Great Expectasia

Animals

2012-02-12T08:17:00.002+08:00

Toronto

2012-02-11T22:16:00.003+08:00

I am feeling much much better since my surgery 2.5 weeks ago. Sam and I had planned to go to Toronto, but after the surgery, we weren't so sure. We decided to make a fairly last minute decision, to see how I'm feeling. It's pretty sad, but I actually preferred to be in Canada where they have good and affordable healthcare - unlike the US - and with my friend who's a nurse, rather than staying in Michigan. I was feeling strong enough to take Sam, but I was a little nervous about the whole thing.

My mom drove me and Sam to the train station in Windsor, and we took the four hour train to Toronto. Sam slept a bit, read lots of books, played with all her toys, walked up and down the aisles and played with a bunch of REALLY nice passengers. She even stayed with a random woman when I went to the bathroom. She was a champ.

We brought nearly nothing with us, so all I had to schlep was her - we had one additional outfit for each of us, her sleep sac and frog, toothbrushes, a few toys and books and some food for the train. We went straight to Jeremy's apartment, where he was on a conference call for the next hour. His apartment is a one room studio - for single dude in downtown Toronto. The shelf, one foot up, with at least 15 bottles of alcohol, along with the next shelf up with a selection of glasses including martini, champagne, wine (both red and white), and a load of shot glasses - were not exactly ready for Sam. We had to do the quick 2 minute baby-proof and then Sam got to play in this totally inappropriate play area for a few minutes until I could get her to fall asleep for an hour or so. We then took a walk to an indoor garden and checked out the dogs in the dogpark on the way (highlight, clearly).

Shana came and got us and we took the subway to her house. Samara literally fit right in with her kids, Joseph and Sam. It was unbelievable. She didn't hesitate for a minute! She just went immediately to play with the other kids and explore the toys. She ate dinner with them, bathed with Sam (2 months younger than Samara) and went straight to bed. It was awesome. The next day and a half were spent basically on their floor. Samara loved being there, and I was absolutely in awe to see my little baby playing with my best friend's babies. Incredible. Sam and Samara even coordinated their sleep schedules to give us a full 2.5 hours to chat in the afternoon. Clutch.

I got to see Tamara and Becca as well, and we made it back to the train for our ride back to Windsor on Wednesday. Overall, it was a super easy trip, and I would do it again in a second!

Since Wednesday, Sam has developed a cough and a stuffy nose. Poor baby is still happy, but she's not sleeping so well, and she's full of stuff in hear head and lungs. Hope she gets better before our next trip on Monday!!

Uterine Woes

2012-02-03T06:05:00.002+08:00

Since I last wrote, we have been running around planning for a sort of last minute trip to the US. The night before our trip to Tasmania, we got appointment with a doctor and flights to the US booked. At around 4am. We left the next day for 2 weeks, came back for four days then ran off to Bali and then had about three weeks before we left. It was nutty and a half.

I'm guessing that you already know about this if you read my blog, since it doesn't import into Facebook anymore (so I'm actually not sure anyone is left reading my blog?), but since this is also a journal of our experience, I'll explain.

I gave birth to Samara in October 2010 via c-section. It was nuts and I bled a lot right after, like a lot, and it didn't stop for a while. After calling the doctor multiple times in, oh, six weeks, and them saying it was fine and normal, and also rushing to emergency care a few times, they finally told me it was time to come in for my six weeks postpartum appointment. In a scan the doc saw a big piece of something. I had a D&C in Nov. During this D&C, the doc went in blindly (i.e. with no camera or anything so he can see what he's doing - as in all D&Cs), he scraped the crap out of my uterus to get out a 9 cm x 9 cm piece of placenta that had been left inside. 9 x 9. Left inside after a C SECTION (I'm pissed). He later told me it was a satellite (extra?) placenta, which is not common, so he didn't know to do a sweep with his hand before he sewed me back up after taking out Sam. I asked if there was any way this would affect my future fertility. He basically laughed and said no way.

Come June when I ran out of breastmilk in Bangladesh (no joke - sorry for the TMI if that's gross). I expected to get a period, and I never did. In July, at Michigania, I had this crazy pain in my abdomen for three days. Hurt to walk, or really do anything. I asked all the docs at camp and no one had any ideas, other than that it might be cramps for a period or that I should eat things that make me poop.

25 days later, in August, I had crazy pain in my abdomen. I called the doc and went in. He said, sometimes it just takes time to get a period - let's wait until October. 25 days later in September I got crazy pain. In October I went back to the doc and he told me I probably wasn't getting my period because my hormones weren't regulated yet. He put me on a 5 day dose of progesterone. I went back 10 days later - nothing happened. He then put me on a 21 day dose of estrogen. Not only did I not get my period, but I had the most pain I have ever had in my life - I was in bed, with a fever, unable to move and scared I was going to die - literally. I even made Matt come home from a party.

I finally went and got a second opinion. The second doc, Dr. Kumar, wrote down "Asherman's Syndrome" on a piece of paper and explained that my uterus had probably sealed together from all the scraping from the D&C. I looked it up, cried a lot, freaked out that we're never having kids again (which isn't necessarily true) and that I would be in pain for the rest of my life, got it together and decided to find the best uterus surgeon in Singapore. I asked around, and I ended up going to four people. For a mere $300, they each evaluated me with the same conclusion. Each said they are confident to do this, and that they do it maybe 2 times per year.

I did more research and I learned that the success of the surgery - to get my body working again and stop the pain, and also for future fertility (which is important to us) - completely depends on the experience of the surgeon and the severity of the condition. You can't know the severity until they deal with it, but I can know the experience of the surgeon. The websites also said that all docs will say that they can deal with this, but that you should go to the best of the best if you want success. We started asking around in the US and we came up with a few names, fairly quickly. Now that I'm in the Asherman's community, I know we came up with 2 of the top 6 doctors. One, in Boston, #1, actually, Dr. Keith Isaacson, was my top choice, but it was too difficult to deal with their office when you're 13 hours ahead. I was up until 4am for multiple nights in a row, and I still couldn't reach the right person or get them to just schedule an appointment for me. I moved to my 2nd choice, Dr. Glenn Schattman, and his assistant Una was amazingly helpful. Over the phone she explained the process and exactly how it would all work. He works in NY Presbyterian Hospital, and they have an office for people coming from abroad, and they helped me get a sense of the cost and helped me understand the logistics. We booked tickets with enough time for me to be here and heal, go for my immediate follow up visits, and then go back to Singapore.

So, 20 Jan, Matt, Sam and I flew off to New York. We were on the A380, which seriously made a difference, so the 24 hour journey wasn't even that bad. Sam played with other kids, played in the back area, up and down the steps and there was plenty of space. She even slept on us (unheard of). We arrived in New York and immediately were basked in generosity of friends and family. We were picked up at the airport - in the SNOW (first time in five years...) - by Eli, and taken to Matt's cousins, Jeff, Robin and kids in Briarcliff Manor in Westchester County, north of the city. The first day we trained in for 1.5 hours to see Bryan, Mandy, Ashely, Craig and Hallie - all the cousins on my side, and were so wonderfully hosted by Bryan and Mandy in their gorgeous apartment near World Trade Center. We felt that the older generation would be so proud that we met up for Sunday brunch. Sam LOVED hanging with her cousins (and the cat, obviously).

The next day we trained back for my first appointment with Dr. Schattman. He did his analysis and said that yes, I do have Asherman's - my uterus was indeed sealed for the entire 4.5 cm passageway from the cavity to my cervix. In addition, I was a disaster. I had multiple cysts, endometriosis (growth of the uterine lining all over the place) ALL over and that my Fallopian tube was a mess. He said this was going to be more complicated than originally thought. His fees tripled, the time needed tripled. Awesome!!!

We had to do pre-op testing, including a pregnancy test which just annoyed me, get prescriptions and go to about a hundred and one offices before we could head back. While we had left home at about 9:30 to go to a doctor appointment, we didn't get home until nearly six! I then had the pleasure of doing a bowel cleanse - mixing this nasty bottle of stuff with 2 huge bottles of lemon lime gatorade (NASTORAMA!) and drinking it all within about 1.5 hours. To be honest it wasn't as bad as I expected, but it wasn't fun. That day I also developed a stress related neck pain - pretty painful - which didn't leave until one week later. While you would think that surgery is scary, it was much easier to focus on the neck pain and bowel cleanse, as they were extremely inconvenient and really had nothing to do with the main point!

Tuesday, at 6 am, we left for the hospital. Jeff and Robin were so sweet to loan us their car and their babysitting services. Sam LOVED hanging with them, and they (especially Aunt Robin) were amazing with Sam. They figured out her food, her bottles, her books, they prepared their house for her - and got so many fun things that she loved - and she was in heaven. When we didn't come home until about 7 or 7:30 that night, we didn't even worry. She was in the best hands possible, and they were so happy to do it, which made it even more amazing for us.

We checked in, changed my clothes, even had to take out my nose ring. They did a whole bunch of questions, dealt with the neck thing - they have to put a tube down my throat, and they had to position my neck, so it turned out to be relevant - took some tests and generally told me exactly what would happen. It was so human (compared to Singapore). It was really nice.

In Singapore they wheel you into a hallway, then into an OR, then there are lots of people with masks and they put you out. Here they walked me up the OR, each person introduced himself to me, they had me lay down and told me exactly what would happen. We even got to joke a little bit. Then I went under for about three hours.

It took me a while to get well enough to go home, but all in all, the staff at that hospital were amazing and so respectful and helpful. We really appreciated the experience. Dr. Schattman said that with ultrasound guidance on the outside, he did hysteroscopy - using a little itty bitty camera and a loop that cuts, and while it was like going into a wall again and again, he found his way through the crazy thick scar tissue and re-created the passageway to my uterine cavity. After he did that, he said it was a total disaster in there. He then used laproscopy through my bellybutton and 2 other incision areas near my hip bones and cleaned up the rest. He was pleased with the results, but he said there is probably some permanent damage, and it's unclear how important that damage - to my Fallopian tube - will be. The good news is that my pain should go away and I am a normal functioning human being again. It's the fertility part that's iffy, but we're so lucky for my health that we'll stick with that for now.

He stuck in a balloon to keep it all open for a week, gave me a whole calendar of meds for the next month and sent me on my way. The next few days were really hard - I was REALLY sore, more internally than externally - but Uncle Jeff, Aunt Robin and their family were our saviors. They took care of Sam and me - we had so much loving food and just a wonderful home to hang in and recover.

Friday Matt and Sam went to Michigan. Matt said that it was okay, but that getting through security with 2 laptops, baby bottles, a baby and huge suitcases wasn't so simple. I took a train to the city. In my head I would just take the train to 125th, get out, grab a taxi and get to my friends, Ellen and Ari's apartment on the Upper West Side. I could really barely walk. I made it to the train, sat there, got off, took the elevator down (scary), and walked so so slowly out to the street. Shit - I was in Harlem. I forgot that it's pretty hard to get a yellow taxi in Harlem. It was rainy and wet, so I couldn't put my bag down. I was really in pain. It sucked. Finally a bus came, and I remembered that it went to the UWS. I jumped on, nearly cried on the bumps and made it until I saw taxis. I jumped out, took a taxi and climbed onto Ellen's couch. I didn't move.

Over the next few days I got to see so many people I love, and I felt like their love took care of me. I saw Eli, Erin and Joe from New Jersey, Sarah came in from Boston, Alex, David and Flora, Flyer, Margo, Ruthie, Terese and Max, Paul, Eli, Ellen, Ari and Davey, Laura from Connecticut, Tamara, Goldfein, Jon...it was unbelievable. Ellen and Ari's hospitality was amazing.

By Sunday I was really feeling okay and was able to walk - even down to the 70s. I was staying in my old hood, near 94th and Columbus. I will write another post about what it was like to be back in New York, since that was significant for me. By Wednesday, for my follow up appointment, I was feeling really good - and ready to get this balloon out. He took it out and told me to do whatever activity I feel up to (minus a few things I'm sure you can think of). It was 60 degrees and sunny. I was in New York City and had nothing to do until 2:15 when I had to leave for my flight. I thought I would walk from 68 and York over to Madison and take the bus up. Then I got to Madison and thought that I could just walk (slowly, but still). Then I saw the park, and wanted to make a quick stop at 82nd and Broadway to get Davey Samara's two favorite books (Caps for Sale and From Head to Toe). I walked across the park, landed up at 85th, walked over to Broadway...then I remembered Zabar's down on 80th. Walked down there for a knish, went up to 86th and Columbus to meet Ellen, went to the park with her and Davey, and ended up walking back to her apartment. I couldn't have imagined I would have done that - even two days before. I felt great. I made it to the airport, got on an earlier flight to Detroit, arrived just in time to get about 20 crash hugs from Sam and have dinner with Matt's fam. Overall, a really successful trip and a crazy experience so far...

Travelling with a one year old

2012-01-01T09:29:00.006+08:00

This is our first weekend home since November. That means we have been travelling a lot...with a one year old. She has definitely slowed down our travelling - fewer trips and less action on the trips (fair enough), but we've kept pushing. To be honest, I would just stay home a lot, but Matt pushed for that first trip to Australia when Sam was 8 weeks, and that sort of helped get us going. It's WAY WAY easier to stay at home (especially with full time domestic help that we don't travel with). Sam has her routines, her toys, HER bed, her kugel and challah...none of that is available in other locations, but she surprises us each time. She's way flexible, and she has loved (some of) the adventures as well - especially the parts that include animals or steps to climb.

Though in her first 15 months Sam has made it to 7 countries:
Australia (Perth/Margaret River and Melbourne/Tasmania)
Indonesia (Lombok, Bali, Jakarta)
Thailand (Chiang Mai)
US (Michigan)
Singapore
Vietnam (Hanoi)
Malaysia (KL)

...travelling with her now is completely different than it was for her whole life previously. Before, we just had to keep her happy. She sat still - so we could just have a few books and toys, bottles, a few songs...whatever, and she was fine. Now that she's engaged with the world and walking ALL over the place, it's a whole different level of challenge. It's a fun challenge - because she LOVES exploring everything, and as a parent, it doesn't get any cooler, but it's hard. I thought I would blog about some of what we have learned from our recent travels.

Planes -
There are a few elements to success (not that we are completely successful - we're not - especially on overnight trips - just ask the people who sat around us!). Samara definitely needs a bottle when the plane starts to descend. We put on a slower nipple (like one for younger babies) so the bottle takes longer to drink (she doesn't seem to notice, but I'm guessing other babies might mind this), and we put in a bit more than we think she might want. We also try to take it away every minute or so, in a game, to try to make it last longer.

On the way up, she sometimes needs a bottle - but if you're on a short flight, you can't risk giving a bottle on the way up, because she won't then take it on the way down - and she will need it for her ears! The solution to this is Cheerios. One. At. A. Time. Slowly. Keeps her swallowing.

Toys on a plane are challenging - nothing too small that will get lost. Nothing that makes noise, because that will drive people crazy. We have found the best success with snap toys, or chain toys or things that take a long time to figure out. She also has really enjoyed water bottles, zippers and other things that take a bit of concentration. Lots of books (light-weight books with lots of pictures) are also key, especially for take off and landing when she has to sit in our lap.

We still haven't mastered the walking-up-and-down the aisles thing. She LOVES to (and I get it - she NEEDS to), but I can't figure out how to get her to hold onto my hands rather than touching everyone's thighs on the way up and down. She also tends to play peek-a-boo with random people (men mostly). While they probably think it's cute the first time, possibly two times...after five, I'm guessing they have had enough. Tearing a smiling peek-a-boo-ing child away from an adult is just a bit awkward.

Travelling in Asia means that people simply take your baby, play with her, and give her back later. I have blogged about this - as it has happened in multiple countries and at appropriate times, such as dinner in a restaurant or breakfast in a hotel (see the photo of Sam with her friend Gusti last weekend in Bali). This also happens on planes. In fact, on our way back from Bali last weekend, they took Sam away, and she came back 15 minutes later with a big, red kiss on her cheek. It was pretty awesome. We left it there. Sam is perfectly happy to go hang with a bunch of flight attendants, hotel workers, or wait staff. She is not so happy to go to other people - like if we hand her to our friends to hold, she wants to come back to us, but with these people, somehow she loves it. She's been conditioned. This has affected our decision to try to get on Singapore Airlines (or at least another Asian airline) for long trips. We flew it home in July and we're flying it home again later this month.

We have also figured out that on planes, an ipod touch with some Sesame Street goes a long way (she can't hear it - she won't do headphones, and we don't play the sound out loud). She will watch and dance when they dance. The one challenge we have found with this, is if she holds it, she just constantly presses the "home screen" button - so then I have to play the video again, and then she stops it, etc. It could go on for an hour. She doesn't watch any tv at home, so she thinks this is just the best thing since sliced bread (ok - she doesn't really care about sliced bread - but you know what I mean). See the video - we also use the ipod touch for alternative entertainment.

We have found that boarding early IS a good idea. We had considered that it might not be, because she can't run around as much, and it extends the actual time on the airplane...but to have space for your stuff and organise all of the things you need down (the bottles, books, cloth diaper, snacks, sippy cup) and up, but easily accessible (ergo, diaper changing stuff, sweatshirt) - and if you don't sit her down and strap her in - she has lots to explore before the plane takes off. Those seat belts (though terrifying to watch as her little bitty fingers nearly get snapped in the contraption) are entertaining for a long long time.

Hotels -
We have found that if it's at all possible to get a place with a door - like a second room - it's worth it. We have loved B&Bs or serviced apartments for this reason. When you're all in the same room, you really spend a lot of time reading in the bathroom, and that's no fun for anyone (other than Sam who doesn't notice).

We have never travelled with our own cot - at least out here the ones that they provide have all been perfectly fine. They mostly all have pack and plays. Definitely don't need another thing to carry. We have also found that we have the best success when we can somehow block ourselves from her view (though this is much harder now that she stands up in her cot). We have used curtains, pillows, desk chairs...anything we can find to create a barrier.

The most important thing now is cleanliness - she will touch every windowsill and corner of the room. She will then eat her fingers. If the room is dirty, we will know immediately and it will then be a game of "no, no, no, no" for the next few days. Clean places are just way easier.

Food -
We stink at this, since our child hates eating. We bring the only things that she eats that travel well, and then we try to order old favorites (grilled cheese, pancakes) and still try new things. We have limited success. Happy to take anyone's advice on this on!

Schedule -
Sam still sleeps 12-13 hours per night and takes 2 2-hour naps. This leaves approximately 7 wakeful hours in the day. Once you put in approx 30 minutes per meal, that's 5.5 hours. When you're in a new city, 5.5 hours is not a lot. Factor in commutes to wherever you're going, and you can do 1-2 things per day. That's rough. While in places we have been before (Bali this past weekend, Lombok, Chiang Mai), we have generally taken it easy. We wake up, eat, put her down for a nap, then we go out and do something, come back for a nap and go get dinner and go to sleep. When we were in Tasmania, that was not an option, because we wouldn't see enough, and realistically we're not going back anytime soon (though Matt would argue otherwise). There, we tried to give her a morning nap and then we just pushed all day. She usually had the opportunity to fall asleep in the car (at least) or on a hike, but it was slightly selfish on our parts. I kinda feel like - she's super scheduled at home - follows the same routine everyday - so we might as well shake it up. You know, so she doesn't get too bored. This did lead to a few (legitimate) meltdowns, but generally, she was awesome.

What to do -
Overall we have continued to do the same things we used to do - except no diving, no little boat rides, less hotel hopping (i.e. we stay longer in each place before moving on), earlier eating, no porcelain shopping (we never did that) and evening anything is out. We try to do what we want to do, and then we throw in a little Sam fun in the middle. Hiking and walking around a town are easy, but then you throw in finding animals, playgrounds, parks (bring a ball everywhere) and she's all set.

What to bring -
Wow - there's no way to travel light with a baby. It's easier when not breastfeeding (at least unless you're not working and breastfeeding, so you don't have to consistently give bottles - lugging that pump and all its parts was terrible!). I have a packing list that I have adapted for each trip we have gone on. Generally for Sam we bring 1.5 outfits per day, a sweatshirt, 2 pairs of pants, a pair of socks, a pair of shoes, 2 bibs per day, 6 diapers per day (unless it's long and we have to buy them there), baby soap, tylenol, diaper rash stuff, thermometer, toothbrush, dish soap, sponge, bottles, microwave steriliser bags, formula powder, sippy cup, teaspoon, loads of snacks and squeezy packets (that's all she eats), a sun hat plus an extra in case it gets lost, 4 books, 5 toys, sleep sac, pjs, night light, sun screen, hand sanitiser, wipes, tissues, a few cloth diapers, one blanket just in case and lots of plastic bags.

I saw an ad for the Ergo in one of the airline magazines - and I think it said something like, "Ergo will ensure you have a relaxing holiday." Before I had a baby, I would have wondered how a baby carrier could do that - but I SOOOO firmly believe that the ergo provides us a relaxing holiday. It's magical. When we carry Sam, she just wants to be put down and walk around. Stick her in the ergo, and she just stays. She loves it. If she were ever to fall asleep on a plane, it would be in the ergo (it HAS happened, but not often). We can stick her on our backs, and she loves it, or cuddle on our fronts, and she just lays keppy and sticks her thumb in her mouth. Magical - no joke.

Overall, it IS difficult to travel with a one year old. Maybe I'll feel differently if we have more kids, but I say, keep going. I don't think it's especially good for her in any way, but I think that getting out of our routine in the house, seeing new and interesting places, or just visiting an old favourite is so important for me and Matt (and our relationship together). One day we'll go and leave her - but to be honest, that doesn't sound too fun, since I feel like I never see her! We'll see.

Next stop - the USA. Last time we took 33 hours to get to our destination. This trip should only be 23 to New York, if nothing goes wrong. Hopefully that's not TOO bad...

Tasmania

2011-12-16T17:35:00.013+08:00

We have spent the last 2 weeks in Australia - 2 days (+1) in Melbourne and 12 days in Tasmania.

We decided to spend a couple of days in Melbourne to break up the trip to Tassie - 8 hours plus 2 hours. We thought we would be able to put Sam to bed when we got there in the morning, and then check it out for a day and a half. We didn't get our hotel room until later in the afternoon, so we ended up checking out the market and basically walked all over town. We had great pizza and pasta and froze our asses off. The next day we went to the aquarium, which Sam and Matt LOVED (I thought it was great too, but they LOVED it!). We walked around more of the city and met our friend Maria for a tour to/of the Botanic gardens. Gorgeous.

The next day we arrived in the Hobart area of Tasmania. This island is absolutely unbelievable - the best food. Great wine. AMAZING nature and hiking. Our first four nights were in the country - 6 km from the small historic village of Richmond and about 15 minutes from Hobart. Our B&B (Cornwall Cottage - completely recommended!) has 3 horses, a whole load of sheep, about 6 hens, a rooster, endless amounts of raspberries and so many stairs for Sam to explore. She loved the animals, and she loved picking raspberries and putting them straight into my mouth, see photo (she would never try them, of course). Peta, the owner, made us three loaves of amazing bread (Sam DID eat that - she couldn't get enough) and we had her homemade jam, hen laid eggs and fresh tomatoes as well. We had two bedrooms and a living room, so we could put Sam to sleep and not have to read on the bathroom floor (as usually happens in hotels...). Our next place also had two bedrooms, and we realised this is key to a nice holiday when your child prefers long naps and going to sleep at 7pm!

While there, we spent a day hiking at Mt Field National Park, where we saw some of the most amazing waterfalls I have ever seen (see photo) along with gorgeous views of mountains, beautiful trees, and one live animal (sort of like a possum but not exactly). We also spent a day on the Tasman peninsula where we did a bunch of short hikes and drove around. One hike along the coastline was especially gorgeous - started on the beach and then went through the trees, following the water. The absolute low-light of this was on our walk back to the car, where Sam and I were running and singing along the beach, and I noticed that we were about four feet away from a HUGE DEAD SEAL on the beach. I SCREAMED and ran (with Sam in a framed pack o n my back) for a long, long time. Grody. We also spent an afternoon in the historic village of Richmond, just up the street. It was built in the early 1800s, and somehow the buildings are all still around (including the creepy jail for convicts from Britain from 1825). Sam loved the ducks under the bridge at the river and the slide at the playground. Matt and I loved the architecture and the quiche. We also spent time in Hobart - first to tour all around the gorgeous town, and then to go to the market on Saturday. Lots of local foods and goods. We also saw a reserve for the local animals (see the photo of Sam hangin' with the 'roos).

We then drove up the east coast towards our next stop in Bicheno (Bicheno Ocean View Retreat - great view, lots of space, but not too much personality). While there we had FABULOUS Italian food from a place in town and great bread from the bakery. We hiked a day in Freycinet National Park - doing a walk up to an outlook of Wineglass Bay, and having a great picnic at Honeymoon Bay, which was a rocky beach, which Sam loved climbing (see photo), with gorgeous green, clear water. Okay, we were still freezing, but it looked beautiful. We had dinner at the Iron House Brewery, where we enjoyed nice beer and great burgers (Sam loved the fries). We also spent a day up on the east coast, exploring the Bay of Fires and St Helen. The Bay of Fires is basically AMAZINGLY beautiful beaches, with white sand, reddish rocks and gorgeously clear, blue water. We were still freezing, but seriously, it was gorgeous. The photo where we're all looking over our shoulders is at the Bay of Fires. The one of Sam and Matt at the sand dunes is also in that area, near St. Helens as is the one of the three of us on the red rocks.

We then drove to a dairy to get some yummy cheese (Sam loved the vanilla ice cream - she was literally pulling my arm with the spoon to her mouth) and saw the cows getting milked. Sam learned what a cow says. We then decided to make a quick trip to these two waterfalls that looked super close on the map. One was pretty close to the dairy - the tallest waterfall in Tasmania. Beautiful. The next one, again, looked really close on the map...but it was about 17 km on some crazy steep gravely road. I was not very happy. Matt was loving it. Sam was eating her feet. We reached the top where there had been lots of logging, and there were beautiful views of the mountains and pastures around us. FINALLY we got to the next waterfall (which wasn't that cool, but Matt claimed it was. I think it was only because he wanted to not regret the drive...) (see the photo at Norm's Lookout). The 17 km back to reality was on another crazy road...so what we thought would be a quick half hour turned into about three hours. But we made it. We pushed on, through Launceston, the big city in the north, and drove up the Tamar River Valley to our B&B (Conmel Cottage - TOTALLY recommended). This place had us in a detached cottage, looking out on the garden with everything you could ever imagine growing (and eating!). They also had hens and fruit trees and lots of area for Sam to run around in. She loved touching the apples on the apple trees and the peaches on the peach trees. They also stocked us with amazing breakfast supplies (including yummy homemade cookies! and I made bacon - assuming this non-kosher thing will be coming to an end...soon...I thought I should try once! I was a Jewish natural). The place was on a huge hill with an amazing view of the wide Tamar River. Wow. The only challenge was that the sleeping area was upstairs, and stairs with a one-year old are never ideal. Also, there was no door to close at night, so we had to save lots of dirty dishes and did a lot of reading and whispering. Kinda cramped our style, but we're over it.

While up north, we spent a day in Launceston, including a great hike in the gorge - right in the middle of town! - out to the old power station. We spent a day visiting a few wineries, right near our B&B, and one of the first pubs in Tasmania. We took an evening to push Sam to stay up late - and we went to this National Park on the north coast at dusk to see wildlife. And did we see wildlife. We saw loads of wallabies, at least five wombats (they're HUGE! See photo), tonnes of pademelons (like wallabies but smaller and rounder). We didn't see Tasmanian Devils here (we saw them in a reserve down south), because 75% of those in the wild have this certain kind of cancer that scientists around the world are working to cure. They're really endangered. As per my personality, I was not too excited about keeping Sam up an extra 1.5 hours...and driving out into nowhere in Tasmania...but it was way worth it. It was SUPER cool to see all these guys hopping around. Sam loved it. She was pointing to all of them - but her screaming on the path in the forest didn't help us with our nature spotting.

We then drove down the old road from Launceston to Hobart - passing through a bunch of historical villages. We had a great lunch in a fantastic bakery in Ross, where Sam ate half of my sandwich. She didn't eat a half of it, but she ate the piece of bread that was touching the cheese on both halves. There were great old buildings - I can't believe it is all still there. Kind of creepy, but really beautiful. Matt was a super-dad with an unfortunate poo incident, and we all survived.

We made our way back to our first B&B where we arrived in time to say goodnight to the chickens, the horses, eat more raspberries, eat some pizza and go to sleep. Our entire trip until this point was perfectly smooth.

Our flight at 8:30am from Hobart to Melbourne was delayed for five hours, as one of the guys in the drivers' seats was ill. I mean, I'm all for safety, and I don't want a guy to work if he's ill, but don't we have back-up plans or something like that? We made it back to Melbourne around 3:30...but our flight to Singapore had left 3.5 hours earlier. All in all, we traveled for nine hours (including getting to and from the airports) just to get to a hotel in Melbourne, right by the airport. Sam was a total disaster. We made it onto the same flight to Singapore, the next day. That was 12 hours of travelling today. Yeah - we survived, but that part wasn't too fun.

Forgetting about the last two days - this was the best trip of our lives. Our honeymoon in South Africa was a close second, and some of our trips out in SE Asia have been cool, but really, nothing as fantastic as these two weeks in Tassie. Definitely part of it was getting away from regular life in Singapore and spending such great time as a family (only...). But add the food, drinks and unbelievable natural beauty, and it just doesn't get better.

So, since that was the best, and it was pretty challenging to travel with a one year old - I think we're done. No more travelling for us.

Just kidding. Off to Bali on Friday!

Walking - it's a different world

2011-11-27T21:08:00.003+08:00

Sam is a totally different person now that she's walking. She took her first steps last Saturday, and within one week she's totally walking everywhere, and she does NOT want to be carried. She's been really cranky, and she is totally into different things. I think she aged a few months, or possibly years. She used to just sit by herself and read a book quietly. Not anymore. She's into anything that she shouldn't be.

Incidentally, she always has a phone (she has 2 plastic phones, 2 cordless phones that she finds sometimes plus 3 remote controls that double as phones) with her, and she usually talks (on the back of her neck) at least once every few minutes. I sure hope she's not learning this from Rose, but she is definitely not learning from me or Matt - we're almost never on the phone. I guess she's just super social with her imaginary friends.

Today she tried out this play gym thing where you pay, and she can go in for an hour and play with anything. She especially liked climbing up these soft stairs and then sliding down the slide on her belly, legs first. She still doesn't play with other kids, but she does take their balls and point to their balloons.

The video below is one of my favorites - it's from this past week. She LOVES peek-a-boo books (and peek-a-boo in general - she covers her eyes with her hands, and it's SUPER cute). Here are other recent photos.

Sam's walking!

2011-11-20T21:04:00.001+08:00

Multi-faith Singapore

2011-11-20T21:03:00.001+08:00

Chabad-ed

2011-10-16T20:43:00.005+08:00

This past weekend was one of the most Jewish weekends we have had since we got here - and it was super nice and super community-y. After a super great shabbat dinner with friends, and shabbat lunch in a sukkah with other friends, we went to two sukkot parties today - at each of the two synagogues in Singapore. You may recall that we moved here from a VERY Jewish life on the Upper West Side in Manhattan, and generally we have been a little low key for the last 4.5 years.

Interesting things to note about the sukkot -

They were both totally huge. Like we're talking at least 70 people huge - possibly more.

They both had fresh fruit hanging from the ceiling. In one that seemed fine. In the other, there were casualties all over the ground - and it was bizarre. There was everything from pomello to pineapple to mangosteen to apples. Sam loved pointing to them. I just wanted to sit below the small ones.

They are both attached to the synagogues (Chesed El and Magen Avot) that were built around the same time, look very similar inside and are totally gorgeous.

Upon our arrival at the second sukkot party (the orthodox community...after we had been with the progressive community...), we saw a lulav and etrog. I said, "Sam - look - that's a lulav and an etrog. Do you want to touch them?" Chabad saw this as an opportunity, and Mendel moved in. He asked Matt if he would like to show his daughter, and then he slipped in there that he could say a bracha too. I absolutely can't believe that Matt got chabad-ed and ended up saying a blessing over a lulav and etrog! I have never seen him do anything like that - ever. There are two reasons this happened.

1) He plays basketball with some of the chabad boys here, and he genuinely likes them and probably didn't mind too much, since he had a relationship with the guy.
2) He wanted to show off for his daughter. (She was clearly impressed).

Separately - I seriously think that sukkot is the weirdest Jewish holiday. If you're not Jewish and you're reading this, I'm talking about shaking four types of branches/leaves together along with a lemony-type fruit...in a hut that we build for a week of the year. Super weird. But Sam loved colouring her decorations (it was her first time) and the food and music were awesome. The community was also pretty great.

In other news, my mom has been here for two weeks and she flew off tonight (don't worry - she'll be back soon). Sam loved playing with her in the last few weeks - they read tonnes of books, played with all of the toys and learned new puzzles. Sam definitely knows Savta now (she points), and she kept wanting to be held by her. Savta even put Samara to bed tonight (that is a rite that has been reserved for only me and Matt (and Rose once) in her whole life.

I am also posting a photo of Sydney from my ipod, from a harbour cruise.

Finally, I got Matt this t-shirt as a gift (he doesn't read my blog, so he won't find out until his parents come in a few weeks...). My brother has it, and I think it's one of the funniest, most creative pieces of clothing I have ever seen. I almost bought three, but I thought it might be weird to send it to random friends. Buy it!!! (If you haven't seen the title of it, it's even funnier).

Sydney

2011-10-12T18:16:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I'm one of those people with a blog that isn't updated regularly. I was so regular for about for years. But I went over a month with no post! Terrible! Generally when I don't post a lot it means that not too much interesting is going on, or I don't have too much positive stuff to say...hmmm...

So, this week I'm in Sydney for work. I'm here for a conference (Global Banking Alliance for Women Summit) for banks who have approaches, products, services, etc for women customers. This is part of my portfolio for my job, and it's something that I spend a lot of time thinking about, a little of time speaking about, and not enough time DOING. It's been totally inspiring to sit in a room and hear people talk about what I think about. I get to hear what banks in Australia, Uganda, Malawi, Turkey, Lebanon, etc. are doing for banking women. Super relvant to what I do. Super relevant to what I'm interested in. Quite an opportunity.

On the other side, I also get to go to Sydney for four days. I absolutely hate being away from Samara (and she's had an upset tummy and been generally unhappy since I left, which makes it even worse!), but the city is helping to make it not so bad. It's my second time in Australia (Margaret River, Dec 2010).

Granted I have VERY limited exposure to the city, I have fantasic impressions. I have been on a harbour cruise with the conference, and I have walked around the CBD, sat by the opera house at a bar, seen the city from a tall building, and walked back to my hotel, which is about 15 minutes away from the rest. Other than that, I have really only seen the inside of a room.

Sydney at first felt like New York - since it had vibe, people walking all over, old buildings, diversity, energy, etc. Then I realised that wasn't New York, it was more like Toronto or Philly (which are also great cities...). It has a totally chill feel, people seem interesting and healthy (mostly good looking too). There are some vast differences to Singapore - there seems to be a limited amount of shopping (which I really appreciate - it grosses me out in Singapore). It is COLD!! It's spring here, so it's in the 50s and 60s F. For someone who has spent almost every day of the last 4.5 years in 80s and 90s...it's FREEZING! But, on the other hand, I am not sweating my way through life, and I really love it. It feels so much more human and less frustrating on many levels. I still really hate the heat of Singapore - I don't think I will ever get over or used to it. Sydney has also been a pleasure to walk in. I have blogged frequently about how much I hate walking around in Singapore - as it makes my blood pressure rise and turns me into a grump. I literally want to step on people sometimes. Here it all seems quite organised, and you can always pass people on the street. I can't put my finger on what's different, but it's just as crowded, yet I don't get angry walking around!

Overall, I am going to try to convince Matt that we should come back here for our next holiday. I absolutely love it. Maybe we'll even move here...if only it weren't THAT far away...though I do think it's closer to the US than Singapore...

Sam's One!

2011-10-02T20:26:00.003+08:00

Sam's one! She's had a wonderful year:

She made it through all 12 months with only a few minor bumps and bruises. Unfortunately she hasn't gotten sick yet (I think that just means it will be really bad when it happens...actually I wrote this ten days ago and forgot to publish...since then she's been sick...twice!).

She finally learned to eat food (sometimes), after six months of trying everyday. She now loves yogurt, challah, custardy stuff, watermelon, cheerio things and spitting water all over herself.

She has read approximately 79 books. She particularly loves "Caps for Sale," "From Head to Toe," and "Doggies."

She has developed an attachment to a doggy and a froggy. She sleeps with them.

She has traveled to six countries: Singapore, Australia, Indonesia (twice), Thailand, Vietnam and the US.

Her grandparents have visited approximately ten times (all together).

Her strong skills include: "doing" touchdown, downward dog, blowing kisses, reading books, finding belly buttons (on strangers in public...sometimes quite embarrassing...) and generally being sweet. She now hugs and kisses me, and it may very well be the highlight of my life.

It's been a pretty awesome year for all of us. We have loved watching her grow and develop into who she is today, and we can't wait to see who she will become. We are totally in love with our child in a way we never could have imagined a year ago (or even 11 months ago...). Happy Birthday Sammers!!

I made a video - but it won't load...I'll try to post it somewhere for general consumption.

Jews in Singapore

2011-09-04T22:04:00.003+08:00

I just heard the wife of David Marshall speak about the Jewish community in Singapore, and it was fantasticly interesting. There have been a couple of books written on the topic, so I'm sure those would be a more reliable source than my blog, but for the super abridged version...

Jews came as traders from Baghdad in the 1800s. There's record of some Jews asking for land for a cemetery in the mid-1800s (I believe that was the time - I should have taken notes!!). They built a cemetery at the end of Orchard Rd, near the area opposite Istana (!!!). That cemetery was moved, and it was then on Thomson Rd near Novena MRT. Now it's moved to somewhere else (can't remember), and I haven't been yet. I will add it to the list. Apparently the government flew in people from Israel to move the graves in the most Jewishly legal way possible. That's pretty awesome.

The first synagogue was downtown, on Synagogue Street. Now there are two (I have yet to go to the one that isn't used as much, but it looks beautiful, and I hope to go these High Holidays - at least once). That one on Synagogue Street has been gone for a really long time.

When Singapore became independent apparently many of the Jews left (California and Australia were the destinations of choice), because they thought that Singapore might become communist, since it would be Chinese majority, and that wouldn't be good for the Jews. Most of the families that stayed actually did really really well (and continue to do really really well).

David Marshall was the first Chief Minister of Singapore (for 15 months). He was also the first Singapore Ambassador to France (for 15 years). She said that his leadership as the Chief Minister was interesting, because he wasn't British, and he also wasn't quite local, so he was sort of in between.

The whole life of the British and other expatriates who helped build up Singapore is totally interesting to me, since life in Singapore was SO different than it is now, and it wasn't actually that long ago.

I will be reading the book that came out for the 100th anniversary of his birth, Marshall in Singapore. I also hope to go on a Jewish tour of Singapore when some set of parents comes. It was all totally intriguing.

Interesting pieces:

There was a synagogue in Penang, and it's now a stationery shop (but they know it was a synagogue, and apparently they welcome visitors). There's a cemetery in Penang also.
Many Jews were allowed to go to India during the Japanese occupation. (Others were taken as POWs, like David Marshall).
Most of the Jewish kids went to school at St. Andrews.
There was a lot of Jewish poverty in Singapore before independence.
The Jacob Ballas Children's Gardens was built from money that he donated upon his death, but he actually had donated it to a Chinese colleague who said that he didn't want it and suggested it be used in this way instead.
There are loads of street signs for Jewish families - I can't remember the names, but one was for a Jew who came from the UK in 1809 or so to help build the first botanic gardens in Singapore (near Fort Canning).
Jean Marshall came to SE Asia in 1953, to Malaya. After doing Social Work for four years in rural Malaya, she came to Singapore for one year. Don't we all... (She hasn't left)

Hanoi

2011-08-31T22:50:00.003+08:00

I wrote this when we first got back and forgot to publish...We just got back from a five day trip to Hanoi. Matt has been there several times for work, but Sam and I went for our first time. We all absolutely loved it. We spent the first day and a half in Hanoi, then we drove to Halong Bay, spent a day there, back to Hanoi, and another day there before we came back.

Hotels are key to a SE Asian vacation. We have changed our style a bit since we moved here. When we first arrived we backpacker-styled it and weren't too upset when we got bedbugs (multiple times...) and bragged about the value we got for $10-$20 per night. Then we realised that if you just spend a wee bit more (like $30-$50) you get a LOT more. Then we had a baby who crawls around on the floor and puts everything in her mouth and we realised that you can get fabulous five star hotels in SE Asia for a steal, so we went a bit fancier. Okay - we don't usually do five star, but at least four (and they're cheap). So our first two nights we stayed in this totally random hotel - the Elegance Hotel group has about six in Hanoi, and they are basically the top 10 on Trip Advisor (the best site out here for hotel recs). It was $100/night for a suite (though the balcony was nothing to write home about - see photos). Totally clean. Totally did the job, and had the best breakfast we have had in months. They had a menu with scrambled eggs, omelet, pancake, french toast and a sandwich, and Matt ordered them all, other than the , The night in Halong Bay, most people stay on boats, but I get sea sick and was terrified of my baby floating away, so we stayed in a hotel. Back in Hanoi, we decided to splurge and stay in the Sofitel Metropole which is a super old French Colonial hotel. It was way fancy, but it also helped us recognise the Haimish Line (okay - it didn't - the service at both places was really good - but when I read that article today I thought about how going fancy isn't really that worth it, as long as the other options are clean). Going back, we would definitely stay in the Elegance Hotels (we were in the Saphire) the whole time. And we are - going back.

The food we had was yummilicious. Our favourite meal was with Hang, my friend from INSEAD. She ordered everything delicious, and we loved it. Sam was an adventurous eater with yogurt and some other random veggies. We were a bit nervous about giving her too many new things for her super raw tummy (that just started eating food about two weeks ago...). The best part of Vietnamese cuisine, if you ask me, is the coffee (iced Vietnamese coffee with milk) and the pan chocolate. Holy yummy. My stomach is growling at 11:04 pm just thinking about it.

This city has so much energy. The shopping is great. The people are so nice (and they LOVE babies! More on that later). Walking around is much easier than in Ho Chi Minh City. The architecture is absolutely gorgeous. The vibe is just great - and to be honest - though we love living in Singapore (mostly) it has exactly what Singapore lacks.

We spent our first couple of days in Hanoi exploring different neighborhoods and generally just looking around. We saw the beautiful cathedral, the big, central lake, the downtowny area (and even Matt's office in Hanoi), and we got to see Hang and her beautiful belly.

Though most people go to Halong Bay on a tour, we weren't sure how we would be able to go according to someone else's schedule - i.e. if Samara needs to sleep and she doesn't, I don't really want to be around her, and I'm guessing other strangers may agree. So, we hired a car to take us out there. We had organised through our hotel there to take us out on a boat, again, on our own time. So we had assumed it was a small boat, to explore Halong Bay. There must have been some sort of mis-communication, because we got on a boat for about 40. Two decks. At least eight tables that seat at least 6 people. It was nuts and a huge waste of resources, but we enjoyed it. We sailed all around Halong Bay for four hours. Truth is that we have been to Krabi/Ko Phi Phi area in Thailand and Palawan in the Philippines. While this looked similar to both, we kind of thought that it might have been a little too similar to impress us too much. That's not to say that it's not one of the most beautiful places we have ever seen. It is. But we're super jaded.

Back in Hanoi, we walked around more, ate more yummy food and generally explored.

Highlights:

Literally anyone who helped us get into a car put our carseat in the trunk.
I tried hard to order the yummiest ice coffee with milk at a local place. I ended up with iced tea and hot coffee with milk. I didn't want to waste my caffeine intake for the day, and I knew I couldn't explain how to add ice (really - very limited English/Vietnamese interchange), so we paid and left. We felt rude, but she probably thought we were just crazy.
I have commented on this multiple times, but walking around with a baby in SE Asia is hilarious. People literally can't help themselves. Some stop walking, turn around, grab Samara's hands, dance with her, give her a kiss and then walk away. There's no way to fight it. You have to just embrace it - and we did. She caused at least a few hundred smiles each day, and she is super flirty, so she engaged. At dinner, the waitresses (or waiters) would come up, hold their arms out, and if Samara leaned towards them (which she inevitably did, they took her away. Often, they took her out of sight. She loved it!
We don't have a car here in Singapore, and our longest drive here is usually about 20 minutes (tops). We took a road trip when we were back in Michigan, but we're not too familiar with babies in cars. They're magical. Sam went to sleep automatically almost every time we got in the car. The thumb went in the mouth. Her eyes started to glaze, and within a few minutes she was gone. It was awesome.
We went to see a water puppets show. It was 50 minutes, and it was a proper show in a proper theater. I did not know what Sam would do and what people around us might think. The people at the hotel didn't seem to think it was a problem that we had a baby...Samara LOVED it. She cheered. She pointed. She danced. She sang. She watched the entire thing, either standing or sitting on my lap. She absolutely loved it.
The handiwork - like the quiltwork and embroidery was literally breathtaking. The quality and beauty was beyond anything I have seen before. I wanted to buy a whole new house - pillows for the couch, bedspread, wall hangings, even embroidered flowers. I don't get impressed by stuff, usually, and I do NOT like shopping, but I want to go back to Hanoi just to shop. BEAUTIFUL!

Overall, we had a great time, and we only fought crossing the street about four times (if you have been to Vietnam - and crossed the street, you probably did the same with your spouse).

Here's a link to photos and a few videos.

The Culture of the Working Mom

2011-08-24T21:22:00.003+08:00

I grew up in a house where my mom didn't work when I was younger, and even when she went back to work, she was really around. While I think most of my friends' moms either didn't work or were teachers, so they were around after school, I was SURE that I would be a working mom. It didn't really seem like an option. We (girls) all went to school and believed that we could do anything, so how could we stop whatever it was that we accomplished at work to raise kids? I can only think of one friend of mine in the States that doesn't work (though I have to admit that I have lost touch with a whole lot of people...).

It's also so clear to me that your 30s really matter in your career. I see that the women at my office who have really moved up ALL kept working, and kept working hard (like most evenings and many weekends as well). Granted I work in the most aggressive field - finance, but still. I very firmly believe that if I get out of the workforce I will pretty much lose any career momentum that I have gathered (even with a top MBA degree and a good public university degree or two). Yes, I can probably get a job again, but I will have already shown that my first priority is not my work. While you can SAY whatever you want about your priorities, when you leave your job to raise your kid/s, you have spoken very loudly. This is something you will have to bring up in an interview, whereas if you keep working, you can choose to bring up the fact that you have a child or not. This is a message that I may be comfortably sending at some point, but it's a really hard decision.

Yet - I really don't get how we can be moving forward in traditional careers (both Matt and I work in banks) raising good children who are good and respectful communicators who listen, have opinions, feel confident and proud of who they are, and who do things that challenge their development (my baby sits at home - or in the playground or mall - all day with Rose, and while Rose is FANTASTIC, it's just not the same as fun classes, mommy-baby groups, etc.). That's not to say that it can't be done - I just don't get how it will work. Will anyone else teach my kids manners? Will they discipline them? Teach them not to whine? Interesting also is that the person who is taking care of my baby is from a very different culture. Trying to teach her not to go to Sam when she cried (when we were sleep training) was painful. I make sure she leaves Sam alone with a few toys and books so she can play by herself at least a few times a day. This would never happen in the Philippines (or at least not in her village). I don't even know about other differences that I may not be aware of.

While that culture of MUST WORK was what I think was imprinted in my brain, I now live in a place where I have nearly no friends who have young children and work, so this makes me challenge my assumptions on a daily basis. Literally.

This piece in the New York times has brought up the issues that I have been thinking about and struggling with for months (probably like every working mom!).

As we think about moving back to the US (at some point...? it's been FOUR YEARS, and we came for ONE!!), and I try to imagine what our life would be like there, I really can't. I can't, because I have never really seen it. I don't know what a kid's life is like when his parents are not available from 7:30 until 6:45, as is our situation now. What do you do for the summer? Are there camps for the entire day? I don't know how the kid copes (especially when they're a crazy sleeper, like my kid), and I don't know how the mom/parents get everything done. When do we make the food? For us? For the kids? Do the laundry? Clean the house? Shop? Will I ever go to my kids' sports events? Will we have healthy dinners? I just totally don't get how it all gets done. It sounds totally impossible, and even if it's possible, it sounds like no fun at all. Yet everyone does it.

Whatever I/we decide, I will regret in some way. Whatever I/we decide I will have to justify to someone (and myself) for years to come.

The clear answer seems to be to either have a job that requires fewer hours or have a job that is more flexible and on your own time. Who knows - lots of stuff to think about - what I want personally, what's best for our family (as a whole and each of us individually), what's culturally acceptable (ex-pat Singapore culture? American culture?), what will make me happiest, what we can afford or choose to afford. Not easy stuff.

Indian Feast

2011-08-21T19:10:00.005+08:00

I was moved to cook a small Indian feast today. Mostly I cooked because I never cook anymore (thanks to the awesomeness of Rose), I took an Indian cooking class, and I LOVE Indian food! After I had already made my decision to try out some new recipes I realised that it's also a day designated for cooking curry.

Apparently a family from China asked a Singaporean family to stop cooking their smelly curry. This started an online movement to cook curry today - Hey! We're Singaporean, and we live here, and we cook curry, and you are guests!! (That was the Singaporeans speaking, not me). So, I cooked Indian food that smelled really good - but I didn't use any curry leaves. I was halfway there.

I took an Indian cooking class with my team at work, from this woman. We learned to make two chutneys, daahl, potato filling and dosas. I warned my team that dosas were not a good thing for cooking classes, since we will never make them at home, but they wanted it. We did enjoy eating them, and we did make them, so that was pretty cool, but I will never make them at home. Since that class, approximately ten days ago, I have been dreaming about this green chutney. So, today I made the green coconut chutney (which is South Indian), and I made a chickpea dish and potato and pea dish - both North Indian. I stopped at the chappati guy on the way home from tekka market and got fresh chappatis to eat with it all. This means that I made Indian fusion - all North Indian plus that southern chutney. Holy yum.

I documented my cooking with some not so beautiful photos. But it can show how actually accessible Indian cooking is.

The first photo is the chutney - grinding lemon, chillies, spring onion (green onion), coriander (cilantro), mint, and coconut. First I ground it a while (though my mortar and pestle are a wee bit small for this chutney), and then I put it in the blender. After I tempered, adding some oil, mustard seeds and cumin seeds (cooked). Poof! Done and AMAZING!!

The second photo shows some preparation for my potatoes/peas and chickpeas (separately). You can see the end product of the chutney in the grey poupon jar in front of the toaster (did I mention yum?). Then there's my masala set in front, plus some prepped spices in the front right, and my fresh mint and coriander (cilantro) in the front left. Don't forget the baby formula in the back right.

The last photo was when I put mustard seeds in a dry pan, to make them pop and then add the oil, garlic (front row, left), onions (back row, left), ginger (front row, middle)...some spices and the potatoes (back row, right). After this, I added the peas, a bit of water, cooked, fresh mint, and DONE. YUM (after a bit of salt...).

If anyone wants recipes, email me, and I'll send them to you!

Lost in Malaysia

2011-08-21T08:43:00.003+08:00

Ruthie sent me a note on facebook yesterday, that the brother of someone she knows is lost in Malaysia. Then I started to see this all over facebook - everyone was looking for this guy. Apparently his parents had been in daily touch with him since a trip to Asia started in June. After six days of not hearing anything, they contacted some of his friends and asked if they could mobilise facebook. Turns out he was in Taman Negara in Malaysia.

I have been slightly obsessed with this story for a few reasons. One, I just became a parent, so now I relate to different parenting behaviour - like freaking out if you don't know that your child is totally fine. Also, I think that the parents of everyone who travels through Asia, or anywhere really, are sort of waiting for something like this to happen. It's clearly everyone's worst nightmare.

The second reason is because I have traveled all over Malaysia and lots of South East Asia, and I can totally see how this guy hasn't been on the internet. In Taman Negara (the BIG national park in Malaysia, where apparently the guy is hiking until Tuesday), there is no mobile signal. And, you kind of get caught up in traveling or doing whatever you're doing and you just don't really think about it.

Well, I am the first to admit that I know almost nothing about this situation, this guy or his parents or anything else, but I definitely think he will regret that he didn't tell anyone where he is (assuming he is fine and he just wasn't in contact...). It is kind of crazy that he will come back to loads of people who thought terrible things could have happened. I bet his voicemail is full (and maybe even hacked by those British journalists) and his facebook wall is overwhelmed with love. Just an interesting situation.

Clearly, the bottom line is that it's great that he's fine, whoever he is, but it just made me think about a whole lot of things.

Don't you...

2011-08-14T13:42:00.004+08:00

I have blogged before about signs in Singapore. I find many of them to be hilarious. I have also talked about fear campaigns. We have all learned that Low Crime is not No Crime.

I had seen an ad in the newspaper a few years ago where there was this nice family, and the mother was watermarked out. Basically, the FULL PAGE ad was saying that "this could happen to your family" if you don't take precautions against dengue. On the way to the MRT now, there are these two ads, one in English and one in Chinese, both with super cute kids playing with toys. I thought they were cute, but I was always in a hurry, and I didn't stop to read the super small print (showing that the message of these posters probably isn't communicated to 97% of their intended audience...).

Yesterday, after a great Melanie-morning, including yoga, going to get my mac fixed (apparently bottoms come off MacBooks, and they fix them for free!), running a few other errands, and generally just doing what I want for a few hours, I walked by this poster. I had the time, so I stopped to check it out. Just in case you can't read the text, this is what it says:

"There will be no comfort. i am here to disrupt. if there is a way into your home i will take it. Your precious child her nightmare is about to begin and for the family too. Protect your loved ones from the pain and suffering of dengue. All it takes is just a small portion of stagnant water for the Dengue carrying Aedes mosquito to breed..."

Oy.

My second funny/horrible sign of the day is slightly more on the funny side. In our condo, there are lots of people (something like 950 apartments - LOADS OF PEOPLE ALL THE TIME). Lots of people create lots of trash. Many people don't seem to know where the trash chutes are, so as a result, there are often bags of trash next to the chutes (that's a confusing one for me) and next to the small bins on the first floor, by the elevators. The management has recently put up signs with photos of bags of trash next to the bins, and the photos have lines through them. Clear message - do not put your trash bags NEXT to the trash bin. This morning, on my way back from getting coffee with Sam, we saw bags of trash next to the bins. Next to the photos that say not to do that. It was just funny. Maybe you had to be there? Maybe it transfers through photos?

In other news, Sam is doing better with eating. She's still not really getting calories from food, but she's trying lots of things. She tried challah yesterday morning, and this morning she went to town on a raisin bagel with lots of cream cheese. She has dived into watermelon and tried applesauce a few times. She didn't like lentil soup (probably too salty). But overall, she's gagging way less and even enjoying eating. She also enjoys feeding her mommy and daddy. It's so nice that she shares her soggy, nasty mush with us.

Sam's other new talents include dancing with her arms up every time she hears music (even in a store - it's quite hilarious) and tapping her finger on pages of books. I think that she is "counting" things, but she keep tapping. She also finds her belly button (but sometimes confuses belly buttons with feet and also noses). It is requiring a lot more energy to hang out with her these days - she's all over the place, and she doesn't just roll on her back with a toy for ten minutes - she needs more entertainment. Swings, playgrounds, walking around outside and sitting on the grass are great alternatives (though SOOO hot, so we can only do those things after 5 or so).

Eating

2011-08-09T20:01:00.004+08:00

I haven't blogged in a while - mostly because we had a fantastic trip to the US, and it's been a bit hard to get adjusted to life back here. I haven't been too inspired, unfortunately.

Today, it's Sunday in the middle of the week (Tuesday - it's National Day, so we have the day off work), so I'm a bit lifted. Overall, since we got back we have been busy. We had visits from Erin and Joe, and Talia and Andrew, and they were all great. We got to do fun tourist things, and Sam loved the extra attention (as if three adults and one cat isn't enough...). We haven't had too many visitors, so it was really nice to share our life here with friends. Talia's coming back tomorrow for another day or so, and then I don't believe we have another visitor until October or November.

Once our visitors left (for Thailand and Bali - poor them...), we have tried to get back into life. I've been going to yoga, after a really long break since I was in Bangladesh, India and the US for six weekends in a row! We have relaxed a lot, and we have finally started to see some Singapore friends again.

Today we did our favourite hike (I have written about it a few times) around Macritchie Reservoir with Therese and Vishal. We saw a few monkeys and a flying lemur or something on a tree, and we had a really nice (and to be honest, a bit difficult for me to keep pace with the others!) walk. Sam was super happy for all of it - except for when she was sleeping. She was a champ, as it was HOT HOT HOT!

Enough catching up - so Sam is ten months. When we went to the doctor when she was five months, the doctor said that Samara was ready to eat. She said it would take some "pumping pressure off" if she got calories from food, so she suggested starting feeding her. So we did. And we did this everyday since Sam was five months. Until today (minus about three or four). Sam did not eat. There were two times when she brought papaya to her mouth. But other than those, literally, Sam has never taken food from a spoon. She has never taken a cheerio in her mouth. She has gagged, thrown up, flipped out and overall totally just never eaten solids.

I tried to not worry - babies do things at different times. But then I got home and "someone" told me that we might need to see a therapist and that this is not normal. Then we saw a pediatrician at Michigania, and she sort of laughed it off and said (like my pediatrician here) - KEEP trying.

We always put music on. We danced. We smiled. We sang. We made rhymes. We counted. We looked at colours. We have tried super pureed foods - baby foods, phase 1 and 2, we ground our own food. We gave her overcooked vegetables (at least five different kinds). We tried salmon. We tried many different types of fruit. We mashed. We boiled. We left whole. We seriously tried everything. No success.

A week and a half ago, I got more worried, so I called the pediatrician here, and they said to bring her in. Samara was diagnosed with Oral Sensitivity. She also said that Samara can get all that she needs from formula for a long while, so rather than focusing on how much Sam eats, we should focus on getting a variety of tastes and textures.

So, of course, I google (bad idea if you're a mom or pregnant). Many babies or kids with this don't take hot or cold. They don't put things in their mouths. They don't brush their teeth. Sam's totally not like that. She puts EVERYTHING in her mouth (except food). She likes cold teethers. She doesn't care if her milk is cold, warm, room temperature. She loves brushing her teeth. When she sees the toothbrush, she basically sticks out her cute little teeth. She didn't seem as serious as most of the babies, but there was definitely still a problem.

I think that Sam listened to Dr. Belinda and didn't want to be like that. That was last Friday, and since then, she has almost turned a corner. She put a spoon with yogurt on it in her mouth multiple times. (we don't really try to feed her anymore - we don't want it to become a control thing - so we let her do it herself). She put papaya in her mouth. She ate watermelon and kept going for more. She even ate a bit of baby food for the first time. Today she even ate a french fry. Even though she's still not getting nutrients or calories from the food, at least it shows us that she WILL eat, she does not need to gag all the time (only minimally!), and most likely, she will be totally fine.

It has been a wee bit stressful, though.

30 Hour Journey to Bring Samara HOME

2011-07-02T18:24:00.003+08:00

Last weekend Matt, Samara and I started a 30 hour journey that would take us to Tokyo, LA and finally Detroit. I had stressed about this journey for about eight months. Matt and I had a major disagreement, as I wanted the shortest route possible - not really caring that it might mean that we would spend an additional 3K (ok, I care, but still). There's a flight that goes to Tokyo and then directly to Detroit, and it takes 21 hours. I pleaded my case when Sam was about three months old and we were buying the tickets. "She'll be crawling!" "She'll be too big to carry around!" Plus, flying to LA meant that we had to get a separate ticket from LA to Detroit, which meant that if we were late arriving to LA and we missed our connection, we would have to buy a completely separate ticket (if the Delta people are meanies - which they usually are). In the end, I lost, and I worried for months.

7am Sunday morning, we woke up Sam and took a taxi to the airport. The first flight was no problem - Samara slept for an hour, but mostly she just hung out, played and chilled. In Tokyo we had a major bottle cleaning operation - where Matt went into the men's bathroom and washed everything so it would all be available for the next legs. While he did that, Sam and I waited outside and about 15 women ooh'd and aah'd over Samara. At one point these two women who spoke only Chinese came back, picked up Sam (without even a glance in my direction) and started taking photos. They took photos with her and of her alone. I have a photo of this that I will post later. She didn't seem to mind.

The second leg was the longest and the most miserable, though even this leg wasn't all that bad. Sam slept for about two hours in the bassinet, though it was a bit too small for her, so she couldn't quite get her elbow high enough to suck her thumb comfortably. She also needs to whine a bit before she falls asleep (or at least sing really loudly), but when everyone around you on the plane is sleeping, you're a crap parent if you let your kid make that noise. I knew that if we picked her up, that would just mean that she would stay awake longer and have to make noise the next time she fell asleep...but we did get some dirty looks, so in the end we tried to keep her as quiet as possible, forgoing some precious sleep. She watched some Monsters, Inc. and some other movie about Gnomes. She got SO excited when she saw the characters moving. She turned to look at me as if to say, "MOM!! Do you SEE THIS!? It's AMAZING!!!" The weirdest thing about this flight is that we arrived before we even left on Sunday (with a shorter flight than time difference).

In LA we were the last in line for immigration because we had to wait for our stroller at the gate (in many places in Asia if you have a baby you get to go to a special line and not wait forever...), so that took a bloody long time. The immigration official asked Matt was he did, and he said he was an economist. "Economist means finance which means money. Do you make a lot of money?" We wanted to ask if that was part of her job to ask or just out of personal curiosity. We just smiled awkwardly. In LA Sam played and we ate pizza.

The last leg, from LA to Detroit, was a piece of cake. Samara was so wiped that she fell asleep in the ergo, which meant I fell asleep as well, and though we were scrunched into a domestic Delta airplane with no bassinet and no friendly Singapore Airlines flight attendants, we were golden. We slept for about two hours and hung out and played for the other two.

All that stressing, and really, she was a champ.

In the meantime it has been so incredible to be home. Sam has met her relatives - like our closest relatives that we grew up with who are such a huge part of our lives. It's crazy to us that she hadn't met them yet. She met my grandparents, Matt's grandma, lots of cousins and aunts and uncles.

Yesterday she got to meet some of my closest friends and their kids as we spent the day together in Ann Arbor. We gathered from Toronto, Chicago, Cleveland, Columbus and Singapore.

Shana and I met in 1988 at Camp Ramah. We became really close in high school, lived together for all four years at Michigan (including a year abroad) and have remained close since. She lives in Toronto with her husband Daniel and sons Joseph who's 3 and Sam who's 7 months. I have been so lucky to meet Joseph three times before, and this was our first time introducing Sam to Sam (they loved each other).

At orientation for U of M, I met Seth and Mike, super awesome twins from Cleveland. We spent our time in Ann Arbor hanging out together all the time, and by the end we were watching Office Space together at least a few times a week. Since college we have all visited each other in different locations at least once a year (though it has been only once a year since we moved to Singapore!).

In college, Seth had a girlfriend from high school, and after college, they got married. Seth and Emily live in Cleveland and have Ariel who's 3 and Eli who's seven months (each one week apart from Shana's kids above!).

Mike moved to Chicago, and so did my good friend Joanna from Otzma. I sent them an email saying that they were both so important to me and cool. They got married six years ago and live in Columbus and have a two year old, Charlie.

Jill and I met in high school, though we were in the same group of friends but didn't really get close until college. Since college Jill has been one of my closest friends, also going to Social Work School at U of M together. Jill and Ben live in Chicago with Joseph who is a week older than Samara.

For us all to be together, have our kids interact, and eat Zingermans, Dominicks and play on the diag is seriously a dream. It was such a happy and wonderful day.

Visa Photos

2011-06-24T22:23:00.003+08:00

This is an old story, but it's worth sharing.

I had to get four passport photos for visas in just a few days. I needed three for a visa to Bangladesh and one for a visa to India. I remember that there was a photo booth in the Mustafa Travel Centre right by our house, so we went in. It was packed with people. Saturday night at Mustafa's. Crazy. The photo booth was nowhere to be seen. We decided to do our shopping and figure out the photos tomorrow. Then I spotted the random ID photo booth that had moved outside and onto the street. Perf. Put in my money (S$7) and it gives you all of the instructions. It framed my face in the face area, and then it showed my whole head, neck and shoulders in the screen. SHIT! This is for BANGLADESH! They don't do bare shoulders! 20...19...18...please press OK to take the photo...17...16...

MATT - quick! Take off your shirt!

NO! We're in the middle of Little India!

Exactly - no one will notice! Please take off your shirt! Just for one minute - I will just put it on for the photo and give it right back!

No!!

Ok - give me the shopping bags. I took our white, cloth re-usable shopping bags and slapped them over my shoulders. Just in time...4...3...2...1...SNAP!

It didn't occur to me that I could go back the next day, with a proper shirt on, and take new photos for a mere USD5.

Then the photos printed. Head and neck only. Not even a speck of shoulder. All that for nothing.

Trailing

2011-06-22T22:10:00.002+08:00

This article in the New York Times reminds me about how complicated it is to be a trailing spouse. It's no small compromise to give up your job (or even your career) to move across the world for your partner's professional opportunity. It's hard to find a job in a new city, country and culture. If your field doesn't exist (for example, informal Jewish education), you have to either get extremely creative or find something new. Your identity shifts. Your circle of friends shifts. Now it's really about having couple friends and being seen more as a unit. You are somewhere because of a job or professional opportunity. Your family is somewhere else. Your best friends are all somewhere else, yet you're chasing something professional. That says a lot about what's important to you (I struggle with this a lot), at least at this moment.

Four years on, when someone asks what I'm doing in Singapore, I never say that I work in Diversity and Inclusion at a big bank. I say, "well, I came here for my husband's job. Since I was here I got an MBA and found a job, and now I work in D&I in a big bank." I do not internalise this move as my own. I don't resent Matt for this, but if I hadn't found a job that I like, and if I hadn't found a good support network, and if I hadn't had all of the other great opportunities we have taken advantage of here (traveling, diving, etc), I would be.

It's complicated. The next move is mine!

More Bangladesh Impressions

2011-06-14T11:18:00.002+08:00

I still haven't really gotten out, though this morning I woke up early to at least have a little walk, since the hartal is over (though they declared to start another one tomorrow...). I wanted to visit the wet market. Most markets I have been to are only open first thing in the morning. Some are already finished by 8am. This one doesn't OPEN until 10am! Luckily there were a few stalls open and there were loads of mangoes to be had. Fear not. When I gave my bags to the hotel staff to hold until I go to the airport tonight, I asked them to please be careful with my bag of mangoes. "Don't worry ma'am. Bangladesh is very amenable to mangoes. If you go to the countryside you will see that everyone has mangoes." Does that mean that they know the importance of treating them well or "don't worry - you can just get more"?

The streets are really busy, lots of honking, very colourful dress. People definitely gave me a second glance, but I felt very comfortable walking around. There are so many different types of transport - MANY rickshaws, tuk-tuk type things with caged in seating areas, cars, busses, open trucks, everything!

The difference between rich and poor is absolutely crazy. There are people who drive fancy cars and others who walk barefoot on the street. I don't think I have been in a place with such a disparity.

I have had *VERY* little local food (apparently they tell the locals that our stomachs can't handle it...), so I have had Italian and Japanese...but the local food I have had is extremely tasty and a bit different than Indian dishes of the same name. My dosa this morning had cashews in it, which I have never seen in Little India at least. I don't know the names of the spices, but the tastes are a bit less sweet than Indian and the spice combination seems quite complicated. I love it.

Disappointment in my super fancy hotel - I got someone else's 5am wake up call, the walls are so thin I could hear everything going on in the rooms next to me, somehow the LAN cable burned my LAN input and my computer is now broken...so I feel like this place is a dump...and then I walk out onto the street, and I can't believe the hotel is as nice as it is. Perspective is important.

Though I will be in Singapore for about ten hours, next stop is Bombay...

Hartal

2011-06-12T22:51:00.002+08:00

A hartal is a strike in Bangladesh. Why would I ever know that? Because I'm here. In Bangladesh, and there's hartal.

I arrived late last night, on a plane that was at about 10% capacity. Was that because of the hartal or because it's usually empty? I have no idea. It took maybe a half hour of CRAZY driving (why do they even put lines on the road?) to get from the airport to the hotel. I saw tonnes of trucks, busses, rickshaws, motorcycles and loads and loads of people on the way here. When I checked in, the guy told me that the streets were "empty" because of hartal. Huh? Really?

Basically all I can do is stay in the hotel and go to office. The hotel guys said that because of voilence, it's not a good idea to be walking around on the streets alone, right now. That is quite sad, since I'm slightly obsessed with the food here, and it's a whole culture I haven't yet gotten to know. People seem so warm and welcoming, yet I can't really go check out their space. It's a bit painful, really.

The hartal is done on Tuesday, though Tuesday is also the busiest day here for my work, since the hartal will be over...so I don't know if I can go out and explore.

A few observations from my very limited vantage point:

Coming from Singapore where I believe cars aren't allowed to be on the road after about ten years, the cars are shockingly old. At leaset 20% look like they're from the 80s. Earlier? One's trunk literally looked like it was going to fall off.

I didn't see any traffic lights last night, but at each intersection, my driver slowed down, honked and kept driving. Seemed effective.

When we walked into the office today, there was a tea-dude with a tray of bottles. They were vodka, rum, etc. bottles, but they looked like they were all filled with water. That was weird enough, but when I saw a guy take multiple swigs from a bottle of rum (really, I believe it was water), it was even weirder. I laughed (in a meeting). This is a Muslim country, and I was definitely in a business environment. Really - there is no way it wasn't water. But it was funny.

Looking out my window from the 12th floor, I can't tell if the city is filled with construction or destruction. It's very grey, and there are lots of buildings that aren't being used - and aren't in full form.

Dhaka is one of the most densely populated cities in the world. 12 million people. It is also super poor. GDP per capita is 1,500. In the US it's about 47,000. There are 400,000 rickshaws.

In other news, last night was my first night away from Samara. I feel excessively guilty, but really it's okay. I had convinced myself that she wouldn't even notice. Then I was searching online about ceasing breastfeeding (tmi, sorry), and I read that I was abandoning my baby and causing permanent damage. Hopefully that online source is not legitimate. Honestly, it's sort of nice to not think about every detail of her life for a few days. I thought it would be nice to sleep and not have to worry about waking up, but that didn't work (call to prayer being one of the reasons). Really, it's such an opportunity for me to be here (professionally and personally - even with the hartal), and it would be REALLY stressful to have Samara here (the whole sterilizing game would be to a new level), so all in all, it's totally fine.

But...I can't wait to squeeze her and give her hundreds of kisses when I get home (for ten hours...) on Wednesday!!!

Weekend Edition

2011-06-08T23:17:00.003+08:00

The Weekend Edition music (funny link, but does the trick!) makes me really homesick. I hear the music, and I picture my grad school apartment in Ann Arbor. I picture sitting with a cup of coffee and reading the New York Times. Like - real coffe. Like - the REAL paper New York Times. I can smell the (mold?) smells of our New York apartment and see the light coming in the windows of our living room on Sunday morning. It's just a good feeling, and that show always has interesting things to tell me.

Here, I sometimes stream public radio, but that's usually the middle of the night in the US, so mostly it's the BBC on Michigan Radio. Generally, my NPR exposure in Singapore is through podcasts (which I know I have mentioned multiple times). This post talks about my hierarchy of podcasts, but the Slate Culture and Political Gabfests have moved to #2 and #3, pushing the rest down, since 2008.

Generally, there is something about NPR hosts' voices that I am very attached to. I remember when Bob Edwards retired in 2004 I didn't know what my mornings would be like. I thought my life would drastically change. I'm not real big on transition in the NPR world.

Well, I'm a week or so behind on my podcasts (working two days from home...less commuting time...), but today I heard that the 29th May was Liane Hansen's last day hosting Morning Edition. I have to admit that I shed a tear (one only, but still) in the MRT.

I sort of want all of NPR to just stay as it is/was so that it's all nice and neat when we move back. NPR is one of those things that I look forward to enjoying more when we live in America again...one day. Metroparks, grass and outside in general, family, friends that I grew up with and have loved for years and Sourpatch Kids also rank up there.

MRT Videos

2011-06-05T16:59:00.004+08:00

There are great screens here in the MRT so you can (usually) see how long you will have to wait for the next train. I loved that about living in DC and I hated that they didn't have that in NYC. In addition, the screens are used for multiple useful (and hilarious) other reasons.

For example, sometimes the MRT has manners campaigns. These are campaigns where you learn, for example, to step aside to let people off the train (which never happens), or to let old people or pregnant people sit down (which usually does happen). For example we have this "Love Your Ride" throwback to the 50s, which was really big before Sam was born, and it seems to have disappeared while I was gone. We also have the "Happy Journey Starts Like That" version, which was big about two years ago. I can't wait to see the next!

In addition to these campaigns, we also have videos about how to call for assistance if you're sick, or to ride the elevators if you have a lot of packages. There was one about generally being pleasant on the MRT.

My favourite, and the most disturbing, by far, are the terrorist-fear ones. When we first moved here (FOUR YEARS AGO TOMORROW for me!!) we saw the videos where they showed horrible terrorist attacks. They show pictures (like bloody and bodies and yuck) from terrorist attacks in London 2005, Spain 2004, and others in Bali. They literally show shots from afterwards, and then the words "Be Vigilant. Don't Let This Happen To You."

There was also a video where a "shady guy" gets on the train with his bag, and then he gets off and leaves his bag. These two women see it and they call the train operator and tell them about a suspicious object. It seems to me that they're now showing an extended version of the same video (unless somehow I missed the ending for my first few years here?). Now, the guy gets off, and then they show him flip up his mobile phone, push a button, and it literally shows the Singapore MRT go into a tunnel, and then a blast of fire. It's SUPER disturbing. While the videos are quite quiet (you might not even notice that they're playing), every time the train blows up, they also play a horrible sound clip of lots of people screaming. It definitely catches my attention each time.

In other news, we are just really looking forward to our trip to the US in three short weeks. In the meantime, I have loads of work to do to be able to take off for three weeks, and I will be going to Dhaka, Bangladesh next weekend for three days. Then I'll be back in Singapore for ten hours and I'll be heading to Mumbai for three days. All in all, I'll have two red-eyes, 2.5 wasted weekend days (coming back a week before I leave, with a baby, for a three week trip...after a four hour red-eye), my first night (and 2nd, 3rd...6th) night away from my baby, my first work trip for my current job, my first trip to Bangladesh, my first trip to India...It will be a little rough for me. I sort of wouldn't mind if they refused my visa. I mean, it is an amazing opportunity.

Here's a link to current photos and videos of Sam (and friends).

The Zoo

2011-05-29T15:31:00.006+08:00

We have lived here for almost four years (next week is my anniversary - Matt's was a few weeks ago). The Singapore Zoo is supposed to be a big attraction in Singapore. We had never been. We FINALLY made it to the Night Safari a year and a half ago when Sarah and Ben were in town.

The last time I went to a zoo was in St. Louis when we were there for Danny and Lisa's wedding four years ago. It was supposed to be one of the best zoos in America, and I had been excited. Though I love animals, I hadn't really been part of the anti-zoo movement, and I hadn't even read or thought about it much at all. It caught me by surprise that I was so upset about how the animals were so enclosed and on parade for people to see and tap or yell at. I really felt sick about it. I swore off zoos, but not too seriously.

Our friends, Julia and David suggested that we go to the zoo, and we jumped at it. I couldn't believe that we hadn't gone yet, and I also couldn't believe friends who don't have a kid are interested to go with us. We suggested meeting there at 8:30, but they were even up for that!

This zoo only upset me in a few places - I mean the whole idea is still upsetting, and life looks EXTREMELY boring for these animals, but they are not as enclosed as other zoos, and their areas look much nicer. I think it actually just made me feel better, and it might not actually BE that much better for the animals, but it just didn't seem as bad. Highlights included LOADS of monkeys and orangutans making crazy noises (Sam only cried once...) and swinging all over the place, the manatees, which are just huge and awesome, and little field mice. The tigers and cheetahs were cool, but they fit into the "sad" category. Sam took two naps, she looked at a few animals, but mostly she enjoyed watching the other kids and eating the map (it was especially tasty). She was a champ, though, because we were out for SIX hours (remember, she REALLY likes her sleep...).

I can't be bothered to look through the 198 photos that Matt took of the animals at the zoo, so I'm posting a few of us from the day. Sam is sitting with Julia and David. Sam is pouting on the tortoise (we love that face - but why be so scared of sitting on a tortoise?).

In other news, it was my mom's birthday yesterday. Happy birthday, mom!

In yet other news, Samara still hates eating, but we're getting better at feeding her. She is now happy when she's eating - she smiles, laughs, plays, but she turns her head at the food and gags very dramatically when food goes in her mouth. We're working on it.

She has also started moving all over the place - like crawling but not exactly crawling. At least she doesn't use her head anymore - just arms and legs. I left her on her tummy in the middle of the floor for a minute earlier today, and I looked over and somehow she was sitting up. That was a first, but I have no idea (and I'm sure she also has no idea) how she got up.

I was very sick over the last week - a really bad cold with a fever. The fever lasted about 2.5 days, which is a record for me in the past years. I really feel like I rarely get sick, and I was a disaster. I only went to work on Thursday (and I tried Tuesday morning, but I went back home at noon), and I was in bed for a few days. Thank goodness, the fever is gone, and all I have left is the stuffiness. It stinks to be sick.

Same Same Boy

2011-05-22T13:58:00.008+08:00

Finally - a post about our trip to Chiang Mai, northern Thailand, last weekend...

This is entitled Same Same Boy, because that came up quite a few times in our four days in Thailand. Boy? Girl? Girl. Same Same Boy.

Finally I got someone with better English skills to explain what this meant - your baby looks like a boy, even though she's a girl. Fair enough.

We had a mostly great four days in Chiang Mai. There were many dimensions to the trip which I will briefly outline -

1- The Weather. Somehow we completely missed that it was the rainy season. Apparently it was. It rained nearly all day, nearly everyday. We borrowed umbrellas, bought umbrellas (and a silly poncho), used our water-resistant-ish ergo for Sam, got caught a few times, but mostly we stayed somewhat dry.

2 - Sam's sleeping. Samara sleeps. She usually is awake for only five or six hours per day. She likes to sleep 12-14 hours per night and then takes 3-4 naps during the day. She prefers to stay awake only about 1.5 hours before her next shluf. This did not fit into our travel schedule. We pushed her (which I think is good for her, ultimately, right?), but sometime she didn't like it. Mostly, though, she was fantastic, and we gave her a morning nap before we went out, and we came back to the hotel for a long afternoon nap (all naps were had in her crib in the bathroom, obviously), and then we stayed out until about 8 or 9. I felt really guilty, but she was a champ.

3 - Food. Food in Thailand is the best food in the world. No question. It is so tasty, and it's the yummiest of all tastes. We had: yellow curry, green curry, at least four pad thais, pad sie ew (sp?), mango sticky rice, banana shake, some northern style tom yam, papaya salad, mango salad, chicken with cashewnut (or cashews as we call them back home), and I'm sure there were other dishes that I can't remember. We had an average of three dishes per meal. Four days. Three meals per day. That's a lot of yummy Thai food.

Sam's food was also an adventure. This was our first trip where I wasn't exclusively breastfeeding (TMI? Sorry). We had a whole assembly line - first we washed the bottles (brought a sponge and soap), put them to dry, then we put them in microwave steriliser bags, took them to the hotel restaurant, they put them on high for 3 minutes. Then they came up to the bottle rack, and then we packed them to take with us wherever we went. It's slightly stressful because the water is not clean in Thailand, but it seemed to all work (with one minor upset stomach for about four hours...).

4 - Beauty. Chiang Mai area is absolutely gorgeous. The mountains, colo(u)rs and temples are just unbelievably beautiful.

Babies in Asia are total rockstars. I posted this article on facebook a few months back, because it's TOTALLY accurate. Tons of people took photos of Sam. At least 20 pinched her cheeks, probably 40 grabbed her hands (yuck - but what can you do?). Grown men were oogling and aahgling. It was pretty entertaining. The hotel people all talked to her. Random people held her, and she probably caused at least 100 smiles (not including ours) each day. That's an accomplishment.

We went to three markets - the Saturday Walking Street, the Sunday Walking Street and the Night Bazaar. The shopping in Chiang Mai was really nice - creative pieces.

Sam went in her first (second, third, etc.) tuk-tuk. At first she seemed a bit confused and bothered about the air in her face (though mostly she was in the chest-facing-ergo), she looked around, she smiled at people on motorcycles next to us, and she LOVED the lights at night. I did feel like an irresponsible parent, but then I thought that we were going really slowly most of the time, and hey - I breastfed in a moving car in Lombok. This was definitely not that bad...

We had a totally random experience on the Sunday Walking Street. It started pouring, and we ditched into a busy restaurant. It was full, but the staff found a place for us (they love babies - it's awesome). They put us at a table for four, but there were only 2 (and a half) of us. We saw another couple come in and look for a seat, and they couldn't find anything. I said, "no pressure, but we're only using two of these seats, so you're welcome to join us." "Wow - thanks!" Matt asks, "So, where are you from?" "The US." "Ah, us too. Where?" "Michigan." "No way! Us too!" Turns out they're from West Michigan. In 2003, they took 4.5 years (also 2004, 5, 6, etc.) and SAILED AROUND THE WORLD...with their THREE kids, between five and 16 years when they started. That's so fricken cool. The oldest daughter was doing a study abroad programme in Chiang Mai, and he was there for some medical tourism. They were really nice, interesting, and we really enjoyed meeting them. I just ordered his book, and I can't wait to read it. Here's his website. Our favorite part of the conversation was when Matt asked him something about it being hard with his daughter so far away on this programme in Thailand, and he said, something like, "no - I'm just so proud of her and who she's becoming. It's amazing to sit back and watch her blossom." It was really a beautiful thing to say, and I hope we feel that day about Sam and all of her 60 brothers and sisters one day.

All in all - it was a great trip. We love traveling. We love Thailand. We love spending family time (it was fun before Sam, but now we really enjoy it even more - she's soooo fun!). I have to say, though, that traveling with a baby (who likes to sleep a lot...in a place without clean water...in the rainy season...) is also a little bit difficult.

Here's a link to photos and videos.

The Important Stuff

2011-04-25T21:56:00.006+08:00

I remember before we had Sam, and I felt very mixed about buying a lot of things. I had that stupid Jewish superstition brain that said don't buy anything. I also was sure we were having a boy (for no reason at all), but had no confirmation, and finding un-gendered clothes is HARD. I also don't like STUFF and wanted to not get caught up in it all. Having done and said that, there are some things that I am so glad we don't do without, and I thought I should post them for future new moms (and dads).

Ergo - I think the ergo baby carrier is the best thing on the planet. When Sam gets tired, she doesn't cry or fuss. She just closes her eyes and goes to sleep. It's hot, here in Singapore, but so is carrying your baby without using a carrier, and this way you get two hands and a happy (sweaty) baby.

Sterilizer and bottle warmer - I would have never bought a sterilizer or a bottle warmer. I thought it was so stupid when you can just boil water and stick the stuff in. Someone passed both on to us, so I figured I might as well try them. So super easy to just stick the stuff into the sterilizer and put a bottle in the warmer for four minutes. When you work, there are lots of bottles to be sterilized and warmed.

Double pump - I didn't really know what I was talking about when I decided to get a pump. People said to get the double because it would save time. Yeah - like HOURS of time. It's essential unless you're able to be with your baby at all hours. I got the Philips Avent Isis Duo, but most people are happy with Medela.

Tyke light - Jill got us this. It was actually our first gift for Sam, because she was only about 12 weeks in gestation. I didn't get how awesome it was. At 2am or at 6am, you just don't want to turn on the light, but you need to be able to see enough to find the baby's mouth (or she needs to see enough to find the treasure), and it's just perfect. I also like that it has a 15 minute timer, so if I don't have a watch, I also know how long I've been nursing (I have been living my life in 15-20 minute increments for the last seven months, and I still have NO idea without a clock how long 15-20 minutes is. It's actually a bit weird.) The batteries haven't even died yet, and we used it every night for four months and on weekend mornings for the last three. It's like the miracle of Hanukkah.

Exercise Ball - this is a key when the baby's super young. We would just bounce her to sleep. It always soothed her. Magic.

Board books - I thought they were stupid. I thought we might as well just get paper books. Turns out they were invented for a reason. Sam wants to eat every book in sight. Cardboard books survive way better.

Giraffe - This giraffe (hand-me-down) and Sophie are both Sam's favorites. She LOVES them. Giraffes are clearly key to a happy baby.

Sleep book - Shana got me this, but when it was recommended by other moms I trust, I figured it was a good one. My doctor said that other moms might punch me if I talk about my baby's sleeping, so I can't, but I can say that I LOVE this approach. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is my go to when I am not going to pick up Sam at night when she cries. I literally take it off the shelf and read the part about how it's not abandonment, and you really love your kid a lot to help them learn to put herself to sleep, etc.

Digital SLR - who has an extra millisecond to wait when your baby is super cute NOW! Totally worth it.

Jumperoo - obviously.

Things I thought we needed -
Vaseline (why?)
Socks (TOO HOT!!!)
Pants (TOOO HOOTTT!!!)
Blankets (not even the heat - we got so many for gifts. We really didn't need to buy any)

We will finally be making a new album soon, but we have been adding more photos to this album of Sam. Enjoy!

Oh - and happy birthday, Matt! (too bad you don't read this so you'll never see this!)

Kosher Malaysian Chickens

2011-04-22T23:06:00.000+08:00

In the US when I cooked chicken, which I usually did for shabbat, I went to the store, and I got kosher chicken in a packet - usually either boneless skinless breasts or "cut-up chicken." No prob. Came home, gave her a little clean and popped her in the oven.

We kept kosher in New York. Pretty strict. When we moved here, we left our kosher kitchen at home (mostly) and decided to be vegetarian here (mostly). There was one day where I experimented with prawn (shrimp) soup (I can't find the post, but I believe I blogged about it, because I remember having anxiety about rabbi/teachers of mine reading it...), but really, our home here has been vegetarian. Matt is pretty adamantly vegetarian at home, also, because he believes that we should only eat about three meals per week with meat, and it's easier to be veg at home than it is when you go out...(many, many discussions...). He doesn't actually care about kashrut.

I convinced him that if we were going to do Passover in Singapore, as it was my first one away from home, then I would have to make chicken soup and chicken. How else could it be done? I decided that if I were going to cook a chicken or two for Passover, at least they should be kosher. So I ventured to the kosher shop to get a couple of birds.

The first bird I bought was skinless. Seemed that it would be easier to manage. Then I realised that I didn't know how to cook a whole chicken with no skin. Back to the kosher shop to get another bird with skin.

In the end, I got two. I learned that the chickens are raised in Malaysia, and the rabbi (I believe) kills a whole bunch of them each week, or month, or something, and then we get to eat them. They are sort of small, but they are yummy. I believe that the hard core meat is all imported from Australia, but I haven't ventured to that part of the freezer yet.

With a bit of help from my mom, I decided to use the naked chicken for my chicken soup and the fully clothed one for the chicken dish. The chicken dish required that the chicken sit in lemon juice for a day. I went to take out the chicken to start to clean it, and...oops...it's like for real a whole bird. Blood, neck and everything. I got pretty grossed out. Where's my "cut-up" and clean chicken? I felt super American and princessy, but I wasn't too keen on this bird. My helper, Rose, happened to come out right when I was looking uneasily at the chicken, and she said, "do you know how to clean a chicken?" "No. Do you?" "Of course! I grew up on a farm. Do you want me to clean it?" "YES! Can you!? That would be awesome." I went to the botanic gardens, and she cleaned my chicken (apparently there were a lot of feathers left - grody!). The skinless one wasn't as bad, once I got it out of the bloody bag, I was able to just wash it (though I didn't like handling the thing, and I couldn't believe how long its neck was). All of the food came out really well - especially the chicken soup - but I need to enter negotiations with my husband to be able to make it again. I'm working on it.

Weekend Mornings

2011-04-17T09:22:00.004+08:00

Now that I'm back at work, as I have mentioned, I am totally exhausted. Even if I sleep 7 hours each night, which is similar to the amount of sleep I got before Sam was born, I am just totally exhausted. On my first few weekends back at work, I found myself getting quite resentful on weekend mornings when I woke up with the baby (which makes sense, since I'm the one who fed her) and Matt (to no fault of his own - I would do the same thing) would sleep. After a few weeks, I decided to try to figure out a solution.

Luckily we live in a country that has a two day weekend - for most people. And there are two of us. Hm...perfect match for splitting the mornings. So, for the last month or so, we have each taken one weekend morning, and it has changed my life. On Matt's morning, he brings her in to eat, and then he sweeps her off to Daddy-land where everything is fun and wonderful. And I stick a pillow over my head so I don't hear the excited voices of Daddy-land, and I sleep. This situation has completely changed my life.

In other news, Sam has developed a new language with lots of new sounds. It's as if she's telling a story - with different tones and sounds - all the time. It's quite cute. She's still totally not interested in eating solids, though yesterday was the first time we have tried in two weeks, and it was a wee bit more successful. This is going to be a slow ride. She watches me eat food like a tennis game. She wants to get her hands on everything on my plate. But the doc said we probably shouldn't give her spicy Indian food until at least ten months. Sorry Sam.

Warning - if you're not into talking about breastfeeding, stop reading.
We also took a big step yesterday and got our first tin of formula. I had planned to go without it for 12 months, but when I made that decision I really didn't know what I was talking about. I had never done this before - it was just from books. Now I know (and everyone else who has a baby knows too) that books aren't exactly always reality, but they give you some interesting guidelines.

It sort of seems like my entire life is pumping (five times a day for 20 minutes each time, plus the cleaning, etc.). At work I don't feel comfortable leaving the office for lunch since I leave three times to pump. At night I still have an hour before I can go to sleep once I decide I need to go to sleep. In the morning I almost wish that Sam doesn't wake up before I go to work, because then I have to feed her and pump which adds another 20 minutes before I can leave for work, and I already wake up at 6:30 (I don't think I can stomach earlier) just to get to work by 8:30 or 8:45. In addition, without providing too much detail - though I'm sorry that probably many of you already think that I provided too much detail - I'm not the most productive pumper, so I'm constantly stressed that I don't have enough for tomorrow, and each day I use about 8oz from the freezer, so I spend weekends and days that I work from home trying to stock up as much as I can. I think and worry about this limited supply all the time, and I'm just not sure it's all worth it. It's been 6.5 months, and I think that's fantastic enough. I am not going cold turkey at all, but I think we will start supplementing just to take some of the pressure off, and I may cut out one pumping session and we'll take it from there.

Get a Little Bit Closer...

2011-04-03T21:04:00.004+08:00

The highlight of our day was in the evening. After Sam's bath, we want to make sure all of her fat crevices are dry to prevent diaper rash. Matt was blowing, and I was singing. Matt got a little too close, and WHOOSH! Pee all over the face!

Lots of friends have told us about getting pooped on and peed on, but that hadn't yet happened to us. Not in the bath, not on the way to the bath, not during diaper changing...just a few easy pees on the changing table. This was different. Whoa.

In other news Bubbie and Zaydie just left. We had an eventful ten day visit with lots of playing with Samara, lots of walks and a few other exciting journeys around Singapore. Sam loved spending time with them - reading books, singing songs and just generally cuddling.

Bubbie and Zaydie brought with them a jumperoo, which is Sam's new favourite thing to play with. She jumps and dances and spins all of the spinny things. Sam LOVES that jumperoo.

We had a great weekend with Fran and Tom - fabu Thai food at our favourite Thai place (Yhingthai on Purvis St), botanic gardens strolling and brunch at Halia, resting, veggie moussaka dinner, chocolate buffet at the top of the integrated resort (more in another blog post), tekka market...was fun and relaxing both. Click here for lots of photos (new ones at the bottom. I'll start a new album next upload).

In yet other news, our family happens to be the cover story of the Detroit Jewish News this week. Pretty exciting. It's all about how young people are leaving Detroit - but it's from the perspective of their parents. My mom said some nice quality things, and the photos are beautiful! I didn't realise that I should have taken a shower and put on real clothes for the occasion. I'm in my pajamas.

Shopping on a Small Island

2011-03-20T20:22:00.004+08:00

Yesterday we needed to get Philadelphia cream cheese (when I say needed - I mean it. Who eats bagels without cream cheese?). Mustafa's usually has it. They had none. Then we went to NTUC across the street. They didn't have it either. It was a Philadelphia cream cheese shortage in Singapore!

We had the same thing with detergent that we were using to wash Sam's clothes. We had bought Dreft at some ex-patty grocery story, and then it was nowhere to be found in all similar shops in Singapore.

A friend told me that when Sam starts eating Cheerios, we should always have a stock at our house. Apparently kids get pretty attached, and there are times where Singapore runs out of Cheerios. The whole country.

Really - it feels like a big city with some suburbs, but when it comes down to it, the country that we call home can be driven across in a half hour. We're on an island country, and when there is no cream cheese, there is no cream cheese.

This reminds me of the time when all of Singapore's Passover supply of Matzah (I think 2006 or 2007 - right before we came) was on a boat that arrived late, just hours before the first seder. It was a near miss of a total disaster and lots of people not able to observe lots of mitzvot.

In other news, Sam has been testing out her new high chair. She explored gravity (check out my video on fb), and she ate avocado and sweet potato (which she still wasn't interested in). A highlight was when she sat down with her food, and rather than bringing the food to her, she put her face in the avocado. Interesting approach. I think she has watched the cat eat more than mommy and daddy...

We had a great day today that consisted of tekka market an d a fun afternoon of Ari, Julia and Settlers (with a little yoga thrown in). We told the story of Purim, ate a big meal, and a Jew taught me yoga. Does that count?

America - Come on!

2011-03-19T20:09:00.006+08:00

These two topics are way over published, and there's no need to do a literature review, but America, you are so behind. Matt and I would probably move back and be productive in your economy rather than this random country that we have called home for the last four years if you were in a different place with maternity leave and health care.

As part of my job last year, I was working on implementing paternity leave (or "new parent" leave for same sex couples) and adoption leave for all employees across all of my bank's countries. With this, I looked into what policies exist in all of our countries, and I also looked at maternity leave (which we hope to tackle soon, but at least we HAVE it in all of our markets...). Everyone knows that it's the best in Europe. In London you get six months paid and then another six months optional unpaid, in Germany they have to hold your job for THREE YEARS, etc. In Asia, it's touch and go - Obviously in China you only get one maternity leave (but you do have sterilisation leave - isn't that nice?), and in Pakistan and Malaysia you only get four maternity leaves (what happens for your fifth kid?). In Singapore, I got two months plus 8 weeks (ultimately about four months), 100% PAID maternity leave. Put that together with the super low tax rate here, and I'm banking by procreating here. During my childbearing life, what's my incentive to go back to a country where I might get 12 weeks unpaid? At 12 weeks I wasn't even physically recovered (granted my birth was ridiculous, but still!). It was only that last month where I was really able to enjoy maternity leave. My friend (an avid reader) is going back to work next week when her baby is SIX WEEKS OLD. That's just way way way too early (sorry - I know I didn't have such a strong reaction on the phone...). Granted she'll be fine, and the baby will be fine, but we should all have MONTHS to bond with our new babies as they develop and have their first experiences with the world. We should also not have to make a financial sacrifice. It's just so absurd and so behind.

Secondly, it is ridiculous that we are doing research to get extra health insurance so we can come to America this summer. Our work here gives us a certain amount (mine is up to S$80,000) to spend on our medical care, and if we get hurt (god forbid...) or sick in Singapore, we won't run through that too quickly. In America, that's like a day's work. If we get sick or in an accident when we're in America, we're screwed. I can't believe that it's so scary for us to go back to our HOME country.

I don't think I wrote about this, but my insurance (and Matt's) doesn't cover maternity expenses, so everything that we spent on appointments leading up to and the birth (and after...) was out of pocket. If we had been so blessed to have the natural birth we were hoping for, it would have been about USD2,500. Not a biggie. On the other hand, we ended up being there for five days in a private room, we had the labor tub (which we weren't able to use...), we had the epidural, the antibiotics, the vacuum, the emergency c-section at 11:30 at night, then the doctor had to come back around 2 or 3am - we had everything, and it all ended up costing about USD7,000. I don't exactly think this is a steal, but in the US this would have been SO MUCH MORE.

If the US would just have normal costing health care that was accessible to everyone and paid maternity leave, productive people like me and Matt might even come back!

In other news, Matt's parents have delayed their trip so they don't have to fly through Japan (oy - poor Japan), so they're arriving this Wednesday. Sam can't wait to play with them!

Today Matt and I went to IKEA, and I made peace with the place. The last few times we have gone Matt absolutely had to explore all options of everything before making any decisions (including when I was 9 months pregnant), and I was miserable - I hate shopping anyway, but IKEA is on a different level. It's SO big, and there are a million and one kids. This time was totally different. We made a list and agreed beforehand on exactly where we would look and what we would get. We spent an hour, we got THE high chair, a place for Sam's toys, plus they have a whole bunch of super great kids stuff - bowls and cups for kids plus really fun toys. We even got the Kitty a new mouse. She already batted it all around the house.

Sam tried sweet potatoes. She didn't really like it. She doesn't really like anything (food-wise). We're working on it...No hurry, but we'll keep trying. All of these photos are from today.

Working from Home

2011-03-13T14:02:00.007+08:00

I haven't written too much about what I do, but I work in Diversity and Inclusion at Standard Chartered Bank. Our bank has about 80,000 employees, and we do 90% of our business in Asia, Africa and the Middle East (but really mostly Asia). My group works within the company, with customers and in the community. In the company, we focus on gender, nationality and disability (more on that later). With customers we look at accessibility of our products and services (i.e. for those with disabilities or women who can't get collateral for a loan in a place where the government requires it, etc), and in the community we mostly look at financial inclusion, particularly with women and girls. I have to say that it's a pretty cool job, doing really interesting work.

Why am I telling you this now? Well, one of our focuses in the Bank is looking at women. We have to start by understanding that women don't go into finance as much as men, so that will automatically skew our numbers. Generally in this field, women start strongish in the lower positions, and as the opportunity comes to move up, they drop out. In middle management there is mostly good representation, but as you get to senior management positions, it's hard to keep women around. Research says that a big challenge for women is balancing work with their family (duh). So, we look at what we can do to keep quality women in our bank. One of our solutions is flexible working, which we're working on right now. In our bank it's defined as working from home, flexible hours or part time.

While on maternity leave I was trying to think about what might make working and having Sam a bit easier, so I thought it might be a good idea to apply to work from home for a couple of days a week. I started doing this about two weeks ago, and it has vastly improved my quality of life. I personally believe that offering solutions like this WILL keep women in a company. Let me explain.

Before working from home (for about three weeks), my week was so hectic, I could barely keep up, and ALL I was doing was working (about 9.5 - 10 hours a day, which is slacking in my office) and "managing" Sam's care. I woke up at 6:30, ate, pumped, ran to work (usually leaving around 7:30 or so without seeing Sam), worked all day (with lots of pumping thrown in), RAN home so that I could get a quality five minutes with her before I threw her in the bath and nursed her and put her to bed. She was usually in bed around 8, I would eat dinner and have about a half hour to relax and then I would have to start going to bed (shower, pump) in order to be ready to wake up at 4 to feed Sam and not feel like too much of a zombie the next day. (She has started to sleep through the night most nights which has also VASTLY improved my quality of life...). It was like this. Everyday. For five days. Come Friday, I was totally exhausted, and the weekends didn't provide enough relaxation for me. Disastrous.

Now, I have started to work from home on Mondays and Fridays. This means that I only have to dress for work THREE times a week (which is great for a person with limited who's too lazy to buy more work clothes). It means that on Monday and Friday I can sleep until 7:30, as I don't have a commute. I can get up and eat right away and get right online to start going through emails. When Sam wakes up I can actually see her, dress her, and I can take her to go get coffee. I then hand her off to Rose to take care of until she wants to eat. I can then spend about a half hour or 40 minutes with her in the evening (no commute...) before she goes to bed, and she can actually go to bed when she's tired rather than waiting for me to come home.

Workwise, I go in the office/extra bedroom, I shut the door, put on Michigan Radio (which is mostly the BBC at these hours) and I can plow through work. The day flies. I'm so much more comfortable, and it's totally productive, AND I get to not feel like I'm a terrible mom. Working from home rocks so far.

In other news, my parents left a few weeks ago, and Matt's parents are coming this week.

In yet other news, we have been trying food with Sam - trying about once per day. We have tried rice cereal, bananas, rice cereal + bananas, carrots...she's not so into it. She sometimes appeases me, but I think we'll take it easy on the eating front. She does, on the other hand, love drinking water. I think she mostly likes it because we give it to her in a different bottle/cup, and it has handles, so she can feed herself. She's already asserting her independence.

She's starting to get a bit of a stranger/new person fear, which isn't too cool. She gets a little pout when she gets scared and if we don't take her back she will have a small flip out. The Baby Center said that we just need to take it slow with new people. This made us go to a really nice Purim party yesterday and also take her to the mall today. I want to push her on this one, but I know it's a stage.

She is still a super singer/talker. She spends most days screeching and singing (the neighbors commented that they didn't hear her for her first four months...). She also loves playing with just about anything. She moves all over the place but isn't crawling (somehow she does MOVE, but it's like a snail - you can't see it happening, but then you realize she's in a different place than she started). She's pretty darn cute, if I may say so myself. Click here for her 3-6 month photo album.

Back to Work

2011-02-16T20:46:00.002+08:00

The dreaded day of 9 February finally came, and I went back to work. The truth is that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was dreading this day from before I even had the baby, just because I had no idea what it would be like, how it would work, how I would feel, how the baby would do...everything was unknown.

Now, I get it. I get that she needs six bottles of about four ounces each (just in case - she usually drinks four or five). I know where the "mummy's room" is at work, and I know what times I need to go. I can't believe how long it takes and how much I'm away from my desk, but now I know how it works.

I know that Samara will be fine without me. Her very complicated schedule of wake, play, eat, sleep, wake, play, eat, sleep (and repeat four times in one day) continues. She even rolls over and does new tricks when I'm not around. Surprisingly, I am not TOO sad to leave her - I don't mind the time away - but I wish that I got a bit more than one hour with her per day (including feeding). As the time goes on, and I miss her growing up, other than on the weekends, I think I will be sadder about that piece, but as of now, that's not too bad.

I wasn't away from work long enough for my brain to turn to mush, so that's not too bad either. I remember my projects, most of my contacts, how excel and power point work, etc. We did move to a new office (more on that in another post), so I have to negotiate a new coffee place, a new commute (with 26 escalators - not 24. I was mistaken), new printing, new food options, etc, but that was conquered in about two days. No problem.

The brutal part is the sleep. We never did that whole sleep deprivation thing when Sam was born. She slept for long stretches at night, and so did I. When I wasn't ready to get up in the morning, I pulled her into bed, and we slept until 8:30 or 9...everyday. Now, I have to wake up by 6:40 in order to shower, prepare her food, prepare my food (I feel guilty getting lunch out, since I'm away from my desk pumping so much!), eat breakfast, pump, get dressed and leave for work before the commute is so heavy that I can't fit on the MRT (must leave by 8:10, but preferably around 7:45). In addition to needing to get up super early, Sam has decided to start not sleeping. Before she would sleep until somewhere between 2 and 4. Now she wakes up at 10, 11, 12, 2, 4, 5, 6...I only get her twice (usually between 1 and 2 and between 4 and 5). The doctor warned that she might do this in order to get more calories (I have told my mom to STUFF her during the day!) or mommy time. I let her cry if I don't get her, and she goes back to sleep, but I still wake up. Then I feel anxious that I'm not sleeping, and then I can't fall back asleep. If this would happen before I was working, I would just sleep, but doing this FIVE DAYS in a row is just plain brutal. This is the first time in my life (possibly during finals or major projects at INSEAD and maybe other times at school too, but I don't remember) where I am totally and utterly sleep deprived, and there just isn't anything I can do about it. Just get through until the weekend and SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!

Lombok #2

2011-02-07T12:18:00.005+08:00

While the world was:
Rioting in Egypt
Pushing through snow in the mid-west
Celebrating Chinese New Year...

We went back to Lombok! You may recall that this was our last pre-Sam trip (when we were still sure she was a boy) in July. We loved it so much, we have been thinking about going back ever since. So, we made it back for Sam's third holiday (and her 5-8th flights), her second trip to Indonesia, and my last maternity leave hurrah. We went with Holly and Jeff, who you may remember from a trip to Bali in late 2009. They love Samara, so it was great to travel with them and utilise their help and entertainment for the baby. And, we love them, so conversation was great, and who ever wasn't staying with a sleeping Sam got to have adult socialising (and the other got to read). All in all, a fabulous trip.

In general, we traveled for two days (we had a connection in Jakarta) and we had three days in Lombok itself. We sat around the hotel for two days and we went around to some villages and shops on the middle day. Samara was fabulous - even when she didn't get her all-important sleep, and I was mostly not too stressed out. I will share some highlights.

The first night, we decided that we could put Samara to sleep in the room and use the baby monitor while in the restaurant. I remembered that two kids were taken from some hotel in some other country, so I was not a fan, but after some convincing, we did it. All was fine and good until the big boss came up to us and said, "excuse me, are you in room 34? Your baby is asleep in your room." Um, yeah, we know. Why do you know that?! It turns out that his staff went in for "turn down" service and found the baby asleep in her crib. Yeah - someone went in, turned on all the lights (and left them on!), did whatever they needed to do, then at some point probably saw the baby and left. And we had no idea. Matt convinced me that they love babies so much in Indonesia that no one would even think of hurting her or taking her, but I was freaked!

We had heard that in SE Asia the restaurant staff (or anyone else) will take your baby from you and just return them later. This had not happened to us yet. On Saturday, Matt, Jeff and Holly went to a temple and to get a meal in town. I was at the hotel with the babes. I waited for her to wake up and then took her to the restaurant and ordered my nasi goreng. The waitress said, "I will watch your baby while you eat." Stubborn me said, "no - it's okay. She'll just hang here." When I was eating, though, Samara got a bit cranky and wanted to eat too. So I was struggling with holding her and eating. The waitress came back and held her two arms up to take the baby. Well, why not. She took the baby away, behind the counter, and all of the staff were playing with her. I ate my nasi goreng. It was hilarious. This also happened when we were at a pottery shop. Our taxi driver insisted on holding the baby while we shopped. Why not. He has young kids and held her the way she likes to be held. She was happy. We shopped.

In typical Melanie fashion, I HATED that we were driving around with no seatbelts/carseat. As I looked at all of the babies going by as fourth and fifth passengers on motorcycles, though, I realised that Sam actually had it pretty good. I also recognised that we were going really slowly the entire time. And, being in a car, there was almost nothing that could touch us - if we came across a person on a bike, we would win. If we came across a motorcyle (even with five people on it...), we would win. So, I relaxed a bit, and just made sure that we were holding her neck unless there were any sudden motions. She basically just sat in our laps...which she did not especially like (she just doesn't like the car), and I even fed her in a moving car. Yup - you can judge me, but if you've been to SE Asia (especially with a baby!), you'll totally understand.

One other highlight was one afternoon when I put Sam in bed for a nap, and she was crying. A little baby kitten came out of nowhere and was running around our porch, going crazy. She could clearly hear Samara crying, and she was trying to figure out what to do (Kitty also sits by her door when she cries and we don't get her - she's always like, "Mom! Dad! The baby's crying! What's wrong with you!?!"). When that kitten was running around, I felt like there was some pact between all babies of the world to help each other. Different language? No problem. Different species? No problem.

We are just waiting to go back to this hotel - we just love it so much. If anyone is looking for a nice holiday - take a Silk Air flight direct to Lombok (transferring in Jakarta was terrible), and stay at Quncivillas. Wow - we might do it every six months!

In other news, my mom was supposed to arrive in Singapore on Saturday night. She went to the airport on Friday and was all ready to go...and then they cancelled her flight. She got re-booked on the same flight the next day. But that flight was super delayed and she missed her connection in Japan. So she spent the night in Japan and she should finally be on her way to Singapore now. She is arriving nearly 48 hours after she was supposed to - and now we only have one day to care for Sam together before I go back to work. Good news is that our new helper seems to be getting the hang of things, so I'm sure the baby will be fine (it's me that I'm worried about!).

Rolling Over and Skyping with Bubbie and Zaydie

2011-01-29T23:21:00.002+08:00

If you're reading this on facebook, and you're interested to see the two videos I have posted, you will have to click on the "view the original post" at the bottom and look at my actual blog, since fb usually doesn't show my videos.

Sam rolled over about five times in one day. It seemed to be on purpose. She really seemed to know what she was doing. That was three days ago. Hasn't happened since.

Sam was holding the computer, looking at her Bubbie and Zaydie and screaming for about five minutes. Was pretty funny. I could only get the video from far away (which is why the sound sucks), because I distracted her if I was too close. She was also like this with my co-workers at lunch on Friday and also with her HUGE stuffed Tigger.

Back to Yoga

2011-01-22T22:34:00.003+08:00

Today I went to my first yoga class since Samara was born. Wow, was it fabulous. I got to go to my favorite teacher, Prakash, and it was even better than I remembered.

Physically it felt super good to move in so many different ways - though I did note that I am no longer balanced. Even doing a forward bend felt different on the right side and on the left. Holding the positions pushed me but I loved every second of it.

Emotionally I think it is really important for me to do things for me. Even when I was doing yoga when I was pregnant, in my head it was ultimately for the baby. I wanted her to be comfortable, which would happen if I felt better, and I also wanted the birth to be better for her (whoops...there goes that one...). This time, it was only for me. While I thought about her at least every five minutes (probably more often), I didn't have my phone, and I was not concerned about the details of her well-being for an entire hour. It was fabulous!

The tricky thing is that I have no idea when I can keep going. During the week it will be challenging to choose to go to yoga rather than get that precious half an hour with my baby. If she continues to sleep later than 8am, I may go to the early morning classes, but that would be tricky too. We'll have to see how it works when I go back to work. All I know is that I felt like a new woman, physically and emotionally, afterward. I'm trying to figure out how I can get to the one class that I like tomorrow!

In other news, Samara got to meet her great grandparents (my dad's parents) over video gchat this morning. It was pretty cool. They'll meet her in person in July, but they got to see her playing around with toys, talking and kicking all over the place. It was damn cool. Four generations on one video chat.

Model Citizen

2011-01-16T11:21:00.002+08:00

Last night Jer and I met a few friends (Dheeraj, Maria and another Jeremy) to have some good North Indian food and see a play. The play was called Model Citizens and put on by a play company called the Necessary Stage. This is probably the fifth or so play that I have seen by them. The last one or two was/were bad. I think I didn't get them, or they were too artsy or something, but the first few that I saw were SUPER interesting and all controversial. One involved medical marijuana and also the right to choose to die when you're sick. Another involved a Malay woman becoming Prime Minister of Singapore (yeah right) and generally touched upon the issues between Malays and Chinese in Singapore. The first one I saw was SUPER controversial, but I can't remember what it was called or about. I left each of their plays thinking, "Am I going to get kicked out of Singapore for seeing that?" I think I haven't yet blogged about them, because it's scary. I still will not write too much, but I will just share a few issues.

The play had only three characters - an older Chinese woman who was the wife of a member of parliament (the woman in the picture if you click on the play's link above), a modern Singaporean woman in her 40's (had two kids, spoke Chinese and Bahasa), and her Indonesian maid. The play dealt with issues such as who is the real Singaporean, the best Singaporean and where the government fits into it all. The Chinese woman was raised to believe that the Chinese built Singapore, and she was clearly super connected to the government, but she felt that people like the Malays and Indonesians took away from the quality of the place. She thought that Singapore would one day be the capital of China. She was very concerned with how things are on the outside but not at all concerned with what's on the inside. She talked about her husband's role as saying "yes" to the government and "no" to the people. The younger woman was representative of the regular people who live in public housing (85% of Singaporeans), has a tough life at home, but really tries to do what's best for her family. She was frustrated with the government, but just trying to plug along. Then there were issues with her maid (which clearly resonated with me right now). She treated her maid well ("I don't lie to my maid, and my maid doesn't lie to me"), allowing her to come and go as she pleases. Meanwhile the maid was off prostituting herself, getting pregnant, marrying a Singaporean just to get citizenship and living a big lie to her employer. Oy. All in all, it was interesting things to think about, and even living here for nearly four years, I'm guessing that 80% of it went over my head.

I will also mention that all of the Necessary Stage's other plays were performed at a library (which is somewhat connected to the government) and this one was in the NATIONAL museum, so apparently they approve to some extent of the content - or at least they don't disallow it, which is interesting. It's not like we're going to see these plays in some dark basement of an independent theatre (and I'm guessing this isn't an accident...).

Also, this was my first night of Samara's entire life that I didn't put her to sleep. We had planned on leaving her with our helper...oops...so Matt stayed with her. He tried to give her frozen, thawed milk, which she did NOT enjoy (though I have successfully given her some this morning - I keep telling her that it just tastes different, but it's fine - she made quite a face but eventually took it), which was a disaster, but otherwise she went to sleep just fine and slept for nearly eight hours, so I was pleased. I was a little distracted and not that fun to be around at times, but hey, it was my first time away, so I'll get better.

Lasting Effects

2011-01-13T20:28:00.003+08:00

It started when I was pregnant - or actually thinking about getting pregnant (as it should). If I eat this, will it have a lasting effect? How bad will that effect be? Now that she's born and a real baby, the consequences are a bit more real...but it just doesn't stop!

When I was pregnant, I thought (a lot) about the lasting effects of coffee, cleaning my bathroom with chemicals, sushi, the mosquito spray stuff in the air, biking in Bali and many more things that I did or came into contact with that could potentially harm the baby. If I don't read to her in utero, can she still be smart? If we don't play music to my belly, will she still be happy? (we didn't do either, for the record).

Now that she's born there are WAY more things to think about. I DO have coffee everyday. I first thought that I would just drink it after I nurse, so it won't have such an effect, but then there are days like today where I get back with my coffee, and she wants to eat, so I nurse and drink coffee at the same time. Oops. I drink beer and wine, but only one bottle/glass, and only after she goes to bed when I know I have at least four hours before she will eat. I have eaten sushi twice (and I want it WAY more, but my doctor said, "can't you just not eat sushi for a few more months? Is it really worth it?" May be worth it...).

Then there are the things I do WITH the baby. Monday and most of Tuesday I had no voice. Matt wasn't home most of the time. This meant that no one (other than Ben the coffee guy and Rong his assistant) talked to the baby. No one sang to her. No one read to her. I was sure I reversed her development at least three days.

We got her a used mobile for her bed at a used stuff sale here. On the way home it broke. A new mobile here is about S$150, and I'm cheap, so there's no way I'm getting a new one. The one we have has three arms, and they don't actually move in circles as they're meant to. They sort of move a cm or two and then go back. Will this stunt Sam's development if the mobile does not complete its cycle?

Sleep is a big stress. If I let her fall asleep nursing, then will she never be able to put herself to sleep? If we bounce her to sleep on the ball (as we did until she was two months old), will she always need to bounce to sleep? If she's crying and not falling asleep, as she does during the day, how long do I wait before I go in? If I go in too early will she then expect it always? What happens then? If I don't go in when she's SUPER crying will she have an attachment disorder? Will she ever trust me again?

If she isn't stimulated all the time, will she still develop? Will she be smart? Will she read at six months? Walk at four?

Yeah - there are lots of things to think about, just like the thumb sucking in my previous post (which she has barely done since I posted that!). And I do think about the lasting effects. Most of the time I think for a second and then dismiss it and say, "Melanie! Don't be one of THOSE moms! Just go with it!" I'm working on it...

In other news, Samara has rolled over from her tummy to her back a couple of times. It seems to surprise her and then please her. She has also found her feet and she seems to be doing the "happy baby" yoga pose for a good portion of the day (see photo).

Matt has been working New York hours this week - going to work in the late afternoons and coming back at 7am. This stinks for him, but it also stinks for me. Once the baby goes to bed, life is extremely boring when no one actually comes home...I have read almost an entire book ("The Help" - loving it and will finish it right when I'm done with this post), watched "It's Complicated" and gone to sleep pathetically early.

And, most importantly, we have also made an offer to a helper, and she has accepted it. She is coming from an abusive employer who won't let her transfer to us, so she had to go back to the Philippines, but she should be joining us anytime from a week to three weeks from now. I will explain more about this disgusting system (and why she has to go back first) in another post. All in all, though, we are excited, and we're hoping this works out better than the last. All we want is to trust her with the baby...

On a funny note, her name is Rose. Our first helper's name was Belle. My Bubby (grandma) had two sisters: Rose and Belle...

Here's an album with a few new photos of Samara, and it will be updated regularly for the next few months. Email me if you want me to email you when I updated it (no pressure...).

I'm also posting two videos. One I posted on facebook a week or so ago, and the other was taken at the same time. This is just in case there is anyone who reads my actual blog (not the version that's imported into facebook). These videos are one of my favorite things in life. She did this all the time for a few weeks and hasn't actually had moments like this since last week, and I'm hoping that it has nothing to do with the fact that she got vaccinated and has been incredibly whiny since. Hopefully this is just a new (and SHORT!) stage in her communication and the vaccination hasn't taken away her ability to talk (see - I worry about the lasting effects of EVERYTHING!).

Thumb Sucking

2011-01-07T21:58:00.003+08:00

Samara has recently (and inconsistently) found her thumbs. She mostly sucks them in the morning before she actually wakes up, but she seems to be looking for them for a good portion of the day.

My first reaction, "Fabulous! She can self-soothe! I can sleep!" (plus she looks so damn cute when she's sucking them!).

Then I called the former employer of a helper that we interviewed to use her as a reference. She said, "I really liked X because my daughter sucked her thumb, and X was very firm and made her stop as a baby." Hmm...it's not GOOD to have your child suck her thumb? This is news.

Then we go to the pediatrician for Sam's shots, and she asked about sleeping. I say, "well, she has been sleeping in six to seven hour clumps recently, and sometimes longer, and when I go in I find her furiously sucking her thumb! It's so cute." She did not think it was so cute. "When are you going to get her to stop? She should not be sucking her thumb later, and you will not be able to reason with her when she's older and attached. I would like you to think long-term about this."

Well, I sucked my thumb forever, and I turned out okay. My teeth aren't messed up, and I don't think it messed me up emotionally. I have other friends who also sucked their thumbs. I also have other friends whose kids suck their thumbs. They don't seem to think it's a big deal. Now, I feel very conflicted. I think we will not stop her. It really seems to make her so happy, and it really makes us all sleep so much more, but I feel guilty...

In other news we have NOT found a helper. We have been interviewing so many people (at least 25, I believe). The one that we liked the best seemed to have lied up and down her application. Um, been there, done that. No thanks. It's getting really stressful, since I have one more month before I go back to work.

In yet other news, we have been having a good time with Uncle Jeremy. He has read to Sam, played with her and we have taken her all over Singapore together. We have visited Tekka Market, eaten idlis and dosas, gone for great Thai, cooked good Indian, eaten east coast laksa and otah, visited Ben the coffee man (photo to come) and Mustafa's...it's been busy and nice.

I also had a great birthday. I don't usually have good birthdays. Matt organised a bunch of my friends to meet us at Lau Pa Sat, a big hawker market downtown. So Jer, Sam and I went downtown to meet Matt, and one by one, friends started showing up. He also got me flowers (we really don't do birthdays), which was super nice. Then we met our friends Rusty and Emily for a fantastic Thai dinner. Rusty was the one who I met up with from high school. They are leaving Singapore this weekend for good, which stinks. All in all, it was a super nice day.

Nothing Much

2011-01-03T13:50:00.005+08:00

Since the last post, nothing much has happened. I have been figuring out what it's like to be on maternity leave for real - not working, but still doing laundry, cleaning and cooking. So far so good, but it's only been five days, and two of those were weekend days and Matt was here...

We have been interviewing people a lot, and it has helped to think about the next person in terms of a nanny for Samara rather than a maid. We would love to find someone who loves babies and can really enjoy being with her and keep her safe and happy (and if they can do anything with her development, that would be great too...). Any housework or cooking they can do will be a plus. We have found one woman in particular who seems great. She is taking care of two kids right now, one is autistic and the other was newborn when she went to live with that family, and she was definitely the most capable person we have interviewed so far. We'll see, but hopefully we'll have this situation sorted out sooner than later. We think it's a buyer's market for ex-pats looking for helpers (we're generally a lot more flexible and loose than the local families, so there are plenty of people who would work for us), so we just have to find the right one and not make some of the same mistakes we made last time.

We were awful parents and put ourselves first for three nights in a row, and there seems to be no consequence (which incentivises us to do it again...). Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights we took Samara to friends' houses and put her to sleep there. Thursday was not so successful, but Friday and Saturday she went straight to bed and slept until we took her home. Then I just fed her and put her back to sleep, and she slept like a champ. I super appreciate this flexibility, so our social life does not have to suffer too much. Just kidding...probably soon it won't be so easy. We even got two nights of Settlers in, which was my first time since giving birth. A milestone.

Today is Samara's three month birthday. We had planned to get coffee and walk to the library to return some books, but it started pouring (Samara looked like she was in shock - apparently the sun shade on her carseat/stroller is NOT also water-proof). So, we went grocery shopping instead. Buying a big thing of toilet paper, two big packages of diapers, other groceries, plus the library books to return and her carrier (always need the baby carrier in case she flips out in the stroller...) was NOT easy. I got lots of sympathy looks from people.

In the meantime, we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of Samara's uncle Jeremy who arrives tomorrow night.

Trust Your Gut

2010-12-29T19:57:00.004+08:00

I had a horrible job last fall and I so regretted taking it. All I kept thinking was that I had a bad feeling from the start, but everyone said, "take it! It sounds perfect for you!" so I took it. I walked away thinking that I should have trusted my gut. That has been my advice to lots of people since then. The pay can be great, the job sounds perfect, but if something doesn't seem right to you, it's probably not.

Then I started interviewing "helpers." This would be the person who would live with us, take care of the house and most importantly, take care of our baby (we still thought it was a boy when we interviewed, so I can't really say Samara!) when I returned to work. We wanted someone to come live with us before I gave birth so we could all get used to the idea (it's really messed up for me and Matt, so we needed practice) and sort out the kinks. We wanted someone to be around for the baby's birth so she would be attached. We also knew that we didn't want to interview people when we had a newborn at home.

We/I interviewed lots of people, and I got some good feelings and some bad. Mostly, people couldn't really answer my questions or gave me the wrong answers (i.e. "Do you have any questions?" "How much will I get paid" or "Can I use my mobile phone during the day" etc.) Very few people had the experience that we were looking for. I wanted to hire someone who had worked with an ex-pat baby (which I now know is irrelevant). Finally, I interviewed a woman that I felt great about. She communicated well. She gave all of the right answers (i.e. "What is most important to you in your next job?" "Clear communication"). I liked her her. Okay - she was a little too hot and a little too young, but she had two kids back in the Philippines and she had the perfect experience. I really felt good, and I trusted her. Matt met her and we talked to other people. Many people said no - she's too cute, or she's too young. You want someone older. My gut said that she was great - what did they know? I learned to trust my gut! We hired her.

She came to live with us in September, and from the beginning it was mixed. I felt that she was fine at home, but my expectations are low (I don't really see when things are dirty - it's a constant problem between me and Matt. He does.). Matt wasn't so satisfied. She cooked like a trained chef. She was competent and sometimes (most of the time?) seemed to respond when we gave feedback. However...she was constantly late coming home. She seemed to lie about little things, she did not seem like a hard worker and we had a hard time reaching her during the day, even though we gave her a mobile phone. Our feeling got worse. Then we caught her in a bunch of lies and we told her we don't trust her and she needs to earn our trust back. Then she lied again (a stupid lie!). When I thought about it, I decided I didn't want to leave my baby with her. While she was so good with Samara, I knew that if something happened, I would never get the real story, and poor Samara can't talk (though I think SHE thinks she can, but that's another story). We had to let her go. So, after all of the effort to have someone in our home before the baby was born and take the stress off when I go back to work (in a month and a week), we're back to the beginning. Interviewing people. Stressful.

The hard thing for me is that I don't trust the women (she lied a lot in her interview) and I don't trust my gut! It makes it difficult to make a decision. This time I will get lots of input from other people.

In other news, I think that Kitty must know something is different in the house, or something weird is going on with her. She has been eating the beautiful flowers that our friends brought on Friday, so we had to put them high up. She has jumped on the dining table and coffee table at least three times each in the last few days. She was even interested in the orchids. We always have orchids and she NEVER does this. It's super weird. Sam must also know something is up, since last night, starting at 2:30 she woke up every hour and then wasn't really interested in napping today (or going to sleep tonight...). Hopefully our home will return to normal quickly. I'm not a fan.

And, while I'm busy not being a fan, I get to get the REAL experience of having a baby and being at home. Now I get to clean my house, shop, cook, do laundry and all of the other fun stuff that I haven't touched in the last four months. We'll see how it goes. So far so good. It's been one day (and we're eating leftovers for dinner). Hey - I have to be able to do it, or we may never move back to the US!!

Chinese Food and a Movie

2010-12-26T19:05:00.003+08:00

In America the Jews have Chinese food and a movie on Christmas. Nothing else is open - it's sort of a religious (and porky, sometimes!) experience. Everyone does it.

I blogged about this last year, but in Singapore, everything is open. It feels like a regular Saturday or Sunday. Most people here are Chinese anyway, but definitely the Chinese food is open...and so is the Indian food and all of the rest of the food. The movies are open too and so is all other forms of entertainment. (Unfortunately the one thing that wasn't open is my amazing coffee guy, Ben, and he's not even Christian! But his kids were in town and he wanted to spend time with them...fine...I get it, but I missed the coffee!)

The mall is open too. In fact, here, they have extended Christmas shopping hours on Christmas.

I only find this all surprising (each year apparently...) because Christmas appears to be a big deal in the lead up to it. There are Christmas decorations and music EVERYWHERE, and it seems like people will really care when it finally comes. Then it comes...and goes...and you don't really feel anything. Again - I wrote this last year, but the one time we do feel a difference is on Chinese New Year. Then everything is closed and it really feels like something is different.

We celebrated Christmas eve this year with a few Jews, a Christian and a Hindu...and a nice Shabbat dinner (with good food but a fabulous Julia cake). We spent the day itself getting things done around the house. We put up some fish and coral on the walls in Samara's room (she was getting bored), we packed up the pack and play, we did other random things...life is so different when you have a kid. We even enjoyed doing nothing! (I NEVER used to enjoy doing nothing! Now I could just look at Samara pretty much all day, and it's totally exciting - so lame, I know).

Yesterday was also my first day running since last JANUARY (it got painful to run right when I got pregnant...I switched to yoga only, mostly). I had this not-so-secret fear that my body would never go back to normal after the yuck that it went through with Samara's birth. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to run or hike or expend lots of energy again. Between Australia and yesterday, though, I'm pretty confident that I'm almost there, and I'm not worried at all anymore. Now I just have to find the time to run once I go back to work...

Her Own Room

2010-12-24T11:48:00.002+08:00

Samara slept in five different beds between our trip to Australia, our home and our trip to Jakarta. She had no problem in any of them. We just swaddled her up, she shook her head back and forth and got excited and then (ultimately...) fell asleep.

At home, she has been sleeping in a pack and play next to our bed. It's been fantastic for me, because I don't even have to wake up to feed her in the middle of the night. I sort of pull her out (while still swaddled, so I just have to be sure I have her head and a leg and the rest comes along), unwrap her, feed her, swaddle her again and plop her back in. I don't even know what time it is, and I certainly don't stay awake while feeding her. I felt like a new woman every morning (never mind that we sleep in until 9 everyday...).

After sleeping in so many beds and sleeping a bit longer (at least the first stretch of sleep per night), I realised that we probably make it harder for her by keeping her in our room. She sort of wakes up when we shower and go to bed, and anytime we move, or the kitty meows, she sort of stirs. I thought she would sleep better if she were in her own room. Silly me, I thought I would sleep better too, because I wouldn't hear all of her little squeaky cute noises.

We moved her into her own bed in her own room on Tuesday night (that makes it six beds...). She is sleeping okay - her first stretch has gone from five or six hours to more like four, but that could be because she has been waking up from her last nap of the day around 5:30 pm...But I, on the other hand, cannot sleep! I hate that she's so far away, and I'm sort of just waiting for her to wake up. I think it just takes time to get used to, but, pathetically, this is the farthest we have ever been since her creation! She definitely naps better in her bed.

It is super interesting that she knows that after her bath and last feeding, she should sleep for a long while. The whole day she takes an hour or two nap here and there, but once she's in for the night she sleeps for longer. It's the same bed, the same swaddle blanket, and the first time she goes to sleep it's even light out. How does she know that THIS time she's REALLY going to bed and it's not just a nap? Pretty cool.

In other news, she is grabbing at things and is super social - talking so much that she sometimes can't find air in between her thoughts. She ends up coughing. Pretty cute. She's definitely her parents' child!

Oh, How I Miss Thee, Indonesia

2010-12-20T19:42:00.003+08:00

Until July, we have travelled just about every month that we have lived in Singapore (three and a half years!). I think the longest I had ever been here was six weeks. And that was painful. I was terrified that I would have to spend from mid-July until December in Singapore, but as it turned out, I had just about no interest to go anywhere. I had other things on my mind. When December finally came around, it was slightly terrifying to actually leave! Perth/Margaret River was really easy. Sam did great, and I didn't worry too much (though I did have a stiff neck for almost the entire trip, and I don't think it's unrelated!).

My guess is that at least half of our trips from the last three and a half years have been in Indonesia. We have been diving all over, to Bali six times, to Lombok, Medan, Malang, Yogya, Manado, etc. I think that Indonesia is one of the most underrated places in the world - it's fabulously beautiful and has SO much to offer. We love it there. Going with a baby, however, was a whole different ballgame.

We took a local airline. They gave us an infant seat belt which attaches to mine. We strapped her in, though I was pretty sure it wouldn't do us any good. Then, RIGHT when we landed, we were still taxiing and nowhere near a gate, and they came and asked for it back. Um - if we're in the air, and we crash, that seat belt will do us no good. Just about the ONLY time that it MIGHT be useful is on the runway and driving to the gate. Really? I glanced up at the "fasten seat belts" sign that was illuminated above my head, I unstrapped my baby, and I gave it back.

We then got in a taxi. We took only the most reputable taxi company - Blue Bird. As (slightly) responsible parents we brought a car seat with us. We strapped in Samara to the car seat, and oops, there are no seat belts! Hmmm...

We arrived at the hotel, and there was a whole security system. Hotels in Jakarta have been bombed multiple times, so it's not a joke. I have seen this with cars (in Bali), but I haven't before seen a hotel where they put all of your luggage through a scanner before you go in. I had a backpack on my back, and I was carrying Samara in her car seat. I did not understand that my backpack needed to be scanned. They directed me in one direction and grabbed by baby and took her inside. They tried to get me to walk around the corner while she just sat inside the hotel door. REALLY? Just take my baby away from me? Since I didn't understand what was going on, I was trying to follow Samara (or the person who had taken her from me and was walking away), but because of my backpack, they were all freaking out. Finally, Matt explained that I could go with Samara, but I had to leave the backpack to be scanned. No problem - just tell me and do NOT take my baby away! Scary!

Our hotel is the number one hotel on trip advisor in Jakarta - the Mulia Senayan. It's hilarious in general (like everything is gold and very fancy looking), but it's actually a really nice hotel. We took the elevator to the 20somethingth floor, and we got off and saw the "thank you for not smoking on this floor" sign. It really smelled of smoke. Okay - we'll see what our room smells like. We got into the room that had another non-smoking sign, and we saw the ashtray and matches. Huh? We got a new room. Luckily it smelled a lot less of smoke (though it was definitely there...).

We were in Jakarta for Vinny and Jason's wedding celebration. They got married this summer in DC and we weren't able to make it, so we were happy to be able to go to the mass and dinner in their honour in Jakarta. Vinny is from Jakarta. After arriving at the mass 15 minutes late (I was SURE it would start late - it's Indonesia!), the baby started SCREAMING when we walked in. Oops. A highlight of the service was when they sang "Heveinu Shalom Aleichem." It wasn't in Hebrew, but it was definitely those words and that tune - probably a mix of Bahasa and Arabic. It was so cool! They played that when you greeted everyone sitting around you. "Peace Be Upon You." The photo is a bad one - we have shadows on our heads - but it's one of our only family shots!

Another highlight was the Indonesia versus Philippines football match at the stadium opposite our hotel. We saw in the paper on Sunday that there had been a "scuffle" when tickets went on sale, right at the stadium, on Saturday. We then got caught in tons of traffic heading to the wedding dinner. Finally, on the way back, Indonesia had won at least one of the matches (they were playing two, but we didn't get if they had already played both...), and the streets were CRAZY with happy Indonesians flying their flag and playing drums and horns. It was really exciting and fun (until we could hear it until 11pm on the 32nd floor of our hotel). See the video.

Moving back to normal clothes

2010-12-16T19:04:00.003+08:00

I'm happy to say that I can fit into my normal clothes again. I am not happy to say goodbye to elastic and hello to buttons.

Maternity clothes were incredibly comfortable but looked horrible on me. I had very few options - a bunch of terribly ugly work outfits and a couple of tank tops and two ugly pair of shorts and a few dresses that made me look like a house. I never felt pretty or felt like I looked nice when I was pregnant. The good thing was that after about 20 weeks, I totally didn't care. As long as it covered me, it was fine with me. I never looked in the mirror, and I just tried to get through it without spending more money on clothes. Moving back to normal life, though, I need to try to care again about what I look like and what I'm wearing.

Let's be clear, I have never REALLY cared too much about how I look - not enough to actually buy nice clothes, jewelry, learn how to put on make-up or accessorise. But now I find that I'm happy wearing elastic shorts or skirts and any t-shirt that is easy enough to nurse in. My priorities are comfort (no pressure on the c-section wound/that whole area which is surprisingly STILL sore) and nurse-ability. Luckily I still have almost two months before I have to REALLY look nice when I go back to work...but I'll start trying before then.

Margaret River and Perth Area

2010-12-15T17:33:00.009+08:00

Samara just got back from her first trip. It was her first (and second) plane ride, her first (and second and third) hotels, and her first passport stamp. Her second continent. She's a world traveller. She slept, ate and pooed her way through the Margaret River area as well as Perth and Fremantle. She seemed to love it. Okay - she didn't seem to really notice anything, but she seemed happy enough, and Matt and I had a fabulous time.

The trip started a bit rough when we got to the airport and the guy checking us in asked where our visas to Australia were. Who knew you needed a visa to go to Australia? Oops. Luckily you can buy them at the airport (but it was EXPENSIVE!). Then, we got to Perth at about 1:30am, and the company that we had reserved a car through had no one at the counter and no one answering any of their lines. After a half hour of trying, we went to our hotel and went back in the morning (taxi rides in Perth are no joke - this country is EXPENSIVE too!). So...we were down a few hundred bucks, but after that all was smooth (other than an hour and a half or so of being lost in the woods on day seven or so).

We spent seven days exploring the area around Margaret River, which is about four hours south of Perth, and it's all up and down t he coast line. The town itself reminded me of Moab, Utah - people look really healthy and happy, it's really slow, there's healthy food, and people are just busy doing things they enjoy all day. There is BEAUTIFUL hiking and exploring to be done along the coast, and a few kilometers inland there are amazing wineries and breweries. There are also great TALL Karri and Marri forests to walk through, inland. All in all, we tasted beers at four breweries and visited five wineries, including three fabulous meals (two in particular - Cullen Wines and Leeuwin Estates). I wouldn't mind going back when I'm not breastfeeding...We visited a place where they make great chocolate another where they make good ice cream, and a few other random places. We got moving pretty late each day, drove around (on the left - Matt was a champ) and hiked and ate and drank, and then everything closed by about 4pm, so we were home by 5 or 6 each day. We ate dinner in most nights, watched movies and relaxed. It was our first time alone as a family in a super long time, and it was so nice to just be and have very little to do.

We did FREEZE, though. It was in the upper 60s (which is not cold for those of you who haven't lived in Singapore for four years...) and low 70s during the day and colder at night. Poor Sam slept with her long pajamas, her swaddling blanket, a Stephanie and Brad swaddle blanket, a quilt and a knitted blanket by Janice the hygienist. She was still cold, but we cuddled with her as much as we could without suffocating her.

Some highlights included a bunch of hikes along the coast (we can't decide which was best), the lunch at Cullen Wines, and a day trip to Donnelly. We drove the car for an hour and a half (fast - we covered LOTS of kms!), passing about three towns and NOTHING else in between and we ended up in this old timbre mill village. It was opened in 1951 and closed in 1978, so it's super bizarre. The mill workers' homes are now "holiday cabins" so they're not totally run-down, but there is basically just the old mill, the houses and a store in the village. They have been feeding the kangaroos, emus and chickens there for the last 30 years, so they're ally really tame. They come up to the car and people - and it's REALLY crazy.

We also stayed in Perth for two days. We spent one day in Fremantle where we ate fish and chips and walked around in the cute streets (though Sam was a bit tired and not the most fun she's ever been that day...). We found Fremantle great, and we found Perth to be okay. Didn't seem like too much in Perth, but it seemed nice and cute enough. The park on top of the city, King's Park, was fabulous.

We really recommend traveling in the area - the wine and beer was really good and fun to try (though only sips - poor Melanie), the food is REALLY good, and the area is GORGEOUS in general. There is just so much to do there. You just need to be prepared to spend a lot of money. Mind you, this is compared to our usual trips in SE Asia, so probably it's not actually that expensive.

Click here for our photos and a few videos.

Coffee in a Bag

2010-12-04T15:01:00.003+08:00

In SE Asia (and possibly other parts of the world - I just don't know about it), you get your drinks in a bag. If you say "take away" (never "to go"), then they start pouring your drink into a plastic bag with lanyard/boondoggle handles. You can get your soda in a bag with ice, you can get hot coffee in a bag, with a straw, obviously, as well as any other drinks. You may recall this photo from a posting when we first moved here (though the photo is in Bangkok) and I have also posted another photo below. The photo below is of, ice milk tea, ice coffee not-so-sweet, and hot coffee, from left to right. Let's discuss...

Yes - they hang, so in this hot weather, your cold drinks don't get warmer by the touch of your hand. The drink sweat can just drip away and you don't have to bother with the mess. You don't get a cup, so this is definitely cheaper for the vendor. You can conveniently hang your drink on the hook you have on your wall at work or at home.

Wait a minute...I don't have a hook on the wall at home or at work. Where the hell am I supposed to put this down? I have devised a system to hang it from the kitchen faucet (luckily the boondoggle provides grip and it usually doesn't slide), but this has caused an accident or two. Otherwise, I have NO idea where I can put my coffee if I'm not drinking it.

This leads me to think that we are meant to pour these drinks into cups when we get home. Hmmm - the holes on the top of the bag to allow for the boondoggle ties mean that liquid leaks all over and you waste at least 1/5 of your drink. I thought about cutting off the bottom, but then you don't transfer the ice. In addition, the packet holds more than any of our cups, so once we cut it, we would have overflow and no way to stop it (that gravity thing...).

So...my solution (which I have not practiced) is to get a bigger cup at home so I can cut the bottom and pour it in (there is definitely no way to pour it from the top without spilling - I have even watched my local friends do it, and they spill everywhere). Better yet, I can just bring my bigger cup to Ben the coffee man and have him (or Rong, his lovely assistant) put the coffee directly in the cup. Until I get the bigger cup, though, I don't want to sacrifice those gorgeous sips of coffee that make my day so wonderful by 1) bringing a smaller cup and only getting the coffee that fits in there or 2) spilling the coffee during the transfer. So...I get the coffee and walk around until I finish it. (The drink sweat drips on Samara's head in the baby bjorn, but she doesn't seem to care. It's probably refreshing.)

There just has to be a better way. I estimate that 1/10 of all of Singapore's coffee and tea is wasted in bag-to-cup transfers over sinks willing to suck up the excess. We could change the economy here if we could just retain that liquid!

In other news, Matt was in Vietnam and Sri Lanka for work this week. We missed him a lot (and he missed Sam a lot), but it was nice to not have to be quiet in the middle of the night! We had a bunch of great conversations in the middle of the night. He had good trips, good meetings, and now he's not traveling for work for a while, which makes me and Sam happy.

I have been stressed about Samara taking a bottle. She must take a bottle when I go back to work, and the lactation consultants say that you really need to start around 6 weeks and consistently give it to her until I go back to work. Otherwise she "forgets" how to take it. We give her a bit of milk from a bottle everyday - and whenever she doesn't take it, I have a mini-freak-out in my head. "Oh no! She won't take a bottle! I will have to quit my job, and she'll cry all day, and everything will be horrible!!!" I need to learn, though, that each time she doesn't take it, it's because she's tired and not hungry. Today I learned that again as she got hungry and she was sitting in her bouncy chair, and I tried to give her the bottle that she wouldn't take earlier. Babies who are fussy about this stuff DEFINITELY won't take a bottle from their mom. She had no problem at all. She sucked it down in no time. She's an eating champion. I need to relax.

I have also received the "all clear" (literally) from the doctor, so I am completely healed/healing and should have no more problems. That is fabulous news, since it's only been nine weeks since the birth...oy.

Off to Western Australia for Samara's first trip!!

The Ex-Pat Circuit

2010-11-27T15:13:00.003+08:00

We bought the following things before Samara was born:
a car seat (which is NOT required to leave the hospital here in Singapore, by the way)
a stroller
a few newborn outfits
a pack of diapers
a pack of wipes (which we haven't used yet)
3 bath towels
10 wash cloths (or flannels, as they're called here)
a few swaddling blankets
a rocking chair
a tub
a thermometer
a bunch of cloth diapers (for burp/spit-up purposes, not diaper purposes)

The stroller, car seat and rocking chair all became gifts from family back home.

Before she was even born, we got one ex-pat dump which included a baby bjorn, a pump, two play mats (including one with the animals that hang down), a tonne of toys and clothes, a tub, and a bunch of maternity/nursing clothes and probably other stuff that I don't remember. This was from a friend I met through a friend who moved here last year and is done having kids (Francesca).

We got a dump of stuff to borrow which included a floating tube for the pool, a bassinet, a bouncy chair...This is from the friend who introduced me to Francesca above (Susie).

And then after she was born we got two more dumps - one from a family in the Jewish community (the Greens) who has three girls and are also done. This one included a bouncy seat, a steriliser, a bottle warmer, a TONNE of amazingly cute clothes and a bunch of toys.

Finally, Matt and I went to a used stuff sale here in Singapore (where we scored a mobile and some other random toys), and a woman behind me in line (Cindy) heard me say that I was looking for sleeping sacs (for when we stop swaddling her). She said, "I have a few of those, plus a monitor and some other stuff. If you want to come to my house, I'll give it all to you." FABU! I went out there, and scored lots more clothes and toys, a totally working baby monitor and other stuff.

We became a repository of baby stuff. Once we took what we thought we would use, I then had friends over to go through it and take what they thought they would use, and finally Belle is taking the rest to be donated to her community back in the Philippines.

Between all of the stuff that people gave us and the amazingly generous gifts we have received, we have only bought more wash cloths and a few storage things for all of her toys since Sam has been born.

Let's be clear - I am cheap. I love a good deal. But this isn't even about that - this stuff is all in fantastic condition and it SHOULD be used again. Every baby does not need new toys and play mats - and I love that these toys and things have been previously loved by so many babies.

And when we're done...on they'll go on the ex-pat circuit...

Aunt Belle

2010-11-26T19:37:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. This is the holiday and Aunt Belle does at Judy's. Aunt Belle really had a part of every holiday - at least four desserts - but this was the biggie. Rather than Aunt Belle doing Thanksgiving at Judy's, the whole family went to Judy's machetunum's house. That's because this is the first Thanksgiving without Aunt Belle. After 94 (almost 95!) years, Aunt Belle passed away last week.

Aunt Belle was like my second Bubby. She took us to do things as if we were our Bubby, even when my Bubby was still alive. It was when she died (11 years ago!), though that Aunt Belle really became my second Bubby. She was always up on my life. She knew everything that was going on, because she asked and because she cared.

Most of my interaction with Aunt Belle in the last ten years was at holidays and family gatherings. She always arrived with at least four desserts, and she took her seat. For dinner it was at the end of a big table, and after dinner, she sat on the couch. Everyone took their turn to go say hello and talk to Aunt Belle. She couldn't really hear what we were saying, so we mostly could just look at her, smile and answer her questions as loud as we could. She would always have a hand on us - on the arm or the leg - and she would smile and say "love you."

Every time I said goodbye to Aunt Belle in the past four years, I thought that it could be the last. Once she reached 90, I had no idea what to expect. Not only did she show up the next time I was home, but her four desserts came with her. Finally, when we left this year in May, it actually was the last time I got to see her.

I called her for her birthday, and the conversation went like this:
"AUNT BELLE, IT'S MEL."
"Judy?"
"NO, MEL"
"Nancy?"
"NO, IT'S MEL"
"Sue?"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
"Judy?"
"IT'S MEL!!"
"Call back and leave a message."

I don't really understand what holidays will be like without Aunt Belle. Now that whole generation of my mom's side of our family is gone. There is no more matriarch. It will just be totally different.

And...on the other hand, it will be totally different for me, because I will now bring my own child to holidays (if we ever make it home again!). I suppose it's the circle of life...and it's really happening.

In other news, I still feel very weak and sore, so I have slowed down mine and Samara's activity. We have tried to do one thing per day, but other than that, we wake up late, go get coffee and run an errand if we have one and mostly just play at home. She's really interactive with people - she will try to get your attention if you start talking to someone else, and she smiles and coos a lot. She also smiles at stuffed animals and other things that have faces. She is really happy sitting in this Fisher Price bouncy chair that someone donated to us. She can sit in it all day, sleep, put herself back to sleep, play, bounce...Last night we were at someone's house who had the same chair, but it had an arch of animals that lit up and moved, and Samara sat in the chair for at least a half hour laughing, smiling and cooing at the animals (we are now looking for a used version of that chair!). She's so fun to be around...that every time I think about going back to work I want to cry.

We are headed to our second of four Thanksgiving meals this weekend! We are especially thankful for our friends who are feeding us fantastic food! Happy thanksgiving!

1-2-3-4-3-2-1

2010-11-15T20:24:00.003+08:00

One - 10pm
Mel: in bed
Matt: in the living room
Samara: in her bed
Kitty: on her pillow on the window sill (her bed)

Two - 12am
Mel: in bed
Matt: in bed
Samara: in her bed
Kitty: on her pillow on the window sill

Three - 1am
Mel: in bed
Matt: in bed
Samara: in her bed
Kitty: in bed

Four - 6am
Mel: in bed
Matt: in bed
Samara: in bed
Kitty: in bed

Three - 7am
Mel: in bed
Matt: at work
Samara: in bed
Kitty: in bed

Two - 8:30am
Mel: eating breakfast
Matt: at work
Samara: in bed
Kitty: in bed

One - 9am
Mel: checking email
Matt: at work
Samara: in bed
Kitty: exploring what has changed over night

Communicating

2010-11-13T14:00:00.003+08:00

Communicating with a baby that doesn't communicate back is bizarre. It's not bizarre when you do it for an hour or so with someone else's baby, but doing it for about 12 hours a day with your own baby is funny. I tell her everything we're doing - "We're throwing away your diaper where dirty diapers live. Playing on your tummy is really important for your neck muscles." We talk about what we have done - "This morning we cuddled in bed, and then we went for a walk. Then we played with Susie and said hi to daddy." This part is usually fine - but it is sort of weird to be talking all day when the person you're talking to doesn't really respond. Luckily she has started to smile and at least look into our eyes, which is nice...

The funniest is when I'm trying to get her to go to sleep. It seems right to sing to her - that's what you do to get babies to sleep, right? Well, when you're 32, you don't know a tonne of songs that are kid friendly. What songs do I know? Some Bob Dylan, Dar Williams, Indigo Girls, Kingston Trio...and TONNES of Jewish songs. Every night, we sing eshet chayil, shalom aleichem, the entire birkat hamazon, the shema and we get through parts of kabbalat shabbat. I actually have a siddur next to my bed - and you might think that I'm religious, but it's really just that it has all of the words, and we don't have anything else to sing! Seriously - I wonder what people sing to their kids/babies if they don't know all of these Jewish songs and prayers!

In other developmental news, Samara has started to speak to us a bit. We got a few babbles and goos. They're awesome. She has also opened her fists. They have been closed since she was born (for the most part), and now they're open and exploring the world. She can even see her hands. It looks like she expects them to do something exciting. I have spent the last two days picking the crud out from between her fingers. I swear we wash them every night in the bath, but it's sort of like her neck folds - stuff just gets stuck in here.

If you're reading this far, then you're probably genuinely interested in us/me, so I'll give more details. Yesterday I had to have a yucky procedure (D&C) to fix me up a bit. Apparently I had a "satellite placenta" that was attached to the normal placenta, and it was stuck "in the corner" of my uterus. Gross, right? TMI? Then stop reading. Apparently the placenta is supposed to attach itself loosely to the lining of the uterus, and mine did that, and they took that out with the c-section, but there was a piece that REALLY attached itself in there, so it was apparently difficult to scrape out (gross) and wouldn't have come out on its own. Basically, I had reason to be concerned (though it turns out I had reason to be concerned three weeks ago...), so I went to see the doctor, and he said they had to do this immediately. I got to go under general anesthetic for the first time. I also got to go back to the fabulous operating theatre where I had my wonderfully traumatic birth. It was mostly horrible, but I got out of there in seven hours and was in my bed afterward - and this time I could keep reminding myself that I have a beautiful and healthy baby, and it is all worth it. I should be totally better in a week. This is the birth that will never end, but it seems like it will finally end. Just about seven weeks late.

Routine With a One-Month-Old

2010-11-09T18:46:00.004+08:00

You know when your life is filled with nursing, burping, changing a diaper and trying to develop your baby's brain (in loads of different ways)? You just don't have much to share...

This is my life. The Hildebrandt family is in town now, so we have been getting out with them, daily, and we have been taking additional adventures as well. Yesterday went to the library and the mall, today went to Tekka Market, met daddy for lunch and had four new moms and babies over, tomorrow heading to town for lunch with a friend - and then we'll walk back...but that's it!

Click here for more photos of Samara, and enjoy the photos of Samara's Bubby and Zaydie with her.

Smiling and Sleeping

2010-11-02T12:04:00.003+08:00

Matt will sleep on the weekends until I wake him up. He can go till 2pm. And that's if he went to bed at 11pm the night before. He's a sleep champion. I, on the other hand, stink at sleeping. I can never fall asleep, and I'm always up early.

Samara takes after Matt. She slept for her first two days of life. We were convinced she was just getting over the rough labour and delivery. Then she continued to sleep. I asked the nurses in the hospital if I should wake her up to feed her every three (or four!) hours. She just slept. For her first two or three weeks, I set my alarm at night to wake us up every four hours, just to make sure she ate. Then my friends came over and said that they let their babies sleep until they wake up (they're the same age as Samara), so I succumbed to peer pressure happily, and stopped setting the alarm. Two nights ago she slept from 9:30pm until 3:30am and then from 4 until 7.

Yesterday was a whole different ballgame, though. She basically slept from 2pm until 6pm as we got her passport (it's cute!) and went for a walk in the botanic gardens. She woke up for about a half hour to eat around 4:30 and then went back to sleep. There is something about her carseat/stroller (and also the baby bjorn) that just make her SLEEP. We got home and had a few awake hours, but then she fell asleep hard at 8:30. She was sleeping SO hard that when we put her down to take off her diaper for her bath, she didn't wake up. She was sleeping SO HARD that when we put her in the BATH she didn't wake up! I thought something was wrong with her...but we just swaddled her and put her to bed. She woke up normally to eat, so we think she was just REALLY REALLY tired (from sleeping all day?).

In other exciting news, I'm pretty sure she was smiling this morning with Belle. She responded to her multiple times - making eye contact and smiling! It was super cool to see, but when Belle gave her back to me, there were no smiles to be had! I'll work on it...

Smiles

2010-10-30T12:46:00.002+08:00

When I was pregnant, I think I made a lot of people smile - mostly older women. People just seemed to look at my belly and get happy. This was NOTHING compared to how people react to a baby. Especially a super blond baby. Yesterday morning I strapped on Samara and we went off to get coffee (yeah - I figure since I never really stopped drinking coffee when I was pregnant (don't tell the pregnancy police), I should probably keep drinking a cup a day - for her. You know, not me. She may be addicted...). The coffee guy that my mom found in our neighborhood is named Ben, and his coffee shop is about a five minute walk from our place, if you walk slowly. (More on Ben later). On the way there and back, we probably made 20 people smile, and at least four asked how old she (or he?) is. It's kind of nice to have that effect on people! Though locals seem to be appalled that we're taking her out at such a young age - she'll be four weeks tomorrow - they're giving me incentive to keep doing it!

So, I had found an okay coffee shop near our place when we were looking for apartments. When we went back there, I realised it's farther than it needs to be, and the coffee wasn't strong enough (Samara likes a good, dark blend). We then tried this other one, right across the street from our condo, and while the coffee was good, she charged S$1.50, which is a serious rip off for coffee. Ben charges S$0.80. I think there are lots of tourists where we live, and she took us for fools. I told her that was the most expensive coffee in Singapore (other than the western kind, obviously), and we did not go back. Then my mom found Ben. He's Singapore born, and he moved to central Java (where Mt. Merapi, the volcano that erupted last week in Indonesia, is). He lived there for a while, and then he moved to Chiang Rai in Northern Thailand. He met his wife there, and then once his kids were old enough to need good education, they moved back to Singapore. He says that the pace of life doesn't suit him in Singapore, but he did it for his children. Now they're all studying all over the place (Australia, and I think in N. America, but I can't remember the details), and he and his wife opened this coffee shop that has a coffee stall plus a Norther Thai food stall. I can't wait to try out the food. He let me know that westerners really like this Thai dish called pad thai. I agreed and let him know that I also can't wait to try their fish cakes and tom yam. The place is always packed, and it's some of the only non-Indian or non-Chinese food in our area. If only Belle didn't cook so well so we could have some incentive to eat out of the house sometimes...

In other news Safta and Papa headed back to the States after a two week stint in Singapore that felt more like five days. Safta was very sad to leave the baby, but we assured her that we would take good care of her. G-chat will be her lifeline, I think.

In yet other news, we found that we can walk downtown with a stroller/pram, which is fantastic. There is a sidewalk all the way from our place to the National Library, and I used it yesterday to walk back from Raffles City mall. It's only about 30 minutes, and it's a great walk. I'm relieved to know this, since our experience with the stroller in this neighborhood has not been in our favour. The shophouses and uneven sidewalks have been challenging.

I also found a website that has all of the nursing places in Singapore, which is super cool. I tried out the room in Raffles City yesterday, and it's a whole world that I have never experienced. I met a ton of moms and babies, and it's so nice that I can feed her nearly anywhere. The police's statement says that as long as you're only exposing what's absolutely necessary from your boob, then you can actually nurse anywhere. Isn't that nice of them? There was only one SUPER CREEPY guy who kept looking in the windows and trying to catch a glimpse.

Getting Back into the World

2010-10-26T19:01:00.004+08:00

Now that Samara is three weeks old, and I'm feeling more like a person, we have been getting back into the world. In the last few weeks we were going out once a day - just to get some fresh air, but then the air became not fresh (the haze from fires in Sumatra was horrible for a few days!), and we ventured a bit farther. We made it to a couple of malls (what else is there in Singapore?). Now that the air has cleared, today we roamed in the botanic gardens for a couple of hours. Samara unfortunately missed the whole thing - she was sleeping - but we really enjoyed it.

We have also gone to three restaurants. We had a nice Indian lunch at a place around the corner with our friend Alex who is here on business from NYC, and we also explored South Indian food with Dheeraj. He gave us a tour of idli, uttapams, and a whole bunch of chutneys at another place around the corner. Today we finally got the hamburger I have been craving for weeks. This was the first meat I have eaten since I left the hospital. I think my body was begging for it. I thought about hamburgers everyday for the last two weeks. At least once. I almost ate two, but I'm too cheap...

Other than our adventures - nothing is really happening that's blogworthy. Matt has returned to work, my parents are loving the baby, and she's been fantastic. She sleeps, eats, and she's generally really happy. Well, we don't know that she's happy, since she doesn't smile, laugh, or tell us that she's happy, but she's not telling us that she's UNhappy. The doctor has recommended that the baby gain 20-30 grams per day. Samara is averaging 53 grams per day. The doctor said, "what are you going to do? Put her on a diet? As long as it's breast milk, keep feeding her." She's FAT! Look at the cute little dimples in her hands. Her elbows are also dimply, and she has four chins, six creases in her thighs and at least seven wrists (on each arm).

I'm finally starting to feel better, though I have to say that I STILL don't feel very strong, and my body still hurts. I have many friends who said that they were fine after 3 days or 10 days or whatever after their c section, but not me. I'm not sure if I'm just a baby, but my body seems to be taking much much longer than that. I'm just hoping that I get back to where I was at SOME point. My weight is only 0.5 kg off from where I was before I was pregnant, but I can't even imagine doing a yoga class or running (even to catch a bus!). I have to be patient (not my strength...).

For pictures of my parents' visit, click here.

Blogging with Baby

2010-10-18T16:56:00.004+08:00

My life has been quite boring in the last two weeks, so I don't have much to blog about, but I feel as though I should document something. I have no crazy ex-pat experiences, or really any other experiences, because all I have done is sit in my little corner on the couch and feed the baby, read and relax. Our life goes like this:

Wake up around 8 - feed the baby until about 9 (who knew that it takes AN HOUR to feed the baby...like 8-10 times PER DAY!?).
Give the baby to someone (Matt, Belle, Mom...) and take a shower (or partial shower, since I still have stitches in - yuck).
Eat breakfast fast.
Feed.
Burp.
Put Samara to sleep.
I have no idea what I do - read? Look at Facebook? Look out the window? I have no idea where that time goes...
Feed.
Burp.
Put Samara to sleep.
Walk (sometimes the walk happens in the afternoon or evening instead)
Eat lunch fast.
Feed.
Burp.
Put Samara to sleep.
Feed.
Burp.
Feed.
Burp.
Feed.
Burp. (she eats and eats and eats starting around 4...)
Put Samara to sleep.
Eat dinner really fast.
Bath (she hated the first, but now she's pretty cool - we just have to sing a lot).
Feed.
Burp.
Sleep.
Feed.
Burp.
Sleep.
Then it all starts over again...

(I spared you the changing of the diaper, which is actually probably the most exciting part of our days!)

Otherwise, we're doing great. Samara has been a dream baby so far - she is always consolable - meaning that she only cries when she has something to say (i.e. hungry, needs a little help falling asleep, cold). She sleeps from 10 or 11 pm until 8 am with only one wake up around 3 for a nice meal (I eat one too...). We understand that colic can start anytime from now for the next two weeks, but we're hoping this continues. We haven't had that newborn daze at all - a little tired, but not falling over. We also feel so so so lucky to have Belle. Belle has taken care of all of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. She has set up the infrastructure, and all we have to do is enjoy the baby. It's been amazing.

Meanwhile, Samara's Savta and Papa (my parents) have come for their first visit. Savta is in love with the baby - she can't get enough. Papa is in love with bridge - he can't get enough. (Okay - he also loves the baby...but I think he loves bridge more). They have been fabulous mates for sitting on the couch. Quite easygoing, happy to eat whatever is made, only complaining about the heat when we leave the apartment (which is limited...), and generally helpful with the baby and refilling my water glass. This picture is from Samara's first trip out in the baby bjorn. We tried the stroller around Little India yesterday, and that was a disaster - shophouses and strollers don't mix.

Welcome Samara!

2010-10-12T16:13:00.003+08:00

So, I haven't blogged in a while, but I have the best excuse yet. I'm sure that most people who read my blog already know this, but it should be documented here as well. We had our baby!

Most shocking is that she is a girl, and not so shocking is that she's absolutely beautiful and sweet.
The details:
Samara K Hildebrandt (soft "a" in the "mara")
3.7 kg (about 8 lbs 3 oz)
52 cm long (20.5 inches)

The short-story series of events went like this: Saturday morning we had a bit of colourful excitement, we went to Jake's baseball game, out for lunch, over to visit Christian and Lee Fong, and then I rested for 20 minutes and my water broke (in bed - yuck). We then went to a burr-WI-to party at Ari and Julia's and then went into contractiony labour at about 10:30pm. We went to the hospital at 2:30 or 3am on Sunday when the contractions were three minutes apart and quite painful. Samara was born at 11:37 pm on Sunday night by emergency c section. I'm happy to share the events that happened in between going to the hospital and the birth, but you have to promise that you're done having children before I reveal. Just email me.

All in all it was a very rough experience, especially for me and Samara, but Matt, and Catherine, our doula were fantastic and so supportive. In the end we have a beautiful, healthy baby.

So far we're all doing okay - I'm taking a bit of a long time to recover (I have never had surgery before, and maybe I'm a baby, but I haven't felt too well!), but we're just relaxing at home, focusing on only the baby. She's eating well - she has even developed an extra wrist or two - and she sleeps like a champion at night, so we're getting good spurts for a few hours here and there. She has only pooped through our sheets and mattress pad once so far, so I think we're on the right track.

Matt has taken last week and this week off work (JPM gives him a whopping two days of paternity leave, but he's taking annual leave), and he's getting lots of stuff done and really enjoying the baby. He has definitely bonded with her, and it's quite cute how obsessed he is. He even admitted that he loves the baby WAY more than the Kitty (we weren't totally confident this would happen...).

We are now anxiously awaiting the arrival of Samara's Safta (Sue) and Papa (Sandy) on Friday night/Saturday morning.

Click here for more photos of her first week(ish).

F1

2010-09-28T18:28:00.002+08:00

If you care about car races in the US (at least in Michigan), you're most likely a hick. I realise this might be offensive, and it's by no means true, but it's what I thought. If you care about car races in Singapore you're most likely a rich European.

Singapore has hosted the Formula 1 race for the last three years. I couldn't care less (I'm not a rich European). The first year was really annoying, because it was at the same time as Rosh Hashana, and that was just inconvenient. The second was also annoying, because 1) we were meant to get somewhere for a shabbat dinner, and it took us FOREVER and a half, and 2) our friends canceled plans with us, since getting into town was just too annoying. Last year we could hear the race from our apartment. That was annoying too.

This year, we got invited to an F1 party, and we thought, eh, why not see what this is all about (plus it was in a place with a fantastic view and with people we like). On the way up the elevator (it was a long ride to the 68th floor!) I asked Matt, "is this race like ten minutes or like two hours?" I had no idea. We got up there, and we could see the track. Is this it? They just go around and around? That looks boring. Then I learned that they have 61 laps to do. That's REALLY boring!

Luckily the sound of the cars was cool, and the company was nice, so we stuck around for about 20 laps, but that's enough. I'm just not into cars. I am more interested in:

How do all the cars get to Singapore? Boat? Plane? Must be plane, but I didn't know you could FLY a car!?
Does all that driving, so fast, cutting corners, damage the roads?
Does Singapore actually make money from any of this stuff (we just had the Youth Olympic Games, which was equally annoying)?

To make it more annoying, yesterday after work, I walked to the bus stop, which should be a two or three minute walk, but since my hips feel like they're going to fall apart when I walk, it took me almost ten minutes to get there. I thought the bus would be better than MRT, since it's less walking, even though it takes longer and makes me nauseous. Well, by the time I got there, I saw that actually no buses were running because of the F1. Made me hate it even more. Then I had to walk back and then take the MRT. Just the commute was enough to exhaust me.

I also have to say that yes, I'm due in about four days, and yes, I'm really huge and pregnant - like really huge. My hips feel so much pressure, I really think they might split. Each step hurts and puts pressure in places I have never felt before. STILL I walk faster than about half the people in the MRT station. That means there's a problem with THEM, NOT me. I always just thought I was just impatient (which I am).

In other news, we went to the doctor today, and the baby is still growing (though now I'm LOSING weight, which I don't understand), and its head is engaged (hence all the pressure). All is good to go. We made an appointment for next Tuesday, but I'm really hoping we don't have to use it!

In yet other news - I have had multiple unsolicited tummy pats in the last week. We went to volunteer last Friday, and a lady in the Red Cross Home for the Disabled was all over this belly. Then we went for lunch at a hawker stall, and the lady who cleans the table (with really dirty hands) was rubbing with two hands saying, "boy. boy. boy." Then at the F1 party someone was trying to find the bottom of the bump (I was wearing a dress) and really went quite uncomfortably low. I think it was a cultural thing, but it was awkward and I started walking backwards without even thinking about it.

In the best news yet - Dena and Jill have both given birth to beautiful babies! Dena gave birth to Alma Mia about two weeks ago, and Jill gave birth to Joseph Brady on Saturday, early. I'm so proud of them, and I can't wait to meet those babies!! While everyone at work, at Jewish holiday services and everywhere else tells me that there's no way to do it without pain meds (I try to just tune them out, but it's really all the time), Jill and Dena proved them all wrong. MAZAL TOV!! Even cooler than the fact that we're all giving birth at the same time is that our kids will always be the same age. That's just such a cool thing to share with your best friends.

Bris in Singapore

2010-09-23T20:00:00.003+08:00

I thought I should write about this now, since I might not have time later (or we might find out that it's not relevant - as we're having a girl!?).

Having a bris in Singapore is no easy task. Let me share our experience in setting up the infrastructure in case we find it necessary when the baby comes...

First, we met with the rabbi from our progressive community. He said that we can use a pediatric urologist that other people use, or we can just get it done by anyone. We can do it in the hospital and have a ceremony later - lots of options. I felt confident, until I emailed a Conservative Rabbi friend and an Orthodox Rabbi friend, and both said that you kind of really need the person who does the cutting to be Jewish, at least for it to be a halachic bris (a circumcision according to Jewish law).

That led to discussions between me and Matt that debated whether or not we thought this was important. Seemed like the baby would be Jewish regardless, since I'm Jewish, and that's REALLY all that's necessary...but I have a weird feeling about this stuff and want to make sure we do things halachikly (like our wedding) in case it ever comes up later, even if we don't care that much right now.

So, back to Jewish options...so I started asking around. Excuse me, who circumcised your son? Do you know anyone who has had a bris here in Singapore? Please tell me about your experience with this tradition (that I find DEEPLY troubling on a lot of levels!!!) and how I can do this to my potential child!?

I found that a few people that seemed normal had used this rabbi from Melbourne. Apparently he comes in on a specific flight, he is friends with the local rabbi, so he stays with him, and then he flies right back. He does it all the time...Okay. Sounds good. Matt got in touch with him, he sent us the link to his website, we found out he was chabad, but we decided it was all fine, and we would go with him. We just had to make it through the high holidays so he could for sure come.

Mission accomplished. We made it through. Then we found out there was a bris on Monday, after Yom Kippur, and I suggested that Matt go so he can meet the rabbi and see what happens at a bris (it had been a while). He went, he came back, he told me it was all fine.

Then, that night we were video chatting with my mom, and he said, "yeah, it was fine. Though he did touch his mouth to the wound, which was weird." He WHAT!? I flipped. My mom hung up. What? That's a horribly outdated tradition that I want nothing to do with (and to be honest makes me embarrassed to admit that my people do it at all!). I called our other friend who was there too and asked if this happened. He thought it did indeed happen.

Shit. 1.5 weeks till due date, and the rabbi we think can circumcise our maybe son isn't going to work out, and we don't know what other options we have...After doing some internet research, Matt emailed the rabbi and asked nicely if "metziza" is part of his tradition. The rabbi wrote back and explained that yes, that just means sucking out blood from the wound, which is required. But, it can apparently happen by mouth, by a sterile tube or by a sterile gauze pad. He said it's up to the parents.

Gauze pad please.

So - it got a bit stressful over here, but now it looks like we're good to go again. Phew.

Missing Lap

2010-09-21T20:36:00.002+08:00

I seem to have lost my lap. It has come up for me on three specific occasions.

1) In general, people jump up to give me a seat on the MRT. I can get a whole row to get off at the next stop if I walk on the train. That's all nice and good, but when you're carrying a big purse (with lots of snacks, a book, a water bottle, a computer...) plus a bag with yoga clothes, it might be easier to stand up so you can hold the bags. When I sit down, I want to ask the person who stood for me to hold my bags also. I just can't seem to find my lap to rest them on!

2) At the doctor today, he was running a bit behind, which actually only resulted in a half hour wait, which is not bad at all and is totally out of the ordinary (he's usually very on time). I had left work early to get to the doctor, and I hated that I couldn't do work. So, I whipped out my laptop, booted up, and I tried to find my lap. The computer kept sliding off. The only solution was folding my leg - like left ankle on top of right knee - and putting the computer on my calf. There was no lap to be found!

3) When I look at super pregnant women who have 1-2 year olds (my friend Margaret and lots of women at the doctor), I don't understand how they put their kid on their lap. It has baffled me for the last few weeks. They have no laps!

So - now we're at 38.5 weeks, and all is going fine. The head is still down, starting to engage, and somehow the baby is still growing, though I haven't gained weight in about a month (I REALLY don't get that one - if the baby is gaining weight, where is it COMING FROM?! I mean I am eating a tonne, but come on!). I've got good (lowish) blood pressure and strong and good speed of a baby heart beat.

I have thought throughout the entire pregnancy that we're having a boy (I don't know if I'm allowed to say that out loud, but I don't think it will mess our kid up too much...), and so does EVERYONE else (other than two people), but today I had a sign that we're having a girl. When you order a taxi in Singapore, your name shows up with your phone number for the taxi driver. I have always been Melaine or something like that, but today, when I got in a taxi, it was a TOTALLY different name, and it had all of the letters of the name that we have chosen if we have a girl - actually it was exactly the name, but two letters were switched. Hmmmm....I guess we'll find out soon!

Pregnant Around the World

2010-09-11T17:11:00.002+08:00

It just happens to be that some of my bestest friends in the world are pregnant at the same time as me. In fact - three of my four "bridesladies" from our wedding are pregnant, and we're in four different countries.

I tried to get them to participate in an "unsolicited tummy-pats" experiment with me. I wanted to see if it's cultural - i.e. maybe more people touch your belly in Israel? Maybe in Singapore? I seemed to be the only person who counted (22 as of today).

It has been interesting, though, to compare experiences - particularly with regard to what each country does for doctor visits. In each country the tests are at different times (or we don't have them), we have different number of scans, and generally it's just different. Apparently in the US they test everyone for gestational diabetes. Not so in Singapore - only if the baby seems really big, if you have gained a lot of weight, or if your pee on some stick turns it a funny colour. In Singapore we get scans every time we go to the doctor, if we want. In the US you get one at 14 weeks and one at 20 - for tests. It's all been quite interesting.

Now - we just get to wait. Freya gave birth about three weeks ago. Jill and Dena are due on Yom Kippur, then I'm due two weeks later. Canada (not sure how out she is on facebook...) brings up the rear in December.

In other news - after a lot of effort, the baby has flipped and is now head down, and the head is apparently starting to engage. The doctor said that s/he's not likely to flip back. That's really good news and has made me extremely happy. We're very proud of this little baby, because apparently flipping at this point, with all of my body and muscles' limitations, is not easy. Way to go little one! (It has been nice, though, going for acupuncture, massage, and making sure I relax everyday...Chiropractor not as much fun, but still nice).

In yet other news, we are mostly settled into our new place, getting our last furniture delivered on Wednesday. Then we'll be for real.

Flipping Out

2010-09-04T14:35:00.003+08:00

For the last week, I have done nearly everything I can to flip this baby to a head down position for a natural birth. I suppose I could have stood on my head for a while longer, but I worried that the blood flow might be disrupted, and we don't want our baby to be too stupid.

So, in between calls (I had about 10 calls in between 9 pm and 11pm and then again at 6 am this week...but I won't have any more until I'm back from mat leave) and work, I packed in many things over the past week.

I propped my hips up on pillows and laid on the couch nearly everyday. We made sure my hips were at least nine inches above my head. This uses gravity to push the baby into a different position - i.e. go into my rib cage or something - at least it felt like that. It is really hard to breathe, and if I have eaten within two hours, I feel like I'm going to puke, but it does move the baby. We even turned off all the lights and shined a flashlight where we want the baby to move to. Matt also made farting noises on my belly with his mouth. Again - I'm not sure what this does, but he seems to think it's funny, and the baby does move a lot for some reason.

In addition, on Wednesday, Thursday and today, I went to the chiropractor for the first time (and second and third...). I tried one twice, and then I went to a different one today (the first went on holiday, and I actually feel a lot more comfortable with the second...). They're using the Webster Technique, which tries to align your hips and therefore your uterus and open it all up to allow the baby to shift better. I learned that because of the way my spine is shaped (I always knew I had some sort of scoliosis, but I had NO idea this affects the way you carry a baby, though it definitely makes sense...) my right hip is more forward, which creates more space on the right side for the baby. Because the baby is constantly on that side only, the muscles on the left side compensate and get very tight, and the muscles on the right also get tight and hold the baby in place. Between aligning my hips and loosening the left ligament that comes down from my uterus, they're hoping to open it all up.

I also tried acupuncture for the first time. I laid on my left side, and the guy found a few spots that apparently need more energy - weak spots - and he put in needles. I have no idea what else he did, since I couldn't see anything, but he must have attached something to the needles, because they were definitely pulsing, sometimes at different speeds. Then he did something with suction, where he grabbed the skin around the spine and went up and down with suction. Apparently those spots will help my uterus/all other relevant muscles relax as well. I definitely felt better after that - more energised, less uncomfortable and definitely more relaxed in my brain. I don't know what it does or how it works, but something happened. Also, about halfway through the treatment, the baby started moving around like crazy - I think it was possibly doing an entire yoga class in my tummy. Hopefully it felt the tension release and realised that it could have a party in the other half of my tummy.

The good news is that the baby is definitely in a different position - even Matt said the outside of my tummy looks different. The bad news is that I have no idea what the position is. It was in a breech position for at least a month, and I know what the head feels like at the top, and I know what the kicks feel like down at the bottom (and on my bladder, obviously), but what I'm feeling now is completely new, so I can't quite place all of the appendages. There's still something big at the top (which I really hope is a bum, but I'm not that optimistic), but it is different, so I'm hoping this is all doing SOMETHING.

I am going for acupuncture on Monday, to the chiropractor on Tuesday and Wednesday, and then I will pray on Thursday and Friday (it's Rosh Hashana, so I might as well count that as part of the treatment, right?). We have until next Saturday before the ECV, which is apparently not too comfortable, but if that works, I'm happy to have that as well...Hopefully after all of this, though, it won't be necessary.

Kitchen

2010-08-29T08:05:00.002+08:00

Our kitchen in the US was really special. We could look at bowls, and know that each came from a special person in our lives. We knew our everyday dishes came from special ladies who threw our wedding shower. Each piece came from someone else who means something. And all the rest was Bubby's.

Since we were only moving to Singapore for a year or two, we decided not to take our kitchen with us (other than a pot, a pan and the obligatory knives, obviously - who can live without amazing knives?). I thought it best to leave them to stay kosher at home and away from this traif country...and we knew we were "getting moved" there, but we didn't know if we would get moved back, and that stuff is important (and heavy=expensive!).

So, here we are, three years later, and we definitely have no plans to come home for the next two years (at least). But, as a good, nesting, entertaining (not the fun part - but the "I like to have people over" part) woman, I/we have had to build up a new kitchen. I didn't realise the uniqueness of it until Thursday night when we unpacked all of our kitchen, washed each item, and put them all away in our new home. This is why it sort of blew my mind:

Plates and bowls are from our "babymoon" in Lombok
Some mugs from Chiang Mai - when I went with Jer in Dec, 07
Some mugs from a cool bar in Bangkok - they're shaped like tubas
Wine glasses from the weekend market in Bangkok
Serving bowl from a random street in Seoul
Three other serving bowls from the weekend market in Bangkok
Mugs from: a co-worker at AWARE that hated me and probably got it for me as a "good riddance" gift, Marc and Arthur who left a really long time ago, Google (I just love Google), SAIS, GW, the Fed...
Ceramic kitchen spoon holder from Nachalat Binyamin in Tel Aviv
Mortar and pestle, and masala set from Little India (don't worry - we still live in Little India)
Measuring cup from my tripping days at Camp Ramah (not that kind of tripping...)
Measuring spoons, grater, measuring cup from Bubby
9X9 from Langkawi, an island off the NW of the Malaysian peninsula (it's not especially cool - but they just had one for a good price, so why not!?)
Two plates from the Dominican Republic - one of our first big trips that we took together

The moral of the story is - nearly everything in there makes me happy and reminds me of something neat that we have done (mostly together).

In other news, we moved on Wednesday, and all went smoothly, though it took much longer than expected. We are now settling in our new home, which is nearly three times the size of our old place, and we are slowly (or quickly, really) acquiring our first furniture. Most major things have been taken care of, but we are headed today to find a bed and dresser for our helper, a desk and chair, and possibly some rugs. Yesterday we acquired a neat Indonesian day bed (trundle!), a tv console, a neat piece with drawers for the front door area and a bookshelf/buffet piece. We also had our couch delivered yesterday (which I'm sitting on, and it's fantastically comfortable).

In yet other news, our stubborn little baby (takes after both of us?) has yet to turn into a nice birthing position, so we are currently doing what we can. I have:

sat in a "all-fours" position with my arms down (polar bear position) for hours over the past few weeks
swam, belly-down
put frozen peas (and a frozen loaf of bread) on the baby's head. The doctor said that only makes its head cold (oops)
visualised it flipping (a lot)
asked it nicely
tapped in the lower regions
Matt has talked to the baby from the lower region, to try to get it to move closer to his voice

And now the doctor has said to sleep with the foot of our bed elevated, so we have raised it about four inches, and hopefully this will "dislodge" the baby's bum from my pelvis, and then apparently walking around all day will then encourage it to be head down, since the head is heavier.

If the baby doesn't flip by two weeks from now, the doctor will try to flip it himself, which apparently could be quite uncomfortable for me and the baby, and the trauma actually makes many women go into labour. Hopefully it will flip itself. I have always wanted to naturally birth a child (or two, three or four), and though I know it's not the end of the world, as long as everyone's healthy...I would really like to avoid a c section. On the flip side, Matt's worried about all of the money we have spent on hypnobirthing classes and our doula (birth coach).

Big Changes

2010-08-24T22:04:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow morning the movers are going to pick up the furniture that we bought from this random British couple who are returning to the UK. Then they're coming to our apartment to pick up our 20 boxes, three bookshelves, two fans, ironing board, Kitty and Matt, and then they'll drop it all off at our new apartment.

I have "shifted house" as they call it here, many times in my life. In fact, I lived for almost two years in three different apartments (Ann Arbor, New York, and Bedok), but other than that, I have moved every year since 1996. Moving to New York, together with Matt was a biggie. Moving to Singapore was also a biggie, and now we have our next real biggie - maybe the biggest of all. This will be our first "family home" (no offense to the Kitty - it's not that she doesn't count, it's just that she's such an easy roommate...).

It feels very significant, like we're leaving our simple, couple life, and everything is going to be different. We will be moving from our one-bedroom, super simple, but fantastic apartment to a three bedroom place in a practical condo with lots of families and kids, right near a grocery store and other things that are important when you have kids. We will be filling our house with our new helper that we found this past weekend along with our baby, of course, in the next few weeks. We have a lot of really big changes coming up.

In the meantime, we're saying goodbye to what has been a wonderful year. Save about six weeks where I had the worst job ever, there was very little bad that happened here. I came back from Dena's wedding in Israel to this apartment, found my current job, which I love, conceived, and have had a pretty great pregnancy (if only this baby would flip, it would be even better!); we have hosted a bunch of fun meals, played a lot of Settlers, had fun visitors, and generally been super happy in this apartment.

So, tonight is our last night here. Today was my last swim in this fantastic pool. Tomorrow is my last commute from this apartment. Though I'm excited for what is coming, it's much much scarier than this simple life that we have now. Until tomorrow.

The Apartment

2010-08-21T07:31:00.002+08:00

We have lived in two apartments in Singapore. The first Matt found in about two weeks - before I got here. The second we found in about two days. Easy. No problem.

This time, we actually started thinking about moving in March or April. We thought about buying a place, so we spent a few weekends looking at apartments to buy until I totally freaked out at how much they cost, and we abandoned that idea and decided to rent. I think I wrote about this, but I just couldn't go from the most expensive thing I own being an engagement ring or computer to it being an apartment that's more than 1m in a city that I don't even feel very attached to. It was emotional (I am with Ariely that most money/general decisions are), and maybe not smart, but there was no option for me.

We decided to start looking to rent in mid-July in order to get an idea of which condo/s we would be happy in. We found two condos in a great location that are cheaper than similar condos, and we decided to limit our search to them. Our criteria were:

Short and easy commute
Oven (DIFFICULT to find in Singapore!)
Bathtub
3 bedroom with a helper's room that is not a bomb shelter and is humane
Near a grocery store and ideally a wet market
Reasonable price

Most apartments in Singapore are available immediately, so it wasn't useful to look until the beginning of August. Both condos are big, so we figured there would be no problem. We figured we would find one our first weekend. So we did - Philip's apartment that allowed no Indians and no mainland Chinese...and apparently no cats. Under any circumstances.

We saw a ton, but some were nasty dirty disgusting, and others had weird furniture or other things that were not negotiable. We tried to find a solution with one apartment (with a fantastic view!) in us paying for monthly storage of some of the horrible (and mouldy) furniture. It just didn't make sense. We expanded our search to include weekdays. Finally, the second (or third?) weekend, we went back to one dirty one, and we looked beyond the dirtiness (which after seeing others didn't seem so dirty afterall), and we realised that it was totally fine. We went back for a second look, and we decided it would be great.

Next steps in Singapore - we sign a Letter of Intent and put down a month's rent and tell them what we want them to do before we move in (i.e. CLEAN the entire thing, check appliances and air con, mend curtains, etc.). We went back to draw up the letter of intent, and we ended up meeting the landlord (we had previously met only the agent), and it turns out he's from Medan, where Matt's family lived in the 80s in Indonesia. Perfect - everyone was happy. I was especially relieved.

Then, we woke up the next morning and our agents had sent us the final version of the letter of intent. Matt had signed it before the details were filled in - it's our third apartment with these agents, and they had taken us around for months, literally, so we trusted that they had our best interests in mind. When we read through it, it was perfect - save one thing. It said that we would pay our agents S$2500. Um, what? Divide that by 12 months, and we just added $200 to the monthly rent/cost of living there! Granted they had negotiated the price down S$500 per month, but still - we had no idea. We called the agents, and we said how happy we are with the apartment, but that we had no idea that we were paying them. They had previously explained that if the monthly rent is above a certain amount that the landlord pays the agents and the tenants pay nothing. They had known that paying an additional agents fee had actually helped us decide not to take another apartment, as it adds on quite a bit. Where did this come from? Well - they knew all along that this landlord wouldn't pay them - he was straightforward about it. But...they just wanted us to have an apartment, since I was getting a bit antsy, and I'm pregnant, and whatever, so they didn't want to bother us with the details - they just wanted us to get in. "Don't worry - you don't have to pay us. We're friends, and we know you'll give us other business, and we're happy to help you out. Just think of it as a gift." So...if we don't pay you, you won't get paid for all of the time that you took us to look at places? "Yes - but we're really happy to do it." We KNOW there is something cultural going on here, but we don't know what it is. We didn't want to be American and push and push it, and yet we were being American by understanding that we were now legally bound to pay them this amount of money...we decided to deal with that later and get the apartment in order.

The Letter of Intent says that we will sign a lease within seven days. After seven days, we had not, and apparently the landlord was travelling...anyways - though I was nervous until it happened, FINALLY, earlier this week, he signed the document and emailed it over. So today, at noon, we will go sign a lease and get possession of this apartment.

I am NOT the most laid back person, and I don't claim to be, but this saga was particularly rough for me, and I do think that I can blame some of it on hormones. I want to be able to picture where we will be in labour and where we will bring the baby back to, and I want to be able to try to understand (though I know I won't really understand) what life will look like when the baby's born, and not having a picture of an apartment (or any furniture or anything) was really difficult for me. Plus, as I get bigger I realise that 1 - it's REALLY hard for me to pack and help do anything and 2 - this baby can come at any point, and I want to be really ready at 36 weeks, which is in two weeks...

All in all, it seems to be working out - we bought a beautiful dining room table and chairs, king size bed and coffee table from this couple who is moving back to the UK, and we bought a couch two weekends ago...so we have all of the essentials, and we're moving on Wednesday. I'm hoping for no major glitches. If something does fall through, I'm taking a flight to Bali (or Lombok) - assuming they let me on the plane - and staying there for a week until Matt can sort it out. I can guarantee that I wouldn't even be useful at this point.

Full Time Job

2010-08-10T19:26:00.002+08:00

Finding/signing on an apartment can be a full time job.

Seeing up moving arrangements/packing can be a full time job.

Finding a helper can be a full time job.

Furnishing an apartment can be a full time job.

Preparing for a baby can be a full time job.

Having guests can be a full time job.

Gestating can even be a full time job.

So when am I supposed to do my real full time job (and exercise, sleep, relax and see friends)?

Yoga

2010-08-05T21:11:00.003+08:00

A few weeks ago, when I finally started feeling pregnant, I decided to check out the prenatal yoga class at my yoga studio. The woman who teaches it usually doesn't teach the most challenging classes (she taught me for a while on Monday mornings), so I was a bit reluctant, since I thought it wouldn't push me enough...but then I realised that I didn't really want to push myself anymore - and I'm not sure I'm even capable of it! In the regular classes, when we go from sitting to standing, or bowing to downward dog that's position enough when you weigh an extra 18 pounds and you're just unbalanced, awkward and big. One of the women from my hypno-birthing class goes, and she told me it was nice, so I thought I would check it out.

It's M-W-F at lunch, so I do have to leave work for an hour and a half (to go to yoga and then get lunch), which I'm super not comfortable with, but I just don't want to stop doing yoga. I think it's been really good for my body as well as my brain during the whole pregnancy so far.

So, it is a LOT more low key. There's upper body stretching - opening the shoulders, some squatting, to open the hips, and then there's usually quite a bit along the wall - doing some half moon, triangles, and a few warriors. It's slower, it's much easier (I don't think I have broken a sweat yet - except for this once, which I'll get to below), and I love it. I absolutely love being in a room with 10 or so other pregnant ladies. About half or more are due right around when I'm due, so we all have big bellies, and we're all sort of going through the same thing. It's a really powerful experience. The teacher seems to love the class, and she has a three year old, so she clearly remembers what it's like. It's not only about us and our bodies, but it's also about our babies, which is just so cool. It gives me time, three times a week, to really think about the baby and our connection. The most moving part is the end. After shivasana, we all sit up, put our hands on our bellies, and we sing this song (click on the link and listen - it's beautiful). To be in a room with so many other pregnant women, all bonding with their unborn babies and sort of saying a prayer for them is really moving. The first time I cried, and I even cried when I told Matt about it later (okay - I'm also really hormonal, so maybe that was part of it...). He made fun of me, but seriously, it's cool. I now love the class. I'm still doing what I can in the regular Hatha 1 classes twice a week, but it is definitely much harder. Today I realised I can't do child's pose anymore. There is no space for my belly. I have switched to polar bear, which doesn't do the same thing, but at least it makes my back relax.

We had a funny experience this week, when the regular prenatal teacher couldn't make it, and the kick-your-ass-Wednesday-morning teacher showed up. I walked in, and I said, "uh oh." He is REALLY hard. When I went to his class on Wednesday mornings, I would need at least two breakfasts. I also worried, because he's a serious flirt. He knows everyone's name and walks around and talks to them - asks random questions and what not. Flirting in a prenatal class won't get you too far...Anyways, when Anna teaches, she says, "don't push it. Stop at any time. Be careful." Plus there's the whole spiritual connection part. Vikram, on the other hand, kicked our asses! The whole atmosphere was all about the individual - no community, no baby - and we all pushed and pushed. When we all walked out, we were all sort of in shock. That day I broke a sweat. It was pretty funny.

In other news, we have put down a letter of intent for an apartment, but it seems like they probably won't take us (the whole cat thing...). We'll see. I will sleep much better when we have an apartment.

Apartment Hunting

2010-08-03T07:05:00.002+08:00

Matt found our first apartment here before I arrived. No matter that it didn't have an oven, the air con didn't work, it was on the first floor on a little road so that everyone looked in (with no shame), it was moldy, smelly, dark and totally not my style. My commute to my first job and INSEAD was about an hour and 20 minutes...Regardless, we lived there for two years, and I don't think I complained THAT much.

Then I got a say, and we moved closer to town, to a bright, clean, private (only a few people can see in now) apartment in a fantastic location. We gave on size in order to have everything else, and for the last year we have both been quite happy in our 500 square foot one-bedroom. (The Kitty is definitely less happy, but she's been taking it like a champ. See this posting).

Now, our lease is up in about 3.5 weeks, and we need a new place. We spent a weekend looking at different complexes in different areas we think we could live in, and we decided on an area that we like best - Farrer Park, which is one MRT stop up from Little India, where we are now. It's basically the other side of Little India. The location is definitely not as good, since now we can walk basically anywhere we want to go, and this location adds 15 minutes, but it's apparently a very undesirable place to live, so rent is cheap(er...). Our current condo is across a major street from Little India, removed, and quiet. This makes prices high. Where we're looking is more in the middle of it, with tons of people around. Apparently people see that as a big drawback - especially since a lot of workers are in this area on their Sunday day-off. I actually love walking in areas that are so vibrant and alive. It's such a contrast to the rest of the island...

So this past weekend we started looking for actual apartments in a huge complex. It seemed that everything we found could work for us, but some are in better condition than others, etc. We decided on this one that had a different layout than most of them, plus a nice comfy couch and a fantastic view of downtown and the sea. We made our offer, the landlord was fine, and then we remembered we have to tell him about the Kitty. He is terrified of animals, and he said no way. We said we would return everything as is, or pay the equivalent, and he said, you can give me tons of extra money, and I still wouldn't accept. So...we lost that one.

Yesterday I freaked out that next weekend is a holiday weekend, so seeing apartments might be challenging, and then the following weekend is when we want to start a lease, and it takes about seven days to get it all going, so I asked our agents to find ANYTHING else. We saw a great apartment, and we decided to make an offer, and at 10:30 at night, the apartment's agent finally admitted that she has a company that might be putting in a higher offer, but she'll find out in the morning (the company would lease it for one of their employees).

I don't know if it's "nesting" hormones already - I thought that was the ninth month, and I'm only in the eighth! - but it's driving me crazy that we don't have a place. In Singapore moving is like this, since most apartments are for immediate move-in, but there's something in my body that is telling me we have to have an apartment RIGHT NOW! I need to be able to start setting up the movers, get furniture that we'll need to have (most are unfurnished), and just be able to picture what life will be like when this little one arrives. I'm usually a planner and don't love leaving things to last minute, but this time it's actually driving me a bit crazy.

Hopefully we will get this apartment, or at least we will find another one in the next week and get it all sorted out and I can start sleeping again.

Everyone's Got an Opinion II

2010-07-30T23:04:00.002+08:00

I remember when Liba was really pregnant in New York, she told me that everyone had an opinion about her belly - if it was a boy or a girl. I didn't go out with her too much, but she told me this a few times, and I said, "yeah, yeah. I'm sure they all have an opinion."

...Until we went out for dinner, which included walking down the street, three days before she gave birth. We stopped in to CVS for a second, and the lady behind us in line gave an unsolicited pat and told her she was having a boy. The cashier got in on the conversation and also let her know that she was having a boy. Someone else walking down the street also told her she was having a boy. The kicker, though, was the totally drunk lady who was lying on the sidewalk. She was not conscious, yet she sat up, said, "it's a boy," and then went back to being passed out. Honest. I was blown away. Who knew that so many people cared?! Well...maybe that's just New York City where everything is everyone's business.

Nope - it's Singapore also. A couple of days ago I saw a woman in the elevator, and I always see her walking around my floor. We were going from the 8th floor to the 1st floor. We introduced ourselves, we told each other what we do at the bank. She asked when I was due, and I told her October 2nd. She said, "it's July, and you're due in October. You're huge! Have you been feeling alright?" Well, lady - I just met you five seconds ago (seven floors up...), and it's the END of July, and the baby's due at the BEGINNING of October, and yeah, I feel great. What's it to you?

The next day I was meeting a bunch of my ex-colleagues for lunch, and I showed up, and they said, "you're not even big! We thought you would be huge by now!"

I'm big, I'm small, I'm pointed, I'm rounded...

Another day this week I was having lunch with a friend and a whole bunch of containers happened to fall on me. They were empty, and it was no big deal at all, but the ladies at the restaurant (all Thai ladies at a great Thai restaurant) starting freaking when they saw that I was pregnant. They were all over the belly and told me it's a boy. Just clean up your containers and let me get back to my green curry.

Overall, I think over a hundred people have told us that they think it's a boy. I have two opinions that say it's a girl. How do people know? Why does everyone want to guess? I keep telling them that I'll let them know in a few months.

Another ex-pat lady in the elevator said, "oh, you're pregnant. So exciting! When are you due? And I bet that everyone here tells you you're having a boy? Yup - that's what they told me too, and I had a beautiful girl."

Old People in a New Country

2010-07-25T08:59:00.002+08:00

One of the things that always struck me in Israel, when I lived there, was when you see old people, and you think, "wow - they must have been around before Israel was a state. Maybe they even had a part in building the state." When you talk to old people in Israel, everyone has a story about the fight for independence, and what they did in the wars in 67 and 73. It seems that people there feel that they built the country - together with the rest of their generation. They're proud and empowered.

On the other hand, I also think about that here. Singapore in the 60s looks NOTHING like Singapore now - and the way it looks is way more drastically different than how Israel looks. Singapore has a big downtown with skyscrapers (nothing like Tel Aviv), and basically the whole population has moved from living in kampongs/villages to HDB flats/public housing apartments. We often ask old people where they grew up, and they tell us they grew up in a village somewhere, which we literally can't imagine. I think I read in the paper that there is one village left in Singapore...but, the attitude of the elderly when they talk about the past and how different it is now feels totally different than in Israel. In Singapore, it seems as if the country were built around them - almost as if they were victims/silent participants. The people we talk to don't seem to feel as if they were a part of it, rather that it was all from the top, and some like it, and some don't. It's possible that we're not talking to the right people, but I don't think we have access to those people!

I know that the reasons for existence of these two countries is drastically different, and development in Singapore was definitely specifically economic development, while in Israel there was much more idealism, Zionism, and a fundamental belief that the country should exist. I don't know if I'm explaining it well, but they do feel different. So I understand that we're not comparing apples to apples, but it is interesting to note the differences.

In other news I must highlight four of the articles in today's fabulous paper.
1 - on the front page there is an article about a new campaign about picking your nose and "littering" the boogers. Apparently the government's new campaign is to get people to stop littering - and a sub-campaign is about littering your boogers (which I'm sure creates HUGE problems - you know those piles of boogers...). They want to show that it's gross. I can't even comment on this. It's fricken hilarious.

2 - unfortunately a person was killed in their car last week due to a random falling tree branch. So, yesterday there was TONS of traffic, because the government was out in full force trimming trees all over the island. I understand that emotionally, people like the government to have a response when someone is killed, but if they would just look at the statistics about how many people are killed from falling tree branches, and how many people are killed from, say, sitting in the back of an open truck...there might be more effective ways to save lives?

3 - apparently some jay-walkers are over the age of 50 and not quite as agile, but they're still jay-walking. This warrants an article?

4 - there's a great article about how many Singaporean men are choosing to marry Vietnamese young wives. Apparently it's just easier, because you don't have to take the time to get to know them - you can just marry them quickly, so you can "get going" on creating a family and settling down much faster. Hmmm...sounds a little not so sustainable to me. I can't wait for the follow up article in a few years.

In other news, Matt and I have agreed to purchase (we haven't yet handed the money or received the goods) some beautiful furniture. It's our first real grown-up furniture of our lives. There is a couple going back to the UK, and they're selling BEAUTIFUL stuff, so we got an incredible antique-style wooden Chinese dining table with six chairs, a matching coffee table, a gorgeous and comfy king size bed and a chair. It's beautiful, and I'm excited. We went to a warehouse place that sells Balinese furniture (CHEAP!) yesterday to see what we can get to supplement, and we found a few other pieces that we might try to get once we actually have an apartment and know what it will look like. Favourites include a beautiful Balinese daybed trundle (so we need a big guest room!), and some gorgeous living room/foyer pieces. We would still need a big comfy sofa...

In yet other news, we also looked in baby stores for the first time yesterday. We have our list of what we absolutely need before the baby comes, and most of it is stuff we can get at Carrefour or a supermarket, but the rest were a car seat, a stroller/pram/trolley/pushchair and some newborn clothes. My mom brought some clothes, and the Hildebrandts (who arrived last night) also brought some clothes, but we went a-looking for the rest, and we decided on a car seat/stroller situation that we think will work. We still don't HAVE anything in our house, since they were out of stock on the stroller, and we decided to wait on the car seat to see if it goes on sale (the stroller was on SUPER sale), since we still have about a month and a half before we NEED it, but we're getting there. The fetus was excited and therefore doing somersaults all day long.

Lombok

2010-07-15T20:29:00.006+08:00

Lombok is a few hour boat ride away from Bali, and while everyone knows about Bali, many people don't know about Lombok. Lombok seems to be one of the thousands of hidden gems of Indonesia. I absolutely love that country. Everywhere we have gone there is different and amazing in its own way (Medan and the surrounding areas including the Batak people and orangutans, Yogyakarta with its amazing temples, Mt Bromo and the beautiful volcanoes of east Java, incredible diving in Manado, east Sulawesi, crazy beauty, intense Islam and tsunami destruction in Pulau Weh and Banda Aceh, and of course Bali - which I'm on the every-six-months-plan for).

The very little that we saw of Lombok reminded me a bit of Bali, but it was also really different. The island itself seems to be a bit more hilly/mountainy, and the Gili Islands, which are north west of Lombok, are just white sand beaches with nothing to do but dive, snorkel or relax. There were a whole bunch of Hindu temples (like Bali) around west Lombok, at least, though the island is apparently 90% Muslim. Please note that we spent a total of three days in Lombok and 2.5 in the Gili Islands, and in Lombok, we really only saw a few places in the west, so my perspective is really limited.

Our first stop was an amazing hotel near Senggigi that was recommended by two friends. Qunci Villas was one of my favorite hotels ever. The bathroom was the coolest bathroom I have used, and the service at this hotel was unmatched (even by the 5 star hotels in Asia). All of the dudes know who we are, say hello, and are super friendly. We asked about transportation to a temple, and after we got back, we had three different people asking how the temple was. At breakfast they knew our names, what we liked to eat and drink, and probably our birthdays. The place just makes you want to sit by the pool and read. All day. So we did.

The Gili Islands was a totally different story. It was a bit rugged for a lady who's seven months pregnant, and while it was super relaxing, it was a bit of a letdown from Qunci Villas. We had been spoiled. Our hotel on the Gilis was on the main island, but totally removed from all of the other action (which is good). We had our own little Javanese hut, which looked really cool, but in practicality there were a few problems. The lights were so dim that we literally couldn't read or see anything (though that gave us the opportunity to watch part of the BBC Planet Earth series we brought with us on the trip...), so we were sleeping by 10pm each night. The bathroom was another cool, outdoor bathroom, but though we were paying over USD100/night, we didn't get hot water (or fresh water...though that's not their fault - I don't think they have it on the island), and there were stairs going up and down to get to the bathroom. Not ideal when you're pregnant and going to the bathroom six times per night. Finally, while the four-post bed was really cool looking, in reality it came with bed bugs, and since I can barely reach my ankles to scratch, I'm just not interested in bed bugs. On the positive side, the view, the salt water pool, and the banana pancakes at the hotel were superb.

Other than the hotel, though, we really enjoyed relaxing and doing nothing. The first day we took a super long walk (until I literally got sick from the sun and exhaustion) to check out the rest of the island and what we should do while we were there. We decided on a lot of reading plus one snorkeling trip around to the other Gili Islands. Overall, it was super relaxing, and our biggest decisions were where we were going to eat our next meal.

Generally, the pregnancy thing wasn't too much of a problem. The biggest challenges were fitting on a really crowded snorkeling boat (my ass must be bigger than it was...) and getting onto the boat to leave the island. I had my big backpack on my back, and I literally couldn't take a big step up onto the back of the boat. I was just too heavy. I tried about five times, and I didn't know what to do. Finally I could reach to the top of the boat and pull myself up with my arms. Thank goodness for yoga and all of those downward dogs. I also had to walk a lot slower and drink about four times the amount of water that Matt drank.

After the Gili Islands we went back to Lombok and spent a day driving around the Mataram area, visiting a few pottery shops. Since we came here for 1-2 years, and now we have been here for three and we're clearly not leaving anytime soon, we got a beautiful set of handmade pottery dishes. It was in this crazy house with TONS of stuff everywhere (including a mouse), and we sort of had to look around to find a complete set (they only had three plates of the ones we liked most and then four of the ones we liked second most...so we got six of our third choice, but they're still really beautiful). We got some really beautiful things, including an amazingly gorgeous vase for about USD3.

One of the pottery stores we visited said that their biggest "customer" was Ten Thousand Villages. This is a website that I have bought stuff off of - it's basically a company that brings products made in villages around the world to the masses. They have specific guidelines outlining what "fair trade" means to them, etc. When I have bought stuff in the past, I was sort of skeptical, since I didn't really know where it came from or if it was for real, but learning that this amazing co-op of women potters in Lombok supply to this website made me excited.

Upon our return to Singapore there were two big emotions. Super happiness to be reunited with the Kitty and super unhappiness recognising that I won't leave Singapore until at least November. The longest I have been here up until now without leaving is about five weeks (MAYBE six). I may freak out on this island...but we'll see. Hopefully I will be busy enough until the baby's born to not think about it, and afterwards, I'm SURE I will be busy enough that I won't notice.

Click here for photos from our trip.

Reflections at a Year

2010-07-03T09:49:00.003+08:00

End of June/early July is a great time for reflecting.

We just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary.
We just marked three years in Singapore (which is one year longer than I have lived anywhere else since I was 18...)
My graduation from INSEAD was one year ago on the 1st.

If I go back to four years ago, I could NEVER have imagined that I would even be living in Singapore. I'm sorry to say that I didn't know where it was or anything about it - except the regular caning and gum stuff.

Going back to three years ago, I was a trailing spouse who had lost my identity. I was about to start a horrible job at a disorganised non-profit, and I was just starting to get to know Asia. I wasn't even dive-certified yet! I had started thinking about the MBA, but I don't think I knew about INSEAD yet, and if I did, I'm sure I thought I wouldn't get in.

One year ago I had just finished the most intense year of my life, I was looking forward to a short trip home - surprising friends and family at Michigania - and then starting a job (that felt wrong in my gut) with toilets. I didn't really feel excited about it, but I thought there was potential. I was also looking forward to a short stint in Israel for Dena and Juan's wedding.

Who knew that now I would be a pregnant corporate woman working in a bank! You can always prepare (and I DO!), but you really can't ever know where you're going or where you will end up. I am someone who loves control and preparation, and I remember Wade, whom I used to work with at GW Hillel said to me - "Mel - just let go. You can't even control the things that you think you can control, let alone the things you can't." That doesn't sit well with me, so I still have to be proactive, but it is worth noting that I never could have dreamed up where I am now...at any previous point in my life. And - the weirdest part is that I'm really happy to be here.

Old Labour

2010-07-02T20:01:00.002+08:00

It's great that Singapore has initiatives to get old people - okay - the elderly - back into the workplace. There are incentives to hire people over certain ages, there is free training and training subsidies and a whole lot more. Singapore doesn't have social security, but it does require that each working person save a certain amount of money, and the employer contributes, and the government invests it. It seems that it will work well enough for people who are 50s and younger, but I don't know how it works for the older population. You do see old people working a lot here, but the hard part is that they're doing really physical jobs. Many of the older people don't have the education or language skills to work in super sophisticated jobs, but there has to be something better than janitorial work, no?

We have two ladies in our office whom I see everyday - one is at least 75, has three kids, and she has trouble walking. She empties our trashes, vacuums (with one of those big things she has to push all around the office!), has to carry stuff places, and generally works really hard for someone of any age - let alone the fact that she is indeed elderly. The other woman has clearly had a stroke, and possibly something with her trachea - since she has a hole in her neck, and I can't understand most of what she says. She says that she has no family, and she has no money, so she works cleaning our toilets SIX days a week - picking stuff off the ground, etc. She's also super old.

I do think that it's good that these ladies have jobs, but as I sit in my comfy chair at my nice desk everyday - I wish that they had a more comfortable job...

Unrelated, the auntie who cleans up our trash is quite hilarious. She doesn't actually take out our garbage bags each day. She reaches into the bin and takes out the trash with her hands to put it in the bigger bin that she pushes around with her. She has noticed that I eat an apple everyday, right around the time that she comes (right after lunch - it's my dessert). So, each time she comes she asks, "apple already?" If I haven't eaten it yet, she comes back. It made me pretty uncomfortable at first, since she was clearly noticing what was in my garbage, but she doesn't seem to care, and I got over it so now it's more of a joke.

In other news, Kitty just ate a bug. She was playing with it for a while, so I thought it would be spit out at some point to keep playing, but no. She ate it. Yum.

Alarm Clocks

2010-06-27T11:49:00.002+08:00

I don't claim that our cat is smart. I actually think she's quite stupid. She's scared of cars driving up our street...when she's on the third floor balcony. She plays with anything that she can bat and then chase - for example a twist tie, or a paper clip. She always begs for bananas and tofu, but she doesn't like them. She's super cute, super sweet, but she's not smart.

Somehow, though, she figured out that alarm clocks wake us up. While I still can't figure out why she would want to wake us up on weekend mornings (since we usually get up, get out of bed, and she goes straight back to sleep...), she does. Yesterday morning and this morning, she was actually quite creative. On Matt's side of the bed she tried to bite the cord out of the back of the alarm clock - making lots of noise with each attempt. On my side of the bed, she tried to bite the buttons off the top of the alarm clock.

It does indeed make noise and wake us up, but what she doesn't understand is that alarms wake us up when we tell them too - not just for no reason. She needs to better communicate her reason for why we should get out of bed before we'll listen to a Kitty-induced alarm clock.

Racial Harmony? II

2010-06-23T21:00:00.002+08:00

I just went to name this blog posting "Racial Harmony?" but the name auto filled...which means that I have titled another blog posting with this name. Turns out it was over two years ago, and though the content is actually different, the point is the same.

Right now I have a brother and a mother in Singapore. I have been sick basically since my brother arrived nearly two weeks ago, and certainly the whole time my mom has been here, but I felt about 75% yesterday, and I had taken the day off from work...so we went out.

We were walking across Bukit Timah Rd., near my house, going to the bus stop to catch a bus to the best claypot chicken rice in town. It looked as though we were three tourists walking towards Little India. A Chinese guy stopped us and said, "watch your bags in front of you. I had two bags taken. Pick pocket. Those Indian people..." Um...okay.

Then, we took a taxi from Dempsey Hill (after a pleasant walk in the Botanic Gardens and Orchid Garden and a nice drink at a shi shi cafe) back to my place. The uncle (or taxi driver...), who happened to be Indian (relevant) was driving a way that I don't usually go. After the second weird road choice, I asked him, "uncle, which way you go?" "I am driving down River Valley so you don't get two ERP charges on Orchard Rd - I'm not like the Chinese guys who try to cheat you out of your money." (ERP is a fee you pay to drive on certain - most - roads at certain times of the day). Then he went on for a few minutes about how Chinese try to take your money, but Indians are honest people. All of them, I'm sure.

Finally - literally on the same day - my mom and I were in a taxi on the way home from book club (with the author of the book we read!), and the driver was TERRIBLE. He was speeding up when everyone in front of us was stopped. He was so jerky that I was holding on, thought I was going to throw up, and was not able to have a conversation. It was one of the worst drivers I have had. Finally, after about 12 minutes, we had to turn, and a truck sort of went into our lane during the turn. The guy said "Indians are such bad drivers." And then he super sped off at unreasonable speeds of starting and stopping with apparently no clue that Chinese men could also be terrible drivers.

Singapore is an example of racial harmony...if racial harmony means that you don't publicly talk about anything "racy" and there are no race riots (or at least haven't been for at least 40 years). Yeah. Perfect. Harmony.

Funny Numbers

2010-06-19T13:02:00.002+08:00

My body hasn't changed so much since I was about 15 years old. I'm always about the same size and weight. I think I weighed more in high school, but that was mostly because I was more muscular. My clothes from when I was 15 still fit (well not now, but in general). I know how much I'm supposed to weigh.

Weight while pregnant is a horrible thing. When you have spent your entire life "making sure you don't get fat" or making sure you don't gain too much weight, it's quite painful to know that you're getting bigger, and you're supposed to. I usually don't weigh myself too often. I have never owned a scale. I always just assume I'm the same. Now - each time I go to the doctor, which is once a month, the first thing I do (actually second - the first is to pee on some stick) is get weighed. The good news is that I'm getting weighed in kilograms, so I kind of think it doesn't really count. I know how many kilos I have gained (seven), but I try not to do the conversion too often, so I think of it all as just play numbers - kind of like money in Monopoly, or Indonesia, or buying gas in Canada (that always got me, because you have to somehow convert money, liters, plus kilometers to make any sense of it at all). I just choose to think it's all fake, and then it doesn't worry me too much.

Dangerous Mangoes

2010-06-17T21:42:00.001+08:00

Matt and I met a friend in Little India for dinner. It's mango season in India (which you would know if you're friends with my brother on facebook...), which means that there are also lots of beautiful and sweet mangoes in Little India. I stopped by Buffalo Rd on my way to the restaurant to stock up on a variety of Indian mangoes. They felt perfectly firm and smelled like heaven.

After a great dinner at a great North Indian restaurant, I thought about how those mangoes in my bag wanted to be eaten, and I wanted to help. The restaurant is quite low key - you go up and order and take most of the stuff back to the tables yourself. You get your own cutlery, cups, and there are pitchers of water on the table. The restaurant, however, only has forks and spoons. Those would not allow me to cut my mango. I went up to ask the man behind the counter for a knife.

"Can I please have a knife?"
"No!"
"Why? Can I please have a knife - one like the table cutlery - doesn't have to be anything special."
"Maam - if I give you a knife, you might go kill someone! I can't give you a knife!"
"I just want to cut a mango - I don't know if it's okay to bring in outside food, but I just want a knife to cut a mango."
"Maam - I cannot give you a knife. That is dangerous. I will cut your mango for you. Please bring it to me."

And he did and then he brought it to us in a beautiful dish at our table. Oy. I'm a pregnant lady in my yoga clothes...really dangerous looking...

In other news, Orchard Rd flooded yesterday. The headline in the paper wasn't that Orchard Rd flooded. It was that the utility board is probing into why it happened. In Singapore it all has to be someone's fault. Default is that everything works perfectly. When something goes wrong, then that means that someone isn't doing their job. Interesting.

In yet other news, Matt and I have been sick all week. Today we finally felt a bit better, but we're still totally wiped out, stuffy, coughy and just a mess. Jer's biking through Bali, possibly also super sick, but I haven't heard a word from him all week...Our goal is to feel better tomorrow.

Saigon...while pregnant

2010-06-13T15:18:00.007+08:00

Traveling while pregnant is a whole different experience. You get special treatment. You're part of this new club of pregnant ladies and moms, even as far away as Vietnam. I got four unsolicited tummy pats in the market alone, and at least six people told me, "I think boy." (I have one friend, Rachel, who believes it's a girl, but so far I have about 30 people who think it's a boy). I got asked how many months old is baby at least five times a day. A woman who was eight months pregnant and trying to sell stuff to tourists even offered me her seat for a few minutes! It was just totally different. Not only did people treat me differently, I also felt different. I love sitting down. My ankles look like someone else's. I only have choice of wearing two different shorts and three different tank tops. I'm hungry all the time, and I love sleeping. I think I'm entering the uncomfortable third trimester soon...but anyway...

After a not-so-crabby Jer arrived in Singapore late on Wednesday night, we flew off to Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City on Friday morning. We arrived just in time for breakfast and slurped down some yummy pho (noodles in soup - see photo of slurping). We spent the rest of the day walking and walking. We went to the market and got some great things for our house. We went to the war remnant museum and saw horrible stuff that Americans did to Vietnamese. We ate. We ate. We walked. We sweat. It was great. We got a feel for different parts of the city and exhausted ourselves completely. Unfortunately in the afternoon on the first day, Matt noted that he had a sore throat, and I realised I had the same thing. By that night I was feeling pretty bad, and Matt also had a completely stuffy head.

Luckily, day two required very little moving (by our own energy, at least). After a yummy breakfast, we got on a mini-bus and headed to the most bizarre and beautiful temple I have ever been. It is the main temple of the Cao Dai people, apparently numbering something like 2 million in Vietnam. It was super intricate and bright. The Cao Dai religion believes in Buddha, Jesus...and their three saints are Sun Yat-sen, Victor Hugo (yup, the guy who wrote Les Mis) and Nguyen Binh Khiem (a Vietnamese Poet). We attended their noon service, and it was really beautiful - everyone who went was dressed in either white or a special coloured robe, and the music was unlike anything I have ever heard.

Post the temple, we moved on to the Cu Chi tunnels, which I had visited the last time I was in HCMC, in November, 2007. People from Cu Chi (in the south), who aligned with the north during the Vietnam War (or the American War, as they call it) built these tunnels in which to hide during the terrible times of the late 60s and 70s. We learned that they actually built them when they were fighting the French in the 40s.

Once we got back, Matt and I were feeling like crap, and Jer was on his way to a cold as well. We relaxed, ate, and we walked around watching everyone watch the world cup. They absolutely love it. We taught our tour guide from Saturday what "spread" is in football.

Overall, a great, busy trip with excellent food, unbelievable coffee (only one per day, as to not mess up the fetus too much), and a return with three colds. Hopefully they're on their way out...Click here for more photos.

The Flood

2010-06-06T09:57:00.002+08:00

Every culture has a flood story. At least that's what I learned in my bible class at U of M in 1996. Our culture had ours yesterday.

All was fine and dandy yesterday morning as I put some laundry in, made a little fruit and yogurt and sat down to catch up with my college roommate and good friend on the phone. Somewhere after we had talked about boys, jobs, pregnancies and our other roommates, I realised that the corner of my rug was wet. Hmm. Could the cat have PEED on the rug? That would be really unlike her, but why else would it be wet? Actually that's way too much water to be cat pee. WAIT A MINUTE - OUR ENTIRE FLOOR IS COVERED IN A HALF INCH OF WATER!!!

The only way I noticed was that it brought chunks of cat hair/dirt from places like behind the refrigerator and bookshelves. If you walked, you literally splashed. It was not wet, it was flooded.

I quickly hung up the phone and woke Matt up. My brain didn't understand how we could actually get the water OUT of the apartment. We took all of our towels and tried to sop it up. We laid towels across the doorways (it was FLOWING out of the apartment into the hallway and also into our bathroom, through our bedroom (wood floor...oy). We picked up everything that was on the floor and tried to get as much as you can (in a 500 square foot apartment) out of the way. Then we remembered there was a drain under the sink. Unfortunately the floor is not shaped such that water would automatically flow to that drain - it seems to be a bit raised, which is maybe the dumbest part of our apartment that we didn't know - but we swept all the water that we could down that drain. We squeezed towels and laid them down again. We moved all of our furniture (even the fridge and washing machine! - that was Matt, I take no credit) and dried behind it. We turned on all air conditioners at full blast and our super powered fan at high speed, and we dried stuff. For two hours. This is not a fun activity for anyone. It was especially not fun on Saturday morning, pregnant. It's hard enough to bend over, but this was all on the floor. By the end I felt like a truck had hit me. Matt was a superstar. Now our apartment is in complete disarray, but things seem dry enough to put back in their spots today, and somehow, there is really no permanent damage. We're so super lucky. And - we don't have to sweep or mop this weekend.

Beating the System

2010-06-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

Matt and I wanted to take our last trip before the baby (and before I'm too nervous to be in a random SE Asian city when I'm super pregnant). We asked our bosses, and we got 3.5 days off in July.

Matt was toying with the idea of staying for a few extra days to go diving, and I feel sufficiently guilty taking (four months, paid) maternity leave after only working for ten months that I feel like a knife goes into my stomach each time I ask for leave, so I wasn't willing to ask for a full week off. Because of these considerations, though, we didn't book the S$400 flights we saw to go to Lombok. We waited. I hate that - I always think that the price will go up - and Matt has Analysis Paralysis, so he is always happier to wait.

Finally, yesterday, Matt decided that he would only take the five day trip with me and skip out on the diving. We were ready to book.

We went to the Silk Air site to book the flights, and yup, it was still $400. Matt gave me the "told you so" smile. We went back to the first page to plug in "2" tickets, and when we went to purchase them, they were $950. WHAT?! Now I gave him the "told you so" look (no smile). We came up with a great plan. We would each get on our computers and get two separate tickets, since obviously if you buy two they're trying to rip you off, right?

We both get on, and I push submit first. When he hit submit, it told him that there are no tickets left at that fare. Sorry. Now it's $950. SHIT! We tried to beat the system, and we definitely didn't. We tried restarting the browser, new browsers, and we were going to try from work, from a different i.p. address to see if that would make a difference. Matt called Silk Air to see if there was anything they could do. "We were trying to beat your system, and we failed. Can you help us?" They did, though. They switched my ticket for free to the next week, and Matt was able to get a ticket for S$500, so we're going to Lombok, and it's not that expensive, but it's not as cheap as it could have been...

Symptoms

2010-05-29T09:56:00.003+08:00

It's not that I'm complaining, but I really haven't had symptoms of pregnancy. I didn't get morning sickness, I never felt drained of energy, I had only one small food aversion (almonds, for a few weeks), and I have had no cravings. I have continued to eat as normal, though for the first four months I had at least one extra meal per day. I have continued to exercise, though I did cut out the running and am only doing yoga and swimming. I do go to sleep earlier, but I can't tell if I'm just using this as an excuse to actually go to bed.

I mostly feel appreciative that I have had such an easy time so far, but I also feel like I'm sort of missing out on joining the "pregnancy sucks" club. Maybe I'll join that club in the third trimester?

In the last two weeks, I have been irregularly interested in soursop. This is a fruit that I didn't even know about before I moved here, and I first tried it in Thailand (as in soursop juice). I have always liked it, but recently I have thought about it a lot and eaten it almost everyday. As I was just making my list of what to get at the market, I realised that this might be a craving? And I got excited...Can you have a craving that you don't need IMMEDIATELY, but you just sort of want it all the time? If so, then I'm joining the club of bizarre symptoms!

Becoming an Adult

2010-05-27T08:22:00.002+08:00

In 1998 and 1999 I studied in Israel. I was a tad bored with the regular Hebrew U curriculum and looked elsewhere for more. I also wanted to take the opportunity to learn at yeshiva and get to know Jewish text better. There were very few places that would take a part time 20 year old, and I found one that was a horrible fit for me. I learned a lot, and mostly that I didn't want to become like them.

They were worried about my sandals not being modest enough and that my long skirt wasn't long enough. I had to walk there from the central bus station, and it was about a fifteen minute walk, in a hot country, so yeah, covering my body wasn't my first priority. When I went out downtown in Jerusalem, I sort of lived in fear of running into one of the rabbis.

One day, after classes, I was feeling particularly grossed out with super religious Judaism, and I popped into a shop and got my belly button pierced. This wasn't something I had always wanted. I don't think I had really thought about it too much at all. I don't even really remember what was going through my head (it's really not ME, you know?), but I did it.

Since then, not too many people knew it was there, but it was a nice little reminder of my (mostly lack of) rebelliousness. I thought it was cute (and so did Matt). The most recent one came from Chiang Mai, Thailand on a trip two and a half years ago with my brother.

One of the things that I didn't realise about getting pregnant is that you can't really keep in a normal belly button ring. In order to keep it in, you have to make a serious effort by getting a flexible one and putting that in until the pregnancy is over. I'm way too lazy for that, and I don't think I care about having the ring enough. I'm about 22 weeks into this thing, and it looked like it was going to pop out of my belly. My doctor warned me that 24 weeks was the limit.

So, this morning, I have bid adieu to the belly button ring. I feel like I am a responsible adult now (with a weird looking belly button).

If only I didn't still have that nose ring...

Flory

2010-05-23T22:16:00.003+08:00

She, Matt and I met only two and a half years ago.
He, Matt met in 1995.

She doesn't have many words to share.
He is funny as hell.

She doesn't say thank you.
He has great manners (other than nose picking and scratching).

She runs away at the smallest opportunity for adventure.
He travels all over the place and invites us to join him.

She plays boring games that require no thinking.
He challenges the best at Euchre and Settlers.

Yet...two years ago when he came to visit, he didn't make it onto the blog - instead there was a headline article about her.

He had every right to be upset that he didn't feature here, on this page.
And now he does.

So, here's my dedication to Flory.
Flory:

You are the Jack of spades, when spades is trump.

You are the ore, when it's an eight, and it's surrounded by three cities and an eight is rolled.

You are the last tile pulled in Bananagrams, and it's an "s," and you can just stick it onto the end of a word.

You are a 90 yard run for a touchdown at Michigan stadium.

You.

You are Jenkins.

That Shabbat and Holiday Feeling

2010-05-19T22:09:00.002+08:00

My life since 1996 involved weekly questions of "what am I doing for shabbat dinner?" Where will I be for Rosh Hashana, Sukkot, Shavuot? My social life very much revolved around shabbat meals and holiday meals, and I loved it (other than when I HAD to do it when I worked at GW Hillel - loved the students, but hated not having the choice...). Even when I was less religious, when I lived in New York, we still hosted tons of meals - at least a couple a month - and we/I always had invitations for holidays and shabbats.

Since we moved to Singapore, this part of my life simply doesn't exist. We went to one observant shabbat dinner my first month in Singapore, and a couple of shabbat dinners hosted in someone's home that were a bit more of what I grew up with, but since then, our schedule and social life certainly does not centre around shabbat or holidays. Sometimes I don't even know when it's a holiday.

My Jewish community here is extremely different than the last many Jewish communities I was a part of (NYC, Jerusalem, DC, Ann Arbor). I had floated in a more observant crowd, and I really don't have those people in my life here. While we have shabbat services and dinners with the Jewish community here, the service is NOTHING that I'm used to (or really comfortable with, to be honest), and the dinners are not kosher and don't feel especially shabbat-y, and sometimes we even go out after. Conversation at dinner never revolves around Jewish learning or halacha, as it would at my other shabbat tables. (Don't get me wrong - I love them, but they're just different than I'm used to).

I go back and forth struggling with whether or not I miss this. Certainly there are parts that I miss (a lot). The community, always knowing that there will be shabbat at the end of the week, making plans with friends and knowing that we will have a few hours to just talk (and sing - I definitely miss that part). I miss all of that. I really appreciate, though, that I feel that our social life is much more diverse now (as well as the conversations - at least some of the time), and Matt and I don't have to fight about going out on Friday nights.

Now that we're starting a family, though, I think about this a lot more, and I really regret that I don't feel that we have a Jewish home. Certainly we don't have the Jewish home that I thought I would have at this point in my life. We don't have a mezuza on the door. We don't have a kosher kitchen (though it's vegetarian) - I don't even think about checking for heksher anymore. We don't have a tradition of shabbat or holiday meals together. Luckily we have been able to host shabbat dinners since we moved downtownish, but it still feels really different to me. It never really feels like shabbat in our apartment.

Last night I went to a couple's house for Shavuot dinner (which is another holiday I would have ignored if they hadn't invited me). Matt is traveling, so I went alone. It was such an unfamiliar familiar feeling and got me thinking non-stop. They are living in Singapore (actually just about on our street), and they are able to have an observant Jewish life and a Jewish home. They also both work and have a baby and are expecting another one (YES! A role model of working ex-pat mom!). I don't think that Matt and my home together will ever be really observant, but I do hope that we incorporate pieces of Judaism that are missing now. I know he's happy with that as well. It's hard to figure it out when we constantly feel so temporary. For example, our kosher kitchen is sitting in our parents' houses in Michigan. One day we'll have to just decide that we live here and carry on with living how we want to live/have always talked about living. I think babies make you do that sort of thing. We'll see.

In other news, Kitty has had an eye infection since Sunday, and I can't believe we're still friends. I have to catch her twice a day and put these drops in her eyes and shove antibiotics (in water) down her throat. I keep thinking she will stop loving me, but she seems to actually forget quite quickly, and she's definitely doing much better. Both eyes are opening almost as normal, and her behaviour of running around the house like a crazy lady is back. Yiippeee!!

In yet other news, my balance must be off, since I fell on my knees and legs last night (on my way home from that super nice dinner) and then again first thing this morning at 6:30 right outside the MRT on the way to yoga. Now I have skinned knees, and I feel super dorky. Hopefully I will learn this balance thing, because this could be dangerous (for me AND the fetus!).

Would you like to Upgrade that?

2010-05-15T19:03:00.003+08:00

I'm not talking about a hamburger meal. I'm talking about a birthing experience.

Yesterday, Matt and I went to the hospital where we plan to give birth, and we took a tour. I was expecting to see a room with one bed, a room with two beds, a room with four beds, a nursery, maybe a surgery theatre, a waiting room? Who knows, but whatever I expected, I didn't see it.

We were on a tour with about 15 other couples, and it was one of the most interesting tours ever (Cheong Fatt Tse's house in Penang was cooler, as were the tunnels in the Old City in Jerusalem, the orangutan jungle...okay it wasn't THAT cool, but it was really interesting!). We saw different room/suite options. As Singaporeans tend to relate many things to food, the comparison was kueh lapis. Click on that, and you will see my favorite kueh lapis in Singapore (it's actually more "fun to eat" than "good," but I like it). Apparently they used to offer different layers of an experience - 4 bed room, 2 bed room, 1 bed room, suite. She said then they added yeast, thickened up the layers and added many more layers, and now they have about sixteen different options (all at different prices). To continue with the food thing...some charge like a buffet (all is included) and some charge a la carte (depending on what you use in the room). The fancier you go, you move into a la carte.

We started off in a room with a tub. This is a labour tub (not a birthing tub), and the room was stuffy, but nice. Then we hit the premium deluxe room which had a flat screen tv, pretty nice comforter, private bathroom, separate section for dad (with a bed/couch). Then we moved on to one of the three fanciest suites. It was way nicer and bigger than our apartment. Table with seating for four, big beds, internet, webcam to talk to the nurses. You know - the normal stuff that EVERYONE needs to give birth. Obviously. She told us that if you take one of the fanciest suites then the first night in the hospital they give you a candlelight dinner for two. All we saw were different birthing room options.

Basically, you have to "reserve" one of these types of rooms, and then all of the pricing is based on that. If you have a c-section, it's more expensive in a suite than a four bed room. If you get an epidural, same thing. Forceps, vacuum, everything - the price depends on which type of room you're in. Apparently the nurses are more attentive at the top, so that's really what you're paying for (well, and the facilities).

On another, related note, we don't have medical insurance that covers maternity and birth (as most people don't in Singapore, unless they're on an ex-pat package, which we're not). The whole birthing experience in the hospital, according to what we want to do, should cost about S$5,000 at the most (USD3,600) unless something goes terribly wrong. My 20 week scan the other day cost about USD120. While having no insurance sounds scary, prices here are so reasonable that we don't even mind paying them. I suppose that's all related to our expectations.

And Another One Bites the Dust

2010-05-13T18:18:00.003+08:00

Expat life in general is great (in Singapore at least). We travel to great places, we benefit from tax breaks, we have pools, we have professional opportunities, we have no obligations. We basically can do what we want with our time.

The two things that stink are (in order of importance):
1) Being so so so so far from friends and family - particularly when there are kids, weddings, holidays, etc. involved.
2) Having friends leave. All the time.

I remember when I lived in DC I called it a transient place. People came for two to three years and then left. There was sort of a core group of people who were committed to staying, and then others came for opportunities in their 20s and then left. That's sort of what it's like here, but there are a few differences. Here, we don't have any other support network to fall back on, while in DC we could still rely on our support network that was permanent in DC as well as family that was close-ish, or at least a short flight away. While our social life might have changed often, our support network didn't change as much. Also, now we're talking about families and people in their 30s who are "meant to settle down."

Since I work during the days, I generally talk to friends and family at home on the weekends. Sometimes I can scam a no-yoga morning (Tuesday and Thursday) and call a friend, and some evenings I can talk to my mom (since she doesn't work), but mostly, contact with my US support network over the phone is quite limited (much more limited than I would like it to be). Even if I don't want to, I have to rely on a support network in Singapore. The US/Canada/Israel is just too far away in a lot of ways.

The thing that sucks about having a network here is that it leaves. It took me a really long time (for me a long time, at least) to find a couple of people here that I trusted, liked and wanted to hang out with. I got a good year or two with them, and now they have all started to leave, one by one. My closest friend here left in December. Many of our other friends have left since the fall, and many more are planning to leave. Part of our Jewy community is leaving the first week in July, and two other couples whom we love are leaving in December. There was a point that I reached a few months ago where I just stopped wanting to hang out with people. When I met someone at a party who said they were here on short assignment or leaving soon, I stopped listening. I bet I even inadvertently walked away. There's only so much you can take of getting attached to people...and then they leave.

Especially now (with the fetus) I think that I will really need a support network. I need people I can call for advice, and I need people who can help in a pinch (since both of us will be working full time). I need to talk to other people, because it will be hard for me, and that's what I do when things are hard - I talk to people.

Well - I just found out that one of my closest friends here is leaving. BOOO!!!!

The challenge is that I do have to build this network (at least more than I have now - but that's not to say that I'm alone here), but I'm also a little hardened and having a difficult time opening myself to new people - because somewhere in me I know they will leave too. I think I just need to be less attached, but that's not really how I work.

Everyone's Got an Opinion

2010-05-12T22:26:00.002+08:00

Everyone has an opinion, and I'm only about 20 weeks. Our house agents (we decided not to buy in the end) looked at me, ran their hands up my hips and sides and decided it's a boy. They even asked the agents of the opposing team what they thought! They all thought it was a boy. "If you still have curves, it's a boy."

Someone on my floor at work asked how I was feeling. I'm feeling great - I have had no problems at all. "Still doing yoga?" Yup - really no problems at all beyond uncontrollable hunger. "If you feel good, it's a boy."

Yesterday was a bad one, though. She didn't even see my belly, and she said, "you have a pimply face. It's a boy. If you have pimples, it's a boy."

Um...I have had narsty skin since I went off the pill, and it actually looks better now than they did before I was pregnant. Maybe that means I'm having a girl?

Practice

2010-05-09T18:46:00.003+08:00

When I showed up at soccer practice, someone asked, "how's practice going?" Soccer practice? Looks fine. Oooh, you mean practice for being a mom?

This weekend we were meant to have some practice being parents. I hope this is not indicative of what is to come, because basically it was just me. No worries, because the three children are amazing, and I love them, but there wasn't much help from Matt.

Meeting for a taxi at 6:15 on Friday became him showing up at about ten, after dinner, wii, and the kids were already asleep. Matt took Jake to baseball on Saturday, and then worked straight until dinner - though he was literally on the phone throughout dinner - and then we got a good two hours (and two games of Catan with him) before he headed home. Today our picking the kids up from Hebrew school, taking them to lunch and then doing something fun with them in the afternoon turned into...well, I did all of that, and Matt worked. I did have a small anxiety attack that this is what it will be like with our kids, but I'm hoping not.

(Disclaimer for Matt - it's totally not his fault - there are just things that have to get done at work, but as the wife, I selfishly am just talking about it from my perspective. It stinks WAY more for him, since he had no weekend...).

Other than Matt not being around, though, the weekend was great. The kids were my friend Pam's kids whom I got to hang out with about two years ago as well. Though then there were only two, and now all three of them are two years older. They were super fun, and I love being with them. We got to play wii, Settlers, we watched a movie, made mother's day crafts, ate fun Japanese food (they know their way around Japanese food way better than I do), and generally hung out. As I wrote about two years ago, this is not exactly hard for me, since the helper makes all of the food and gets the kids ready to go wherever they're going. I just sort of played with them. It's a bit like a vacation, but there are someone else's kids there.