Sleep

I have probably written this before, here, but I'm too tired to search and see. I honestly thought that we sleep trained Samara really well and that's why she is a spectacular sleeper. I recognized that she liked to sleep and slept for a long time, but I had NO idea that some kids just DO NOT SLEEP. Elie does not sleep, and I'm super struggling with it.

I'm struggling because I will spend anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes, four to six times per day getting him to go to sleep, and then he will nap for around 20 minutes usually. It drives me to insanity to try so hard and fail so many times in one day.

I'm struggling because it takes SO long to get him to bed, and I'm somehow supposed to also be watching Samara. This means that yesterday when I was bouncing him on the ball in his dark room with white noise, I came out to see her wiping her own tush, with a rubber band around her waist (??), a couch pillow on the floor of the bathroom being used as a stool and plenty of things in our house in disarray. Yeah - she's three - but I literally cannot get him to sleep unless I spend that much time in the room, bouncing consistently - once I go out, he wakes and I have to start again. How do I do that in a safe way for her?

I'm struggling because my back aches from holding him so much. And I'm guessing my muscles are also tight because I'm angry a lot of the day. I get so angry that he gets so close to sleeping and then a neighbor drops a fricken pin and he's up for ten more minutes...until a loud truck drives by and then we start over again...

I said I would only try to put him to bed for 20 minutes and if he's not sleeping then I will take him out, wait an hour or until he seems like he can't handle being awake anymore and try again. The problem is that at 20 minutes (and 30 and 40) he always seems like he's ALMOST there and he's so so tired. If I take him out it's not fun either, since all he does is whine and want to go to sleep.

If I just went on putting-to-sleep strike (and I consider this daily), he would literally never sleep. It takes SO much effort to just get him to fricken fall asleep!

And then he doesn't stay asleep. The short naps kill me. I'm trying to just not notice what time he goes to sleep and be happy if he sleeps at all. It's all about expectations, right?

At night he wakes up every one to two hours. Matt has been on duty the last few weeks before 1 am, and he gets him back to sleep - sometimes it takes five minutes and sometimes it takes 45 minutes. Then after 1 am it's me, and I usually feed him between 1 and 2, around 3:30 or 4, then who knows on and off until Sam starts screaming "MOMMY!!!!!" between 7 and 7:30. If I get three hours of sleep, say 9:15pm-12:15 I feel like a real person. It's quite pathetic. And it's totally not sustainable.

We have had 2 nights in the last few weeks where he woke up only four times. Those were amazing. How pathetic is that?!

I asked the doctor what to do and she said he has a "Type A" personality and those kids don't like to fall asleep and they have a hard time staying asleep. They're just super intense. Moving all the time. He doesn't bend/fold to sit - he is always standing and always moving and super stiff. He's the most uncuddly baby (that's not the say he's not cute - he's SUPER cute - just not cuddly). I guess this is all part of it. She suggested focusing on the nights and not worrying about the naps. She said at night not to go to him until he needs to eat - 7-8 hours after he goes to sleep - around 2am. Then she said he will wake on and off after that and we can do what we want. For naps she said do anything that works - including putting him in the carrier and walking around (god forbid he could fall asleep in his stroller...he has only done that a couple of times with TONS of opportunities).

Matt and I always heard about couples who didn't sleep after they had a baby and we just never related. With Sam, we slept from about 8 weeks, with a few wakes here and there, plus we had a helper, I had a job to escape to everyday, a commute to listen to podcasts on - and not think about my kid a little bit...we just really didn't feel that Samara made our lives more difficult - we thought they were just so enriched. I'm sure we will feel the same about Elie but right now I feel like I'm not me - I feel like an evil bitch half the day, I feel so tired that I can't form sentences. I can't read books. I have no interest in talking to friends, since I can't even think of what to talk about and I don't want to complain (that's no fun for anyone...), so I don't.

So I sit here, isolated in my total sleeplessness. The best part of it is Matt. He is a super champ, as always. He has been coming home from work around 6:45 to completely take care of Samara. He takes the shift until 1am. He gives me back massages. He yells at me if I do dishes after 7pm. He is thankful for any dinners I can pull together. He tries to take the kids out of my hair on the weekends.

I know this will pass, and I keep reminding myself. Probably people don't die of having a baby and not sleeping. They end up sleeping. The kid will be fine. We will be fine. But man, it's hard right now, and while I don't want to wish the weeks and months away, since I want to try to enjoy having this baby, I kinda just want it to end.

Losing that Baby Weight

While pregnant with Sam I really got a big belly but not much else. It went away (well - the belly kinda stayed, but at least I could fit into my clothes) pretty quickly. I don't know if it's because I'm three years older, because I was in bed for MONTHS, or what, but with Elie, I got a little bigger in a few more places (ass, legs, etc). I wasn't too worried, but it is kinda inconvenient to not fit into any of your clothes.

Well...it turns out that I found the perfect solution to getting my body back! Have a baby that doesn't sleep!! I walk MILES per day in my apartment. I bounce on our exercise ball for about four hours per day. I walk back from downtown as much as possible because it means that he MIGHT nap for just a few minutes in the ergo carrier. I don't have time to eat lunch and by the time it's evening, I don't even want dinner, I'm so tired.

Don't forget breastfeeding about every two hours for the entire day, including night, for the last five months. That must burn some calories - and I only feed him about half the times he wakes up at night - usually when I just can't handle trying to put him to sleep AGAIN and I'm losing my mind.

Hey- the muscle tone is also pretty grand. My arms are super toned, as I spend hours per day patching the baby's tush, while don't all that I can to not move his position the second his eyes start to get drowsy. Yeah, sometimes I feel like my arms are so tired they will fall off, but no matter - if he's about to sleep, I don't matter. The legs also feel pretty good after bouncing for hours per day. Oh, the abs - yes - getting that core back is easy when you spend up to two hours per day leaning over your baby's crib to patch his tush or the side of his leg while he jerks awake and tries to fall back asleep (forget about the back ache - that's for another post).

So...I can fit back into my clothes.

But...I might wither away if this continues too long...

Alas, Elie woke after 30 minutes of sleeping but I'm letting him kvetch while I post these...

Jer and Sam in the Botanic Gardens

Sam, Elie and Brownie in the back seat of a taxi

Awwww

Elie's first swim (not too keen...yet)

The kids' new ride (cheap off another ex-pat)

Jer really played Sam's games (check out their pockets)

Elie loved prawn mee!

Eli and Sam on the MRT!

Eli and Sam holding hands at Tekka Market, Merle in the front

Happy 36th to me!

Cute big sister stuff

Visitors and Lack of Sleep

Since my last post, we have had a great time with Jeremy, Elisheva and her mother, Merle. The day we arrived back in Singapore from Perth, Jeremy came in. As I have blogged about before, Jeremy is the best guest ever. He clearly outlines his trip expectations, they're usually things that appeal to me, he leaves lots of "what's best for you guys" space, and he goes away everyday to get some work done. He also spends a lot of time and energy playing with Samara (which is fun, but it's also exhausting, and I love having a break, and she LOVES playing with him). He sent his document of expectations before his arrival, we discussed what was possible when, we had a plan and we went about it. We ate lots of hawker food, we visited different parts of Singapore, swam...not too much new but it was fun. We had a low-key new years, with Susie coming for dinner and all of us in bed by 11 (though Elie made sure we didn't miss the exact moment of new year...and 1am...and 2am...).

I'm for a low-key new years - or anything - anyways, but as I have probably mentioned, my younger brother, Kenny died on New Years in 2003/4, so this was TEN years since, which was a bit remarkable. Always a killer of plans to do anything fun for the occasion.

Jer left on the 1st, and on the 2nd, one of my best friends since I was about ten, Elisheva, and her mother came to visit. Eli lives in New York and her mom in Toronto, and I was lucky enough to see Eli the night I arrived in New York last January, so we have recently caught up, but it's been a very intense year for her as her father unexpectedly passed away, and it was special to have more time with her and also to see her mother, whom I haven't seen since Shana's wedding in 2002, I believe. Elie started sleeping particularly badly the week they arrived, so I was only about 30% present for their visit, but what I had of it was lovely. They did a full bus tour of Singapore one of the days, then we had a nice dinner at Blue Ginger and walked to the train through Chinatown, and the second day we went to Tekka Market, walked through Little India and swam and took it easy at home. I feel so lucky to have had them come visit - it's amazing to share our life, which feels a bit like a bubble since so many important people in our lives have no idea what it's like, and we have been here for nearly seven years already.

Other than our visitors, the thing that has taken all of my energy and time is Elie's sleeping (or lack of sleeping). He was sleeping from about 7 until somewhere between 1 and 3, and then he would wake up again at between 5 and 7. He has never been a good napper, but I was shlepping him and he was sleeping in the ergo. Then he started waking up between 9 and 11 and won't be settled without eating (though he eats for a good half hour, so I believe he might be hungry...). He then wakes again around 1 or 2, then around 4 or 5 and eats each time and won't be put back to bed easily (i.e. lots of crying in the middle of the night). During the day he is going to sleep easier, but he only sleeps for 30-40 minutes. ONCE he slept for nearly two hours, and that's only once. I want to sleep train him, as we did with Samara, where we will leave him to cry and learn how to sooth himself, but he can't stay asleep for more than five minutes if he's not swaddled, and I can't leave him crying swaddled (and he will break out of it in a minute anyway). I literally don't know what to do, and since it doesn't seem to be getting better (though it got WAAAY worse for a few days and now we're back to normal badness), I don't see an end, which makes me stressed. It's hard to go for WEEKS/MONTHS with no sleep. Last night I went to bed at 8, sleeping by 8:15, but then was woken up at 10. I will continue to go to bed super early to catch as much as I can, but I'm not sure how much longer I can take...and he's nearly five months, so he shouldn't be this bad!!

I was going to throw some photos on this post, but most likely I won't get to that in days, so I will post this and hopefully get the photos soon.

Some Photos from Margaret River and Fremantle/Perth Area

me, Sam and mom on the beach where Margaret River meets the sea

Hiking on the Cape to Cape trail

Cape to Cape - me in the water with Elie. Sam nervous that a wave will get us

Hello Mr. Lizard

Samara had a little lamb

Aw...

Grapes! at Cullen Wines

Savta and Elie at Cullen Wines

Guess it was a good day for photos...me, Sam and Elie at Cullen Wines

Happy Hanukkah!

Mr Kangaroo and both of my children. 

Karri Forest

Augusta area

Papa, Sam and Elie at Leeuwin Estate Winery (best lunch)

Me tasting at Cowamarup Brewery. Elie passed out.

Coolest playground ever in Yallingup

Prettiest flower

Matt and Elie at Vasse Felix Winery

Maotzur

Cottesloe beach, building sand castles with Papa

Margaret River and Perth area - with Six (not three)

In December, 2010, Matt, Sam and I went to Margaret River and Perth area in Western Australia, for ten days. It was Samara's first trip, and obviously our first trip as a family. I definitely enjoyed it, but the whole time we both thought that my parents would LOVE it, we wanted to come back, and I wanted to be a little less stressed on holiday next time (first trip with a baby IS scary!). So, we have spent the last two weeks back where we were, but as a family of four and with my two parents.

We arrived in Perth (wow, Singapore airlines was SO MUCH more enjoyable than our Delta flight home in October) and my parents were waving at us from the exit to customs, as if they live in Perth and were welcoming us as visitors. We were pointed to our car, a Toyota Kluger, which Thrifty said could carry seven people, two large suitcases and two small suitcases. We had one large one, three small ones plus a few more bags, but luckily only six people. I laughed when I saw the car and was trying to sort out what we would do when our stuff didn't fit in the car. Not one bag even fit in the back when the back row of seats was open. Matt and my dad got to work, I fed Elie, and an hour later, they were still stuffing bags into places no one had even noticed before. We were moving slowly, had a four hour drive ahead of us, and it was frustrating. I said, "well, at least it's not raining..." Then it started to pour. It all fit. We hit up a grocery store before we got on the highway and we set off to drive to Margaret River. Elie only cried for 50% of the drive, and though I had planned to only drive in an emergency, I drove about half of the way. Scary, but we made it.

We stayed for the first four nights at Margaret's Hideaway, a farmstay. We had a little cabin, with three bedrooms, right in the paddock with the sheep. Other than the 40 dead ants per day that fell on one spot of my pillow (only there - I'm not sure why...), it was lovely. We heard crazy bird parties in the morning, and the peacock's calls and tail kept us entertained. The first morning, when Sam woke up at 6:30, Papa entertained her, and when I came out and said, "good morning. What are you guys doing?" Papa said, "we're watching live TV." They were sitting backwards on the couch looking out the huge window at all of the sheep, goats, alpaca and peacocks. Pretty cool. If you're three especially. Sam got to feed the animals, including those above, the emus, cows and hens. She even got warm eggs from the hens for us to cook.

We spent the first day getting settled, getting food we needed (amazing farmers' market...), and we went in the afternoon to the ocean and to see where Margaret's River meets the ocean. It was lovely. We saw kangaroos on the way home - my parents' first real kangaroos.

The next day we took a hike on part of the cape to cape trail, just near Margaret River. It was a lovely combination of beach walk, trails in woods, trails on cliffs and trails on sand-ish stuff (my favorite hike we did). Elie got to ride with me in the ergo (he slept nearly the whole time) and Sam rode in her framed carrier and also did a fair amount of hiking.

The following day we drove up to the top of the cape to cape walk, to the Cape Naturaliste lighthouse. We did a few hikes there which Matt and I hadn't done previously, and they were GORGEOUS, with red sand, amazingly blue water and cool birds and lizards. Sam learned to pee in the woods - she was a natural.

We went for lunch at the Bushshack Brewery, one of our favorite places from 2010. The food is pretty eh but the beer is great, and we super enjoyed the nachos (hard to find nachos in Singapore, which is probably good for us anyways...). They had so much stuff for Sam to do there - a huge sandy playground with a few structures built in, plus a bunch of toy kitchen stuff and other things she found. She and papa had a blast.

We headed over to an apartment in Margaret River (in the town itself) for the next week, after an AMAZING brekky in the bakery. Yum. We got out to explore some inland hikes, near some of the caves in the area, but we were a bit late and were closing them all down. 

We explored Ellensbrook, a beautiful little old house on a brook, right on the ocean, though Sam was in a bad mood, and somehow I agreed to carry her in the carrier - wow - she is much heavier this year, and I can no longer hike with her.

Matt and I remembered a spectacular, fresh lunch at Cullen Wines, so we visited our first winery, where Matt tasted and I breastfed (why do I keep going to these places while breastfeeding or pregnant??). Lunch was good,  but we were way too hungry afterward, and it wasn't AS good as we remembered. But the setting was gorgeous.

The next day we drove for hours to arrive at this random mill town that we went to in 2010 - Donnelly River. The drive was gorgeous, and it wasn't quite as isolated as I had remembered. This is a place where the kangaroos are tamed and come right up to you - same with the emus. Sam was not afraid. It's SUPER bizarre and pretty cool. We did a few hikes in the woods as well, but this day started getting hot, and the flies were pretty brutal. Sam had been reading Not a Nibble, which is a British book about a girl named Susie who goes fishing a few days in a row and doesn't catch anything (but don't worry - she sees a whale as a consolation prize). Sam kept picking up long skinny sticks and telling us they're fishing poles, and then she would stab fish-shaped leaves, and say that we were Susie if we couldn't get one to stick. Pretty cute. We stopped at little town called Nannup on the way back for cake and coffee. Yum.

We drove the next day, all the way down to Augusta, the southern cape on the cape to cape trail. It was BEAUTIFUL but the flies were awful. We walked around on the rocks, right on the water, but the sun was strong and we each had at least 50 flies following us at all times, and I decided I didn't want to hike that day. We drove back up and went to Leeuwin Estate winery for a special lunch. We didn't know just how special it would be. As we pulled up, we heard a loud noise like a helicopter was right near us, or something. And sure enough, it was a helicopter right near us. It landed so close that we could feel the wind. Sam and Papa watched the whole thing. Lunch was AMAZING, the wine was also fantastic (I did have a little) and Sam even had fun with the helicopter (another landed too, while we were eating!) and enjoyed the french fries. It was our best meal of the trip.

We went to a few more breweries and back to Yallingup to hike (a beautiful hike) and watch surfers (they're amazing!). Yallingup also had the coolest playground I have ever seen. We also did a bunch of hikes/walks on the trails just outside of Margaret River - and they were so much fun and so beautiful. Sam loved finding sticks, flowers, leaves or anything else and pretending they're her microphone, baby, rake, pole, etc. Matt and I went out a few afternoons to catch a few more wineries and breweries while Sam slept.

While we were down there, with no internet, Matt got an email on his blackberry asking "Hey - are you ok? And what do you think? I would love to hear from a local." We had no idea what happened, but went to find internet and read that there had been riots in our neighborhood in Singapore. Not at ALL what we expect (or even would EVER EVER EVER happen in Singapore). This is the craziest thing to happen in 6.5 years of living there, and we're not there...Super interesting.

After ten days in Margaret River area (!!! a wee bit much for me, but they were all full), we headed up to Fremantle. Somehow I drove the whole way, and we ended up taking a short detour through a beautiful park with gorgeous trees and a huge dam. In this area we have really enjoyed the super cute shops, and amazing food and beer, but it has been brutally hot and sunny (35 C / 95 F - that's a lot). My mom was sick, so she missed a day when we went with Papa to Penguin Island, just south of here. We got to see penguins in a little exhibit there (the wild ones were all out fishing) and we saw sea lions up close. It was beautiful and so cool (but SO sunny and hot - I felt like a super irresponsible mom). We have also enjoyed the beach - we went to Cottesloe beach between here and Perth.

All in all, it's been a fantastic holiday - though a bit long for my taste. We have eaten some of the tastiest, freshest food I have had in a long while, and the natural beauty has been amazing (though not as amazing as Tasmania and the south island of New Zealand...). The coffee has also been a highlight. It is my first trip with my parents in a really long time, and it's their first trip with the kids (would they do it again? Ask them...). It's a perfect place to come with little kids and grandparents. Everything closes around late afternoon, so we did many/most dinners at home, self-catering, and we took our time doing everything.

It is funny how a three year old can determine the whole trip - in terms of where we go, timing for everything, what we eat...We found every playground in sight, we went home for a nap nearly every day, we ate in restaurants with grilled cheese and pizza...As it turns out, a child CAN survive for two weeks eating grilled cheese, pizza, yogurt, french fries, cereal, raisins and cookies (ONLY, and I'm serious)! Amazing! Let's see how she withers away (or develops diabetes) in the next few months.

Elie was awesome. His sleep got a LITTLE easier on the trip, and he was super portable and flexible. He's a happy baby. He just doesn't really like the car. I am REALLY hoping those articles about drinking while breastfeeding are accurate. Or perhaps he will have lost a few brain cells - I did taste here and there during the day and had full beers and a bit of wine in the evenings. I also had one to two flat whites each day. I tried to drown my unhealthy drinking with as much water as I could find.

Sam LOVED her time with her Papa and Savta. LOVED. She can't get enough. That's why she woke up progressively earlier the whole trip (4:47am today) to spend time with her Papa who has gotten up with her nearly every day. Oy.

Matt and I also had a good time with their Papa and Savta - playing euchre nearly every night. As of today we are tied at 16 games apiece. (they're going down...)

Pictures to come, when we're back and I can put them on my computer.

Visit with Dena

This past week I had one of my best friends, one of the most important people in my life, come to visit. For the SECOND time! Dena came from Israel for a fantastic six days.

Dena and I met in 1990 at camp, and we have been friends since, though we became close when she moved to Israel in 1993 and I started spending a lot of time there shortly after. Her home was my home in Israel and our relationship grew. I visited her in Israel and in Chicago, where she was in grad school, and I believe she may have visited nearly all of my homes in the last 20 years or so! The last time we saw each other was 2009, before (immediately before...) both of us became pregnant, two kids each and other major changes in our lives. We have spoken (not regularly) and chatted on facebook (regularly) and a bit of skyping...but there is just nothing like sitting on the couch for hours sharing parenting strategies, telling stories of what it's really like for us right now and just brain dumping.

While I have made great friends here in Singapore, being with someone whom I have known for so many years, knows my goods, bads, and all of what makes me ME is such a powerful thing for me. I explained that a bit when Shana, Daniel, Seth, Emily, Mike, Jo and all of the kids came to Michigan last month - it is powerful for me to be around these people who mean so much to me and with whom I share an important history, when it so rarely happens in my life right now.

We had a LOT of adventures given my current state of total chaos. We went to Tekka Market, the Botanic Gardens, Marina Bay Sands (including the top), my neighborhood temple tour, Chinatown, Orchard Rd, Little India...plus she ventured out to Arab Street and the National Museum. For Kabbalat Shabbat and dinner we went to Chesed El and walked home...plus we spent plenty of time just sitting on the couch and hanging out with Samara and Elie.

Yes - we are not in a routine right now. Elie doesn't seem to like to sleep (in a bed at least) during the day. We had only been back for a week when Dena arrived and had only a few days before gotten over jetlag. We are leaving in less than two weeks for holiday. Yes - we definitely have no schedule right now, and I'm very all over the place, so I was a bit stressed trying to get it all together - Oh and Matt was in London all week - but we had a fantastic time, and I am so so thankful that she came to visit. What a serious treat.

Next time in Jerusalem!!

Idli, uttapam, dosa and Dena

Dena and my kids (sort of)

top of Marina Bay Sands