well enough - still waking one or two times for Elie to eat) at night, and I have so much more patience. I love the mornings with Samara, even if I wish they would start a few minutes later than they do. I love taking her to school each morning. I love watching her run in. I love my mornings where I can cook, or prepare for dinner, or bake, or shop or even have a coffee date with a friend. I love picking Samara up at school. I was never a part of her school - I had never even seen her classroom and had no idea what the culture of the school is like. Now I totally get it and I love it. I love our afternoons together too. Once they're up I give up on more naps for Elie and we get out of the house. We have spent a lot of time at the new playground behind our condo. We met friends at a water play area at another mall last week. We can go anywhere on the train or just go for a walk in our neighborhood. It's fun, no pressure, and I feel so fortunate to have this time with both of them.

I hope I keep feeling this lucky.

Part of my happiness in the situation is that I know it won't last forever. And soon I will feel the pressure to be working - at least in some way - again. I already have been thinking about what I can do with my spare time when Elie is sleeping and everything around the house is done. Though I always loved what I did, I was stressed about working, and I felt I could never relax. I definitely feel relaxed now, and I'm loving it.

Elie Starts Eating Food

As I have written about, Sam starting food was completely unsuccessful. She never took a willing bite of food until eleven months. She puked. She gagged. She cried. She hated all of it. We put food on her toys. We tried to sneak a bit of food in her milk. We tried to let her play. We tried to feed her. We tried EVERYTHING. She had no interest. She had less than no interest - she HATED all of it. It was awful. I honestly believed that I did something wrong. Maybe the purees weren't smooth enough to start? Maybe we started with the wrong food/s? Who knows, but whatever it was, it was not normal, and it has been a struggle since.

I now believe it is genetic, or just how they're wired. I am not drawing any conclusions yet, as Elie has only tried three (and a bit of another) foods so far, but even so far the experience is totally different. Elie shows interest. He plays with the food. He puts it in his mouth. If I hold it, a bit away from him, he moves his mouth to it and sucks on it. He goes back for more. He tried avocado and was mildly interested, but it was super slippery. He then tried bananas and he also found it hard to grab, but he put it in his mouth a few times and sucked on it. Pumpkin he seemed to like more - he was kind of nibbling on it, sucking on it and very interested. Just now I was eating an orange and he was staring, so I gave him a sector and he sucked on that a lot - couldn't get enough.

I am so relieved. Sam NEVER did this. She never showed even any positive feelings towards food (other than sweets, cakes, ice cream, etc.). It's actually kind of fun to make stuff for him and watch what he does. I'm looking forward to other foods, and I bet he is too!

Avocado

Pumpkin (after the first, we realized naked was the way to go)

The Green-Eyed Monster and other Adventures

Probably the best gift we have ever received - any of us - is our friends, the Sehgals kids' book collection. It was probably nearly a hundred books, including tons of Mercer Mayer books, about ten Berenstain Bears, LOADS of random stories, a bunch of Paddington adventures...nothing beats books. And Samara loves her books. She loves these books and all of the others we have. We routinely read at meals, before each nap and sleep plus at random times throughout the day.

I am not always sure how much she understands or what she is actually listening to, but often she will say something, like yesterday, "Mom, dogs eat dog bones." Ok - yes - but why are you bringing this up and where did you learn this? She goes into her room, pulls out a random, the Paper Bag Princess (thanks, Lenore and Diane!) and turns to a page in the middle with bones on the ground. She said, "Daddy said these are bones and dogs eat bones."

Since she was little, long before she spoke, she has been able to go to the shelf and pull out a book we're talking about or turn to a reference in it. She thinks in books. She loves her books.

This morning she saw some new onesies that we had hanging to dry. Elie is finally going to fit into his 6-9 month clothes, so I pulled them out to give them a fresh wash. She said, "I really like Elie's Batman onesie and his Batman t-shirt. Mommy, I really want to wear one of those." "Yes, Sam that must be hard for you, since they're Elie's and they won't fit you." Ten minutes later we were eating lunch and she said she has the Green Eyed Monster and she was jealous of Elie's onesies, just like Sister Bear had the Green Eyed Monster and was jealous of Brother Bear's new bike. Am I nuts that I think that is pretty sophisticated for a three year old?! Pretty amazing to pull the concept from the book, reference it, and name her feelings. I'm so proud of her that I just found out where to get Batman t-shirts in Singapore and I am going to get one for her (90% of her clothes are hand-me-downs, which she doesn't mind...but I'm happy to spend $15 bucks to make her so super happy).

Sleep Training update: Elie has not cried at night for the most part - gone down for all nights with a bit of talking and kvetching and also been put down after feeding in the middle of the night awake, and he goes to sleep on his own. A few nights ago he cried for 20 minutes around 10:30, and since it hadn't been four hours of sleep yet, we didn't get him and he went back to sleep until three something! Naps are still not as smooth, but he doesn't really cry when he goes down, mostly (yesterday he had a long cry, though) - just a lot of whining, and it takes him a long time to finally fall asleep. I have been putting on the mobile when he is tired but not SUPER sleepy and that seems to calm him down, but then he doesn't start to actually put himself to sleep until after that, so it takes a while for him to actually fall asleep. He's been sleeping anywhere from 25 minutes to over an hour. Still not so stellar but I'll take it. And I'm getting so much done. I actually have free time! And at night he seems to want to go to sleep around 6:30, he generally wakes around 1 to eat, then around 5 or 6 to eat, then around 7 or 8 for the day. No turning back now...

And I ran into the couple in my condo who inspired me to start last Sunday, and I swear the mom had tears in her eyes when I told her how much it has changed our lives. Elie is so much happier. I am so much happier and we are enjoying each other a lot. Now I can hear that cute giggle and I want to eat him up.

And he sprouted a tooth!

Happy baby

Happy Birthday Zaydie!

Yummy cake!!

Working out that tooth

Yummy foot!

Elie's friend, Pauline, on the playground. Every noise she made, he giggled

Sam looking at Mr. Moon in the morning. We went to have breakfast super early on the playground behind our house to let Matt sleep (he did that for me the day before - THANK YOU!!!). She dressed herself.

 

Anniversary of the Great Failed Escape

Last year, tonight, I had had an incredibly busy day - carried my suitcase and my heavy bag with my computer down a flight of stairs, into a car, out of a car, onto a bus, off a bus, around Boston, into a car,  out of a car, into a friend's house, into the car, onto the train, up on the top rack of the train, off the train, up a flight of stairs on the New York subway, and then I walked 40 blocks. I met a good friend from college for dinner. I sat down and relaxed, looking at the menu. Laura arrived and we started to chat. Then I felt like I was bleeding. And I was. A lot. And I was 12 weeks pregnant. I was sure for a few weeks...then months...that I was losing my little fetus. That started the saga that became my ridiculous pregnancy - with a great result at the end. It was also the last day I formally worked until now.

A year is always a big anniversary - a year after a death is big, a year finishing school...anytime you can look back and say "one year ago today was completely different for X reason" is a milestone. One year ago from last week was normal. One year ago from next week was awful. And for the next six months it will be like that. Where was I one year ago at any given moment? IN MY BED, trying not to think about anything and trying not to move. I totally zoned out for the next six...maybe eight months, and since then has FLOWN by (though as I mentioned a few posts ago - not always for good reasons). I'm not sure how I feel about it - but it's significant. One year.

As for a sleep training update, we are doing great at night and he is still a stinky sleeper during the day. Perhaps that's just how he's wired. He is crying 10-25 minutes before each nap, and they range from 25 minutes to an hour and a half. Still better than before, but I feel bad when he cries for 25 minutes and then only sleeps 25 minutes...but on the whole it's better. I am putting him down awake each time he goes to sleep, including in the middle of the night, and in the evening and at night he doesn't cry and during the day he does.

And I'm still a way happier person.

And Bubbie and Zaydie arrived for a visit from Michigan, so Samara is in heaven.

And it's Zaydie's birthday. Happy birthday, Zaydie!!

Sleep Training Day 3

As I'm still astonished how this is working...here's another post about sleep training.

Last night he slept until 11:30, and then I fed him until midnight and he went back to sleep being rocked for about five minutes. He then slept until 4, and at 4:30 I had rocked him for ten minutes and he was still wide awake. I put him down and left the room. The monitor wasn't on. I went back to sleep. AND SO DID HE (apparently!)!! He didn't wake up until 8:15.

This morning was a bit hectic, as I was picking up something in another part of Singapore, so he slept in the ergo for about forty five minutes. Right when we got back home after picking up Sam from school, I put him in the quiet room, bounced him for ten minutes, he was nearly sleeping and I put him down. He cried for 25 awful minutes and then he slept for more than an hour and a half. In the middle he woke up for about two minutes, whined a bit and went back to sleep. I still just can't believe it.

Tonight I did our bedtime routine and he didn't fall asleep nursing as he usually does. After ten minutes of nursing and a few minutes of rocking, he was wide awake. I put him in his bed and left. I listened on the monitor and he talked to himself and whined for about five minutes and then was SLEEPING. I just can't believe it.

Now we can do dishes in the evening and make normal noises - because if he wakes up it doesn't mean that we have to spend another two hours trying to get him to go back to sleep. Now it's his responsibility to get himself back to sleep and he CAN DO IT. I totally have faith now.

Is it wrong to say that I feel more love for him now?

I'm just so relieved and so happy for him and for all of us.

25 minutes of crying today (though today's not over...but I have faith!!). And he's sleeping SO MUCH more than he was before. When he's awake he is such a happy baby.

When will I get over this? I don't know. But in the meantime I'm so so happy.

Sleep Training Day 2

I don't intend this to be a sleep training blog, but I'm so happy I want to shout from the rooftops. I learned with my experience with Sam that you never talk about (brag about...) your kid's sleeping - unless it's super troublesome - then you're allowed to complain. And I have also learned that there is SERIOUS and AGGRESSIVE thought against letting your baby cry, so I'm a wee bit reluctant to put it out there that we're doing this, but I also feel like it's working and that's so important for others to know.

As I mentioned, this was what I was obsessing over the last few months and had driven me to near insanity, I CANNOT BELIEVE it has changed so quickly and I have hope that I will be a normal person again! I even feel normal today!

So last night Elie woke up twice, which I'm okay with for now - once at eleven and once at two something. Then he slept until 6:30. Both times he went back to bed easily with me rocking him, but only for a couple of minutes.

For his morning nap, I started settling him at 7:20, I left him at 7:35, and he cried for 35 minutes, but then he slept for an hour and forty five minutes!!! Unheard of!! Luckily our cleaner was here so I could leave him to take Sam to school and also to go get a coffee with a friend (felt like luxury to go without a baby attached!) in my neighborhood. I'm not sure how we will sort this out when I can't leave him sleeping - he might have to wait until 9:15 to nap, which I think will mean that he'll be super overtired...but I will sort that out later.

At noon also he cried for 35 minutes and then had a short half hour nap. I felt bad about that one since it was more crying than sleeping...but there was nothing I could do. At two he was ready again for a nap and cried for 30 minutes and slept for nearly an hour.

Yes - that's a lot of crying, but it's also a lot more sleeping than he had done before. And seriously, he does not seem like it phases him. After a nap he's totally normal, happy baby.

This evening was the biggest win yet. I put him to sleep at 6:25. At 7:05 I started hearing him moving around and talking (I cannot be away from the monitor right now, unless I'm sleeping - then it's off). I said to Sam, "Here comes the crying." We were reading a bedtime story and I was totally ready to become Stressed Mom Pretending To Be Paying Attention To My Three Year Old But Really Freaking Out That My Baby Is Crying. He talked for about ten minutes and then he WENT BACK TO SLEEP with NO CRYING!!! I literally couldn't believe it (neither could Sam).

Ok - we're still on day two, and he cried for 100 minutes today (yeah - I have a spreadsheet - I'm that crazy), and that is HARD as a mom, but there is hope that he will learn how to do this. I'm staying positive.

And during the time that they were both sleeping this afternoon, I found a site that has online yoga classes, and the one that I did was actually pretty ok, and it felt SO good, since I haven't done yoga since bed rest last January. On the way to normalcy...